random going ons
I want to lose weight. And not in a "oh my god I'm so fat and ugly and no body will ever want to see me naked" type of way. I'm just so unfit, and my stomach is a little tiny bit pudgey, and I don't want it to be. I used to be fit. I used to be able to run around a soccer field and not die. I used to be able to hold my leg parallel from the floor without shaking. I used to be able to dance. I used to have toned legs and arms. I've gotten lazy.
And it's funny because right now I'm talking to an online friend about burlesque dancing and corsets and being sex kittens and being sexy but not trashy dancers like Dita Von Tease, and being beautiful and sexual and dressing up and dancing. I seriously want to do it. I seriously will, even if I have to stretch and get fit and teach myself how to dance again! I want to save money to buy some corsets. One of this girl's friends designs corsets, and my friend models them, and I am so jealous. They are so beautiful, but also probably more expensive than I can afford. But I want, I really, really want.
The idea came about when telling Drena about these awesome, hot shoes I bought yesterday, and she asked for a photo of them, and one thought led to another, and I decided I wanted to be a sex kitten. I set it as my Facebook status. I bet Louise was happy to read that! Mark didn't know the definition of "sex kitten" and I can't believe that he didn't. I told him like a pin up girl. I think pin up girls are so damn sexy, especially the old ones because they were all glamour and not trashy sex. I want to be a burlesque dancer, but not a stripper, or a whore, or whatever. A dancer, an artist, a performer. I have a little of an exhibitionist in me. Actually, probably quite a lot.
Out of the fantasies now. I spent a $100 yesterday in Kmart, which is shocking for me, but I couldn't help it, and it was on impulse but things I really adored, and now I'm not buying any more clothes until the end of winter, when all the jackets and jeans go on sale. Or maybe when all the little skirts and summer dresses go on sale. I bought a dress, for winter, to wear a skivvy and stockings under, and also for the cooler months of summer (it's a knit). I got two shirts, one of which was only $10 and plain, but I've a lack of plain shirts lately. Well not really, I just wanted a new one. And I bought the hottest shoes ever. Seriously. I'll be posting photos. But just know that they are sexy. They are the shoes that inspired me to get naked. Ha, well not yet, but they will inspire me.
I chewed Adam's eyes out yesterday (because he was reading the conversation?) because he's sleeping with a girl, whom apparently he loves, who is in an abusive relationship with a guy she is apparently leaving, and it's a way long and involved situation. I told him to stop fucking her, mainly because he needs her to leave him, and she's not, because at the moment she's got the security of the relationship, even if it is abusive, and she's also got the sex on the side. I told him to make her uncomfortable so that she has to choose one or the other, because that's the right thing to do. I chewed him out for ages about it. And then when I finally got to go to bed I felt bad because I always but into situations like this where it's really none of my business, and I always say things where it's never my place, and even though I might say the right thing, sometimes I hinder more than I help, and I really want to stop doing that. All night I was like "did I do the right thing? did I say the right thing? should I have just kept my mouth shut?", but he did seem to get where I was coming from, and he did agree with me. I just can't help but think that I've done it again, that I've stuck my nose in where it doesn't belong, because that usually backfires for me. I just hope he understands that I was trying to help. I hope that I do help. It would be nice to help, instead of screw things up. I hope he doesn't think I was being rude. I really think I've got to stop doing this, but at the same time I think my whole butting in and over caring is a good thing, it's a part of me anyway. I can't really stop it.
Ally is back in Newcastle, and the crazy get togethers with her and Charlotte have ended. Not that they were really crazy, it's just that I spent a lot of time with people in a short amount of time, and I'm not used to it. It was fun though, and it's probably not over yet. Charlotte is still hanging around, and we seem to be doing more and more with the people that Mark works with.
Saturday night was good too, I haven't written about it yet. I told Drena in detail and then was like "oh well I've already said it all once" so now I'll just do a little version. Courtney's party was good, the pub it was at was really nice inside and the food was good, and she had caramel mudcake. A lot of Louise's friends were there, so it was a little awkward. Amy turned up, and didn't stay for long at all. She didn't speak to me, didn't look at me, was a little awkward at just being in the same room with me. It was kind of funny, but in a way I was kind of awkward as well. But all in all it was a fun night. Miranda and her husband were there, as well as little Jack, and Tara and Ash and a few others from work. We all split up when we headed to the next place, because Courtney and a few others went to another pub and we went to the club and some went home, and Charlotte came and met me so we could go out together. At the club we ran into some of Mark's friends, and then Azaria, and then we went to the put we always go to and met up with Ellie and Alastair and danced with Emma and a few others and ran into lots of people. Charlotte and I had an awkward conversation with some people from school. I'm not even sure why they came and started talking to us really, neither of us had anything to say to each other. It was really hot and sweaty and fun dancing, but I was pretty tired and Charlotte and I came home around 1am and slept.
