A life of separation [1/2] - MyungYeol Version
Title: A life of separation [1/2]
Pairing: Myungsoo/Sungyeol, Sungjong/Sungyeol.
Rating: R
Warning: mention of committing suicide and depressing theme
Summary: In fairy tale, the little mermaid died so her prince could live. But in the story of my own life, my prince even died before I could decide whether to kill him or not.
WC: 16,334 (for part I)
Editor: jang hanbyul @ tumblr - http://jang-hanbyul.tumblr.com/
A/n: Inspiration of this story came from the song “Baby don’t cry” by EXO, and novel “落下する夕方” by Ekuni Kaori. But the song in the beginning is “Blue” by Big Bang. The whole things about Yonsei university in this story are purely fictional but still, I really did some search on Wiki and wrote them based on it.
This is for my two unnies who have always urging me to write all the time. If not then I’m afraid I couldn’t go this far. And I’m really sorry if this story is boring or lame, it’s been long I wrote a one-shot and to be honest, the first time I write something this giant. So send you huge thanks if you’re patient enough reading the whole two part :)
The second part’s coming soon, I hope so :)
A Life of Separation [1/2]:
태어나서 널 만나고 죽을 만큼 사랑하고
파랗게 물들어 시린 내 마음 너는 떠나도 난 그대로 있잖아
<< I was born and I met you
And I have loved you to death
My cold heart that has been dyed blue
Even if you have left, I’m still here>>
“…The little mermaid's hand trembled as it squeezed the handle of the knife, then she threw the weapon out into the sea. The waves turned red where it fell, as if drops of blood were seeping up through the water. Again she looked at the prince; her eyes were already glazed in death. She threw herself into the sea and felt her body changing into foam…”
“We can live together happily ever after. And with L too! You will be with me forever, right, L?”
***
Busan one fine spring day.
It was too noisy there.
Sunggyu couldn’t help but cringed at the thought while standing in the middle of the fair, wondering why he was even there in the first place. Right, his friends Min and Changsun participating in the activity said they needed his help for something, and even though knowing that it might be dangerous for his life to follow those weirdos (one couldn’t do anything but two could explode the whole world, seriously), he still came. He was their best friend anyway and he loved them.
The problem there was, okay, Sunggyu didn’t know where their tent was. And you shouldn’t ask him so what his cellphone was used for, he would gladly, thankfully snapped back that it was all because of it, he was that lost. At the moment Sunggyu even couldn’t locate where he was or where his friends’ tent was. The fact that people kept coming to the fair and made a crowd didn’t help at all, either.
“Okay, turn left, go straight ahead, and then turn left again, then turn right, and… What the fuck??? Don’t tell me that you actually sell blades this time.”
“You are really that stupid Kim Sunggyu??? It’s not our booth.”
Changsun yelled from the other line, for the fourth time in that morning at Sunggyu. The boy heard Min’s voice faintly at the background and Changsun yelled back at her something like “he’s a thickhead.” Calm down Sunggyu. Calm down. He thought to himself while stroking his chest lightly. He was a boy with great endurance for kids. Changsun was older than him but always acting like a five-year-old boy so what’s the difference there?
“So where is yours?”
“Find it yourself. I consumed 15 minutes for you already and my customers are all glaring at me now.”
The boy huffed, and then the other line went dead as he ended the call abruptly. Sunggyu stared at his phone in pure disbelief. How could he do that to his best friend, considering he even had to come there for them??? The boy made some strangled noise down his throat to prevent frustrated scream he was about to release at any time. He should just go straight home and forget all the promises he had made with those. Sunggyu looked around and started going. But it didn’t the boy three steps that he stopped and stared into space with his dumbest expression as realization dawned on him.
Damn it, he didn’t even know where the exit was!
Sunggyu had never had a sudden urge to just bang his head on the wall, or on the rock, or whatever hard surface so he could forget all of that embarrassing experience.
Scratch it, he shouldn’t go home. He should have stayed at home in the first place.
Still feeling angry with his situation, Sunggyu didn’t notice that a bunch of kids were running pass him. One of them accidentally ran into the boy, practically pushing him over. Luckily Sunggyu was quick enough to use his arms as support. If not then he’s afraid that he might be kissing the ground then.
“Aish, kids these days.”
He mumbled to himself while standing up. The kids were still passing by, not even bother for an apology. A little girl running past him, dropping something she was holding to the ground as it slipped out of her hands. Sunggyu quickly took it and called out behind:
“Hey kid, you dropped something!”
But the excitement of playing with friends just brought the girl further and further from where Sunggyu was standing. His call sunk into the noisy background and the hamster boy could be sure for one hundred percent that she didn’t hear a thing. The boy couldn’t help but sigh, before looking down at the thing he was holding. It was a doll resembling a boy. Its face was all dirty with soil, Sunggyu used his sleeve to remove all the dirt only to realize a handsome face, if you could say a doll was handsome. The doll had dark black hair, eyes with proper shapes, and though they were lifeless Sunggyu still believed they would be very sharp if the doll were alive. It was dressed in a plaid shirt and a pair of jeans, but all looked pretty old due to time and maybe, just maybe, its owner didn’t care about it much either.
As Sunggyu touched the doll’s face again, a strange feeling slowly crept up his spine as he did so. Slowly, but clearly, Sunggyu saw image of a little boy holding that doll ran around a playground. Not far from where he played was a young woman sitting on a swing. She looked at him with loving gaze and Sunggyu was sure that it’s his mother.
The train of images was abruptly interrupted as someone called his name. The boy looked up to find Changsun approaching him, a frown was obvious on his feature.
“And I thought you would have to find me, not the other way around.”
“Duh, you still went to find me anyway. At least you still have conscience.”
Changsun only rolled his eyes in reply. He noticed the doll in Sunggyu hand:
“I have never thought that you have a thing for doll, considering you’re 23 already.”
“Thanks, you’ve just hurt the pride of a young man, in case you don’t know.” The other paused briefly as he stared down again at the toy: “A kid dropped it and I just picked it up, okay? Besides, there’s something strange...”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, let’s see when I come home.”
Sunggyu shrugged nonchalantly. There must be something wrong with the doll, he could tell. He eyed the doll for one last time before putting it into his bag. Rubbing his chin thoughtfully, Changsun looked around and turned his voice down as low as he could:
“You mean it’s a freak.”
“You’re offending it you know.”
“Well, last time you brought home a lamp and then turned it into a real freak with sharp canine teeth. What am I supposed to thing this time?”
“It’s an accident, okay. I know what to do now.”
“As if I would believe.”
When Sunggyu arrived home it was 9PM already. The boy couldn’t help but sigh, dropping his bag on a wooden chair as he made a beeline to the bed. The dim light of the room made he feel so sleepy all of a sudden, Sunggyu was about to doze off when the image of the doll that morning appeared on his mind again. He groaned into the pillow, the feeling about the figurine was still bugging him, to the point he couldn’t stop thinking about it the whole day.
Standing abruptly from his bed, Sunggyu approached the window and pulled the curtain. His room was filled with darkness, but soon lit up, though weakly with a couple of candles. The hamster boy took out the doll from his bag, and after debating for a while, he decided to not wash it yet. He placed it to sit on a chair at his desk and took few steps back to have a better view. The doll was staring back at him with lifeless eyes, which sent shiver down Sunggyu’s spine.
“Okay, I will just try.”
The boy thought to himself. Sunggyu started to mumble a string of incantation, which contained of jumbled words. The room looked even darker, weirder than before, as white smoke appeared out of nowhere enveloped the doll and lifted it up in on air. Through hazy smoke, Sunggyu could make out only an arm, and even a long leg stuck out. His heat beat faster than ever and the boy continued chanting, his eyes never left that ball of smoke.
Something heavy dropped to the ground with a thump and smoke started to vanish into the thin air. Sunggyu waited till it all went away, before hesitantly stepping forward to look at the creature lying on the floor. He heaved out a sharp sigh while staring at the boy, wearing the same feature and clothes with the doll he had picked up.
It didn’t take long for Sunggyu to wait for the boy. He woke up after only few minutes, his eyelid fluttered open and he stared at the surrounding with bewildered eyes. The boy sat up on the ground (Sunggyu noticed that he was pretty tall. Too tall for a used-to-be doll), but immediately realized that something had happened to his body. He looked down with pure shock at his two hands, and slowly, hesitantly used them to touch his hair, his nose, down to his lips. The boy tried to stand up, and though still a bit clumsily, finally he could steady on his own feet.
“What the…”
He mumbled to himself and stared at his hands again. Eventually he shifted his gaze to the surrounding, which was still lit up with candles. The room was pretty decent with a single bed, a desk, a wardrobe, but what attracted him most were shelves full of books.
“Where am I?”
He asked, still in a daze. Sunggyu gave out a small cough and the boy turned around to stare at him in confusion. The sudden act rubbed on Sunggyu’s face again the fact that that boy was too high, even as high as him and he couldn’t help but wonder if he had done anything wrong to turn a petite figure into a giant like that.
“I’m Sunggyu, Kim Sunggyu.”
He introduced softly, sticking his hand out. The boy’s sharp eyes moved from his face to his hand, after a few seconds he took it in his one and shook lightly.
“Do you have a name?”
The boy looked lost for a mere second. Sunggyu waited patiently till he heard a low whisper:
“L.”
“I see.”
Sunggyu answered. He turned on the light in the room and blew out all candles; the boy decided to keep the curtain closed. Behind him L looked lost more than ever, fidgeting uncomfortably on his spot as he watched the other boy:
“Can you explain for me why I became like this?”
He asked after a pregnant pause and Sunggyu himself was also startled, because he had never thought about the consequence of the incantation. He just wanted to try a bit, Sunggyu was bored anyway, and it had been long since he did magic. The last time, as Changsun had kindly reminded him, was the biggest disaster in the whole history of magic world that the boy still grimaced whenever thinking of it. But he never expected that a huge result could turn out like that, and to be more detailed, another human was standing inside his house, a used-to-be doll one.
That could freak Changsun, or anybody out if they knew.
Anyway, it wasn’t that L could become a human for unknown reason.
“Well, you know, everything has a soul. Whether it’s a tree, a flower, a book, or even a toy, it still has one. But it’s not like anything could become alive. You could become a human not just only because of my magic, but also because of other condition too.”
“So what makes me?”
“Do you have any wish, or desire?”
Something flickered in L’s brown orbs. The boy looked down at two large palms placing neatly on his laps, clearly confused at the situation.
“Well, I do have, but why do you ask?”
“Because if your wish or desire is too strong, it can be a catalyst for the incantation and determine its success.”
“But… There’s nothing beating here… How can I be alive?”
L asked as he placed one hand on the left side of his chest.
“Well, you’re a doll after all, and a doll doesn’t have heart, right? That’s why what makes you alive is called ‘magic’.” Sunggyu paused briefly, examining his nails in boredom. He could feel L’s intense stare on top of his head, but the boy couldn’t care less. “Of course, I didn’t turn you into human for free. Once the incantation has been released, all result couldn’t be taken back. It means that you have to complete the challenge relating to your wish. Otherwise, you die. It’s the price here. So,” and now he was looking at L directly in the eyes: “What’s your wish?”
“I want to be with my owner.”
L answered honestly. Sunggyu raised his brow at him, dry laugh escaped from his lips as he said:
“The one who dropped you this morning at the fair? Well, sad to say, but I think she has replaced you already. Toys are to be played, and then replaced, and fell into oblivion.”
