things...
OpenDiary is down. It sucks. It's been down since this morning. I got an email saying that there had been a security breach, and that some accounts had been accused with possibly illegally gained passwords. Apparently my account was one of those, out of I don't know how many. The whole service is down, so it was obviously a pretty big problem. The email assures that no diary content has been lost, and I'm hoping that whoever hacked into the server isn't screwing with the credit card part of it because Mark would kill me if he got charged extra. They've urged me to change passwords on all my internet accounts just in case I use the same password for multiple sites. They said the site should be back up soon, but I dont' really know what "soon" means in internet speak. It's been down for at least twelve hours now. It must be a pretty damn big problem.
I'm really bummed out because I always log into OpenDiary first. No one ever leaves me many comments on LiveJournal, which I get emails for anyway, and I get emails for things on Bebo and Facebook. OpenDiary is awesome because I always get notes, and you don't get notified so it's always a surprise when you log in to see what you've been left with. And I talk to more people on OpenDiary and have made more of a connection with a few of them. I'm eager to log in and see if they've updated, but now that the whole server has been down for at least twelve hours, no one has probably updated. Hopefully it's back up soon. I don't want to go without it for too much longer. I love my OpenDiary.
Today has been very up and down. It's been weird, just all over. I went to bed early last night, so I wasn't too tired when I woke up this morning. I wore a white dress, with black stockings and a green half sleeved cardigan to TAFE today. It looked like it was going to be a warm day, because the weather is finally catching up to the time of year and it seems that spring is pretty much upon us (you have no idea how happy that makes me), but then the temperature kind of plateaued out and it stayed a bit chilly all day.
TAFE wasn't that good. I was disappointed. I didn't know if Precious would go because she had a verbal altercation with one of the older ladies in the class (who is a bitch), but she showed up. I felt really out of the loop today with her. I didn't go to TAFE last week, so I hadn't seen her in two weeks. Two weeks ago Precious went to Annie's house to talk to Annie's daughter (because Annie's daughter's exboyfriend had raped her, and Precious has been in that situation before). It seems like they have become really close, and Precious has bonded with Annie's daughter. It helps that they only live one street away form each other. But that afternoon was when Precious had agreed to come back to my flat and I was prepared to try to hook up with her, but because Precious then decided to go with Annie she didn't come. I don't think Annie was at TAFE last week either, so Precious probably hasn't seen her that much, but I still feel like I've kind of been discarded now. Like Precious has found a new best friend in Annie's daughter. It took about half the lesson for me to feel like Precious hadn't just thrown me away. She wasn't in a very good mood today either. She wasn't her usual, cheery self.
We did practically nothing at TAFE today. There was no darkroom, no nothing. We listened to him talk, which wasn't so bad. The first thing he'd talked about I had already heard from the other class. The second thing was kind of boring. It was just a boring day, and it didn't help that I felt out of the loop with Precious. I wasn't very cheery at all.
Precious came back to the flat after TAFE, but with not even a thought of trying to hook up with her. She was supposed to go with Annie again, but after we listened to some music on our lunch break she decided she wanted me to burn her some CDs. So she came here, we walked up to the shops and bought some CDs, and then we came back and I burnt them for her. She wasn't here for long because she had to go home because she was working somewhere. She was here probably for about two hours, and by my standards that isn't long enough to have sex with a girl for. And being in the mood that I was in I wasn't even thinking of sex. I wish though. Maybe next time.
Mark was in a bad mood when he got home. I think it made my mood worse, because after we paid rent and went to look for a movie (and I couldn't find one I wanted to watch) I wasn't real good. I didn't know what I wanted to do, and got annoyed because Mark was just watching a TV show on his computer and didn't notice that I wasn't happy. He called out to me at one point and I didn't answer, so he texted me, but my phone was in my handbag in the study with him. I went and got it because I didn't want Mark to find the packet of cigarettes that I had in my handbag. He finally got off the computer and said "oh you're in one of those moods again" and paid some attention to me. We cooked dinner, watched some CSI:Miami and now I'm ok I guess. He's downstairs watching a movie now and I'm trying to talk some girl on Bebo out of cutting herself. It's a thought I've had lately, doing that, but I don't know if I would have the guts. I know I shouldn't, but being surrounded by so many people that talk about it so often (apart from Drena and a few blog contacts, everyone I talk to online is depressed/suicidal) it's kind of rubbing off on me. I've always known that I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to admit that to the world in person yet (yes I know I'm doing it via the blog, I've never been one to say something directly to someone).
Things are starting to get really bad. I have a uni assessment due in about five days. It consists of four homeworks, and I've only done one. The second is the watching one that I'm guessing I'll just have to make up (which is fine with me). The third is some fifteen page long article that I have to read and comment on my "favourite part". I haven't gotten to the lecture about the fourth homework yet. I tried reading the other article the other night but was too tired and gave up. I tried to listen to a lecture on Wednesday afternoon but I was too distracted. I must be pretty damn unmotivated to not be able to keep up with one unit of study. I feel terrible, which then makes me less motivated to do it. I was hoping for this afternoon, but now I'm hoping for some time on the weekend, and even if I don't feel like it I'm just going to have to grit my teeth and do it. The study timetable is sitting on my desk silently screaming at me, but all I do is stare at it and wonder how I got so behind.