Work today was alright. Five hours sleep plus starting in the middle of the night (well, 4:30am to be exact) is never a good combination, but I managed and am still awake at 10pm and only just starting to think I might go to bed soon. Of course it hit about 2pm and I was completely buggered, and I've been tired all afternoon, but I didn't want to go to bed early. We had this customer in today who had something left at the service desk for him by another customer, and it was there for months and he never came in, despite him saying he came in a dozen times. Anyway, apparently we lost it, and he's upping us and asking for compensation because we lost his things and Andie and I are like "fuck off man we're not a fucking drop off pick up centre", like we're a supermarket. We mind things for people when they go in shopping, but we don't hold things for other people for weeks on end. And we're not compensating him for his loss. I wouldn't anyway, asshole.
I bought the paper today to read about the bushfires down in Victoria. It really is a whole lot worse than I thought. I can't believe how bad it is, and how quick it's spread. It's just unbelievable. Over 130 people have died, people who are husbands and wives and mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters and sons and daughters and loved ones and friends and collegues. It's just too much. So much has been lost, like complete towns just burnt to the ground in a matter of hours. In many cases there is nothing left. Families have been split in two, those who survived, and those that couldn't. It's just too sad. Poor Victoria hasn't had the best year this year, what with little Darcey Freeman being thrown off the bridge in Melbourne. Things are just too terrible to think about sometimes.
I get the government hand out. Yay for me. I get $950 for whatever I want. Of course I'll be paying off my text books, and maybe buying some clothes or something. We're not supposed to save it, but that's all I want to do. I want to give it to Mum to reimburse her for my fridge so that I've still got that money in my savings account. Mark is going to use his to register his car for another year. Maybe I could buy a camera lens. I don't know. I just want to save it. Stupid recession and all that financial bullshit.
Anyway, I am in some serious need of sleep.
And it's funny because right now I'm talking to an online friend about burlesque dancing and corsets and being sex kittens and being sexy but not trashy dancers like Dita Von Tease, and being beautiful and sexual and dressing up and dancing. I seriously want to do it. I seriously will, even if I have to stretch and get fit and teach myself how to dance again! I want to save money to buy some corsets. One of this girl's friends designs corsets, and my friend models them, and I am so jealous. They are so beautiful, but also probably more expensive than I can afford. But I want, I really, really want.
The idea came about when telling Drena about these awesome, hot shoes I bought yesterday, and she asked for a photo of them, and one thought led to another, and I decided I wanted to be a sex kitten. I set it as my Facebook status. I bet Louise was happy to read that! Mark didn't know the definition of "sex kitten" and I can't believe that he didn't. I told him like a pin up girl. I think pin up girls are so damn sexy, especially the old ones because they were all glamour and not trashy sex. I want to be a burlesque dancer, but not a stripper, or a whore, or whatever. A dancer, an artist, a performer. I have a little of an exhibitionist in me. Actually, probably quite a lot.
Out of the fantasies now. I spent a $100 yesterday in Kmart, which is shocking for me, but I couldn't help it, and it was on impulse but things I really adored, and now I'm not buying any more clothes until the end of winter, when all the jackets and jeans go on sale. Or maybe when all the little skirts and summer dresses go on sale. I bought a dress, for winter, to wear a skivvy and stockings under, and also for the cooler months of summer (it's a knit). I got two shirts, one of which was only $10 and plain, but I've a lack of plain shirts lately. Well not really, I just wanted a new one. And I bought the hottest shoes ever. Seriously. I'll be posting photos. But just know that they are sexy. They are the shoes that inspired me to get naked. Ha, well not yet, but they will inspire me.