“No, she’s not my owner.” L cut off Sunggyu’s words. “I’ve never considered her as my owner.”
“Whatever L, just want to tell you that the price isn’t cheap at all. If you want, you can take back your words and I will find a way to keep you in my house, it’s safe for your life. It’s my fault to turn you into such a state anyway.’”
L looked up at the magician again, and that time Sunggyu could literally see determination drawn all over his feature. The boy looked like he was very desperate to find his owner, to the point he could just do anything to find the said person. It had been long since the last time Sunggyu met a person like that, and the shorter boy had to admit it did stir his façade a bit, which always appeared to be all calm. A strange feeling crept over his side; it bugged Sunggyu, urging him to do something, anything. The boy had never been one to interfere in others’ business, but leaving L could be too cruel. He was just a doll, accidentally turned into human by him, what could he do without Sunggyu’s help? Seems like my boring life will be a bit entertaining from now on, he thought and stared back at L, waiting for a name.
“He’s my previous owner, we parted five years ago and the only thing I know is he’s in Seoul studying now.”
Changsun might have something to work then. The other thought vaguely:
“Why am I felt like I were the witch in ‘The little mermaid’?”
“In ‘The little mermaid’, wasn’t it a happy ending? The prince and the mermaid got married after all?”
L asked, the image from many years ago flashed in his mind again. His owner usually held him while watching the movies.
“Duh, it’s only to deceive kids. Kids only see stars, rainbow and unicorns, while the harsh reality has always been concealed. In the original version she died.” The magician rolled his eyes in annoyance; he had never been fond of cartoon: “Anyway, what’s his name?”
“He’s Lee Sungyeol.”
“Okay, well, I’ll try to find your little deer. But for now you will have to live here in one month so I can teach you something decent. Now sleep, I’m tired already. You can sleep on the couch downstairs.”
Sunggyu fell onto his bed, adding the last part as L looked at him bewilderedly.
***
Busan railway station, February the 15th, 2012.
Holding tight the ticket in his hand, L looked back to find Sunggyu staring at him intensely. The older boy opened his mouth to say something, but finally closed it again. He looked thoughtful for a moment, before heaving out a dry laugh:
“Well, I can’t say you have a back off anymore. So good luck.”
“I know. In any case, I’ll be back.”
“Remember L, you only have 4 months. Make him remember you but don’t say anything directly, it breaks the contrast we made with evil spirits.”
“It’s the fifth time you remind me in this week Sunggyu hyung. I know all the consequences, but I want to find him. I’ve waited for so long, considering a life of a doll.”
Sunggyu looked dumbfounded for a while, before pulling out a piece of paper folded neatly:
“Everything’s been arranged for you. From now on you’ll be a transferred student. This is address of the apartment building you will live. I’ve also assigned you to the Department your Sungyeol is studying, so all the remains are up to you.”
“Thanks a lot Sunggyu hyung.”
“For what?”
“For the body, and everything.”
“Well, I’m bored, and I’m stuck with you. What can I do?”
The hamster boy shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, eyes distant but L knew better than that. The shorter smiled sincerely and he pulled the magician into a brotherly hug. Slowly, the other also hugged him back, patting him lightly.
“One month living with you doesn’t do anything good for me at all.”
Sunggyu joked. L looked down at the watch worn around his wrist, it was only thirty minutes till the train departed. He released Sunggyu and gathered his bag lying on the ground. Fixing the hat he was wearing, the boy looked back at his so-called friend before moving to the waiting room.
***
Yonsei campus, Seoul, February the 17th, 2012.
“It’s been pretty long since a student not from the exchange program transferred here.”
Jang Dongwoo said while making his way through the hallway full of students, behind him Myungsoo followed closely. Though the surroundings were quite crowded, Myungsoo was tall enough so he found it easy to follow Dongwoo. His height was decent, or Sunggyu said that just because they were in the same height. Not to mention that Myungsoo’s face was kinda… er… He looked pretty cool, or at least other students thought that. Yeah, people was thinking he acted cold and he was all indifferent, while the truth simply was Myungsoo didn’t know what expression he should put on his face. He still wasn’t used to human body, being a doll was way easier. He just had to lie down in one place, all smiles and eyes blank, staring into space. But being a human, he couldn’t do that anymore. Sunggyu said he looked creepy with that kind of smile, so Myungsoo had no choice but keep his face blank for soft option. That magician also said that he looked fine with it (after glaring at him and mumbling something like “arrogant bastard” or “this’s unfair”. It wasn’t like Myungsoo really cared anyway.)
Back to the reality, the senior called Dongwoo was still pulling Myungsoo to go with him to his class, which was anatomy. To be honest, the boy couldn’t help but be worried that he didn’t know how to learn properly. Hello, he had lived a life of a doll for freaking twenty years, and he had just been a human for only one month. And he was in Seoul, not Busan. Though Sunggyu did teach him and the magician had assured that he would know how to adapt, how to communicate so no need to worry, but still, the boy wasn’t sure about the body he was in, and whether the deal he made with Sunggyu was a right thing.
Sometimes he felt like a mess…
Anyway, Myungsoo was standing there, surrounded by Yonsei campus. He had no way or right to back off. Besides, Myungsoo had always hoped to be a human, a real one, so he could help Sungyeol. And now he had achieved it, so what’s the problem? He just needed to find Sungyeol and made him remember.
It would be easy, right?
In any case, Myungsoo believed that he wouldn’t be dead for sure.
“Chanhee!”
All of a sudden Dongwoo waved enthusiastically at someone and Myungsoo blinked rapidly, pulled out from his train of thought. The taller boy’s gaze followed Dongwoo’s move only to see another boy standing in front of the lockers nearby. He was short (that’s the first thing Myungsoo noticed) but the fair skin and bright smile plastered on his face had already made up for the height. Besides that boy called Chanhee was another one with light brown hair, who looked like he was in a daze. Big eyes and small nose and Myungsoo almost stopped breathing at the sight.
And he thought he had to dig deep into that huge university to find the other. Turned out, he didn’t have to waste much energy.
This was fate, Myungsoo couldn’t help but think.
Because Sungyeol was standing right in front of him, only a few meters ahead.
As they approached closer, Myungsoo noticed that Sungyeol looked really, really, really thin. He always looked slim when they were still in Busan, sure, but how thin he actually was at the moment was a whole different story. He was like, nothing but skin and bone. His skin was way paler than others, it made Sungyeol looked like he was ill or something. Anyway, his eyes were still the same, and somehow Myungsoo felt glad to see those. Still big, round and in perfect shape, Sungyeol’s eyes are the brightest among those Myungsoo had ever met. It was like, his eyes never stopped twinkling…
After all, Myungsoo had to admit that even when Sungyeol was too thin for his own good, he was still beautiful as ever. Years of separation, Myungsoo had always imagined how Sungyeol would look like after adolescence, but never had he thought the other could be that beautiful. This was illegal. Sungyeol might be even more beautiful than any other girl around here in Myungsoo’s eyes. He seemed so… outstanding. Yes, Chanhee was handsome and attractive with his smile, Myungsoo knew, but Sungyeol standing there was another story. The raven haired boy felt like his eyes only glued at him… Only at the moment did Myungsoo understand thoroughly Sunggyu’s feeling whenever the magician had to look at him. It wasn’t that Myungsoo was bragging about his appearance, but the look on his face just screamed out only one word of “jealousy”.
“Chanhee, Sungyeol! What are you two doing in here?”
Dongwoo asked while grinning innocently at Sungyeol, who also grinned back before shifting his gaze to Myungsoo in confusion. Myungsoo didn’t mind the other’s gaze, instead he noticed another thing that Sungyeol was pretty tall. He was even taller than Myungsoo. He found it kinda amusing, considering the fact that when he was still a doll Sungyeol always looked like a cute giant. Now the other was still a bit taller than him, but somehow he even looked more like a figurine than Myungsoo. This was irony, but he didn’t think it was annoyed. Myungsoo used to raise his head just to stare at Sungyeol’s face, but now he only had to look straight forward to dive into his eyes. That was extremely an interesting thing. Myungsoo thought about the comparison from the past to present and couldn’t help but give a small chuckle, which drew Chanhee’s attention.
“Who’s him Dongwoo hyung? Mind introducing us?”
Chanhee smiled playfully and Dongwoo only grinned. He pulled Myungsoo a bit forwards and said with his surprisingly loud voice:
“Guys, this is Kim Myungsoo, an exchange student. He’s in fourth year already. I heard from the principal that he came from Busan.”
“Oh…” Chanhee nodded his head in acknowledgement, his eyes roamed over Myungsoo from head to toes as an act of judgment. “Hello I’m Lee Chanhee, third year in Dentistry. Nice to meet you sunbae! And this is Lee Sungyeol, he’s also in the same year with you.”
“Nice to meet you too. I’m Myungsoo, studying Medicine.”
The tallest boy shook hands with Chanhee before staring back at Sungyeol. The other was still looking at him with that weird expression on his face. Myungsoo couldn’t help but feel like something just flip in his stomach. It was like… Sungyeol knew…
Did he know?
That day he was wearing a plaid blue shirt and a pair of dark jeans. The clothes looked casual, the reason Myungsoo chose them only because he hoped his appearance could stir Sungyeol’s memories a bit. Sungyeol usually asked his mother to make Myungsoo clothes, and when she left, he started to make them by himself. All the tiny pieces of clothes looked very simple, usually they were plaid shirts, vests, and pairs of jeans. Sungyeol could make something more complicated but he didn’t do so, so the boy assumed that the brunette just liked him that way.
Myungsoo remembered all the nights when Sungyeol was still a little boy, always holding him wherever he went. The brunette talked to him, because nobody wanted to be his friend, and sometimes even cried while holding Myungsoo. It pained Myungsoo a lot to see his owner in such a state, and he himself could nothing except staring back with his blank eyes. He wanted to hug him back, Sungyeol just needed a hug to comfort him, but he couldn’t. Myungsoo wanted to assure him that he wasn’t alone, he was with him, but he couldn’t. Myungsoo was, or exactly, used to be a doll, and a doll could do nothing for Sungyeol.
At that really moment, Myungsoo was standing there, in front of his owner. He could breathe, he could run and he could talk. He could hug Sungyeol but it would creep the other out, considering they had just met and Sungyeol didn’t know Myungsoo was actually what. So instead he wanted to talk to him. At least it was close to what he had always wanted to do for Sungyeol.
But what should he say? Suddenly all what Myungsoo had prepared to tell Sungyeol when they met vanished into the thin air and his head was nothing but a mess. How should he open a conversation with Sungyeol now? Should he praise him for his appearance? Nah, it was ridiculous. Sunggyu said it sounded like Myungsoo was a pervert. Should he offer them being friends? It sounded acceptable, but would Sungyeol agree? Should he…
“You look familiar… Have we ever met before?”
The brunette blurted out in accident and Myungsoo was in a daze, not having listened to Sungyeol’s voice in a long time. His voice sounded soft, and being surrounded by noisy crowds for all morning, the sound coming from Sungyeol was so soothing to Myungsoo’s ears. It made him feel home again, he wasn’t alone at all.
Or so he thought.
What should he say now?
Suddenly Myungsoo remembered that kind of conversation he once heard in some dramas on TV Sunggyu always watched. Something popped up in his mind and the boy said without thinking twice:
“Anybody who wants to make a move on someone always says that, do you know?” accompanied with an expressionless face (which he thought was cool).
