write me something meaningful
So I'm in a weird mood. A number of things have happened today. I'm quite thoughtful really. I just really want to over analyse everything and talk about things that don't or shouldn't matter.
Last night I was talking with Mark about not knowing anyone that well, and feeling weird because of it. It's like, because I know what I go through and how I think and all of the problems that I have every day (with people I used to know, fights, family, being interested in girls and having a boyfriend, and anything else) and I don't know if anyone else has any similar problems. Everyone just seems so normal to me, and I just always feel like the odd one out because no one I know ever really seems to have any issues. Well not like I have issues anyway. The only thing I know of basically is when Andie and Nat both broke up with their boyfriends, and neither was really that upset about it anyway. It's almost as if I'm the only one with problems, although I know that's impossible. I just don't know anyone as much as I'd like to. And it's impossible to be inside someone's head and know what they're thinking, which is probably the only thing that would make me feel less weird and more normal. I know I'm not normal anyway, because there is no definition of normal.
This morning I had a weird dream. It was about Melissa. I was cheating on Mark with her, but then for some reason it was someone else, and a whole lot of other things happened as well that I can't remember. So naturally I woke up thinking about her. I texted her to see if she was in town because of her sister. Hours later she said she was on her way back. By that time I'd stopped needing to be with her. She didn't ask why I wanted to know, but I'm sure she already had picked up on it. There wouldn't be any other reason why I would want to know if she was here. I just really, badly wanted to see her and be with her. I knew it wouldn't happen, but I just wanted to see if there was even a slight possibility. I knew that she'd understand a random sexual urge because she'd have them all the time. I was just craving her. I guess it wouldn't matter if there was someone else that I could see, because then I could see that person, but there is no one. She is it, and I want her. I can't wait until I see her. I know I don't mean much to her, but I also know that she enjoys sex, and I'm pretty sure I'm the only girl that she knows. She might have some friends up in Brisbane, but everything she ever said hinted that I was the only girl she knew. I really want to see her. I don't know when she'll be back. This could have been my chance, but I knew that she would be busy. I only thought about it because I felt like I needed to see her. I wanted to see her so badly. I knew that it probably wouldn't happen. For one, if she was still here and did have a few spare hours, where would we go? What would she do with her kids? What would I tell Mark? I hope that there is another reason for her to come down soon. Maybe this baby's Christening? I don't know. Now that she's back in Brisbane she will be on MSN at some point. I don't want to tell her that I felt I needed to see her, because I know I don't mean that much to her. I think it's all about the sex though. I'm fine not seeing her, and I just want to see her to be with her. It would be the same with any girl I knew, and if I had another girl to be with than I probably wouldn't be thinking of her. I wish I could have her, or that I could find someone else.
I just finished reading Plain Truth, Jodi Picoult. It is amazing. It is so engaging. I started reading P.S. I Love You, Cecila Ahern, and I just got bored with it. I still haven't finished. That's the second Jodi Picoult book that I've read and I fell in love with her writing all over again. I want to write. I need the time to write.
I just want to mean something to someone. I want to be someone that someone else won't forget. I want to be someone that Melissa won't forget. I want to make an impression on someone new so that they fall in love with me. Of course that person has to be a girl, and I so desperately need Mark to like her. I feel like I'm going crazy because I've tasted this wonderful thing and now I'm not allowed to have it, and I can't at the moment anyway. There was no pun intended there.
That's about it. I couldn't be bothered writing about anything else. I just feel weird. Not sure how I feel really.
Last night I was talking with Mark about not knowing anyone that well, and feeling weird because of it. It's like, because I know what I go through and how I think and all of the problems that I have every day (with people I used to know, fights, family, being interested in girls and having a boyfriend, and anything else) and I don't know if anyone else has any similar problems. Everyone just seems so normal to me, and I just always feel like the odd one out because no one I know ever really seems to have any issues. Well not like I have issues anyway. The only thing I know of basically is when Andie and Nat both broke up with their boyfriends, and neither was really that upset about it anyway. It's almost as if I'm the only one with problems, although I know that's impossible. I just don't know anyone as much as I'd like to. And it's impossible to be inside someone's head and know what they're thinking, which is probably the only thing that would make me feel less weird and more normal. I know I'm not normal anyway, because there is no definition of normal.
This morning I had a weird dream. It was about Melissa. I was cheating on Mark with her, but then for some reason it was someone else, and a whole lot of other things happened as well that I can't remember. So naturally I woke up thinking about her. I texted her to see if she was in town because of her sister. Hours later she said she was on her way back. By that time I'd stopped needing to be with her. She didn't ask why I wanted to know, but I'm sure she already had picked up on it. There wouldn't be any other reason why I would want to know if she was here. I just really, badly wanted to see her and be with her. I knew it wouldn't happen, but I just wanted to see if there was even a slight possibility. I knew that she'd understand a random sexual urge because she'd have them all the time. I was just craving her. I guess it wouldn't matter if there was someone else that I could see, because then I could see that person, but there is no one. She is it, and I want her. I can't wait until I see her. I know I don't mean much to her, but I also know that she enjoys sex, and I'm pretty sure I'm the only girl that she knows. She might have some friends up in Brisbane, but everything she ever said hinted that I was the only girl she knew. I really want to see her. I don't know when she'll be back. This could have been my chance, but I knew that she would be busy. I only thought about it because I felt like I needed to see her. I wanted to see her so badly. I knew that it probably wouldn't happen. For one, if she was still here and did have a few spare hours, where would we go? What would she do with her kids? What would I tell Mark? I hope that there is another reason for her to come down soon. Maybe this baby's Christening? I don't know. Now that she's back in Brisbane she will be on MSN at some point. I don't want to tell her that I felt I needed to see her, because I know I don't mean that much to her. I think it's all about the sex though. I'm fine not seeing her, and I just want to see her to be with her. It would be the same with any girl I knew, and if I had another girl to be with than I probably wouldn't be thinking of her. I wish I could have her, or that I could find someone else.
I just finished reading Plain Truth, Jodi Picoult. It is amazing. It is so engaging. I started reading P.S. I Love You, Cecila Ahern, and I just got bored with it. I still haven't finished. That's the second Jodi Picoult book that I've read and I fell in love with her writing all over again. I want to write. I need the time to write.
I just want to mean something to someone. I want to be someone that someone else won't forget. I want to be someone that Melissa won't forget. I want to make an impression on someone new so that they fall in love with me. Of course that person has to be a girl, and I so desperately need Mark to like her. I feel like I'm going crazy because I've tasted this wonderful thing and now I'm not allowed to have it, and I can't at the moment anyway. There was no pun intended there.
That's about it. I couldn't be bothered writing about anything else. I just feel weird. Not sure how I feel really.