I chewed Adam's eyes out yesterday (because he was reading the conversation?) because he's sleeping with a girl, whom apparently he loves, who is in an abusive relationship with a guy she is apparently leaving, and it's a way long and involved situation. I told him to stop fucking her, mainly because he needs her to leave him, and she's not, because at the moment she's got the security of the relationship, even if it is abusive, and she's also got the sex on the side. I told him to make her uncomfortable so that she has to choose one or the other, because that's the right thing to do. I chewed him out for ages about it. And then when I finally got to go to bed I felt bad because I always but into situations like this where it's really none of my business, and I always say things where it's never my place, and even though I might say the right thing, sometimes I hinder more than I help, and I really want to stop doing that. All night I was like "did I do the right thing? did I say the right thing? should I have just kept my mouth shut?", but he did seem to get where I was coming from, and he did agree with me. I just can't help but think that I've done it again, that I've stuck my nose in where it doesn't belong, because that usually backfires for me. I just hope he understands that I was trying to help. I hope that I do help. It would be nice to help, instead of screw things up. I hope he doesn't think I was being rude. I really think I've got to stop doing this, but at the same time I think my whole butting in and over caring is a good thing, it's a part of me anyway. I can't really stop it.
Ally is back in Newcastle, and the crazy get togethers with her and Charlotte have ended. Not that they were really crazy, it's just that I spent a lot of time with people in a short amount of time, and I'm not used to it. It was fun though, and it's probably not over yet. Charlotte is still hanging around, and we seem to be doing more and more with the people that Mark works with.
Saturday night was good too, I haven't written about it yet. I told Drena in detail and then was like "oh well I've already said it all once" so now I'll just do a little version. Courtney's party was good, the pub it was at was really nice inside and the food was good, and she had caramel mudcake. A lot of Louise's friends were there, so it was a little awkward. Amy turned up, and didn't stay for long at all. She didn't speak to me, didn't look at me, was a little awkward at just being in the same room with me. It was kind of funny, but in a way I was kind of awkward as well. But all in all it was a fun night. Miranda and her husband were there, as well as little Jack, and Tara and Ash and a few others from work. We all split up when we headed to the next place, because Courtney and a few others went to another pub and we went to the club and some went home, and Charlotte came and met me so we could go out together. At the club we ran into some of Mark's friends, and then Azaria, and then we went to the put we always go to and met up with Ellie and Alastair and danced with Emma and a few others and ran into lots of people. Charlotte and I had an awkward conversation with some people from school. I'm not even sure why they came and started talking to us really, neither of us had anything to say to each other. It was really hot and sweaty and fun dancing, but I was pretty tired and Charlotte and I came home around 1am and slept.
Work today was alright. Five hours sleep plus starting in the middle of the night (well, 4:30am to be exact) is never a good combination, but I managed and am still awake at 10pm and only just starting to think I might go to bed soon. Of course it hit about 2pm and I was completely buggered, and I've been tired all afternoon, but I didn't want to go to bed early. We had this customer in today who had something left at the service desk for him by another customer, and it was there for months and he never came in, despite him saying he came in a dozen times. Anyway, apparently we lost it, and he's upping us and asking for compensation because we lost his things and Andie and I are like "fuck off man we're not a fucking drop off pick up centre", like we're a supermarket. We mind things for people when they go in shopping, but we don't hold things for other people for weeks on end. And we're not compensating him for his loss. I wouldn't anyway, asshole.
I bought the paper today to read about the bushfires down in Victoria. It really is a whole lot worse than I thought. I can't believe how bad it is, and how quick it's spread. It's just unbelievable. Over 130 people have died, people who are husbands and wives and mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters and sons and daughters and loved ones and friends and collegues. It's just too much. So much has been lost, like complete towns just burnt to the ground in a matter of hours. In many cases there is nothing left. Families have been split in two, those who survived, and those that couldn't. It's just too sad. Poor Victoria hasn't had the best year this year, what with little Darcey Freeman being thrown off the bridge in Melbourne. Things are just too terrible to think about sometimes.
I get the government hand out. Yay for me. I get $950 for whatever I want. Of course I'll be paying off my text books, and maybe buying some clothes or something. We're not supposed to save it, but that's all I want to do. I want to give it to Mum to reimburse her for my fridge so that I've still got that money in my savings account. Mark is going to use his to register his car for another year. Maybe I could buy a camera lens. I don't know. I just want to save it. Stupid recession and all that financial bullshit.
Anyway, I am in some serious need of sleep.