The BEAST 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2006
I discovered the BEAST's annual Most Loathsome People list last year. Let's see who they list as The BEAST 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2006:
Jesus Christ: May not have existed, and if he did, probably wasn't even American, but more of a dark-hued Jewish dwarf. A hygienically challenged hairball who rarely bathed or brushed his teeth. If alive today, he'd appropriately be branded as schizophrenic and disregarded by society. Sermon on the Mount was the very definition of socialism, and subsequently an affront to the self-regulating benevolence of the free market. An appeasing, cheek-turning pussy like this would never cut the mustard in America today.
Ann Coulter: It was a run of the mill year for Ann: openly calling for the murder of a Supreme Court justice and the entire staff of the New York Times, accusing 9/11 widows of "enjoying their husband's deaths" and Bill Clinton of being a rapist. Coulter's neck gained an amazing 3 vertical inches in 2006; inside sources attribute this to a strict regimen of deep-throating Satan's scaly cock.
O.J. Simpson: 2006 saw O.J. finally give up the exhausting search for the real killers and focus his energy on more thoroughly demonstrating his lack of remorse or respect for his victims. The project was so repulsive it was cancelled in a rare victory of decency, answering the old question: "How horrible does a person have to be for Rupert Murdoch to balk at doing business with him?"
George W. Bush: This spoiled, whiny pinhead is, regrettably, responsible for the nauseating fiasco he's made of America and the world. Employs an effective strategy of creating so many deplorable scandals that it's impossible for anyone to keep up, guaranteeing that most will slip by with little notice. Has managed to staff the entire federal regulatory system with obedient corporate drones intent on destroying it from within. More concerned with the fate of discarded embryos than the actual humans being shot at from both sides in an idiot war he conned us into. Is clearly annoyed to be president at this point. Dumber than Paris Hilton and almost as popular.
John McCain: By virtue of his five-year stay at the Hanoi Hilton and a completely ineffectual campaign finance reform bill, McCain has so successfully snowed America the he could go around kicking puppies all day and he'd be applauded for his authenticity. In reality, McCain is as phony as slimeballs come, having reversed his positions on Roe v. Wade, Bush's tax cuts, the gay marriage amendment and Jerry Falwell in the last year alone, while the mainstream press looked away and whistled nonchalantly. Keeps changing the number of additional troops he thinks should be sent to Iraq, in hopes of extending the disaster beyond the next presidential election, so his decorated veteran status will still be relevant.
Pamela Anderson: There's a phrase for women whose breast implants are bigger than their heads: "Fucking revolting." Selects her mates based on their level of childish helplessness and the size of their meat cannons and then acts surprised when they turn out to be violent, possessive assholes.
Cindy Sheehan: In ‘06, Sheehan really jumped the shark by protesting the vulgar American occupation of Iraq with an equally vulgar All-American "hunger strike," performing the most insincere and brand-conscious act of nonviolent resistance ever recorded: Two harrowing months deprived of all nutrition-except Jamba Juice smoothies, protein shakes and the odd ice cream latte, just like Gandhi. That's not a hunger strike; that's a diet.
Carlos Mencia: A German-Honduran who pretends to be Mexican so he can engage in jovial slurs about "beaners" and "wetbacks." Repeatedly says "what?" and "no, I'm serious!" during his stand up routines, as if his audience is blown away by his tiresome retreading of age-old ethnic and gender clichés and his bellowing one-note delivery. Imagines himself to be some kind of envelope-pushing genius despite the fact that his entire body of work is a series of variations on the hackneyed "white guys do this, black guys do this" routine that has launched a thousand careers in stand-up mediocrity.
Madonna: Dangling from a big plastic cross just isn't edgy anymore, not even close. Married third-rate English film director and now speaks with atrociously fake British accent, like nobody's heard her talk before. Purchased an African infant as a fashion accessory in a vainglorious case of celebrity see celebrity do.
Check out the rest...
Jesus Christ: May not have existed, and if he did, probably wasn't even American, but more of a dark-hued Jewish dwarf. A hygienically challenged hairball who rarely bathed or brushed his teeth. If alive today, he'd appropriately be branded as schizophrenic and disregarded by society. Sermon on the Mount was the very definition of socialism, and subsequently an affront to the self-regulating benevolence of the free market. An appeasing, cheek-turning pussy like this would never cut the mustard in America today.
Ann Coulter: It was a run of the mill year for Ann: openly calling for the murder of a Supreme Court justice and the entire staff of the New York Times, accusing 9/11 widows of "enjoying their husband's deaths" and Bill Clinton of being a rapist. Coulter's neck gained an amazing 3 vertical inches in 2006; inside sources attribute this to a strict regimen of deep-throating Satan's scaly cock.
O.J. Simpson: 2006 saw O.J. finally give up the exhausting search for the real killers and focus his energy on more thoroughly demonstrating his lack of remorse or respect for his victims. The project was so repulsive it was cancelled in a rare victory of decency, answering the old question: "How horrible does a person have to be for Rupert Murdoch to balk at doing business with him?"
George W. Bush: This spoiled, whiny pinhead is, regrettably, responsible for the nauseating fiasco he's made of America and the world. Employs an effective strategy of creating so many deplorable scandals that it's impossible for anyone to keep up, guaranteeing that most will slip by with little notice. Has managed to staff the entire federal regulatory system with obedient corporate drones intent on destroying it from within. More concerned with the fate of discarded embryos than the actual humans being shot at from both sides in an idiot war he conned us into. Is clearly annoyed to be president at this point. Dumber than Paris Hilton and almost as popular.
John McCain: By virtue of his five-year stay at the Hanoi Hilton and a completely ineffectual campaign finance reform bill, McCain has so successfully snowed America the he could go around kicking puppies all day and he'd be applauded for his authenticity. In reality, McCain is as phony as slimeballs come, having reversed his positions on Roe v. Wade, Bush's tax cuts, the gay marriage amendment and Jerry Falwell in the last year alone, while the mainstream press looked away and whistled nonchalantly. Keeps changing the number of additional troops he thinks should be sent to Iraq, in hopes of extending the disaster beyond the next presidential election, so his decorated veteran status will still be relevant.
Pamela Anderson: There's a phrase for women whose breast implants are bigger than their heads: "Fucking revolting." Selects her mates based on their level of childish helplessness and the size of their meat cannons and then acts surprised when they turn out to be violent, possessive assholes.
Cindy Sheehan: In ‘06, Sheehan really jumped the shark by protesting the vulgar American occupation of Iraq with an equally vulgar All-American "hunger strike," performing the most insincere and brand-conscious act of nonviolent resistance ever recorded: Two harrowing months deprived of all nutrition-except Jamba Juice smoothies, protein shakes and the odd ice cream latte, just like Gandhi. That's not a hunger strike; that's a diet.
Carlos Mencia: A German-Honduran who pretends to be Mexican so he can engage in jovial slurs about "beaners" and "wetbacks." Repeatedly says "what?" and "no, I'm serious!" during his stand up routines, as if his audience is blown away by his tiresome retreading of age-old ethnic and gender clichés and his bellowing one-note delivery. Imagines himself to be some kind of envelope-pushing genius despite the fact that his entire body of work is a series of variations on the hackneyed "white guys do this, black guys do this" routine that has launched a thousand careers in stand-up mediocrity.
Madonna: Dangling from a big plastic cross just isn't edgy anymore, not even close. Married third-rate English film director and now speaks with atrociously fake British accent, like nobody's heard her talk before. Purchased an African infant as a fashion accessory in a vainglorious case of celebrity see celebrity do.
Check out the rest...