I live!
I know it's been forever. I still read all of your posts. I simply have not had much to write about. I write in my paper journal when I'm upset, but even that was a while ago. When Geoff broke up with me. Talk about frustrating. I spend a week with him and his family in Alaska. Trust me when I say that a week is long enough to fall in love with somebody's family. And then a week later he breaks up with me. A month after that, he's engaged, and then one more month and he's married. This raises the question of whether he was with this woman while we were still dating, or if he just rushed into a relationship big time. My instincts tell me previous relationship is the case. You know, I always try to believe the best of people, but men never seem to prove me right. Nut jobs, alcoholics, cheaters. I want so badly to find that somebody, but it's so hard to trust now. I don't want to be that girl who always thinks her boyfriends are cheating or about to dump her, but I keep being given more and more reasons to believe that it's the case.
In the past several months, I've had a lot of fun. I went skydiving, made a bunch of new friends, started tutoring, which actually turned into mutual studying. Along the way I've met several guys, whom I like in different ways for different reasons. On asked me out, one hinted at it. Both were turned down. I am leaving soon, and I don't want to hurt myself or anyone else. This is the military, and we are in tech school. Things may work out at a later date, but for right now, it's just not logical. I don't know when or if I'll see these guys again. The only sure thing is marriage, but that's just dumb. The one guy I like the most drives me a little crazy sometimes. When we're together, it's awesome. I can see his caring in the way he looks at me and hold me, but when we're apart, the doubt surfaces again. He understands my reason for not getting into anything. It would hurt me most if I didn't see him again. Can't let it get to me, though. Nothing until I get to my permanent duty station at the end of the year. Life takes funny turns. Who knows what will happen.
I'm almost done with my Chinese courses. In about a month and a half, I'll be headed to the armpit of Texas for 4 or 5 months of additional training before heading off to my permanent duty station. I still don't know where that will be, but I was told that I should be finding out this week. It will be nice knowing. I'd like to have something to be able to plan. If I get Hawai'i, then I'll purchase a car down in Texas so that it can be shipped to me in Hawai'i. If, however, I get Japan or Maryland, I'll wait on the car. In Japan, I'd likely not purchase one at all, but in Maryland I'd probably purchase one at home so I'd have my father there to help, and then just drive it the 6 hours back down to Maryland. Who know what will happen, though. It's all a big waiting game right now.
Speaking of coming home, I won't be able to make it back to NY until I'm done with my schooling in Texas, which won't be until around Thanksgiving or Christmas. I miss you all terribly. I hate to play favourites, but I miss my Steffy in particular. We were inseparable for most of high school, and even though we had our rough points, I still consider her my best friend. I don't really have on of those here. It's hard to make really close friendships here, as everybody is so stressed out, and people are constantly coming and going. You don't really get a glimpse of who people really are. Things are sort of...fake here. I miss that closeness that I had with Steffy. Somebody to do everything with. Someone who knew exactly who I was and what I liked.
And on that somewhat sad note, I should really get back to my studies. I have my OPI (oral proficiency interview) on the 19th, and my DLPT (defense language proficiency test) on the 26th (listening) and 27th (reading). Those tests will determine whether I leave her or not, so I have to pass. I've passed the DLPT once before with a really good score, so I'm fairly confident, but there's still that bit of unknown. Hopefully I will do better this time. Better scores = more money for me. Like $300 or $400 extra every month. Can't argue with that.
I love you all, and I'll try to write a little more often. Have excellent summer breaks!