walking away (from media)
I have a hard time walking away from media of any kind. I can only think of two books in the last six years that I've actively abandoned, vs. put down and picked up later because the moment wasn't right for them then. I don't like to mark games as "never going to finish" on Backloggery; I don't like to walk away from TV shows I've enjoyed.
Games are particularly tricky for me; the cost of investment is a lot higher than books or TV, which is probably part of it, and part of it is that walking away from games hits some nasty internalized narratives about how women aren't real gamers, and not being able to/not wanting to finish a game means I'm just not good enough because usually, the thing that makes me quit a game isn't story or character (I have in fact been known to keep pushing through a game even when it does something FUCKING INFURIATING story-wise). No, the thing that makes me quit games is usually something I can't get past.
Sometimes I can fix this by wailing at my husband, who is better than I am at action-y type things and willing to get me past That One Thing (see also: Digital Devil Saga 2 and the MOTHER FUCKING JAILER yes, in fact, I am still mad over that, more than five years later).
The most recent thing that's making me want to quit a game is Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons. I've had this game in my backlog for 15 years, ever since stargeminiz lent me his GBC and his copy of the game. Back then, I started it, wandered around, got lost at some point and couldn't figure out where to go, and drifted away from it because there were other things to play.
Two years ago I decided to beat it because I was cleaning out backlog and hey, it was for sale on 3DS VC, and why not? I dug out my ancient strategy guide (yeah, the one that's two-sided, one side for Seasons and one side for Ages), and I Set Out To Do The Thing.
I did pretty damned well up until the seventh dungeon, where there is A Jumping Puzzle. I do not like jumping puzzles. (Moment of silence for how Tower of Babel almost made me quit Xenogears.) At the time, I was on the train to California for our honeymoon, so I did it again. And again. And again. AND AGAIN. No dice. I put it away and played something else.
This past March I booted it up to see what I could do, and got right past that jumping bit. Cool! I progressed a little, then decided I was kinda not into it, and put it aside. Today I picked it up and grumbled my way through the 7th dungeon boss, and then. (You know what's coming, yeah?)
There's another fucking jumping bit, just like the one that made me quit the game for two years, to get to the 8th dungeon. I could probably wail at my husband to get me past it (he in fact volunteered when I kvetched, bless him), but I read ahead in the strategy guide and oh, look, the 8th dungeon has jumping bullshit too.
Look. I fancy myself acceptable at video games. I've been playing them for twenty-six years at this point. And yeah, I prefer puzzle games and RPGs because they're what I'm good at and they're what I find fun, but really, I'm not that bad at other styles (except FPS, mostly because I have never had the interest to learn how to do it.) Give me an explanation and I'll cruise right through most Zelda games--I had no trouble whatsoever with Link's Awakening, and I frankly quit Ocarina of Time after the Water Temple because I wasn't interested anymore, not because it was too hard. (Zelda games are a weird thing for me; I love them for the first 3 dungeons or so and then I'm So Bored.)
If I quit your game because you put in a mechanic that I'm literally not capable of performing, that's not on me; that's on your shitty game design. I can learn how to fight bosses and hit button combinations and solve puzzles and navigate maps that require me to change the seasons. I'm totally capable of doing that. If your game suddenly, right at the end, starts making me do twitch-reflex timing use-this-seed then-that-cape navigate-this-weird-jump stuff? That's bad design. If you're gonna do that shit, have the courtesy to do it at the very beginning so I don't put hours into a game I literally can't finish.
...I'm still fighting with the gross social narrative that this entire post makes me a bad gamer and just not good enough, but that's all that is: a narrative by self-important assholes who want to engage in gatekeeping.
Not being able to finish a game doesn't make me a bad gamer.
If I repeat that, I might believe it.
(I'm also fighting my own brain here; Seasons is the last game I have logged on my GameBoy/Color backlog, so marking it null technically means taking a system off my list, as per one of my 2016 goals. Brain insists I want to quit because I'm trying to weasel out of my goals. Brain, you're a fucking douchebag, is what you are. This is supposed to be fun.)
Now I'm going to go do the grocery shopping, and then play something else.