(Oh, and by the way, to be honest, he didn't understand what "make a move on someone" really meant. Sunggyu didn’t teach him.)
Silence.
It was kind of amusing seeing Sungyeol’s face change from the usual pale color to a dark shade of red. The boy looked like he was in a loss of word, and to be honest Myungsoo couldn't make out what he did wrong. Besides them, Chanhee and Dongwoo were both staring more confusedly, surely not understanding even a bit what just happened. They didn’t hear what Sungyeol said in the first place.
“Bastard!”
Finally Sungyeol muttered, before turning around and heading to another direction. Chanhee frantically ran after the older boy, not forgetting to throw a weird look at Myungsoo.
“Wow, just, wow.”
Dongwoo standing next to Myungsoo could only mumble in a daze and Myungsoo looked back at him in confusion.
“What did I do wrong?”
He asked honestly, only to receive a creepy look from the older boy.
“Don’t ask someone who didn’t even understand a bit what you two said. But you’re really something you know. Nobody had ever made Sungyeol look like that.”
“Excuse me, but what?”
Dongwoo shrugged nonchalantly: “Since I knew him, it’s always Sungyeol making others embarrass, not the other way around.”
“Oh…”
Somehow Myungsoo felt proud at the fact.
“But it’s lucky that someone’s tamed him already, or else I don’t know how many more hearts he could break with that innocent face.”
What???
Myungsoo felt like his eyes were about to drop out of their sockets then.
Lunch time.
Myungsoo hated lunch time.
The raven-haired stood awkwardly in the middle of the great hall, having no idea of where to go and have lunch. Waves of people kept on passing by and moving to their destinations and honestly Myungsoo hadn’t befriended with anybody to ask for help. Classes were way easier than he had expected, Myungsoo just needed to go to the last row and claimed a sit there, only his gaze could intimidate others so they left him alone. But there, at moment like those, he really had no idea. Myungsoo just came there, and okay, maybe he knew Jang Dongwoo. But the older looked weird with his wide smiles and loud voice, and they only talked for half an hour… Around him were all strangers, except Sungyeol. But Sungyeol was nowhere to be found, and he either didn't know who he was, so what's the difference between him and the term "stranger"? Not to mention that the brunette was mad at him for some mysterious reasons to Myungsoo. What was that kind of fact? And the boy was even supposed to make Sungyeol be fond of him. Now he made the other hate him at first impression.
Someone tapped his shoulder and Myungsoo turned around, only to meet a Cheshire-like face (Myungsoo felt traumatized then, truth be told):
"Kido, why are you standing here? You don’t know where to have lunch, right?"
Myungsoo was about to decline politely (because seriously, who wanted to have lunch with creepy Jang Dongwoo?), but then he noticed the handsome boy going along with Dongwoo waved at another student while yelling "We're coming!" and Myungsoo's gaze followed his hand...
...and he almost dropped his jaw. Because Sungyeol was right there, standing nonchalantly nearby the grand entrance.
"Can I go with you guys? I have no idea where to eat." Myungsoo asked, trying not to sound too desperate.
And Dongwoo's grin just became creeper than ever.
"Guys, this is Myungsoo, a fourth year student. He's from Busan and still new here, so be nice~~~"
Dongwoo said with his loud voice, a big grin split his face into two. Seriously, all Myungsoo wished for was sitting at somewhere, anywhere except that table. It was in the middle of the small café he was dragged to, Dongwoo’s loud and everyone having lunch there was like all turning around to stare at the said Myungsoo.
(From the corner of his eye, Myungsoo noticed Sungyeol glance at him for only a mere second before quickly turn back to talk to the guy sitting beside. Something dropped in Myungsoo’s stomach and the boy could only assume that he was hungry.)
There were only four more students sitting with Myungsoo at the table, including Sungyeol, Dongwoo, “handsome boy” (who he later found out was Lee Howon, a fourth year as well) and another guy with the most greasy smile he had ever seen. That guy sat next to Sungyeol and they talked all the time. It wasn’t like Myungsoo observed them (he wasn’t that obsessed to Sungyeol, thank you), but the sight just hit him in the eyes itself.
Was him… his boyfriend?
Myungsoo thought and suddenly a strange feeling crept over his body. The boy didn’t know why, he just felt like…disappointed, and upset, if he didn’t mistake what Sunggyu had said. Myungsoo shifted uncomfortably on his chair, thinking bitterly that he shouldn’t have been there in the first place.
“Oh, I forgot to introduce. I’m Nam Woohyun, a senior. I’m from College of Dentistry. And this is Sungyeol, he’s studying Medicine and also my roommate.”
Are you Sungyeol’s boyfriend? Myungsoo’s words almost slipped off his tongue without thinking.
“You don’t have to introduce Sungyeol to him. They’ve met already.”
Dongwoo butted in, eyes twinkling in amusement while trying to curb his own laugh, which earned him a warning look from the said boy. Sungyeol only made some strangled noise from the back of his throat, Myungsoo felt like his hand holding a pair of chopsticks were abusing more and more the instant ramen in his bow. The ramen was swelling as Sungyeol only ate a bit, still playing with the strands of noodle with his chopsticks in boredom since he came to the café. He looked like he was sick of the food already, Myungsoo wondered why he still called it.
“Eat a bit Yeol, you didn’t have breakfast, you can’t skip lunch again.”
Myungsoo heard Woohyun whisper to the brunette and the brown eyed boy only shook his head lazily. He pushed his bow away and stood up hastily:
“I need to go to the restroom.”
And with that he left. Woohyun only stared at the bow Sungyeol left behind and heaved out a huge sigh. Howon craned his neck to get a better view (he was sitting beside Dongwoo):
“Again?”
“Yeah, he left his food again.”
“So this is not the first time?”
Myungsoo asked, not being able to hold back the curiosity crawling over his side. Woohyun shrugged his shoulders while leaning back against his chair.
“He lost his appetite or something, I don’t know much. It started since the end of last year and he was just like…stopped eating. Of course, he did eat, but only little and I have no idea how he could survive in such a state.”
“I heard from Chanhee that Sungyeol was accepted to Gangnam Severance Hospital for practicing. Is that his problem? It must stress him out.”
“I’m also accepted, and look at me, I’m not that stressed.”
“You’re a whole different story Namgrease. You seriously can’t live without food.”
“It hurts guys, considering I’m your best friend.”
Woohyun yelled, but Dongwoo only stuck his tongue out at him.
“Does Sungjong force him to eat?”
Myungsoo’s ears immediately picked up at the strange name.
Who’s Sungjong?
“Of course he does, but Sungyeol has that kind of control over that kid, you all know. He can’t do much except following Sungyeol like a lovesick puppy and agreeing on whatever he says. He’s totally whipped.”
Woohyun answered, laughing lightly at the thought (and Myungsoo considered it wasn’t even humorous). Dongwoo also chuckled, and Howon seemed to be the only one at the table, along with Myungsoo, who didn’t approve of the joke. His brows knitted as the boy said seriously:
“You’re talking as if Sungyeol bullied him. Considering the fact that they are boyfriends, it’s kinda traumatizing you know.”
What, boyfriend?
Myungsoo’s startled.
So it wasn’t Woohyun but someone else called Sungjong?
“I also bully you all the time Hoaegi .”
Dongwoo was laughing like a maniac while playing with Howon’s left ear. Myungsoo noticed the tips of the younger’s ears turned into a dark shade of red as Howon stuttered out an answer:
“It’s a different story Dino.”
“I don’t see any difference here.”
“Ew, guys, get a room.”
Woohyun exclaimed and threw a napkin at the two older boys. Dongwoo only laughed playfully as he detached himself from Howon’s lap. Myungsoo had no idea (and he either didn’t want to know) how he got there that quickly.
“Anyway, why did Sungyeol take it so long in the restroom?”
Woohyun wondered out loud, looking over at the way leading to the restroom of the café. Myungsoo stood up from his seat, which startled Dongwoo (who was sitting beside him) and Woohyun (because of his height):
“Should I check on him? What if something wrong happened?”
“I think you should just sit down. He’s coming back.”
Howon said while making some gestures with his hand. Myungsoo turned to see that Sungyeol indeed was making his way toward them. He looked a bit paler than usual, that’s the only thing the raven-haired could notice.
“What took you so long?”
Woohyun pushed his latte in front of the other and Sungyeol gladly accepted it, drawing a huge gulp of coffee from the straw.
“Sungjong called.”
Myungsoo felt like his stomach was turning up-side-down for the third time of the day.
“What did he say?”
“He just asked me have I eaten yet, how my day is, blah blah blah… You all know.”
“Sweet as usual huh?”
Woohyun chuckled softly while Sungyeol kept on drinking, saying nothing. But his eyes didn’t twinkled like they usually did and Myungsoo felt as if a pure sorrow just dropped on Sungyeol’s little body, because the boy somehow looked so timidly upset. It was the kind of sadness which was hard to grab a hold of, it wasn’t like anyone could understand it. Though being a doll, Myungsoo still noticed it, just because he had seen it. He still remembered that that kind of sadness clearly because he had seen it many times before, because the only one he knew to have it besides Sungyeol was his own mother.
Sungyeol indeed looked like his mother. Even the way they bore their sadness held the similarity.
Who was Sungjong anyway? Myungsoo couldn’t help but wonder again.
“Okay, so when will we have our next bonding session? Next week right, if I’m correct.”
Dongwoo asked. Sungyeol looked up from the cup he was holding to look at the older, raising his eyebrow slightly:
“The last time we had one was at your place hyung.”
“Yeah, so due to the order, this time it’s yours.”
“Ew.” Woohyun cringed at the image and Sungyeol patted his back understandingly. “You guys will turn our dorm into a pigsty!”
“Just like the last time you did so to ours.”
Dongwoo laughed wildly. Howon turned to Myungsoo who seemed to be a bit lost at all the so-called bonding session.
“Myungsoo-ssi, do you want to go?”
“Me? Well I-”
“Sungyeol, can Myungsoo-ssi come along?”
The older didn’t wait for Myungsoo’s answer, but instead turning to Sungyeol. The taller looked a bit confused at him before nodding his head. He didn’t even turn to take a look at Myungsoo. The raven-haired felt like his stomach just dropped again and again.
“You’ve just met him and you like him already Howon?”
“He looked decent and nice, not like a tree always dripping with greasiness.”
Howon emphasized the last word. He looked deadpan, only to receive another napkin on his face from Woohyun.
“By the way, tell Sungjong to come, okay?”
“He needs to study hyung.”
“Aw, the mommy’s worried about her son again.” Dongwoo cooed.
“I’m not joking hyung.”
“Anyway, it’s no problem. We just need to tell that kid Byunghun will come. Byunghun and you in the same place meant Sungjong has to go along.”
Sungyeol only made some strangled noises down his throat as a response.
***
Sungjong looked petite and feminine to his age eighteen. He had fair skin, round eyes and a sharp jawline too, which made the boy always appear to be too girlish (Myungsoo thought), and sexy (Dongwoo commented)
Oh, by the way, he’s shorter than Sungyeol, probably in the same height with Myungsoo.
Myungsoo had never expected that Sungyeol’s boyfriend would be someone younger, let alone that young. It didn’t make him a pedophile anyway, considering they both looked like in the same age. They bore a strange similarity in their aura; Myungsoo was actually very surprised the first time seeing the younger standing shyly behind Sungyeol. It felt like they’re related or something. Their eyes met for some mere seconds and Sungjong bowed at him. Myungsoo only nodded in acknowledgement, his eyes didn’t leave the couple as Sungyeol put his thin arm around Sungjong’s shoulder while leading him to their group.
