ah, the resurrection of my livejournal. =)
wow, it's been pretty much forever and a year since i've written in this.
pretty crazy... i think i'm going to have to change that. =)
so i read over some stuff and it seems as though the last big thing that happened in this "journal" was the whole ordeal with our favorite red head. i find this quote coincidental because that started around spring break and parallels my current situations almost perfectly. o_O
to make a long story short, i have once again "fallen into severe like" with one of my best guy friends, although the entire world already likes to refer to him as my boyfriend. *rolls eyes* yes, it is quite the predicament. and for some reason, this always has to happen to me during the course of spring break.
the thing is... i really really want to tell him. tell him how happy he makes me, how he practically saved me, how frustrated i get when he talks himself down because i want for him to see himself the way i do... tell him how much our long conversations about absolutely nothing mean to me, how i've never met any guy that came so close to my ideal, most perfect man. hah. even though i had convinced myself that i had already found that... *rolls eyes* these and so many other things... but i can't bring myself to say them out loud... to him anways.
i guess i'm just scared out of my mind. i find it kind of funny that this happened again... perhaps it's God's way of allowing me to redeem myself from the last go around. last night i made, what i think is a mistake of asking this guy his advice on my situation. i mean, he's still in the dark about it and had no idea that i'm really talking about him, but still. his reasoning? it kinda sucks to be me cause that's one hell of a choice but sometimes it's best to leave things in the hands of God. if it's supposed to happen, then i'll happen.
this being the case, how do i know that i'm not SUPPOSED to do all this crap which will seem like defeat but will soon turn to victory. how do i know that he doesn't possibly feel the same way? there are so many what ifs that i hate letting it be... i read so many stories, so many sad stories about loves lost because of a fear of letting them know how you feel.
sometimes i just wish that God had given us a little handbook on these kinds of decisions. *sigh* there are just way too many risks no matter which way i choose to go.
pretty crazy... i think i'm going to have to change that. =)
so i read over some stuff and it seems as though the last big thing that happened in this "journal" was the whole ordeal with our favorite red head. i find this quote coincidental because that started around spring break and parallels my current situations almost perfectly. o_O
to make a long story short, i have once again "fallen into severe like" with one of my best guy friends, although the entire world already likes to refer to him as my boyfriend. *rolls eyes* yes, it is quite the predicament. and for some reason, this always has to happen to me during the course of spring break.
the thing is... i really really want to tell him. tell him how happy he makes me, how he practically saved me, how frustrated i get when he talks himself down because i want for him to see himself the way i do... tell him how much our long conversations about absolutely nothing mean to me, how i've never met any guy that came so close to my ideal, most perfect man. hah. even though i had convinced myself that i had already found that... *rolls eyes* these and so many other things... but i can't bring myself to say them out loud... to him anways.
i guess i'm just scared out of my mind. i find it kind of funny that this happened again... perhaps it's God's way of allowing me to redeem myself from the last go around. last night i made, what i think is a mistake of asking this guy his advice on my situation. i mean, he's still in the dark about it and had no idea that i'm really talking about him, but still. his reasoning? it kinda sucks to be me cause that's one hell of a choice but sometimes it's best to leave things in the hands of God. if it's supposed to happen, then i'll happen.
this being the case, how do i know that i'm not SUPPOSED to do all this crap which will seem like defeat but will soon turn to victory. how do i know that he doesn't possibly feel the same way? there are so many what ifs that i hate letting it be... i read so many stories, so many sad stories about loves lost because of a fear of letting them know how you feel.
sometimes i just wish that God had given us a little handbook on these kinds of decisions. *sigh* there are just way too many risks no matter which way i choose to go.