mini freak out
My blood tests were all completely normal. So that means no fixable reason why I'm always so tired. Well not one that four different blood tests and a urine test can find. So I'm stuck with thinking that it's a product of my diet, which actually has improved heaps in the last few months (and I'm still just as tired), or it's a product of my lack of exercise (which is because if I want to go somewhere I walk, I have no money and I'm always tired), or it's because of my depression (which I've had for as long as I can remember), or it's because of the medication for the depression (but I was tired before I started taking it) or it's some horrible random foreign disease that only affects sleeping and makes you so unbelievably tired. I'm so over this shit. I just want to be awake.
At the chemist today I took part in a sleep study being held by the university of Sydney (or one of them anyway, I'm not sure which one). I filled out a questionairre on my sleeping habits, eating habits, exercise habits, general wellbeing and anything else they thought of. What happens is I fill out a questionairre, the pharmacists at the chemist review and score it and pass the data on to the university, and then the pharmacists come up with reasons for what could be causing the sleep problems (ranging from insomnia to just being so damn tired all the time) and what should be done next (like blood tests, which I've already done, diet changes, whatever) and that information also gets passed on to the university, and then after a few months of implementing whatever solutions the pharmacists come up with, more data is passed on to the university to see if what has been recommended is helping. I've already been for blood tests, and obviously nothing obvious is wrong. I seen the poster on the desk at the back of the chemist and asked about it. I figured hey why not, I'm having trouble waking up, and some uni student group is doing a study on sleeping problems, it sounds perfect. It only took ten minutes of my time, was a really easy questionairre to fill out, and maybe I'll figure something out to help me be more awake. It's a win, win situation. The ladies at the chemist looked really excited that I did it too.
I was at the chemist because I have some horrible, itchy thing on the back of my knees. I'd say it's a rash, but it's only raised, and red from so much scratching. The top of my leg was itchy today too, and coincidentally we parked right out the front of the chemist when we went over town earlier, so it was obviously planned out somehow. So I got some cream and hopefully it goes away. I don't think it's a sweat rash, and it's quite odd timing if it is because it has just started to cool down. I haven't been using anything new on my skin either. Weird. But it is driving me fucking crazy, so I'm just happy I have some cream at the moment.
It sucks when being poor isn't enough. My doctor wants to start charging me for my sessions. Up until now I was being bulk billed by Medicare, because Mum gets bulk billed, because she really is poor. I earn more than she does, but that doesn't really mean that I can afford $55 for a ten minute session. I don't earn that much more, and I'm no where near well off. It was going to happen sooner or later though I guess. I'm just happy that now I don't seem to be needing to go as much. Since last August I've been like 20 times, to do with the depression mostly. Those doctor's appointments seem to be over, because yesterday I got approved for more psych sessions, and my script for Lovan doesn't run out until May, and I don't know how long I've got left on my pill script, but even if I've got one repeat left that's still another four months. So that means that, unless I get randomly sick or need something, I won't have to go to the doctors until May some time. Why does going to the doctor have to cost so much? It's already bugging me that I earn too much to get a card that entitles me to cheap medication. I could really use that.
I had my eyes tested yesterday, which thankfully is still bulk billed under Medicare. I'm seriously considering taking out some form of health insurance, not like I know anything about any of them, but it'd be worth finding out about I guess. Anyway, my eyes are beautiful. Lucky me. Which is good that it's bulk billed, because I'd hate to pay for a check up just to tell me that my eyes are still as good as they were last time.
Speaking of medical things and money and ridiculous charges; I need to go to the dentist. I've been putting it off for a very long time, and my teeth are bad. Well not bad, just not good. I had a tooth pulled when I was twelve, and I've had root canal (which didn't hurt a bit, don't let them lie to you). Now I'm convinced that I have at least one cavity, possibly in my filling, or in another tooth on the other side of my mouth. Either way, it's going to cost a fair bit. I was thinking of spending some of my government hand out money on that, because I can't really afford it. My dentist is pretty good though, and understands issues with money and would let me pay it off if it was a big bill, but I don't like that idea. I think it'll be a while until the money gets issued anyway, so maybe I should just go now and pay up and be poor for a week.
Work was alright today, apart from being tired and slow for the first four or so hours. Damn sleep issues. And then it was good, up until 3pm this afternoon when one of the supervisers wanted to deposit some money on their company credit card and the technology fucked up, and to put it shortly, now there is money floating around in the nowhere of checkoutland. And Andie left me thinking that it was my fault, even though I was sure that it wasn't and that I'd done everything absolutely they way you were supposed to (this thing is only new) and for half an hour I was slowly working myself up because I thought I had lost the money and I had done something hugely wrong and it was all my fault, until she finally told me that it wasn't me at all, that it just did something weird that no one has ever seen before. If they'd let me go for any longer thinking that it was my fault my whole entire positive persona from the last two weeks or whatever would have been completely destroyed and I would have been shattered because I was sure if I'd lost that much money that belonged to a customer I'd get fired, or at least something. But then I finally found out that it wasn't my fault, that it just screwed up for no reason other than technology sucks ass. But they still couldn't fix it, although they are hoping to tomorrow. I don't know the technicalities of it all, but someone somewhere is going to fix it tomorrow. Andie stayed back 45 minutes after she was supposed to finish to sort this out, and I feel bad, even though it wasn't my fault.
Oh and apparently we're not allowed to charge tissues to the company to keep at the service desk for safety reasons. Apparently having a box of tissues makes germ spreading easier or some shit like that. Andie and I charged a $2 box of tissues to the company this morning because I needed to blow my nose but we got in trouble because we're not allowed to do that. So I paid $2 for the box of tissues and left them at the service desk anyway. Screw them. Sometimes people just need to blow their noses. Sometimes people need to clean things up like bleeding fingers or whatever before they put a band aid on. And it was only $2, not like it was going to send the company broke. So I bought the tissues and left them there to say to the company "ha, shove it up your ass".
It's Valentine's Day on Saturday. Mark and I aren't really doing anything. We've bought cards, but no ridiculously expensive gifts. I think the idea of one day where you do nice things for that special person is great, just like a whole day dedicated to being nice, where everyone does it. I disagree with the idea of spending money just for the sake of it. Love can't be measured with money, it's measured by thought, so I'd rather spend the day together doing nice things for each other than buying something huge. I told Mark I didn't want to do gifts, neither of us can afford it anyway. I do have something planned though, but it's not something I spent money on. And I have to work on Saturday afternoon anyway. I didn't want to go out to dinner, I don't like the idea of being a cliche; every couple goes out to dinner on that day. I'd rather stay home and cook, or get take out.
My kitty just stepped on my keyboard and somehow logged me out of my computer. And I didn't know my password, so I was in mini freak out mode for a few minutes until I finally got my password. Phew though, now I know my password if that ever happens again.
I'm thinking I'll do a big clean up tomorrow. If I'm motivated. If things like my blog and Facebook and Breaking Dawn and cross stitching aren't too alluring. We'll see how I go.