A life of separation [1/2] - MyungYeol Version (Part 2)
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A life of separation [1/2] - Part 2
The first time Sungyeol disappeared, after Myungsoo transferred there, was right after the bonding session.
It was another busy school day, with them sitting around the middle table in the café having lunch. That time Chanhee also joined in, sitting beside Woohyun and opposite to Howon. The short boy was completely immersing in giving a lecture about gum and whatever diseases involving around it; it wasn’t like they actually listened anyway (except Dongwoo who sometimes made remarks about aliens, which wasn’t related at all to what Chanhee was talking about. Myungsoo wondered how he could find the similarity between gum and aliens.)
Myungsoo noticed from the seconds they went to the café that Sungyeol wasn’t with them. To be more detailed, he didn’t see the other around campus all day. The boy thought he would just have to wait, Sungyeol was busy and he would show up a bit later than usual. Turned out, Myungsoo didn’t see him, and what startled him the most was the fact that everyone looked too calm at his absence, minding their own business and talking as if Sungyeol were also there, like there was nothing wrong. But to Myungsoo, everything seemed so wrong that his head actually started aching.
“Where’s Sungyeol?”
The words rolled off his tongue unconsciously, Myungsoo just hoped he didn’t sound too worried.
“He’s in his hiatus routine again.”
Woohyun answered nonchalantly after having a small bite on his smoked bacon. The expression everyone around the table was wearing only indicated to Myungsoo that it wasn’t the first or second time Sungyeol did something like that. The taller raised his eyebrow in confusion and asked again:
“Hiatus routine?”
“You’re still new here so you don’t know. Sometimes Sungyeol’s like, taking a small break when he doesn’t have class, going somewhere alone and only showing up few days later. This kind of things started two years ago.”
“Nobody actually worries?”
Myungsoo continued asking, and without him knowing, his voice had raised slightly. Not too loudly, but enough for others to be startled:
“W-well, it happens often so we don’t think much about it. Sungyeol also once told us that we don’t have to mind him, he knows his limit.” Woohyun stuttered lightly at the beginning.
“He will be fine, Myungsoo. He still has his work in the clinic this year, I don’t think Sungyeol will sacrifice his degree for some routine. Habits can be broken, right?”
Howon added helpfully, his eyes didn’t leave Myungsoo’s face as he said so. The taller boy held back a sigh as he slumped further into his chair. Myungsoo couldn’t help but avoid Howon’s stare, he wasn’t comfortable at all with it. It was like the other was judging him or trying to dig into his privacy, which neither was something good. Howon could be all smiles and friendly, but being a doll for most of his life didn’t make Myungsoo a fool. He shouldn’t have expressed his worry too much, Myungsoo thought bitterly.
The boy couldn’t help his curiosity but ask one more question:
“Does Lee Sungjong know about this?”
“Sungjong only knows that sometimes Sungyeol go away, that’s all. Sungyeol never gives more detail.”
Three days later Myungsoo accidentally ran into Sungyeol in the library while looking through some reference books his professor required reading. The taller boy looked a bit tired, but his eyes were still shining and Myungsoo felt glad to see them all of a sudden. Sungyeol was wearing a thick blazer, which was a bit surprised to Myungsoo, as the weather of that year’s March wasn’t warm yet but either too cold to still wear that kind of clothes.
“Where’ve you been these days?”
The shorter boy couldn’t help but ask. They were standing at the same section, biology section, with Myungsoo trailed behind Sungyeol while holding ton of books. The brunette only spared a small glance back at him before turning to the sheet in his hand.
“Please, mind your own business.”
“And I thought we are friends.”
Once again Myungsoo said before thinking. His words must startle Sungyeol, as the boy jerked his head at them and before he knew, Sungyeol had turned to stand fully opposite him, eyes judging:
“Have I ever said that we’re friends?”
“Well, technically we’re studying the same department, we have mutual friends, and we have talked to each other more than two times. I think they make us friends.”
“Excuse me, your definition of friend is maybe a bit different than mine.”
“So why do you have friends if you keep on thinking this way? Are you trying to distance yourself from others? You should have told m-I mean others.”
“Being friends doesn’t mean telling everything. There’s a thing called ‘privacy’.”
Sungyeol bit back, arms folded across his chest protectively. His voice dripped sarcasm, but all Myungsoo could think of was the image of a porcupine rolling into a ball to raise its quills for defense. Sungyeol being like this, plus the oversized blazer, made him look more lonely and tiny in the old giant library, Myungsoo only wanted to reach out and pull him into his embrace. Somehow he felt that Sungyeol need a hug right at that moment, the boy seemed so frustrated that it actually hurt. The annoying feeling deep down Myungsoo’s guts once again stirred; the raven-haired thought he had never felt that upset before, even when he was thrown away by Sungyeol’s stepbrother.
Gosh, Myungsoo felt like biting his tongue then.
“If there’s thing bothering you, you should say it out loud Sungyeol. Maybe someone can help.”