“Sungjong knew Sungyeol one year ago. He met him as Sungyeol came to tutor Sungjong’s cousin.”
Sungjong’s cousin was someone called Byunghun, who happened to be in their group too (By the way, he was flirting with Sungyeol who was right beside Sungjong, the kid didn’t look happy at all). He’s in the same age with Sungjong but skipping one year, so he was a freshman in the university already, while Sungjong was still a senior in high school. About the story of tutoring, it was like, the year before Byunghun needed someone to tutor him in chemistry so he could get through the entrance exam. After lots of reference, he met Sungyeol, one of the best students in Medicine Department of Yonsei. And since Sungjong usually dropped by Byunghun’s place, he also met Sungyeol. The rest of the story about how they got together was a huge secret only Sungyeol and Sungjong knew.
Back to the present, the bonding session they were in now actually was a drinking session, in Myungsoo’s opinion. It’s a Friday night, meaning no study or school stuff in the next two day, so everyone all gathered in Woohyun’s place before moving to a restaurant to have dinner. Some Myungsoo had known already (Sungyeol, Woohyun, Howon, Dongwoo, Chanhee), some he had just met (Byunghun, Sungjong). Myungsoo was pulled and introduced to Sungjong and Byunghun, who only smiled faintly in response (Sungjong did) or grinned back playfully (that was Byunghun).
The restaurant they went to was famous for their roast octopus. Myungsoo couldn’t help but look at Sungyeol, he knew for sure that the boy had an allergy to that certain kind of foods. It once happened when that brunette was eight, he was even sent to hospital. To be honest, Sungyeol’s body was pretty sensitive, and octopus wasn’t the only thing he was allergic to. Myungsoo wondered why the boys didn’t choose another restaurant. Or in short, he wondered whether they know it, about Sungyeol’s allergy.
Just as usual, Sungyeol didn’t eat much. Myungsoo noticed he only had some from the fried cabbage dish, and the rest of the dinner the boy spent for urging Sungjong to eat more. The younger complied with his words meekly, eating all what Sungyeol told him without any protest. He also told Sungyeol to eat, but the older just shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, saying that he had eaten before at school so he’s full already. Sungjong seemed to believe it as he turned back to his dish.
When nobody around was looking, Myungsoo silently took Sungyeol’s roast octopus dish and replaced it with his fired prawn one. The brunette looked utterly surprised as he asked with his hushed tone.
“What are you doing?”
“You don’t like octopus, right?”
The shorter answered, trying to look indifferent. He took a bite from the roast octopus. Not bad at all. Beside him Sungyeol looked confused, but still keeping his head high. He stared straight at Myungsoo’s profile for the first time and said, eyes provoking.
“I just don’t eat much, okay. Besides, why do you think I will eat your food?”
“I gave it to you, eat it or not depends on you, I don’t care.”
To be honest Myungsoo didn’t think he could say something like that in that cold tone. Because Sungyeol just flinched slightly before turning back to Sungjong.
Whatever, finally Sungyeol did eat some from the fried prawn dish Myungsoo gave him. It was better, at least he ate. Myungsoo thought and couldn’t help but smiling faintly at the act.
After the meal, Howon dropped by the grocery store to buy some beers before going back to Woohyun’s dorm. As the couch was too small for eight boys, they all sat down together on the carpet. When Myungsoo was in Busan, Sunggyu once warned him not to drink alcohol, and he even read some book telling how bad alcohol could affect men’s health, so the boy declined politely all can of beer pushed in his hands. Sungyeol didn’t drink either. He had a frown on his face since Howon brought along the beer to his apartment.
“Sungjong’s underage and you’re buying beer here.” Sungyeol scolded
“I’m eighteen already Yeol.”
Sungjong tightened his hold on the older’s waist slightly as he said so. Myungsoo had to turn his face to look at another direction. Something in him just broke.
“Anyway, you’re still too young Jjong.”
“So what are you expecting now hyung? We can’t just go to your apartment and have a slumber party. It’s like, for twelve-year-old girls.”
Byunghun snorted, drawing the number twelve into the air. Sungyeol rolled his eyes in annoyance while folding arms across his chest. Woohyun suddenly looked so understanding as he put his arm around Sungyeol’s shoulder:
“We’ll make sure that Sungjong won’t drink. Okay?”
“Okay.” He heaved out a sigh and turned to Sungjong. The younger nodded his head obediently as a response, before Byunghun pulled the boy to sit between him and Dongwoo. Howon followed closely, four boys made a noisy group as they kept on going, all laughing and joking, even singing, and rapping (“Someone just shut Dongwoo’s mouth up please!!!” Woohyun yelled.)
“Don’t treat him as a kid hyung. Sungjong will not like it.”
Myungsoo heard Chanhee told Sungyeol, his voice was all gentle and warm. The brunette only rubbed his eyes tiredly, even his hands looked pale under the dim light of the living room:
“I’m only worried about him Chanhee ah.”
Though only joking, Dongwoo’s words were utterly right. The attention Sungyeol gave Sungjong wasn’t purely in a lovey-dovey way, but rather in a motherly way. Myungsoo wondered how Sungjong could enjoy that kind of affection, because as he knew boys could easily be annoyed by it. Sungjong could be a mummy’s boy, okay, but he seemed to be independent from what the raven-haired saw. The younger only reacted that certain way when it came to Sungyeol.
When Sungjong was around Sungyeol, Myungsoo noticed all of his attention could be given to the brunette. Sometimes when the younger thought no one was noticing, he would hold Sungyeol’s hand, brushing bangs from his forehead, or whispering things into his ear… He always showed his affection with a shy smile on his face while looking into Sungyeol’s eyes, while Sungyeol would smile back and squeeze his hand a bit tighter… But Myungsoo just felt like something was missing there. He meant, okay, they loved each other and all, and he really thought he couldn’t have a place in between their relationship. He just had a strange feeling that there was a border between the couple, and probably it was Sungyeol who built it. Because even when he was going with Sungjong and all smiles, his eyes didn’t twinkle as brightly as they used to.
Okay, he didn’t come there to observe the couple, Myungsoo made a mental note to himself. His inside was arlready uncomfortable with a whole new feeling. The blonde could never imagine that in a body could people actually have too many kinds of emotion like that. Seconds before you were all happy smiley, and the next ones you were crying your eyes out. Myungsoo didn’t understand at all, suddenly he felt so annoyed and frustrated, more like angry. He just couldn’t put up with all affectionate acts Sungjong showed Sungyeol, and it even pained him more to realize that Sungyeol chimed in with the kid while he maybe didn’t like them at all. What’s that kind of fact? Did Sungjong notice that? Or was the boy too insensitive to only think that having Sungyeol by his side was enough?
The beer started having some effects on others around the room. Byunghun was waltzing from one room to another, all giggling and grinning like an idiot. Howon and Dongwoo were making out at the corner (“Gosh, this is traumatized.” Sungyeol covered Sungjong’s eyes, looking scandalized more than ever). Chanhee looked sober a bit, but he seemed to doze off as Woohyun was rambling about the “old, smelly, annoying” doctor he had to assist at the clinic.
Myungsoo was standing at the kitchen when he heard some noises coming from the hall leading to the entrance. As there was another door in the kitchen leading to it, Myungsoo came closer and hid behind the wall. He heard Sungyeol’s tiny voice:
“I will walk you home.”
“Aw, your voice sounds so cute hyung.”
Just that moment did Myungsoo actually notice that Sungjong’s voice was a bit high-pitched. The younger didn’t talk loudly much, all of his time he spent for whispering to Sungyeol and only Sungyeol.
“I’m older Sungjong ah, stop pinching my cheeks.”
“But I’m your boyfriend.”
“Stop pouting, you’re eighteen already. Anyway, wearing your shoes now and we leave, okay?”
Myungsoo heard a faint sigh.
“I can go home alone Yeollie. I’m a boy anyway.”
“Jon-”
“And actually it worries me more if you walk me home, and then come back to your flat alone. I know a bit taekwondo, Howon hyung taught me already. But you don’t know anything to protect yourself.”
“I’m a boy, Sungjong!”
“And I’m a boy too hyung, so that is the answer here. I can go by myself.”
“You talk as if it were 7PM. It’s 11PM already, just so you know. I can’t let a kid go alone.”
“I’m not a kid anymore hyung. I-”
Sungjong’s frustrating protest was interrupted as Myungsoo, due to his clumsiness, had dropped the glass of water he was holding. There was a brief silence holding the atmosphere before Sungyeol appeared at the door in the kitchen, eyes stopped immediately at Myungsoo. Sungjong was right behind him, looking curious at the situation. Myungsoo could do nothing except pretending that he was immersed in picking up all pieces of the broken glass.
Screw him and his clumsiness. Sungyeol must hate him to death from then on.
“Do you want to go out with us?”
Sungyeol voiced out behind. Myungsoo was so startled that he almost dropped all the glass pieces he was holding in his two hands. Did Sungyeol just talk to him? The boy turned around only to find the taller looking serious at him, while Sungjong seemed to have a mental shock. Probably because Sungyeol had never said something like that to anybody, Myungsoo couldn’t help but find it amusing.
“What?”
He asked back, then realized that it must sound very stupid.
“Just for a walk.” Sungyeol shrugged. “You seem to be out of place anyway.”
That’s it. Myungsoo thought while throwing away the mess into the trash bin nearby. He took his coat and followed the couple.
The whole walk was like Sungjong and Sungyeol went ahead while Myungsoo trailed off behind. He didn’t mind much anyway. At least Sungyeol talked to him, even when he just wanted Myungsoo’s appearance there so Sungjong would accept him to walk the boy home. They talked a lot, Myungsoo saw Sungjong’s head tilted slightly so he could whisper to Sungyeol’s ear, while the brunette only said back in a hushed tone. The sight was a bit irritating, to be honest. The raven-haired felt like being invisible to them then. But when Sungjong didn’t talk to Sungyeol, only holding his hand and walking, sometimes Myungsoo noticed the brunette did turn back. Their eyes met briefly and Sungyeol turned his head to look forward again.
It took them almost thirty minutes to reach Sungjong’s apartment block. Myungsoo stood behind as the couple said goodbye to each other, he noticed Sungjong took a small glance at him. Weird, the boy thought. He didn’t know why, but somehow Myungsoo had a feeling that Sungjong was avoiding him. The younger seemed to be… not fond of him much. He knew he was new there, and Sungjong might be introverted, but still, the feeling gnawing at his side told him a different thing. The said boy was like, taking precaution.
“I’m leaving now. Remember to study well and eat on time. I will call you later.”
“I will hyung.”
“Okay.”
Sungyeol smiled faintly and turned around. The boy was about to go, but unexpectedly, in the blink of an eye, Sungjong had pulled the older back into his arms. The older looked utterly surprised at the sudden act, but his words were cut off as Sungjong pecked lightly on his lips.
“Sleep well, Yeol. I love you.”
(Myungsoo swore he saw Sungjong glance quickly at him as he did so.)
Tips of Sungyeol’s ears turned a bit rosy as the older pushed Sungjong away from him. He muttered a “Good night” before stomping away. As soon as Sungjong went into the apartment block, Sungyeol turned around to look at Myungsoo who seemed to be in a daze for what had just happened:
“Are you planning to not come back home?”
He asked irritatingly. Myungsoo quickly took few more steps to walk besides the slim boy.
