You can't even begin to know how I feel...
why is it when I am alone for a long enough time I start thinking of every bad thing I have ever done and the moments they torture me until i am sobbing uncontrollably...why does every moment mock me, scream at me, laugh at me...reminding me how stupid i can be, how naive, how selfish, how lost, how confused...why does everything just stop making me happy and I breakdown til i am just a shell of my former happy self and every smile you see no longer holds the sparkle you once saw within me. How much more of this can I take until i break into a thousands pieces and get swept away by the wind? How many times can I get mad at the same thing, how many time can I cry over the same event? How many times will this haunt me? will I ever be okay? Will i ever find happiness, will I ever live? Right now I just want to cry and I can't even think why, other than i just feel very alone. Lost. I want to scream but as i open my mouth all that comes out is a squeak and I feel that this is all I can muster that I am not worthy of anything more. I should just never speak again, just listen to the world around me and take it all in. Trying to understand why i am so different, why i feel things differently than that of other people or why i am so sensitive, and why I can't stand when someone exposes me, and how I just start crying and I can't stop, I feel them threatning to spill over and I try to hold it back but I can't and then people just see me as the mass of emotion a girl who can't keep her emotions in check. Why am I not happy? why do some people make me want to scream? Why do I sit in the dark and contemplate a better life?
Lyrics...12 Stone...Far Away
Something keeps on pulling me down
And I feel like I'm losing ground
Trying just to find my reasons
And losing sense of what is real
Willing to believe in something
Forgetting to believe in me
Will I find my place in your mind
Or will I fall away in time
Now I'm feeling so far away
And now I'm hating you every day
Waiting just to see the end
As you follow down that road again
Trying just to find your purpose
You're fading faster every day
Willing to believe in something
Forgetting to believe in me
Will I find my place in your mind
Or will I fall away in time
Now I feel I'm losing time
And yesterday slipped away
But you didn't know
And time and time again you wanted more that I had to give
To leave me with nothing
I'm waiting and dreaming
Yesterday slipped away
But you didn't know
No more waiting
Let me be
yea, i just thought I should post those. It just seemed like a good thing to do. and a good song, check it out. Off their new Album Potter's Field.
Carissa-thanks so much for being around these past few months, you have been such a great friend. Can't wait to hang out this weekend and just go crazy. hah.
LP
Lyrics...12 Stone...Far Away
Something keeps on pulling me down
And I feel like I'm losing ground
Trying just to find my reasons
And losing sense of what is real
Willing to believe in something
Forgetting to believe in me
Will I find my place in your mind
Or will I fall away in time
Now I'm feeling so far away
And now I'm hating you every day
Waiting just to see the end
As you follow down that road again
Trying just to find your purpose
You're fading faster every day
Willing to believe in something
Forgetting to believe in me
Will I find my place in your mind
Or will I fall away in time
Now I feel I'm losing time
And yesterday slipped away
But you didn't know
And time and time again you wanted more that I had to give
To leave me with nothing
I'm waiting and dreaming
Yesterday slipped away
But you didn't know
No more waiting
Let me be
yea, i just thought I should post those. It just seemed like a good thing to do. and a good song, check it out. Off their new Album Potter's Field.
Carissa-thanks so much for being around these past few months, you have been such a great friend. Can't wait to hang out this weekend and just go crazy. hah.
LP