“Nobody can help me. And who do you think you are? You just came here, don’t act like you know everything.”
The shorter had no idea whether his ears were playing tricks on him, but if he weren’t wrong, Sungyeol’s voice sounded choked all of a sudden. In the empty library, his words sunk deep into deathly silence, leaving behind Myungsoo in a daze. That time the brunette tilted his head a little to look at anywhere but Myungsoo’s face, and Myungsoo didn’t think Sungyeol did so because he hated him. It was more like the other was trying to avoid him. Sunggyu once said Myungsoo’s gaze was steady and intense, that’s why sometimes people would find it hard to look at him while talking, especially when they were trying to hide something. Something flashed through his mind and he tensed.
Screw it, Myungsoo thought. He wouldn’t care about the consequence anymore. He had to tell Sungyeol now. If Sungyeol was being like that so what was the main point of him being there? He needed to help the other, and how could he help him if Sungyeol was that alarmed at him? What if Sungyeol knew Myungsoo was his childhood friend? To be more detailed, his precious toy? Would he open his heart more for Myungsoo? He didn’t dare imagine, he only knew he would never know if he didn’t try. Saying Myungsoo was a doll might be creepy and unbelievable, but the boy had all the proofs proving that he was indeed the L Sungyeol always kept by his side when he was still a little boy. He tried to push all the warnings Sunggyu had told him to the back of his head, he didn’t need it now. He was taking the risk, Myungsoo was aware of it more than ever. But all the consequence he would think about later, because right at that moment all he could think of was breaking Sungyeol’s ice.
“Sungyeol, actually I…”
“Sungyeol sunbae, there you are! Professor Yang’s looking for you.”
A student called Sungyeol from the other side of the section. He widened his eyes a bit at the sight of Myungsoo, and quickly bowed at him.
“I’m coming, Dongho.”
Sungyeol answered calmly, stuffing the book he was playing with its hem back to the shelf. The boy walked pass Myungsoo without saying anything,
“I was worried, and you don’t even know, Sungyeol. You don’t even know.”
No foot step. Myungsoo assumed that Sungyeol had stopped walking and might be looking at him, but the boy couldn’t brave himself enough to turn back. Instead he chose to keep his back facing the other. Myungsoo heard a faint sigh behind him.
Finally Sungyeol left, the sound of sneaker heels hit the marble floor echoed lowly through the hall and also in Myungsoo’s head. As the sound of Sungyeol’s steps faded away, the boy leaned his back against a shelf nearby, the pile of books he was holding all of a sudden seemed so heavy. Myungsoo felt too suffocated to breathe properly, all his energy was drained after the conversation with Sungyeol.
Was his decision right anymore? Myungsoo couldn’t help but wonder. But deep down his mind, the boy knew if there were another chance for him to choose again, Myungsoo would still chose what he was into now.
The problem there was, maybe Sungyeol didn’t need him anymore.
What should he do then?
Three weeks later Sungyeol disappeared again. That time Myungsoo didn’t ask about the brunette anymore. He only kept his gaze lingering at the empty seat of the other in their psychology class and wondered where he was.
Two more days and in a late night Myungsoo received Sungyeol’s call. It was made in a phone booth, but from where? Myungsoo couldn’t point out.
“Sungyeol?”
He asked, trying to sound not too anticipating. The other line went silent for some seconds before Myungsoo heard a faint breath, and finally Sungyeol’s tiny voice:
“Myungsoo…”
That was the first time Sungyeol called his name. “Where are you?” The question was about to roll off Myungsoo’s tongue but luckily he swallowed it back. Maybe it wasn’t the right time to ask Sungyeol such a question. Even Woohyun or Sungjong didn’t know, let alone someone as Myungsoo. No, Myungsoo shouldn’t ask.
“Is everyone fine?”
“They’re okay.” Myungsoo paused briefly: “Yesterday Sungjong came to meet you. He doesn’t know you’re away.”
“I see.” Sungyeol breathed. Something was just not right there. Sungyeol seemed dampened more than usual, his voice sounded hoarse and wasn’t steady.
“Are you drunk?”
“I drank a bit. But still sober. So sad.” He laughed lightly, which sent shiver down Myungsoo’s spine. “If I didn’t drink, I don’t think I can call you like this.”
“Wh-”
“I’m fine, just so you know. I’ll be back the next morning so don’t question anymore, okay?”
“Wait! Don’t hang up.”
Myungsoo frantically said as he sensed the other was about to end the call. The raven-haired boy could almost imagine Sungyeol raising his brow at him in confusion, and he himself also had no idea what he should say. What happened at the moment was out of Myungsoo’s prediction, he had never thought that Sungyeol would actually call him like that, in that kind of situation. He had no idea how to cope up with the new feeling slowly bubbling inside his chest, it’s too much to the point he was afraid that it might burst soon. He didn’t know what to say, he only knew that he wanted to hear Sungyeol’s voice a bit more, and if better, got to see him in person right then.