>>
Pairing: Myungsoo/Sungyeol, Sungjong/Sungyeol.
Rating: R
Warning: mention of committing suicide and depressing theme
Summary: In fairy tale, the little mermaid died so her prince could live. But in the story of my own life, my prince even died before I could decide whether to kill him or not.
WC: 16,334 (for part I)
Editor: jang hanbyul @ tumblr - http://jang-hanbyul.tumblr.com/
A/n: Inspiration of this story came from the song “Baby don’t cry” by EXO, and novel “落下する夕方” by Ekuni Kaori. But the song in the beginning is “Blue” by Big Bang. The whole things about Yonsei university in this story are purely fictional but still, I really did some search on Wiki and wrote them based on it.
This is for my two unnies who have always urging me to write all the time. If not then I’m afraid I couldn’t go this far. And I’m really sorry if this story is boring or lame, it’s been long I wrote a one-shot and to be honest, the first time I write something this giant. So send you huge thanks if you’re patient enough reading the whole two part :)
The second part’s coming soon, I hope so :)
A Life of Separation [1/2]:
태어나서 널 만나고 죽을 만큼 사랑하고
파랗게 물들어 시린 내 마음 너는 떠나도 난 그대로 있잖아
<< I was born and I met you
And I have loved you to death
My cold heart that has been dyed blue
Even if you have left, I’m still here>>
“…The little mermaid's hand trembled as it squeezed the handle of the knife, then she threw the weapon out into the sea. The waves turned red where it fell, as if drops of blood were seeping up through the water. Again she looked at the prince; her eyes were already glazed in death. She threw herself into the sea and felt her body changing into foam…”
“We can live together happily ever after. And with L too! You will be with me forever, right, L?”
***
Busan one fine spring day.
It was too noisy there.
Sunggyu couldn’t help but cringed at the thought while standing in the middle of the fair, wondering why he was even there in the first place. Right, his friends Min and Changsun participating in the activity said they needed his help for something, and even though knowing that it might be dangerous for his life to follow those weirdos (one couldn’t do anything but two could explode the whole world, seriously), he still came. He was their best friend anyway and he loved them.
The problem there was, okay, Sunggyu didn’t know where their tent was. And you shouldn’t ask him so what his cellphone was used for, he would gladly, thankfully snapped back that it was all because of it, he was that lost. At the moment Sunggyu even couldn’t locate where he was or where his friends’ tent was. The fact that people kept coming to the fair and made a crowd didn’t help at all, either.
“Okay, turn left, go straight ahead, and then turn left again, then turn right, and… What the fuck??? Don’t tell me that you actually sell blades this time.”
“You are really that stupid Kim Sunggyu??? It’s not our booth.”
Changsun yelled from the other line, for the fourth time in that morning at Sunggyu. The boy heard Min’s voice faintly at the background and Changsun yelled back at her something like “he’s a thickhead.” Calm down Sunggyu. Calm down. He thought to himself while stroking his chest lightly. He was a boy with great endurance for kids. Changsun was older than him but always acting like a five-year-old boy so what’s the difference there?
“So where is yours?”
“Find it yourself. I consumed 15 minutes for you already and my customers are all glaring at me now.”
The boy huffed, and then the other line went dead as he ended the call abruptly. Sunggyu stared at his phone in pure disbelief. How could he do that to his best friend, considering he even had to come there for them??? The boy made some strangled noise down his throat to prevent frustrated scream he was about to release at any time. He should just go straight home and forget all the promises he had made with those. Sunggyu looked around and started going. But it didn’t the boy three steps that he stopped and stared into space with his dumbest expression as realization dawned on him.
Damn it, he didn’t even know where the exit was!
Sunggyu had never had a sudden urge to just bang his head on the wall, or on the rock, or whatever hard surface so he could forget all of that embarrassing experience.
Scratch it, he shouldn’t go home. He should have stayed at home in the first place.
Still feeling angry with his situation, Sunggyu didn’t notice that a bunch of kids were running pass him. One of them accidentally ran into the boy, practically pushing him over. Luckily Sunggyu was quick enough to use his arms as support. If not then he’s afraid that he might be kissing the ground then.
“Aish, kids these days.”
He mumbled to himself while standing up. The kids were still passing by, not even bother for an apology. A little girl running past him, dropping something she was holding to the ground as it slipped out of her hands. Sunggyu quickly took it and called out behind:
“Hey kid, you dropped something!”
But the excitement of playing with friends just brought the girl further and further from where Sunggyu was standing. His call sunk into the noisy background and the hamster boy could be sure for one hundred percent that she didn’t hear a thing. The boy couldn’t help but sigh, before looking down at the thing he was holding. It was a doll resembling a boy. Its face was all dirty with soil, Sunggyu used his sleeve to remove all the dirt only to realize a handsome face, if you could say a doll was handsome. The doll had dark black hair, eyes with proper shapes, and though they were lifeless Sunggyu still believed they would be very sharp if the doll were alive. It was dressed in a plaid shirt and a pair of jeans, but all looked pretty old due to time and maybe, just maybe, its owner didn’t care about it much either.
As Sunggyu touched the doll’s face again, a strange feeling slowly crept up his spine as he did so. Slowly, but clearly, Sunggyu saw image of a little boy holding that doll ran around a playground. Not far from where he played was a young woman sitting on a swing. She looked at him with loving gaze and Sunggyu was sure that it’s his mother.
The train of images was abruptly interrupted as someone called his name. The boy looked up to find Changsun approaching him, a frown was obvious on his feature.
“And I thought you would have to find me, not the other way around.”
“Duh, you still went to find me anyway. At least you still have conscience.”
Changsun only rolled his eyes in reply. He noticed the doll in Sunggyu hand:
“I have never thought that you have a thing for doll, considering you’re 23 already.”
“Thanks, you’ve just hurt the pride of a young man, in case you don’t know.” The other paused briefly as he stared down again at the toy: “A kid dropped it and I just picked it up, okay? Besides, there’s something strange...”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, let’s see when I come home.”
Sunggyu shrugged nonchalantly. There must be something wrong with the doll, he could tell. He eyed the doll for one last time before putting it into his bag. Rubbing his chin thoughtfully, Changsun looked around and turned his voice down as low as he could:
“You mean it’s a freak.”
“You’re offending it you know.”
“Well, last time you brought home a lamp and then turned it into a real freak with sharp canine teeth. What am I supposed to thing this time?”
“It’s an accident, okay. I know what to do now.”
“As if I would believe.”
When Sunggyu arrived home it was 9PM already. The boy couldn’t help but sigh, dropping his bag on a wooden chair as he made a beeline to the bed. The dim light of the room made he feel so sleepy all of a sudden, Sunggyu was about to doze off when the image of the doll that morning appeared on his mind again. He groaned into the pillow, the feeling about the figurine was still bugging him, to the point he couldn’t stop thinking about it the whole day.
Standing abruptly from his bed, Sunggyu approached the window and pulled the curtain. His room was filled with darkness, but soon lit up, though weakly with a couple of candles. The hamster boy took out the doll from his bag, and after debating for a while, he decided to not wash it yet. He placed it to sit on a chair at his desk and took few steps back to have a better view. The doll was staring back at him with lifeless eyes, which sent shiver down Sunggyu’s spine.
“Okay, I will just try.”
The boy thought to himself. Sunggyu started to mumble a string of incantation, which contained of jumbled words. The room looked even darker, weirder than before, as white smoke appeared out of nowhere enveloped the doll and lifted it up in on air. Through hazy smoke, Sunggyu could make out only an arm, and even a long leg stuck out. His heat beat faster than ever and the boy continued chanting, his eyes never left that ball of smoke.
Something heavy dropped to the ground with a thump and smoke started to vanish into the thin air. Sunggyu waited till it all went away, before hesitantly stepping forward to look at the creature lying on the floor. He heaved out a sharp sigh while staring at the boy, wearing the same feature and clothes with the doll he had picked up.
It didn’t take long for Sunggyu to wait for the boy. He woke up after only few minutes, his eyelid fluttered open and he stared at the surrounding with bewildered eyes. The boy sat up on the ground (Sunggyu noticed that he was pretty tall. Too tall for a used-to-be doll), but immediately realized that something had happened to his body. He looked down with pure shock at his two hands, and slowly, hesitantly used them to touch his hair, his nose, down to his lips. The boy tried to stand up, and though still a bit clumsily, finally he could steady on his own feet.
“What the…”
He mumbled to himself and stared at his hands again. Eventually he shifted his gaze to the surrounding, which was still lit up with candles. The room was pretty decent with a single bed, a desk, a wardrobe, but what attracted him most were shelves full of books.
“Where am I?”
He asked, still in a daze. Sunggyu gave out a small cough and the boy turned around to stare at him in confusion. The sudden act rubbed on Sunggyu’s face again the fact that that boy was too high, even as high as him and he couldn’t help but wonder if he had done anything wrong to turn a petite figure into a giant like that.
“I’m Sunggyu, Kim Sunggyu.”
He introduced softly, sticking his hand out. The boy’s sharp eyes moved from his face to his hand, after a few seconds he took it in his one and shook lightly.
“Do you have a name?”
The boy looked lost for a mere second. Sunggyu waited patiently till he heard a low whisper:
“L.”
“I see.”
Sunggyu answered. He turned on the light in the room and blew out all candles; the boy decided to keep the curtain closed. Behind him L looked lost more than ever, fidgeting uncomfortably on his spot as he watched the other boy:
“Can you explain for me why I became like this?”
He asked after a pregnant pause and Sunggyu himself was also startled, because he had never thought about the consequence of the incantation. He just wanted to try a bit, Sunggyu was bored anyway, and it had been long since he did magic. The last time, as Changsun had kindly reminded him, was the biggest disaster in the whole history of magic world that the boy still grimaced whenever thinking of it. But he never expected that a huge result could turn out like that, and to be more detailed, another human was standing inside his house, a used-to-be doll one.
That could freak Changsun, or anybody out if they knew.
Anyway, it wasn’t that L could become a human for unknown reason.
“Well, you know, everything has a soul. Whether it’s a tree, a flower, a book, or even a toy, it still has one. But it’s not like anything could become alive. You could become a human not just only because of my magic, but also because of other condition too.”
“So what makes me?”
“Do you have any wish, or desire?”
Something flickered in L’s brown orbs. The boy looked down at two large palms placing neatly on his laps, clearly confused at the situation.
“Well, I do have, but why do you ask?”
“Because if your wish or desire is too strong, it can be a catalyst for the incantation and determine its success.”
“But… There’s nothing beating here… How can I be alive?”
L asked as he placed one hand on the left side of his chest.
“Well, you’re a doll after all, and a doll doesn’t have heart, right? That’s why what makes you alive is called ‘magic’.” Sunggyu paused briefly, examining his nails in boredom. He could feel L’s intense stare on top of his head, but the boy couldn’t care less. “Of course, I didn’t turn you into human for free. Once the incantation has been released, all result couldn’t be taken back. It means that you have to complete the challenge relating to your wish. Otherwise, you die. It’s the price here. So,” and now he was looking at L directly in the eyes: “What’s your wish?”
“I want to be with my owner.”
L answered honestly. Sunggyu raised his brow at him, dry laugh escaped from his lips as he said:
“The one who dropped you this morning at the fair? Well, sad to say, but I think she has replaced you already. Toys are to be played, and then replaced, and fell into oblivion.”