The house is also a major mess. Mark and I tackled the big kitchen full of washing up last night, well actually he did. I probably wiped up like five things, but I was icing mini rice bubble footballs. There are dirty clothes all over the place because I have not been bothered to do a load of washing. We usually wash on the weekends, or I wash when I don't have to work. I was thinking about it on Wednesday but didn't feel like it. I was going to put some on this morning but didn't feel like it. I suck at running a house. I'm too lazy, depressed and unmotivated. Mum was right. I'm definately going to need a maid one day.
Tomorrow is Jayden's birthday. I still haven't wrapped his present. I don't even know what we're doing tomorrow. To be honest I'm not caring at the moment. Mum goes a bit psycho on birthdays anyway. She's always so control-freak like it really bugs me. Jayden's party is on Sunday afternoon, so I'm not looking forward to it. At least it's not as bad because Jayden is only young, but she's always so particular about how things are and what happens. It's at TenPin so most of it will be taken care of. I'm guessing I'll be photographer, which I'm not complaining about. Hopefully it'll be a good weekend. I might see if I can go pubbing tomorrow night just to go and dance and maybe let some steam off.
I found a birthday present for Ally the other day, even though her birthday isn't until December (a week before mine). I don't know if she'll like it, but from what I can tell from things I've seen her buy from time to time she should like it. She said she trusts me anyway. She said I was organised, and I guess I kind of am. I've got Charlotte's birthday present half figured out. She wants a nose stud, which now I just have to find somehow. Goldmark has a gold one, but she wants silver. So difficult! Now I've got Mum's birthday next week, Mark's mother's birthday, Michelle's birthday, Mark's dad's birthday (none of which I will buy presents for, mostly likely anyway), and then Chloe and Jed's birthdays in November, and then Jason's birthday just after mine. And then Christmas. I have no idea what to buy Mum. She always says she wants a clean house for her birthday, but I can't do that. I can't even do that now that I'm older. It's too hard. She's turning 40 too so she should have a big party with lots of people but no. I don't know what's going to happen. I'm pretty sure no one has planned anything, and it's the next Thursday coming (which is the day my assessment is due). Last year I bought her clothes. She had just had Bub and badly needed some, but she hardly ever wore them anyway. What I'd really like to give her would be an attitude/mood/self image realignment. God knows she probably needs one just as much as I do.
Man I desperately need some motivation. Perhaps someone can send me some of that? Just because they love me...?
I'm really bummed out because I always log into OpenDiary first. No one ever leaves me many comments on LiveJournal, which I get emails for anyway, and I get emails for things on Bebo and Facebook. OpenDiary is awesome because I always get notes, and you don't get notified so it's always a surprise when you log in to see what you've been left with. And I talk to more people on OpenDiary and have made more of a connection with a few of them. I'm eager to log in and see if they've updated, but now that the whole server has been down for at least twelve hours, no one has probably updated. Hopefully it's back up soon. I don't want to go without it for too much longer. I love my OpenDiary.
Today has been very up and down. It's been weird, just all over. I went to bed early last night, so I wasn't too tired when I woke up this morning. I wore a white dress, with black stockings and a green half sleeved cardigan to TAFE today. It looked like it was going to be a warm day, because the weather is finally catching up to the time of year and it seems that spring is pretty much upon us (you have no idea how happy that makes me), but then the temperature kind of plateaued out and it stayed a bit chilly all day.
TAFE wasn't that good. I was disappointed. I didn't know if Precious would go because she had a verbal altercation with one of the older ladies in the class (who is a bitch), but she showed up. I felt really out of the loop today with her. I didn't go to TAFE last week, so I hadn't seen her in two weeks. Two weeks ago Precious went to Annie's house to talk to Annie's daughter (because Annie's daughter's exboyfriend had raped her, and Precious has been in that situation before). It seems like they have become really close, and Precious has bonded with Annie's daughter. It helps that they only live one street away form each other. But that afternoon was when Precious had agreed to come back to my flat and I was prepared to try to hook up with her, but because Precious then decided to go with Annie she didn't come. I don't think Annie was at TAFE last week either, so Precious probably hasn't seen her that much, but I still feel like I've kind of been discarded now. Like Precious has found a new best friend in Annie's daughter. It took about half the lesson for me to feel like Precious hadn't just thrown me away. She wasn't in a very good mood today either. She wasn't her usual, cheery self.
We did practically nothing at TAFE today. There was no darkroom, no nothing. We listened to him talk, which wasn't so bad. The first thing he'd talked about I had already heard from the other class. The second thing was kind of boring. It was just a boring day, and it didn't help that I felt out of the loop with Precious. I wasn't very cheery at all.