But Sungyeol wouldn’t let him do that, right?
“Sungyeol…When you come back, call me, okay?”
“Why?”
Sungyeol asked, but his voice didn’t drip annoyance like the time in the library.
“I just want to make sure you’re fine.”
“I will go to school. I have one class with you tomorrow anyway.”
“You don’t hate me anymore?”
He could sense the hesitation from Sungyeol as the silence enveloped them, and for some seconds he actually regretted saying such a thing. It wasn’t a nice subject to talk about, Sungyeol sure had bad impression about him so why bothered to confirm.
His train of thought was interrupted as the little deer muttered with his faint voice:
“I have never hated you.”
And with that Sungyeol hanged up.
***
“Sungyeol’s really cute, right guys?”
Byunghun asked dreamily, the boy was still at the page he was supposed to finish about twenty minutes ago but instead of looking through it, he spent his time gawking at a picture of Sungyeol in Woohyun’s cellphone. Woohyun only snorted in reply and Chanhee chuckled lightly, still not leaving eyes from the book he was reading. Myungsoo, sitting at the corner of the table immediately perked up his ear at the topic. He silently looked at the surroundings. It’s lucky for them that Sungyeol hadn’t come to the canteen yet.
“I think I’ve known him long enough to not consider him as ‘cute’ anymore.” Woohyun declared proudly.
“You said so and you’re totally whipped whenever he calls you ‘Namu’.” Byunghun snorted. “Anyway, I think Sungyeol is really cute. Really, really, really cute.”
“Everyone thinks the same, right, Myungsoo hyung?”
A certain third-year all of a sudden butted in, which made Myungsoo pretty startled for being mentioned out of the blue. Somehow he felt like the fair-skinned boy was really anticipating his answer, as Chanhee had shifted his gaze from the book he’s holding, looking at him with the funniest kind of expression which was hard to be explained. Easy smiles and the seriousness in his eyes by no means did match.
“Well, I don’t know.” He shrugged his shoulders, acting nonchalantly: “I’m still new here.”
“Sungyeol hyung’s really cold toward Myungsoo hyung anyway.”
Chanhee’s comment was supposed to mean no harm, but why did Myungsoo have a feeling that it wasn’t random at all?
“No, he’s not that bad.” Myungsoo thought he needed to save Sungyeol’s image now. “He doesn’t ignore me.” And the truth was Sungyeol hadn’t talked to Myungsoo again since that call.
“Whatever guys, but admit it, the coldness does make him more attractive, right? And his eyes, they’re so huge and round…”
“Seriously, you’re acting like his fangirl here Lee Byunghun.”
“Sungjong’s so lucky.” The pale boy continued, ignoring all the sarcastic comments coming from Woohyun. “He has Sungyeol. He’s a kid and he can date such a hottie (“Yah, watch your mouth Lee Byunghun! Sungjong is even older than you for 2 months.” Woohyun shrieked again. Chanhee could only face-palmed.). He should have chosen me instead.”
“It would be his deadly mistake then.” The oldest among them looked deadpan. “And I have no idea why are you this obsessive to Sungyeol.”
“He’s pretty, I’m handsome, we make a perfect match. Having a living doll as your boyfriend is awesome. Everyone would be gawking at me.”
“He’s not a doll Byunghun-ssi.”
Myungsoo said out of the blue, being unable to control his words. Byunghun turned to stare at him, confusion drawn all over his face. And not only the younger boy, but the rest of the table also looked startled at Myungsoo’s reaction.
“Excuse me, sunbae?”
“Well, I mean, technically he’s not a doll, and if you’re into him just because of his look, your relationship will not last long.”
“It’s not what I me-”
“But what you’ve just said indicate to that, right? He’s not a doll, not a thing for others to play. Don’t say something like anyone has Sungyeol, he’s not for exchange. He belongs to his own life. By the way…” Myungsoo inhaled deeply: “You have no idea how terrible it is to be a real doll.”
To be honest, the boy never imagined that he could actually say such a thing. He only wanted to protest a bit against what Byunghun had said, but had no intention to make their conversation become that worse, as all three others boys around the table were gawking at him in pure shock. He must look really angry. Gosh, Myungsoo felt like dying right then. He just couldn’t control his emotions when it came to Sungyeol. Why didn’t a hole appear right on the floor where he’s sitting? He could sense Chanhee’s heated gaze again. The younger was staring at him strangely, to the point Myungsoo felt so insecure. It was as if Chanhee had known something already.
“It’s just a joke Myungsoo ah. No need to make fuss.”
Woohyun said with too much difficulty after a pregnant silence. Somehow Byunghun looked hurt there, and Myungsoo was about to say something to cover what had happened earlier, but then Sungyeol came out of nowhere, standing right behind Chanhee. Myungsoo noticed the direction was from the rest room.
“Hyung, you scare me!”
