There's a Muddy Field Where a Garden Was
I haven't been depressed since I've started seeing the chiropractor. I also haven't had a panic attack. I sleep better. So far, I'm feeling pretty good about it all still. Hope and change. Hope and change. Politics and life. Politics and life.
I've started a new job at Centerpointe. I'm a Youth Technician. I work with adolescents 14-19 with co-existing mental health and substance abuse issues. And I love it. I'm so happy there. And I think Friendship Home and I may be parting ways, and that breaks my heart. Nothing is official yet. I'm just growing. I'm moving on and growing.
Recently, Josh started working out of town. This is a decision we both came to. But I'm pretty devastated tonight. Last week flew by. He left and he was home. This week I'm working less and cleaning more and I haven't be feeling well. And the weather, dark and dismal, seems to reflect the apathy I'm feeling at being alone. I wish he were home.
I'm not sure how I'll continue to do this in a month when Josh is gone, but mom and Nikk are also gone. The world is constantly moving. And we're moving with it. Every moment. Every second something has changed. Yet, everything sort of feels the same.
I guess I should just be happy that I'm not depressed. That I'm sad and not depressed. Sad is okay. Sad is healthy. But sad is hard in it's own way. I'm just not accustomed to it's presence. And I'm lonely. Not so lonely I can't sleep or eat or live or breathe. Everything is fine. But crawling into bed without someone to crawl up next to is different. Maybe it's good. Maybe it's bad. I guess we'll see.
But looking around tonight I keep thinking to myself,
"we've come a long way, baby."
If this were a tv show, there'd be a great montage. And I feel like Bright Eyes' Poison Oak would be playing.
-Smiles
I've started a new job at Centerpointe. I'm a Youth Technician. I work with adolescents 14-19 with co-existing mental health and substance abuse issues. And I love it. I'm so happy there. And I think Friendship Home and I may be parting ways, and that breaks my heart. Nothing is official yet. I'm just growing. I'm moving on and growing.
Recently, Josh started working out of town. This is a decision we both came to. But I'm pretty devastated tonight. Last week flew by. He left and he was home. This week I'm working less and cleaning more and I haven't be feeling well. And the weather, dark and dismal, seems to reflect the apathy I'm feeling at being alone. I wish he were home.
I'm not sure how I'll continue to do this in a month when Josh is gone, but mom and Nikk are also gone. The world is constantly moving. And we're moving with it. Every moment. Every second something has changed. Yet, everything sort of feels the same.
I guess I should just be happy that I'm not depressed. That I'm sad and not depressed. Sad is okay. Sad is healthy. But sad is hard in it's own way. I'm just not accustomed to it's presence. And I'm lonely. Not so lonely I can't sleep or eat or live or breathe. Everything is fine. But crawling into bed without someone to crawl up next to is different. Maybe it's good. Maybe it's bad. I guess we'll see.
But looking around tonight I keep thinking to myself,
"we've come a long way, baby."
If this were a tv show, there'd be a great montage. And I feel like Bright Eyes' Poison Oak would be playing.
-Smiles