I've posted this at http://lassarina.dreamwidth.org/1148408.html and you may comment there or here. On Dreamwidth, this entry has
comments.
Games are particularly tricky for me; the cost of investment is a lot higher than books or TV, which is probably part of it, and part of it is that walking away from games hits some nasty internalized narratives about how women aren't real gamers, and not being able to/not wanting to finish a game means I'm just not good enough because usually, the thing that makes me quit a game isn't story or character (I have in fact been known to keep pushing through a game even when it does something FUCKING INFURIATING story-wise). No, the thing that makes me quit games is usually something I can't get past.
Sometimes I can fix this by wailing at my husband, who is better than I am at action-y type things and willing to get me past That One Thing (see also: Digital Devil Saga 2 and the MOTHER FUCKING JAILER yes, in fact, I am still mad over that, more than five years later).
The most recent thing that's making me want to quit a game is Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons. I've had this game in my backlog for 15 years, ever since stargeminiz lent me his GBC and his copy of the game. Back then, I started it, wandered around, got lost at some point and couldn't figure out where to go, and drifted away from it because there were other things to play.
Two years ago I decided to beat it because I was cleaning out backlog and hey, it was for sale on 3DS VC, and why not? I dug out my ancient strategy guide (yeah, the one that's two-sided, one side for Seasons and one side for Ages), and I Set Out To Do The Thing.
I did pretty damned well up until the seventh dungeon, where there is A Jumping Puzzle. I do not like jumping puzzles. (Moment of silence for how Tower of Babel almost made me quit Xenogears.) At the time, I was on the train to California for our honeymoon, so I did it again. And again. And again. AND AGAIN. No dice. I put it away and played something else.
This past March I booted it up to see what I could do, and got right past that jumping bit. Cool! I progressed a little, then decided I was kinda not into it, and put it aside. Today I picked it up and grumbled my way through the 7th dungeon boss, and then. (You know what's coming, yeah?)
There's another fucking jumping bit, just like the one that made me quit the game for two years, to get to the 8th dungeon. I could probably wail at my husband to get me past it (he in fact volunteered when I kvetched, bless him), but I read ahead in the strategy guide and oh, look, the 8th dungeon has jumping bullshit too.
Look. I fancy myself acceptable at video games. I've been playing them for twenty-six years at this point. And yeah, I prefer puzzle games and RPGs because they're what I'm good at and they're what I find fun, but really, I'm not that bad at other styles (except FPS, mostly because I have never had the interest to learn how to do it.) Give me an explanation and I'll cruise right through most Zelda games--I had no trouble whatsoever with Link's Awakening, and I frankly quit Ocarina of Time after the Water Temple because I wasn't interested anymore, not because it was too hard. (Zelda games are a weird thing for me; I love them for the first 3 dungeons or so and then I'm So Bored.)
If I quit your game because you put in a mechanic that I'm literally not capable of performing, that's not on me; that's on your shitty game design. I can learn how to fight bosses and hit button combinations and solve puzzles and navigate maps that require me to change the seasons. I'm totally capable of doing that. If your game suddenly, right at the end, starts making me do twitch-reflex timing use-this-seed then-that-cape navigate-this-weird-jump stuff? That's bad design. If you're gonna do that shit, have the courtesy to do it at the very beginning so I don't put hours into a game I literally can't finish.
...I'm still fighting with the gross social narrative that this entire post makes me a bad gamer and just not good enough, but that's all that is: a narrative by self-important assholes who want to engage in gatekeeping.
Not being able to finish a game doesn't make me a bad gamer.
If I repeat that, I might believe it.
(I'm also fighting my own brain here; Seasons is the last game I have logged on my GameBoy/Color backlog, so marking it null technically means taking a system off my list, as per one of my 2016 goals. Brain insists I want to quit because I'm trying to weasel out of my goals. Brain, you're a fucking douchebag, is what you are. This is supposed to be fun.)
Now I'm going to go do the grocery shopping, and then play something else.
I've posted this at http://lassarina.dreamwidth.org/1148408.html and you may comment there or here. On Dreamwidth, this entry has
comments.