Chanhee held his chest as he looked up to meet Sungyeol’s gaze. The older only grinned back slightly:
“Byunghun and Chanhee, Professor Jung was looking for you. And Namu, go with me. They said there’s something to tell apprentices of the clinics.”
“Okay Yeol.”
They said in unison while beginning to leave the canteen. Myungsoo was about to go then, nobody he knew was around anyway. As he stood up from his seat, Sungyeol also passed by the boy. The moment only lasted some seconds but what happened next was totally out of Myungsoo’s thought.
Sungyeol smiled at him. A real smile for the first time Myungsoo transferred there.
“Well done.” He breathed.
Myungsoo froze death on his track.
“Sungjong and Byunghun are cousins, okay?”
Chanhee hushed. Both Myungsoo and he were bending down slightly to hide behind the table they were sitting. Students behind probably were staring at them weirdly, but the two boy couldn’t care less. Philosophy was hard enough already, and the fact that the professor teaching them was lulling his students into sleep with his droopy voice didn’t help at all.
“Byunghun once told me that they are very close, yet always competitive toward each other. When Sungjong started dating Sungyeol, Byunghun’s ‘bored’, as he said so. But in our opinion he’s just purely jealous. So he tries to play some tricks on them; probably it’s only his way to get others’ attention. Besides, well, Sungyeol’s pretty, isn’t he? Byunghun’s also attracted to him, but saying that he likes Sungyeol? I don’t think so.”
“And I thought he really likes Sungyeol?”
“He just wants to tease Sungjong. That’s all.”
“I see. So, what about… you?”
“Me? Me what?”
“Do you like Sungyeol?”
Myungsoo asked carefully and all of a sudden felt so stupid. Beside him Chanhee copied Dongwoo’s identically creepy grin as he heard so:
“What’s wrong with me liking him or not hyung?”
“I’m only curious.”
“For someone looking like you, I’ve never expected too much curiosity like this.”
“It’s okay if you don’t answer Chanhee-ssi.”
“I’ve told you not to call me ‘Chanhee-ssi’. It’s only ‘Chanhee’. And no, it’s okay, cause I don’t like him. I admire him, to be exact.”
“Um.”
That’s all Myungsoo could find to say as he sunk back further into his seat.
“Sungyeol hyung is one of the best students in our university, always top-ranked.” Chanhee paused briefly: “Everyone around here likes him hyung. Sometimes he’s like, having PMS, but it doesn’t make him a bitch. They even find him more attractive.”
“So Sungjong also likes him just because of that?”
“Sungjong?” Chanhee stiffened a bit, unconsciously pushed the glasses on the bridge of his nose higher. “No… He’s different hyung. Different.”
“How different?”
“Well, since Sungyeol hyung is extraordinary, his boyfriend can’t be casual, can he?”
“I don’t understand.”
“You will, hyung, but later.”
Chanhee nodded his head in the act of feigning understanding; his arm made its way to Myungsoo’s shoulder and patted it slightly. Chanhee was shorter than Myungsoo, so the sight looked really funny.
“By the way, hyung, just telling you, you’re also not normal.”
“I hear that everytime, especially about my face.”
Myungsoo grinned as Chanhee punched him in his arm playfully.
“Excuse me but Mr. Kim, is there anything funny at your seat? And can I have any explanation for Mr. Lee’s appearance in my lecture? You’re not supposed to be in 4th year’s lecture.”
Myungsoo quickly straightened himself and stared down at the jotter on the desk while hiding his grin behind a textbook. Next to him Chanhee used his identically radiant smile, which literally brightened the whole lecture theater (by the way, Myungsoo felt his eyes hurt then) while blinking his eyes innocently:
“I don’t want to miss any of your lectures, Professor Han. You’re one of the best Professors around here.”
The teacher immediately turned back to the board behind him again, continuing the lesson without any more question. Chanhee smiled triumphantly as the boy also leaned more on his seat.
Days later Byunghun and Myungsoo ran into each other at the corner near Myungsoo’s next class. The younger looked really uncomfortable there, fidgeting under his gaze and Myungsoo thought he would just leave already after muttering a “Hello”. But then Byunghun called him, though voice’s timid but clear and echoed through the empty hallway:
“Myungsoo sunbae, I’m really sorry about what happened at the canteen.”
“…”
“I just want to tell you that I’m not that kind of person you think.”
“If you really want to say sorry, go find Sungyeol. And I’m sorry too for having said such a thing, you were only joking anyway. By the way, it’s ‘Myungsoo hyung’ for you.”
Myungsoo tried to hide his smile as Byunghun, after what seemed to be a decade, snapped out of his daze and bowed at him deeply, his face looked so shy compared to the usually confident expression he’s always wearing:
“Thank you a lot Myungsoo hyung!”