“No, she’s not my owner.” L cut off Sunggyu’s words. “I’ve never considered her as my owner.”
“Whatever L, just want to tell you that the price isn’t cheap at all. If you want, you can take back your words and I will find a way to keep you in my house, it’s safe for your life. It’s my fault to turn you into such a state anyway.’”
L looked up at the magician again, and that time Sunggyu could literally see determination drawn all over his feature. The boy looked like he was very desperate to find his owner, to the point he could just do anything to find the said person. It had been long since the last time Sunggyu met a person like that, and the shorter boy had to admit it did stir his façade a bit, which always appeared to be all calm. A strange feeling crept over his side; it bugged Sunggyu, urging him to do something, anything. The boy had never been one to interfere in others’ business, but leaving L could be too cruel. He was just a doll, accidentally turned into human by him, what could he do without Sunggyu’s help? Seems like my boring life will be a bit entertaining from now on, he thought and stared back at L, waiting for a name.
“He’s my previous owner, we parted five years ago and the only thing I know is he’s in Seoul studying now.”
Changsun might have something to work then. The other thought vaguely:
“Why am I felt like I were the witch in ‘The little mermaid’?”
“In ‘The little mermaid’, wasn’t it a happy ending? The prince and the mermaid got married after all?”
L asked, the image from many years ago flashed in his mind again. His owner usually held him while watching the movies.
“Duh, it’s only to deceive kids. Kids only see stars, rainbow and unicorns, while the harsh reality has always been concealed. In the original version she died.” The magician rolled his eyes in annoyance; he had never been fond of cartoon: “Anyway, what’s his name?”
“He’s Lee Sungyeol.”
“Okay, well, I’ll try to find your little deer. But for now you will have to live here in one month so I can teach you something decent. Now sleep, I’m tired already. You can sleep on the couch downstairs.”
Sunggyu fell onto his bed, adding the last part as L looked at him bewilderedly.
***
Busan railway station, February the 15th, 2012.
Holding tight the ticket in his hand, L looked back to find Sunggyu staring at him intensely. The older boy opened his mouth to say something, but finally closed it again. He looked thoughtful for a moment, before heaving out a dry laugh:
“Well, I can’t say you have a back off anymore. So good luck.”
“I know. In any case, I’ll be back.”
“Remember L, you only have 4 months. Make him remember you but don’t say anything directly, it breaks the contrast we made with evil spirits.”
“It’s the fifth time you remind me in this week Sunggyu hyung. I know all the consequences, but I want to find him. I’ve waited for so long, considering a life of a doll.”
Sunggyu looked dumbfounded for a while, before pulling out a piece of paper folded neatly:
“Everything’s been arranged for you. From now on you’ll be a transferred student. This is address of the apartment building you will live. I’ve also assigned you to the Department your Sungyeol is studying, so all the remains are up to you.”
“Thanks a lot Sunggyu hyung.”
“For what?”
“For the body, and everything.”
“Well, I’m bored, and I’m stuck with you. What can I do?”
The hamster boy shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, eyes distant but L knew better than that. The shorter smiled sincerely and he pulled the magician into a brotherly hug. Slowly, the other also hugged him back, patting him lightly.
“One month living with you doesn’t do anything good for me at all.”
Sunggyu joked. L looked down at the watch worn around his wrist, it was only thirty minutes till the train departed. He released Sunggyu and gathered his bag lying on the ground. Fixing the hat he was wearing, the boy looked back at his so-called friend before moving to the waiting room.
***
Yonsei campus, Seoul, February the 17th, 2012.
“It’s been pretty long since a student not from the exchange program transferred here.”
Jang Dongwoo said while making his way through the hallway full of students, behind him Myungsoo followed closely. Though the surroundings were quite crowded, Myungsoo was tall enough so he found it easy to follow Dongwoo. His height was decent, or Sunggyu said that just because they were in the same height. Not to mention that Myungsoo’s face was kinda… er… He looked pretty cool, or at least other students thought that. Yeah, people was thinking he acted cold and he was all indifferent, while the truth simply was Myungsoo didn’t know what expression he should put on his face. He still wasn’t used to human body, being a doll was way easier. He just had to lie down in one place, all smiles and eyes blank, staring into space. But being a human, he couldn’t do that anymore. Sunggyu said he looked creepy with that kind of smile, so Myungsoo had no choice but keep his face blank for soft option. That magician also said that he looked fine with it (after glaring at him and mumbling something like “arrogant bastard” or “this’s unfair”. It wasn’t like Myungsoo really cared anyway.)
Back to the reality, the senior called Dongwoo was still pulling Myungsoo to go with him to his class, which was anatomy. To be honest, the boy couldn’t help but be worried that he didn’t know how to learn properly. Hello, he had lived a life of a doll for freaking twenty years, and he had just been a human for only one month. And he was in Seoul, not Busan. Though Sunggyu did teach him and the magician had assured that he would know how to adapt, how to communicate so no need to worry, but still, the boy wasn’t sure about the body he was in, and whether the deal he made with Sunggyu was a right thing.
Sometimes he felt like a mess…
Anyway, Myungsoo was standing there, surrounded by Yonsei campus. He had no way or right to back off. Besides, Myungsoo had always hoped to be a human, a real one, so he could help Sungyeol. And now he had achieved it, so what’s the problem? He just needed to find Sungyeol and made him remember.
It would be easy, right?
In any case, Myungsoo believed that he wouldn’t be dead for sure.
“Chanhee!”
All of a sudden Dongwoo waved enthusiastically at someone and Myungsoo blinked rapidly, pulled out from his train of thought. The taller boy’s gaze followed Dongwoo’s move only to see another boy standing in front of the lockers nearby. He was short (that’s the first thing Myungsoo noticed) but the fair skin and bright smile plastered on his face had already made up for the height. Besides that boy called Chanhee was another one with light brown hair, who looked like he was in a daze. Big eyes and small nose and Myungsoo almost stopped breathing at the sight.
And he thought he had to dig deep into that huge university to find the other. Turned out, he didn’t have to waste much energy.
This was fate, Myungsoo couldn’t help but think.
Because Sungyeol was standing right in front of him, only a few meters ahead.
As they approached closer, Myungsoo noticed that Sungyeol looked really, really, really thin. He always looked slim when they were still in Busan, sure, but how thin he actually was at the moment was a whole different story. He was like, nothing but skin and bone. His skin was way paler than others, it made Sungyeol looked like he was ill or something. Anyway, his eyes were still the same, and somehow Myungsoo felt glad to see those. Still big, round and in perfect shape, Sungyeol’s eyes are the brightest among those Myungsoo had ever met. It was like, his eyes never stopped twinkling…
After all, Myungsoo had to admit that even when Sungyeol was too thin for his own good, he was still beautiful as ever. Years of separation, Myungsoo had always imagined how Sungyeol would look like after adolescence, but never had he thought the other could be that beautiful. This was illegal. Sungyeol might be even more beautiful than any other girl around here in Myungsoo’s eyes. He seemed so… outstanding. Yes, Chanhee was handsome and attractive with his smile, Myungsoo knew, but Sungyeol standing there was another story. The raven haired boy felt like his eyes only glued at him… Only at the moment did Myungsoo understand thoroughly Sunggyu’s feeling whenever the magician had to look at him. It wasn’t that Myungsoo was bragging about his appearance, but the look on his face just screamed out only one word of “jealousy”.
“Chanhee, Sungyeol! What are you two doing in here?”
Dongwoo asked while grinning innocently at Sungyeol, who also grinned back before shifting his gaze to Myungsoo in confusion. Myungsoo didn’t mind the other’s gaze, instead he noticed another thing that Sungyeol was pretty tall. He was even taller than Myungsoo. He found it kinda amusing, considering the fact that when he was still a doll Sungyeol always looked like a cute giant. Now the other was still a bit taller than him, but somehow he even looked more like a figurine than Myungsoo. This was irony, but he didn’t think it was annoyed. Myungsoo used to raise his head just to stare at Sungyeol’s face, but now he only had to look straight forward to dive into his eyes. That was extremely an interesting thing. Myungsoo thought about the comparison from the past to present and couldn’t help but give a small chuckle, which drew Chanhee’s attention.
“Who’s him Dongwoo hyung? Mind introducing us?”
Chanhee smiled playfully and Dongwoo only grinned. He pulled Myungsoo a bit forwards and said with his surprisingly loud voice:
“Guys, this is Kim Myungsoo, an exchange student. He’s in fourth year already. I heard from the principal that he came from Busan.”
“Oh…” Chanhee nodded his head in acknowledgement, his eyes roamed over Myungsoo from head to toes as an act of judgment. “Hello I’m Lee Chanhee, third year in Dentistry. Nice to meet you sunbae! And this is Lee Sungyeol, he’s also in the same year with you.”
“Nice to meet you too. I’m Myungsoo, studying Medicine.”
The tallest boy shook hands with Chanhee before staring back at Sungyeol. The other was still looking at him with that weird expression on his face. Myungsoo couldn’t help but feel like something just flip in his stomach. It was like… Sungyeol knew…
Did he know?
That day he was wearing a plaid blue shirt and a pair of dark jeans. The clothes looked casual, the reason Myungsoo chose them only because he hoped his appearance could stir Sungyeol’s memories a bit. Sungyeol usually asked his mother to make Myungsoo clothes, and when she left, he started to make them by himself. All the tiny pieces of clothes looked very simple, usually they were plaid shirts, vests, and pairs of jeans. Sungyeol could make something more complicated but he didn’t do so, so the boy assumed that the brunette just liked him that way.
Myungsoo remembered all the nights when Sungyeol was still a little boy, always holding him wherever he went. The brunette talked to him, because nobody wanted to be his friend, and sometimes even cried while holding Myungsoo. It pained Myungsoo a lot to see his owner in such a state, and he himself could nothing except staring back with his blank eyes. He wanted to hug him back, Sungyeol just needed a hug to comfort him, but he couldn’t. Myungsoo wanted to assure him that he wasn’t alone, he was with him, but he couldn’t. Myungsoo was, or exactly, used to be a doll, and a doll could do nothing for Sungyeol.
At that really moment, Myungsoo was standing there, in front of his owner. He could breathe, he could run and he could talk. He could hug Sungyeol but it would creep the other out, considering they had just met and Sungyeol didn’t know Myungsoo was actually what. So instead he wanted to talk to him. At least it was close to what he had always wanted to do for Sungyeol.
But what should he say? Suddenly all what Myungsoo had prepared to tell Sungyeol when they met vanished into the thin air and his head was nothing but a mess. How should he open a conversation with Sungyeol now? Should he praise him for his appearance? Nah, it was ridiculous. Sunggyu said it sounded like Myungsoo was a pervert. Should he offer them being friends? It sounded acceptable, but would Sungyeol agree? Should he…
“You look familiar… Have we ever met before?”
The brunette blurted out in accident and Myungsoo was in a daze, not having listened to Sungyeol’s voice in a long time. His voice sounded soft, and being surrounded by noisy crowds for all morning, the sound coming from Sungyeol was so soothing to Myungsoo’s ears. It made him feel home again, he wasn’t alone at all.
Or so he thought.
What should he say now?
Suddenly Myungsoo remembered that kind of conversation he once heard in some dramas on TV Sunggyu always watched. Something popped up in his mind and the boy said without thinking twice:
“Anybody who wants to make a move on someone always says that, do you know?” accompanied with an expressionless face (which he thought was cool).