Precious came back to the flat after TAFE, but with not even a thought of trying to hook up with her. She was supposed to go with Annie again, but after we listened to some music on our lunch break she decided she wanted me to burn her some CDs. So she came here, we walked up to the shops and bought some CDs, and then we came back and I burnt them for her. She wasn't here for long because she had to go home because she was working somewhere. She was here probably for about two hours, and by my standards that isn't long enough to have sex with a girl for. And being in the mood that I was in I wasn't even thinking of sex. I wish though. Maybe next time.
Mark was in a bad mood when he got home. I think it made my mood worse, because after we paid rent and went to look for a movie (and I couldn't find one I wanted to watch) I wasn't real good. I didn't know what I wanted to do, and got annoyed because Mark was just watching a TV show on his computer and didn't notice that I wasn't happy. He called out to me at one point and I didn't answer, so he texted me, but my phone was in my handbag in the study with him. I went and got it because I didn't want Mark to find the packet of cigarettes that I had in my handbag. He finally got off the computer and said "oh you're in one of those moods again" and paid some attention to me. We cooked dinner, watched some CSI:Miami and now I'm ok I guess. He's downstairs watching a movie now and I'm trying to talk some girl on Bebo out of cutting herself. It's a thought I've had lately, doing that, but I don't know if I would have the guts. I know I shouldn't, but being surrounded by so many people that talk about it so often (apart from Drena and a few blog contacts, everyone I talk to online is depressed/suicidal) it's kind of rubbing off on me. I've always known that I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to admit that to the world in person yet (yes I know I'm doing it via the blog, I've never been one to say something directly to someone).
Things are starting to get really bad. I have a uni assessment due in about five days. It consists of four homeworks, and I've only done one. The second is the watching one that I'm guessing I'll just have to make up (which is fine with me). The third is some fifteen page long article that I have to read and comment on my "favourite part". I haven't gotten to the lecture about the fourth homework yet. I tried reading the other article the other night but was too tired and gave up. I tried to listen to a lecture on Wednesday afternoon but I was too distracted. I must be pretty damn unmotivated to not be able to keep up with one unit of study. I feel terrible, which then makes me less motivated to do it. I was hoping for this afternoon, but now I'm hoping for some time on the weekend, and even if I don't feel like it I'm just going to have to grit my teeth and do it. The study timetable is sitting on my desk silently screaming at me, but all I do is stare at it and wonder how I got so behind.
The house is also a major mess. Mark and I tackled the big kitchen full of washing up last night, well actually he did. I probably wiped up like five things, but I was icing mini rice bubble footballs. There are dirty clothes all over the place because I have not been bothered to do a load of washing. We usually wash on the weekends, or I wash when I don't have to work. I was thinking about it on Wednesday but didn't feel like it. I was going to put some on this morning but didn't feel like it. I suck at running a house. I'm too lazy, depressed and unmotivated. Mum was right. I'm definately going to need a maid one day.
Tomorrow is Jayden's birthday. I still haven't wrapped his present. I don't even know what we're doing tomorrow. To be honest I'm not caring at the moment. Mum goes a bit psycho on birthdays anyway. She's always so control-freak like it really bugs me. Jayden's party is on Sunday afternoon, so I'm not looking forward to it. At least it's not as bad because Jayden is only young, but she's always so particular about how things are and what happens. It's at TenPin so most of it will be taken care of. I'm guessing I'll be photographer, which I'm not complaining about. Hopefully it'll be a good weekend. I might see if I can go pubbing tomorrow night just to go and dance and maybe let some steam off.
I found a birthday present for Ally the other day, even though her birthday isn't until December (a week before mine). I don't know if she'll like it, but from what I can tell from things I've seen her buy from time to time she should like it. She said she trusts me anyway. She said I was organised, and I guess I kind of am. I've got Charlotte's birthday present half figured out. She wants a nose stud, which now I just have to find somehow. Goldmark has a gold one, but she wants silver. So difficult! Now I've got Mum's birthday next week, Mark's mother's birthday, Michelle's birthday, Mark's dad's birthday (none of which I will buy presents for, mostly likely anyway), and then Chloe and Jed's birthdays in November, and then Jason's birthday just after mine. And then Christmas. I have no idea what to buy Mum. She always says she wants a clean house for her birthday, but I can't do that. I can't even do that now that I'm older. It's too hard. She's turning 40 too so she should have a big party with lots of people but no. I don't know what's going to happen. I'm pretty sure no one has planned anything, and it's the next Thursday coming (which is the day my assessment is due). Last year I bought her clothes. She had just had Bub and badly needed some, but she hardly ever wore them anyway. What I'd really like to give her would be an attitude/mood/self image realignment. God knows she probably needs one just as much as I do.
Man I desperately need some motivation. Perhaps someone can send me some of that? Just because they love me...?