Open Letters
Dear DirecTV,
Why does your equipment have to suck so bad? Why can't I delete those terrible preview promo shows you keep putting on my DVR? Why do you always screw up taping Stargate and Dr. Phil, so bad that we've just gone with the manual channel record after months of fighting it? Why isn't there a feature so that I can mark a show as "User Jessica has watched" and then when User Two has watched it, too, he can delete it for good? Why do I have to do two button clicks, instead of just one, to get to my custom channel list? Why does your equipment freeze, requiring a hard power-off, and then I lose all my pre-selected channels? Why do button clicks take so long to register on-screen?
Dear Cingular Wireless and Motorola RAZR makers,
Why is my on-screen text so huge, so that I have to scroll endlessly to find people in my address book? Why can't I store information like I did on my Nextel Motorola phone, with a single entry for each person, than a series of associated numbers for work, cell, home, and on and on? Why does every menu step require several sub-menu clicks? Shouldn't Recent Calls, Address Book, and Voice Mail be accessible with a single click?
Dear Kimberly and Blakely,
Why did you have to move away from me? I wanted to go see a good band a few weeks ago, and they were in love with me from the fair already, and I had no fun-loving girlfriends to drag out and dance with. There's no one to replace you with!
Dear makers of DVDs and CDs (audiobooks),
Why don't you make your tracks shorter? It makes it much easier for those of us who are easily distracted to page back one scene when we are listening to audiobooks or watching last season's television shows on DVD. How do long chapter tracks benefit anyone? Please consider the good of mankind.
Dear world,
Why do you judge livejournal so harshly as the world of 14-year-old-fangirls? Why am I so ashamed to say I have a blog? I suppose it doesn't really matter, because I don't want huge readership of random people, just people who post and comment cool stuff.
Dear writers of Nip/Tuck,
I have always loved your show for its outrageousness, but the following are beyond belief, okay?
(1) Non-doctors would not be allowed into a secured airplane crash site to perform any kind of work
(2) No doctor would ever touch a bloody open uterus without gloves, no matter how tragic the situation was
(3) The witness protection program does not trick people into life altering plastic surgery
(4) If you are a pre-op transexual, cutting your penis off is not the path to go. We need that skin to turn inside out to make your new equipment, okay?
(5) A brutally maimed woman can not have one day of operations and look fine, with some red blotches. She needs months of surgeries.
(6) Have you ever heard of physical therapy?
(7) Victimes of the Carver should not be operated on when they are still in shock, okay? Let's do psychological counseling first, people.
Dear Paris Hilton,
Die.
Dear World,
Please stop reporting on anything having to do with Paris Hilton. Feel free to write about Nicky and her business ventures, as necessary.
Dear John C. Reilly,
You are an amazing actor, and one of the most underrated. I am now going to seek out your entire body of work, which I'm sure is huge, but I am close to finishing up on Billy Bob Thornton's, so I am up for the challenge. You were great in Hard Eight.
Dear computer manufacturers,
Why do you insist on putting only two USB ports on computers? Are you getting kickbacks from the USB station manufacturers? Do you think we like having clunky external devices to handle cables for our mouse, Palm, mp3 player, memory card reader, and flash drives?
Love and kisses to all,
Miss Jessica
Why does your equipment have to suck so bad? Why can't I delete those terrible preview promo shows you keep putting on my DVR? Why do you always screw up taping Stargate and Dr. Phil, so bad that we've just gone with the manual channel record after months of fighting it? Why isn't there a feature so that I can mark a show as "User Jessica has watched" and then when User Two has watched it, too, he can delete it for good? Why do I have to do two button clicks, instead of just one, to get to my custom channel list? Why does your equipment freeze, requiring a hard power-off, and then I lose all my pre-selected channels? Why do button clicks take so long to register on-screen?
Dear Cingular Wireless and Motorola RAZR makers,
Why is my on-screen text so huge, so that I have to scroll endlessly to find people in my address book? Why can't I store information like I did on my Nextel Motorola phone, with a single entry for each person, than a series of associated numbers for work, cell, home, and on and on? Why does every menu step require several sub-menu clicks? Shouldn't Recent Calls, Address Book, and Voice Mail be accessible with a single click?
Dear Kimberly and Blakely,
Why did you have to move away from me? I wanted to go see a good band a few weeks ago, and they were in love with me from the fair already, and I had no fun-loving girlfriends to drag out and dance with. There's no one to replace you with!
Dear makers of DVDs and CDs (audiobooks),
Why don't you make your tracks shorter? It makes it much easier for those of us who are easily distracted to page back one scene when we are listening to audiobooks or watching last season's television shows on DVD. How do long chapter tracks benefit anyone? Please consider the good of mankind.
Dear world,
Why do you judge livejournal so harshly as the world of 14-year-old-fangirls? Why am I so ashamed to say I have a blog? I suppose it doesn't really matter, because I don't want huge readership of random people, just people who post and comment cool stuff.
Dear writers of Nip/Tuck,
I have always loved your show for its outrageousness, but the following are beyond belief, okay?
(1) Non-doctors would not be allowed into a secured airplane crash site to perform any kind of work
(2) No doctor would ever touch a bloody open uterus without gloves, no matter how tragic the situation was
(3) The witness protection program does not trick people into life altering plastic surgery
(4) If you are a pre-op transexual, cutting your penis off is not the path to go. We need that skin to turn inside out to make your new equipment, okay?
(5) A brutally maimed woman can not have one day of operations and look fine, with some red blotches. She needs months of surgeries.
(6) Have you ever heard of physical therapy?
(7) Victimes of the Carver should not be operated on when they are still in shock, okay? Let's do psychological counseling first, people.
Dear Paris Hilton,
Die.
Dear World,
Please stop reporting on anything having to do with Paris Hilton. Feel free to write about Nicky and her business ventures, as necessary.
Dear John C. Reilly,
You are an amazing actor, and one of the most underrated. I am now going to seek out your entire body of work, which I'm sure is huge, but I am close to finishing up on Billy Bob Thornton's, so I am up for the challenge. You were great in Hard Eight.
Dear computer manufacturers,
Why do you insist on putting only two USB ports on computers? Are you getting kickbacks from the USB station manufacturers? Do you think we like having clunky external devices to handle cables for our mouse, Palm, mp3 player, memory card reader, and flash drives?
Love and kisses to all,
Miss Jessica