(Oh, and by the way, to be honest, he didn't understand what "make a move on someone" really meant. Sunggyu didn’t teach him.)
Silence.
It was kind of amusing seeing Sungyeol’s face change from the usual pale color to a dark shade of red. The boy looked like he was in a loss of word, and to be honest Myungsoo couldn't make out what he did wrong. Besides them, Chanhee and Dongwoo were both staring more confusedly, surely not understanding even a bit what just happened. They didn’t hear what Sungyeol said in the first place.
“Bastard!”
Finally Sungyeol muttered, before turning around and heading to another direction. Chanhee frantically ran after the older boy, not forgetting to throw a weird look at Myungsoo.
“Wow, just, wow.”
Dongwoo standing next to Myungsoo could only mumble in a daze and Myungsoo looked back at him in confusion.
“What did I do wrong?”
He asked honestly, only to receive a creepy look from the older boy.
“Don’t ask someone who didn’t even understand a bit what you two said. But you’re really something you know. Nobody had ever made Sungyeol look like that.”
“Excuse me, but what?”
Dongwoo shrugged nonchalantly: “Since I knew him, it’s always Sungyeol making others embarrass, not the other way around.”
“Oh…”
Somehow Myungsoo felt proud at the fact.
“But it’s lucky that someone’s tamed him already, or else I don’t know how many more hearts he could break with that innocent face.”
What???
Myungsoo felt like his eyes were about to drop out of their sockets then.
Lunch time.
Myungsoo hated lunch time.
The raven-haired stood awkwardly in the middle of the great hall, having no idea of where to go and have lunch. Waves of people kept on passing by and moving to their destinations and honestly Myungsoo hadn’t befriended with anybody to ask for help. Classes were way easier than he had expected, Myungsoo just needed to go to the last row and claimed a sit there, only his gaze could intimidate others so they left him alone. But there, at moment like those, he really had no idea. Myungsoo just came there, and okay, maybe he knew Jang Dongwoo. But the older looked weird with his wide smiles and loud voice, and they only talked for half an hour… Around him were all strangers, except Sungyeol. But Sungyeol was nowhere to be found, and he either didn't know who he was, so what's the difference between him and the term "stranger"? Not to mention that the brunette was mad at him for some mysterious reasons to Myungsoo. What was that kind of fact? And the boy was even supposed to make Sungyeol be fond of him. Now he made the other hate him at first impression.
Someone tapped his shoulder and Myungsoo turned around, only to meet a Cheshire-like face (Myungsoo felt traumatized then, truth be told):
"Kido, why are you standing here? You don’t know where to have lunch, right?"
Myungsoo was about to decline politely (because seriously, who wanted to have lunch with creepy Jang Dongwoo?), but then he noticed the handsome boy going along with Dongwoo waved at another student while yelling "We're coming!" and Myungsoo's gaze followed his hand...
...and he almost dropped his jaw. Because Sungyeol was right there, standing nonchalantly nearby the grand entrance.
"Can I go with you guys? I have no idea where to eat." Myungsoo asked, trying not to sound too desperate.
And Dongwoo's grin just became creeper than ever.
"Guys, this is Myungsoo, a fourth year student. He's from Busan and still new here, so be nice~~~"
Dongwoo said with his loud voice, a big grin split his face into two. Seriously, all Myungsoo wished for was sitting at somewhere, anywhere except that table. It was in the middle of the small café he was dragged to, Dongwoo’s loud and everyone having lunch there was like all turning around to stare at the said Myungsoo.
(From the corner of his eye, Myungsoo noticed Sungyeol glance at him for only a mere second before quickly turn back to talk to the guy sitting beside. Something dropped in Myungsoo’s stomach and the boy could only assume that he was hungry.)
There were only four more students sitting with Myungsoo at the table, including Sungyeol, Dongwoo, “handsome boy” (who he later found out was Lee Howon, a fourth year as well) and another guy with the most greasy smile he had ever seen. That guy sat next to Sungyeol and they talked all the time. It wasn’t like Myungsoo observed them (he wasn’t that obsessed to Sungyeol, thank you), but the sight just hit him in the eyes itself.
Was him… his boyfriend?
Myungsoo thought and suddenly a strange feeling crept over his body. The boy didn’t know why, he just felt like…disappointed, and upset, if he didn’t mistake what Sunggyu had said. Myungsoo shifted uncomfortably on his chair, thinking bitterly that he shouldn’t have been there in the first place.
“Oh, I forgot to introduce. I’m Nam Woohyun, a senior. I’m from College of Dentistry. And this is Sungyeol, he’s studying Medicine and also my roommate.”
Are you Sungyeol’s boyfriend? Myungsoo’s words almost slipped off his tongue without thinking.
“You don’t have to introduce Sungyeol to him. They’ve met already.”
Dongwoo butted in, eyes twinkling in amusement while trying to curb his own laugh, which earned him a warning look from the said boy. Sungyeol only made some strangled noise from the back of his throat, Myungsoo felt like his hand holding a pair of chopsticks were abusing more and more the instant ramen in his bow. The ramen was swelling as Sungyeol only ate a bit, still playing with the strands of noodle with his chopsticks in boredom since he came to the café. He looked like he was sick of the food already, Myungsoo wondered why he still called it.
“Eat a bit Yeol, you didn’t have breakfast, you can’t skip lunch again.”
Myungsoo heard Woohyun whisper to the brunette and the brown eyed boy only shook his head lazily. He pushed his bow away and stood up hastily:
“I need to go to the restroom.”
And with that he left. Woohyun only stared at the bow Sungyeol left behind and heaved out a huge sigh. Howon craned his neck to get a better view (he was sitting beside Dongwoo):
“Again?”
“Yeah, he left his food again.”
“So this is not the first time?”
Myungsoo asked, not being able to hold back the curiosity crawling over his side. Woohyun shrugged his shoulders while leaning back against his chair.
“He lost his appetite or something, I don’t know much. It started since the end of last year and he was just like…stopped eating. Of course, he did eat, but only little and I have no idea how he could survive in such a state.”
“I heard from Chanhee that Sungyeol was accepted to Gangnam Severance Hospital for practicing. Is that his problem? It must stress him out.”
“I’m also accepted, and look at me, I’m not that stressed.”
“You’re a whole different story Namgrease. You seriously can’t live without food.”
“It hurts guys, considering I’m your best friend.”
Woohyun yelled, but Dongwoo only stuck his tongue out at him.
“Does Sungjong force him to eat?”
Myungsoo’s ears immediately picked up at the strange name.
Who’s Sungjong?
“Of course he does, but Sungyeol has that kind of control over that kid, you all know. He can’t do much except following Sungyeol like a lovesick puppy and agreeing on whatever he says. He’s totally whipped.”
Woohyun answered, laughing lightly at the thought (and Myungsoo considered it wasn’t even humorous). Dongwoo also chuckled, and Howon seemed to be the only one at the table, along with Myungsoo, who didn’t approve of the joke. His brows knitted as the boy said seriously:
“You’re talking as if Sungyeol bullied him. Considering the fact that they are boyfriends, it’s kinda traumatizing you know.”
What, boyfriend?
Myungsoo’s startled.
So it wasn’t Woohyun but someone else called Sungjong?
“I also bully you all the time Hoaegi .”
Dongwoo was laughing like a maniac while playing with Howon’s left ear. Myungsoo noticed the tips of the younger’s ears turned into a dark shade of red as Howon stuttered out an answer:
“It’s a different story Dino.”
“I don’t see any difference here.”
“Ew, guys, get a room.”
Woohyun exclaimed and threw a napkin at the two older boys. Dongwoo only laughed playfully as he detached himself from Howon’s lap. Myungsoo had no idea (and he either didn’t want to know) how he got there that quickly.
“Anyway, why did Sungyeol take it so long in the restroom?”
Woohyun wondered out loud, looking over at the way leading to the restroom of the café. Myungsoo stood up from his seat, which startled Dongwoo (who was sitting beside him) and Woohyun (because of his height):
“Should I check on him? What if something wrong happened?”
“I think you should just sit down. He’s coming back.”
Howon said while making some gestures with his hand. Myungsoo turned to see that Sungyeol indeed was making his way toward them. He looked a bit paler than usual, that’s the only thing the raven-haired could notice.
“What took you so long?”
Woohyun pushed his latte in front of the other and Sungyeol gladly accepted it, drawing a huge gulp of coffee from the straw.
“Sungjong called.”
Myungsoo felt like his stomach was turning up-side-down for the third time of the day.
“What did he say?”
“He just asked me have I eaten yet, how my day is, blah blah blah… You all know.”
“Sweet as usual huh?”
Woohyun chuckled softly while Sungyeol kept on drinking, saying nothing. But his eyes didn’t twinkled like they usually did and Myungsoo felt as if a pure sorrow just dropped on Sungyeol’s little body, because the boy somehow looked so timidly upset. It was the kind of sadness which was hard to grab a hold of, it wasn’t like anyone could understand it. Though being a doll, Myungsoo still noticed it, just because he had seen it. He still remembered that that kind of sadness clearly because he had seen it many times before, because the only one he knew to have it besides Sungyeol was his own mother.
Sungyeol indeed looked like his mother. Even the way they bore their sadness held the similarity.
Who was Sungjong anyway? Myungsoo couldn’t help but wonder again.
“Okay, so when will we have our next bonding session? Next week right, if I’m correct.”
Dongwoo asked. Sungyeol looked up from the cup he was holding to look at the older, raising his eyebrow slightly:
“The last time we had one was at your place hyung.”
“Yeah, so due to the order, this time it’s yours.”
“Ew.” Woohyun cringed at the image and Sungyeol patted his back understandingly. “You guys will turn our dorm into a pigsty!”
“Just like the last time you did so to ours.”
Dongwoo laughed wildly. Howon turned to Myungsoo who seemed to be a bit lost at all the so-called bonding session.
“Myungsoo-ssi, do you want to go?”
“Me? Well I-”
“Sungyeol, can Myungsoo-ssi come along?”
The older didn’t wait for Myungsoo’s answer, but instead turning to Sungyeol. The taller looked a bit confused at him before nodding his head. He didn’t even turn to take a look at Myungsoo. The raven-haired felt like his stomach just dropped again and again.
“You’ve just met him and you like him already Howon?”
“He looked decent and nice, not like a tree always dripping with greasiness.”
Howon emphasized the last word. He looked deadpan, only to receive another napkin on his face from Woohyun.
“By the way, tell Sungjong to come, okay?”
“He needs to study hyung.”
“Aw, the mommy’s worried about her son again.” Dongwoo cooed.
“I’m not joking hyung.”
“Anyway, it’s no problem. We just need to tell that kid Byunghun will come. Byunghun and you in the same place meant Sungjong has to go along.”
Sungyeol only made some strangled noises down his throat as a response.
***
Sungjong looked petite and feminine to his age eighteen. He had fair skin, round eyes and a sharp jawline too, which made the boy always appear to be too girlish (Myungsoo thought), and sexy (Dongwoo commented)
Oh, by the way, he’s shorter than Sungyeol, probably in the same height with Myungsoo.
Myungsoo had never expected that Sungyeol’s boyfriend would be someone younger, let alone that young. It didn’t make him a pedophile anyway, considering they both looked like in the same age. They bore a strange similarity in their aura; Myungsoo was actually very surprised the first time seeing the younger standing shyly behind Sungyeol. It felt like they’re related or something. Their eyes met for some mere seconds and Sungjong bowed at him. Myungsoo only nodded in acknowledgement, his eyes didn’t leave the couple as Sungyeol put his thin arm around Sungjong’s shoulder while leading him to their group.