***
Rain began to fall and everything seemed so dull. Myungsoo looked out from his shelter; the boy couldn’t help but curse under his breath. He had completely forgotten about weather forecast and gone out to the library of their university without taking along his umbrella. Going home under rain was the last thing the boy wanted to do. He hated it when his clothes were all soaked and dirty, not to mention the possibility of falling ill. Actually Myungsoo had no idea whether he could catch a cold, Sunggyu had ever told him the possibility of it. Anyway, the boy just wanted to make sure there would be nothing wrong with his body. He wasn’t human at all and Sunggyu wasn’t around there, if anything happened it would be troublesome.
The boy wondered aimlessly, back leaning on the cold floor behind. A familiar figure walking pass him, seemingly enjoying the shower.
“Sungyeol!”
Myungsoo called and the other turned around. The rain wasn’t heavy much but still, Sungyeol looked soaked completely.
“Myungsoo.”
He chirped back without any hesitation.
Together, they had gone through the state of awkwardness to actually talk to each other in a normal way. Though both boys didn’t interact much while others were around, but when there were only Sungyeol and Myungsoo, the atmosphere changed quickly. It wasn’t that Sungyeol talked more than usual, he just seemed to become more comfortable and at ease, Myungsoo had such a feeling. His smiles were softened a bit; they didn’t look too forceful like they usually did anymore. Myungsoo still felt proud that he could read many of Sungyeol’s expressions. Sungyeol had been pretty introverted since he was born, he could smile and laugh along easily with others but sometimes he actually didn’t feel like doing so, it’s lucky that Myungsoo was able to notice and memorize them. After seven years, Sungyeol’s face didn’t show any sign of aging at all, he still looked really young, but the other knew he had grown up a lot inside... Anyway, whatever happened, Myungsoo still could find some traces of the old “Sungyeol” in the new “Sungyeol”. He could be too formal and distant to others, but when it came to his close group, Sungyeol was a different person. Except when he was moody, which Dongwoo usually joked as “having PMS”(and he earned a slipper right on his face. Howon didn’t even keep off). Myungsoo still felt the wall Sungyeol built around himself, but it didn’t matter at all. Myungsoo was now Sungyeol’s friend, it’s enough already.
Back to the reality, the taller boy approached his friend under the shelter, eyeing him innocently:
“Why don’t you go home?”
“Isn’t it obvious enough that I don’t have an umbrella?”
Myungsoo retorted playfully, imitating Sungyeol’s tone whenever he’s irritating. The brunette seemed to not mind much as he only shrugged it off:
“Here, take mine.”
Sungyeol said, generously shoving the pink (Myungsoo cringed) object into his friend’s hand.
"Why don't you use your umbrella?"
"Just don’t like."
The brunette shrugged his shoulders lightly, hand reached out to catch the rain. His fingers were long and slim, they looked proportional with his palms. Sungyeol was humming to some sort of melodies, which Myungsoo couldn’t make out from what songs. Anyway, his mood that day was kind of good, even better than usual. Myungsoo had no idea why.
“If you want we can share your umbrella together.”
"Na, I will be fine. So, I will go first, okay?”
Sungyeol continued walking under the rain, leaving the shorter behind under the shelter. Looking back for the last time at the umbrella in his hand, Myungsoo ran out following Sungyeol.
“Where’s my umbrella?”
“I just don’t like using it.”
Myungsoo shrugged nonchalantly, he took off his blazer and held it above both their heads, but mostly for Sungyeol. He heard the taller boy whine next to him about something like “enjoying going under the rain” and whatsoever, but the raven-haired couldn’t care less. He tugged Sungyeol closer few more times, and finally the tall boy gave up, crossing his arms childishly as they walked toward Myungsoo’s flat. It was closer to the university than Sungyeol’s was anyway.
Oh, one more thing. Sungyeol seemed stubborn to others, but when it came to Myungsoo, things could be settled down in peace. It wasn’t like Sungyeol followed his words immediately, sometimes he still bit back, but eventually when no one was around, the brunette would be pretty submissive.
Sungyeol had some strange thing about windows, to the point Myungsoo thought could be called as “obsession”.
“Your flat has a really big window.”
That was the first remark he made right after stepping into Myungsoo’s flat for the first time. Following Sungyeol, the shorter’s gaze shifted to stare at the French window at the other side of the living room.
“Yah, dry your hair first. It’s dripping water.”
Myungsoo said, throwing gently a towel over Sungyeol’s head. The boy smiled faintly while making his way toward the duvet couch, water from his clothes and hair dripped down onto the floor. Myungsoo made a mental note to clean it later.
“Change into these okay. The bathroom is over there.”
Handing Sungyeol some clothes, Myungsoo gestured toward the door at the left side of the living room. Sungyeol’s eyes stopped for some mere seconds at Myungsoo’s face, then shifted to the window, before meekly accepting the clothes in the other’s hands. He watched as the brunette’s back disappeared behind bathroom’s door.
If there was anything to be proud of that apartment, all Myungsoo could think of immediately was only that window. Standing behind the glass, you could see the beautiful scenery of Seoul city, and when coming to sit at the balcony the window led to, you could even observe the sight of sky at night. It was like, the sky was covering you with a starry blanket. Sitting at the balcony staring up at hundreds of stars reminded Myungsoo the time when Sungyeol was still in Busan. The brunette often held him in his arm while talking about the stars above their heads. Lying there was the Sirius, at the corner was Libra, and a bit further was Andromeda,…
The house where Sungyeol was born was the kind of traditional Korean architecture, so it had a large inner courtyard. When the boy was small his mother usually took him there to sit under the stars, telling him Korean folk tales. Years later after Sungyeol’s parents divorced, the boy had to move in an apartment in the center of Busan with his stepmother and stepbrother. Nevertheless, in the summers Sungyeol was still sent back to the ancient house (probably because his stepmother wasn’t fond of him much) and he spent the night there talking to Myungsoo about the stars like his mother usually did to him. Because Sungyeol’s mother had gone to somewhere nobody knew, and Sungyeol had only Myungsoo, or to be exact, L, by his side.
As much as Myungsoo remembered, Sungyeol had read many books when he was younger, almost of the time after school the boy spent for reading, so he had a bit wider knowledge than his classmates. The boy was actually fond of football, but the kids in the same age with him didn’t let the boy play, saying something like being too small or too weak. Anyway, sometimes they still let him play together when they didn’t have enough players.
Myungsoo wondered whether Sungyeol was still fond of football.
After making some ginger tea, Myungsoo left the kitchen making his way to the living room. He supposed to find Sungyeol sitting on the duvet couch, but instead seeing the other sitting right beside the French window, flannelette blanket draping over his laps. Myungsoo might be shorter but Sungyeol’s very thin, so clothes somehow fitted. The boy didn’t acknowledge at all the appearance of Myungsoo in the room, his doe eyes only glued to the outside of the window. The rain was still pouring heavily. Summer came with heavy rains, thunder crashing and lightning flashing above the sky. Rains came smoothened the atmosphere, which was stuffy and too hot for the usual kind of weather in early summer.
Myungsoo settled down at the other side of the window, his head also turned to the water drowning from the sky. From the corner of his eyes, the boy noticed Sungyeol tilt his head slightly to look at his profile, before drifting back to the world where only rain and the window frame existed.
“Your hair’s still wet?”
Myungsoo stated out of the blue as the sight of the other’s hair came into his view. Without thinking twice, he shifted closer to the brunette’s spot. The boy took the towel before which was hanged over Sungyeol’s shoulder and draped it on the head. With gentle caresses, Myungsoo started drying those brown locks. He concentrated on the work and did it carefully, almost scared that he might accidentally hurt Sungyeol. Sungyeol’s hair was really soft and fair, the color brownish shone under the room’s light prettily. Myungsoo had the urge to actually touch it or run his fingers through the strands, but in the end successfully held himself back.
It wasn’t the right time yet.
Next to him Sungyeol was relaxing; to the point he started leaning on Myungsoo’s lightly. The position they were sitting was a bit awkward, Myungsoo’s legs began to go numb but he just didn’t dare move. That was the closest he could get to Sungyeol anyway, the boy wouldn’t let the chance slip off that easy.
“I really like big windows, especially French windows. It’s like we can see the whole world from it.”
Myungsoo chuckled lightly at the honest words, he had stopped drying Sungyeol’s hair for a while. His hand lingered over the brunette’s shoulder a bit longer, before finally settled down behind Sungyeol’s back.
“I will build a house for you with French windows on every floor, okay?”
Oops!
What Myungsoo blurted out was surely unexpected to both of them. He had never thought he could actually say things like that out loud, and the worse was, Sungyeol might think he was flirting with him. Flirting was normal among them, among their group, but Myungsoo had never been that open to do such a thing, let alone doing it with Sungyeol. Not to mention the fact that the brunette had a boyfriend. A boyfriend.
Lee Sungjong might be a kid, but Myungsoo had never had the idea of taking Sungyeol away from him in some evil ways. No, he was better than that, he was a gentleman, thank you.
But it seemed that Myungsoo had overthought, as Sungyeol only widened his eyes and slowly a grin drawn across his small face.
“Okay, I will wait.”
What?
Something stirred in Myungsoo’s stomach, he’s afraid that his eyes might pop out of their sockets.
“But remember to make it a bungalow or a two-floored house.”
“Promise.”
Myungsoo said, trying to hide his smile of excitement. Somehow Sungyeol turned to stare at him strangely.
“But still, I really want to have a French window now.”
“You can live here with me if you want.”
Another careless offer slipped out, and Myungsoo couldn’t help but scold himself mentally. What did he actually think anyway? It wasn’t that Myungsoo didn’t mean what he had said. He had always expected to tell Sungyeol those things, but not in that casual way after years of separation.
Besides, looking at Sungyeol, Myungsoo felt like himself a pedophile.
“Really? Can I?”