“Sungjong knew Sungyeol one year ago. He met him as Sungyeol came to tutor Sungjong’s cousin.”
Sungjong’s cousin was someone called Byunghun, who happened to be in their group too (By the way, he was flirting with Sungyeol who was right beside Sungjong, the kid didn’t look happy at all). He’s in the same age with Sungjong but skipping one year, so he was a freshman in the university already, while Sungjong was still a senior in high school. About the story of tutoring, it was like, the year before Byunghun needed someone to tutor him in chemistry so he could get through the entrance exam. After lots of reference, he met Sungyeol, one of the best students in Medicine Department of Yonsei. And since Sungjong usually dropped by Byunghun’s place, he also met Sungyeol. The rest of the story about how they got together was a huge secret only Sungyeol and Sungjong knew.
Back to the present, the bonding session they were in now actually was a drinking session, in Myungsoo’s opinion. It’s a Friday night, meaning no study or school stuff in the next two day, so everyone all gathered in Woohyun’s place before moving to a restaurant to have dinner. Some Myungsoo had known already (Sungyeol, Woohyun, Howon, Dongwoo, Chanhee), some he had just met (Byunghun, Sungjong). Myungsoo was pulled and introduced to Sungjong and Byunghun, who only smiled faintly in response (Sungjong did) or grinned back playfully (that was Byunghun).
The restaurant they went to was famous for their roast octopus. Myungsoo couldn’t help but look at Sungyeol, he knew for sure that the boy had an allergy to that certain kind of foods. It once happened when that brunette was eight, he was even sent to hospital. To be honest, Sungyeol’s body was pretty sensitive, and octopus wasn’t the only thing he was allergic to. Myungsoo wondered why the boys didn’t choose another restaurant. Or in short, he wondered whether they know it, about Sungyeol’s allergy.
Just as usual, Sungyeol didn’t eat much. Myungsoo noticed he only had some from the fried cabbage dish, and the rest of the dinner the boy spent for urging Sungjong to eat more. The younger complied with his words meekly, eating all what Sungyeol told him without any protest. He also told Sungyeol to eat, but the older just shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, saying that he had eaten before at school so he’s full already. Sungjong seemed to believe it as he turned back to his dish.
When nobody around was looking, Myungsoo silently took Sungyeol’s roast octopus dish and replaced it with his fired prawn one. The brunette looked utterly surprised as he asked with his hushed tone.
“What are you doing?”
“You don’t like octopus, right?”
The shorter answered, trying to look indifferent. He took a bite from the roast octopus. Not bad at all. Beside him Sungyeol looked confused, but still keeping his head high. He stared straight at Myungsoo’s profile for the first time and said, eyes provoking.
“I just don’t eat much, okay. Besides, why do you think I will eat your food?”
“I gave it to you, eat it or not depends on you, I don’t care.”
To be honest Myungsoo didn’t think he could say something like that in that cold tone. Because Sungyeol just flinched slightly before turning back to Sungjong.
Whatever, finally Sungyeol did eat some from the fried prawn dish Myungsoo gave him. It was better, at least he ate. Myungsoo thought and couldn’t help but smiling faintly at the act.
After the meal, Howon dropped by the grocery store to buy some beers before going back to Woohyun’s dorm. As the couch was too small for eight boys, they all sat down together on the carpet. When Myungsoo was in Busan, Sunggyu once warned him not to drink alcohol, and he even read some book telling how bad alcohol could affect men’s health, so the boy declined politely all can of beer pushed in his hands. Sungyeol didn’t drink either. He had a frown on his face since Howon brought along the beer to his apartment.
“Sungjong’s underage and you’re buying beer here.” Sungyeol scolded
“I’m eighteen already Yeol.”
Sungjong tightened his hold on the older’s waist slightly as he said so. Myungsoo had to turn his face to look at another direction. Something in him just broke.
“Anyway, you’re still too young Jjong.”
“So what are you expecting now hyung? We can’t just go to your apartment and have a slumber party. It’s like, for twelve-year-old girls.”
Byunghun snorted, drawing the number twelve into the air. Sungyeol rolled his eyes in annoyance while folding arms across his chest. Woohyun suddenly looked so understanding as he put his arm around Sungyeol’s shoulder:
“We’ll make sure that Sungjong won’t drink. Okay?”
“Okay.” He heaved out a sigh and turned to Sungjong. The younger nodded his head obediently as a response, before Byunghun pulled the boy to sit between him and Dongwoo. Howon followed closely, four boys made a noisy group as they kept on going, all laughing and joking, even singing, and rapping (“Someone just shut Dongwoo’s mouth up please!!!” Woohyun yelled.)
“Don’t treat him as a kid hyung. Sungjong will not like it.”
Myungsoo heard Chanhee told Sungyeol, his voice was all gentle and warm. The brunette only rubbed his eyes tiredly, even his hands looked pale under the dim light of the living room:
“I’m only worried about him Chanhee ah.”
Though only joking, Dongwoo’s words were utterly right. The attention Sungyeol gave Sungjong wasn’t purely in a lovey-dovey way, but rather in a motherly way. Myungsoo wondered how Sungjong could enjoy that kind of affection, because as he knew boys could easily be annoyed by it. Sungjong could be a mummy’s boy, okay, but he seemed to be independent from what the raven-haired saw. The younger only reacted that certain way when it came to Sungyeol.
When Sungjong was around Sungyeol, Myungsoo noticed all of his attention could be given to the brunette. Sometimes when the younger thought no one was noticing, he would hold Sungyeol’s hand, brushing bangs from his forehead, or whispering things into his ear… He always showed his affection with a shy smile on his face while looking into Sungyeol’s eyes, while Sungyeol would smile back and squeeze his hand a bit tighter… But Myungsoo just felt like something was missing there. He meant, okay, they loved each other and all, and he really thought he couldn’t have a place in between their relationship. He just had a strange feeling that there was a border between the couple, and probably it was Sungyeol who built it. Because even when he was going with Sungjong and all smiles, his eyes didn’t twinkle as brightly as they used to.
Okay, he didn’t come there to observe the couple, Myungsoo made a mental note to himself. His inside was arlready uncomfortable with a whole new feeling. The blonde could never imagine that in a body could people actually have too many kinds of emotion like that. Seconds before you were all happy smiley, and the next ones you were crying your eyes out. Myungsoo didn’t understand at all, suddenly he felt so annoyed and frustrated, more like angry. He just couldn’t put up with all affectionate acts Sungjong showed Sungyeol, and it even pained him more to realize that Sungyeol chimed in with the kid while he maybe didn’t like them at all. What’s that kind of fact? Did Sungjong notice that? Or was the boy too insensitive to only think that having Sungyeol by his side was enough?
The beer started having some effects on others around the room. Byunghun was waltzing from one room to another, all giggling and grinning like an idiot. Howon and Dongwoo were making out at the corner (“Gosh, this is traumatized.” Sungyeol covered Sungjong’s eyes, looking scandalized more than ever). Chanhee looked sober a bit, but he seemed to doze off as Woohyun was rambling about the “old, smelly, annoying” doctor he had to assist at the clinic.
Myungsoo was standing at the kitchen when he heard some noises coming from the hall leading to the entrance. As there was another door in the kitchen leading to it, Myungsoo came closer and hid behind the wall. He heard Sungyeol’s tiny voice:
“I will walk you home.”
“Aw, your voice sounds so cute hyung.”
Just that moment did Myungsoo actually notice that Sungjong’s voice was a bit high-pitched. The younger didn’t talk loudly much, all of his time he spent for whispering to Sungyeol and only Sungyeol.
“I’m older Sungjong ah, stop pinching my cheeks.”
“But I’m your boyfriend.”
“Stop pouting, you’re eighteen already. Anyway, wearing your shoes now and we leave, okay?”
Myungsoo heard a faint sigh.
“I can go home alone Yeollie. I’m a boy anyway.”
“Jon-”
“And actually it worries me more if you walk me home, and then come back to your flat alone. I know a bit taekwondo, Howon hyung taught me already. But you don’t know anything to protect yourself.”
“I’m a boy, Sungjong!”
“And I’m a boy too hyung, so that is the answer here. I can go by myself.”
“You talk as if it were 7PM. It’s 11PM already, just so you know. I can’t let a kid go alone.”
“I’m not a kid anymore hyung. I-”
Sungjong’s frustrating protest was interrupted as Myungsoo, due to his clumsiness, had dropped the glass of water he was holding. There was a brief silence holding the atmosphere before Sungyeol appeared at the door in the kitchen, eyes stopped immediately at Myungsoo. Sungjong was right behind him, looking curious at the situation. Myungsoo could do nothing except pretending that he was immersed in picking up all pieces of the broken glass.
Screw him and his clumsiness. Sungyeol must hate him to death from then on.
“Do you want to go out with us?”
Sungyeol voiced out behind. Myungsoo was so startled that he almost dropped all the glass pieces he was holding in his two hands. Did Sungyeol just talk to him? The boy turned around only to find the taller looking serious at him, while Sungjong seemed to have a mental shock. Probably because Sungyeol had never said something like that to anybody, Myungsoo couldn’t help but find it amusing.
“What?”
He asked back, then realized that it must sound very stupid.
“Just for a walk.” Sungyeol shrugged. “You seem to be out of place anyway.”
That’s it. Myungsoo thought while throwing away the mess into the trash bin nearby. He took his coat and followed the couple.
The whole walk was like Sungjong and Sungyeol went ahead while Myungsoo trailed off behind. He didn’t mind much anyway. At least Sungyeol talked to him, even when he just wanted Myungsoo’s appearance there so Sungjong would accept him to walk the boy home. They talked a lot, Myungsoo saw Sungjong’s head tilted slightly so he could whisper to Sungyeol’s ear, while the brunette only said back in a hushed tone. The sight was a bit irritating, to be honest. The raven-haired felt like being invisible to them then. But when Sungjong didn’t talk to Sungyeol, only holding his hand and walking, sometimes Myungsoo noticed the brunette did turn back. Their eyes met briefly and Sungyeol turned his head to look forward again.
It took them almost thirty minutes to reach Sungjong’s apartment block. Myungsoo stood behind as the couple said goodbye to each other, he noticed Sungjong took a small glance at him. Weird, the boy thought. He didn’t know why, but somehow Myungsoo had a feeling that Sungjong was avoiding him. The younger seemed to be… not fond of him much. He knew he was new there, and Sungjong might be introverted, but still, the feeling gnawing at his side told him a different thing. The said boy was like, taking precaution.
“I’m leaving now. Remember to study well and eat on time. I will call you later.”
“I will hyung.”
“Okay.”
Sungyeol smiled faintly and turned around. The boy was about to go, but unexpectedly, in the blink of an eye, Sungjong had pulled the older back into his arms. The older looked utterly surprised at the sudden act, but his words were cut off as Sungjong pecked lightly on his lips.
“Sleep well, Yeol. I love you.”
(Myungsoo swore he saw Sungjong glance quickly at him as he did so.)
Tips of Sungyeol’s ears turned a bit rosy as the older pushed Sungjong away from him. He muttered a “Good night” before stomping away. As soon as Sungjong went into the apartment block, Sungyeol turned around to look at Myungsoo who seemed to be in a daze for what had just happened:
“Are you planning to not come back home?”
He asked irritatingly. Myungsoo quickly took few more steps to walk besides the slim boy.
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