Looking clueless as ever, Sungyeol asked again. Myungsoo could only press his lips into a thin line as he nodded his head determinedly. That strange expression’s flashed on Sungyeol’s face again, but it quickly disappeared and the boy jumped up from his spot. His hands flapped around and they almost hit Myungsoo on the nose.
“Do you have any game to play? I’m bored.”
There, there, the old Sungyeol was coming back again. Myungsoo kept his face not to split due to a huge grin while going to find the PSP Sunggyu had sent him weeks ago.
***
Saying that Sungyeol moved in with Myungsoo, but the truth was he only took some clothes, a few books and a blanket along while staying. The rest of his belongings were still at Woohyun’s place, and only sometimes did the brunette sleep at Myungsoo’s place. Woohyun did grumble about Sungyeol’s sudden arbitrariness at first, but some nights having the whole flat for himself was also fairly convenient, so the older felt content after all. Their friends frantically asked Sungyeol but the pretty boy only shrugged in reply, which made them become more frantic.
Myungsoo understood his intention; Sungyeol didn’t want to draw any attention anyway so he made sure to keep his mouth shut too.
“Guys, do you think Sungyeol’s having affair with a gang?”
Dongwoo asked one hot summer day while lazing away, doodling over his jotter. All of them were gathering at the library studying, except Sungyeol who was in his hiatus routine again, for the fourth time of that term. He had gone for 3 days, only called Myungsoo one time when he had arrived at his destination.
From the other side of the table they were sitting, Byunghun threw at the senior a dirty look:
“Seriously, Howon, you need to brainwash him or do something. His head’s full of shit already.”
“Yah, watch your mouth Lee Byunghun! And who is ‘Howon’ by the way??? He’s older than you, respect!”
“Ha, see Howon. That’s what you get for not respecting your own hyung.”
“Not you too, Namu!”
“I have no idea why I still sit here while everyone around isn’t studying at all.”
Myungsoo commented dryly at the situation. From the corner of his eyes, he swore to God that the librarian had just shot them another dirty look for the nth time of that day. Dongwoo and Byunghun alone could make a mess already, not to mention that someone called Chanhee was also standing there. Oh, and don’t forget Nam Woohyun, who happened to be one of the oldest, yet just as childish as his dongsaengs. The raven-haired boy felt like another headache, what he had never experienced when still being a doll, was coming again due to those pranksters.
“I think you should turn your voice down before all of us are kicked out of here and gain a banning sign.”
And once again the day was saved thanks to the Lee Howon.
“By the way, Dongwoo hyung ah, don’t worry about your Sungyeol. I’m sure that he will be fine.”
Howon said with a gentle smile, secretly shifting his eyes toward Myungsoo’s direction. The boy was having a sudden interest in his book turned upside down as having no idea how to deal with the situation.
And Myungsoo once thought Dongwoo was the creepiest guy in the world. Turned out, it must be Howon, who was radiating with his trademark smile.
“Have you told Sungjong that you moved here?”
Myungsoo asked Sungyeol as soon as he came back on the fifth day. Both boys were in the kitchen, Sungyeol were playing with his chopsticks in boredom while watching Myungsoo cook dinner for them:
“Uh huh. He seemed to be okay with the idea.”
Sungyeol said vaguely, Myungsoo felt like his stomach just dropped a little. So no secret about those things to Sungjong then, he assumed.
“Don’t worry, I did give him your address but he will not come. I guarantee.”
“It’s not the matter here Yeol. I’m fine.”
Myungsoo said, face fell as he took the other seat opposite to Sungyeol. The brunette raised an eyebrow at him:
“What’s wrong?”
The shorter opened his mouth to say something, but indeed nothing came out from it. Stupid, he cursed himself under his breath. He must look very, very, very stupid to Sungyeol at the moment. He did have something, a problem, okay? It was stuck in his throat and he had no more expectation except kicking it out, because hell, it annoyed him to death with all the upset feeling he was suffering. Acknowledging that Sungjong also knew what Sungyeol and him tried to hide from others was so disappointing to Myungsoo. He felt like, it wasn’t Sungyeol and him against the world anymore. Because Myungsoo had actually been excited that he and the brunette had something to keep as a secret, a huge secret, not just the casual ones such as days of sneaking out and going for a walk together, or dropping by a random CD shop listening to music… All of a sudden the boy was more than painfully aware that Sungjong was Sungyeol’s boyfriend. It was him, not someone called Myungsoo, or L. What’s the matter there anyway? It was only Myungsoo who’s affected by those little things, because he had nothing except expecting Sungyeol to come back, while Sungyeol had already had Lee Sungjong. Sungyeol didn’t two-time the kid anyway. They were close friends, and friends only.
They didn’t even hold hands.
The fact had always been that traumatizing.
Opposite him, Sungyeol’s still widening his eyes in concern. Myungsoo took notice that the other seemed to be thinner than the last time he checked, and it felt like something just stabbed him again.
Luckily Sungyeol’s eyes were still the same, expressive as ever.
“Well, I’m just tired. Studying here is much different than in Busan.”
“It will be fine Myungsoo. It will.”
Sungyeol nodded his head in understanding and, to his friend’s surprise, placed his hand on the other’s to give a light squeeze. Myungsoo stared silently at their hands, wishing that he could actually hold the taller hand in his and never let it go.
The sound of boiling water reminded Myungsoo of the soup he was cooking. Behind him, the brunette started humming to a Korean folk song. The boy realized it was one of the songs Sungyeol’s mother usually sang for him.
“Sungyeol ah.”
“Huh?” There came indifferent reply.
“Do you have any precious thing to you during your childhood?”
“No.”
Sungyeol said after a pregnant silence, which, to Myungsoo, was longer than a decade. His voice, however, sounded so distant and cold as it ripped through the blue evening.
“Why do you ask anyway?”
“Nothing.”
Myungsoo answered, trying to concentrate on the soup he was stirring again but in vain. Something inside the boy just broke already, he felt so hurt for the first time ever in his life, to the point he’s afraid that the body he was in couldn’t contain all the feeling he was experiencing. The feeling of having something stuck in his throat came again and Myungsoo bit his lip hard to the point it almost bled, hoping to distract the disturbing sensation. He felt so regretful for even asking.
So, L was nothing, right?
L was nothing…
Was Myungsoo anything then?
Myungsoo heard the chair behind him creak and sound of Sungyeol’s light footsteps, the brunette was making his way out of the kitchen. He turned back, only to catch the sight of Sungyeol’s lifelessly dark eyes.
He looked paler than usual all of a sudden.
One day Myungsoo had to transfer some reports about mycobacterium tuberculosis for the professors working at Gangnam Severance Hospital. As the boy had accomplished his mission and was finding his way to get out of the hospital, Myungsoo accidentally ran into Sungyeol while he’s having patient at the clinic.
“What are you doing in here?”
The brunette asked, immediately shifting his attention from the young man sitting opposite him to Myungsoo who seemed to be in a daze after watching his flat mate working. The Sungyeol at work was oh so different from the indifferent Sungyeol in daily.
“Well, Professor Yang asked me to deliver some papers here for her. I’m just finding my way to go out. Guess that I’m lost now.”
“Um…”
Sungyeol trailed off, turning to stare at his patient again. Following his gaze, Myungsoo noticed that it was a boy probably younger than him few years. The boy looked pretty cute with his features, but still, that was what bugging him the most because it seemed like Sungyeol only concentrated on him, not Myungsoo.
“Well, I’m having my patient here. So you can wait for me or find the way out alone.”
Myungsoo’s jaw almost dropped.
Was he just kicked out because of a kid?
“Hyung, I only come here to take my medicine anyway. You can go with your friend, I can wait.”
The kid talked, Myungsoo tried not to gawk at the sight of him smiling sheepishly at Sungyeol while rubbing his neck. Even the voice did match that face; it sounded all shy and childish and cute. Myungsoo felt like unicorn and rainbow were bursting around him. Sunggyu would be throwing up if he saw the sight, he hated that kind of things to death.
“It’s okay Junhong, he can wait if he wants anyway. Let me check your injured arm first, ‘kay?”
Sungyeol said to the younger boy, voice all soft and gentle. Junhong obediently gave his right arm to Sungyeol as the young doctor carefully peeled the bandage. On the other hand, Myungsoo found another chair to sit at a corner of the room.
He wasn’t jealous at all, he begged to differ. He wasn’t at all, thank you.
That was the first time Myungsoo met Choi Junhong, a little cutie pie and also another Sungyeol’s inner fanboy, to be exact.
The end of April rolled up with identical scent of another hot summer that year. Sungyeol didn’t disappeared often much like before, probably the boy was too busy with the whole works at clinic and projects at school. Finally Myungsoo was also sent to Gangnam Severance Hospital to work as an apprentice, but still had to have someone keeping eyes on him. It was purely magic that Myungsoo was then a doctor in practice; the raven-haired boy had never expected the body Sunggyu gave him could afford such a thing.
Talking about that certain magician, the night before Sunggyu did call Myungsoo to check on him.
“How is thing progressing?”
“Well… I think it’s fine. He’s staying with me and he’s my friend now.”
There was a brief pause at the other line. After a while Myungsoo heard a faint sigh:
“L, the problem here is, has he realized you? Do something before it’s too late, okay?”
Myungsoo stared at the calendar on the nightstand, his stomach churned all of a sudden.
He had about two months left, but Myungsoo felt like the death end was waiting for him already.
“I know what to do hyung. And don’t call me L anymore. It’s Myungsoo, okay? Myungsoo.”
“Wh-”
“L’s dead already.”
“Okay, Myungsoo.”
What should he do then? Myungsoo wondered as he hanged up.
Myungsoo was there, but what about L?