SV FutureFic AU: Friends in Low Places
Title: Friends in Low Places
Fandom: Smallville/JLU crossover
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Genre: Slash, humor
Rating: PG
Summary: Lex is getting married AGAIN and Clark's not happy about it. (a little plot bunny that hatched when I was listening to Friends in Low Places by Garth Brooks)
"How much has he had to drink?" John asked Shayera when he arrived at the seedy little bar at the edge of Coluan space. Despite the variety of life forms that swilled various intoxicating and putrid, beverages the establishment could just as easily have been in Suicide Slum in Metropolis.
"I don't think a Thanagarian cruiser complement's ever done that much damage. But don't worry, he brought in a chunk of deuterium ore that will cover the tab. He was planning this bender." Hawkgirl shook her head in a mixture of disapproval and awe.
"How did we get picked to bring a drunken Superman home?" Lantern groused.
Shayera grinned. "Everyone knows I like a good bar fight. You're here to keep everyone else from getting hurt."
"You are impossible. Try not to break too much of the bar."
She pushed out her lips in a playful pout as she hefted her mace. "You never let me have any fun." Then she walked calmly up to the bar where Superman was drinking -- champagne?
"Clark, I didn't know that you came here." Shayera was surprised enough to try talking first.
He turned to her and grinned that 1000 watt smile that she'd heard about but had rarely seen. "Shayera, you're just in time to help me toast Lex Luthor's latest bride. Champagne? I'm not sure what they make it out of, but it's really very good. Almost as good as the stuff Lex will be serving at his reception. Not that I'll get to compare. Lex didn't invite me to his wedding this time. I guess he's still miffed about the whole Brainiac debacle."
Shayera nearly dropped her mace. She'd heard rumors about Superman and Lex Luthor, but she'd dismissed them as locker room talk. She sat down on the next barstool and ordered a glass -- making sure it went on Clark's tab.
"Why is Lex getting married again? I thought he swore off women after the last one tried to kill him."
"Oh, he's not marrying a woman."
Shayera spit her champagne across the bar. The bartender didn't say anything. He just sullenly mopped up the mess.
"What?"
"He's decided that the only safe thing to do is to hook up with another man. I believe the fellow's name is Trenton Hoffsteader, III." Clark spoke the hapless Trenton's name with a snootiness Shayera had never heard from him.
"And you're going to just sit here in this bar and let him do it?" Shayera shrieked. She just glared at the patrons of the bar who dared voice objection to her intrusion into their happy hour.
Clark looked affronted. "I'm ashamed of you, Shayera. Kansas may have struggled with the issue for many years, but they finally repealed the ban on same-sex marriage."
Shayera just barely checked her swing of the mace at Clark's head. "I know that, you Kryptonian drunkard. Why are you letting Lex marry this Trenton the third? I would have thought if Lex was willing to marry a man, you would have been first in line."
"But Lex didn't ask me," Clark whined.
Shayera closed her eyes and counted to ten, then yelled. "Barkeep! The gentleman will be leaving with me. Close out his tab."
"But, Miss, we can't make change for that much ore!" The bartender complained.
"Oh, let him keep the change, Shayera. It's not like I can't get all the deuterium I need if I ever want to come back.
"Clark, that ore is enough to buy this bar."
"I don't need a bar."
Shayera agreed with Clark wholeheartedly. What was in the champagne that it actually was able to get a Kryptonian drunk?
"Miss, we'd know the gentleman anytime he comes in here again. Anything he wants he'll get," the bartender assured her, happily calculating his profits.
"Thank you. I don't think you'll see much of him, though unless he starts having fights with his spouse after the wedding."
"He's getting married?"
"I'd lay odds on it."
Shayera led the slightly inebriated Man of Steel out of the bar and into the alley where John waited.
"I didn't hear any fighting."
Shayera patted Clark on the shoulder. "He came along quite peacefully. The real fight's going to be in Metropolis. It seems that Lex Luthor is getting married."
"What's so unusual about that?"
"He's marrying a man and it's not our super friend here."
"Ouch."
"Can we go now?" Clark complained.
*****
Even with Lantern's ring, getting back to Earth in time to stop the ceremony was impossible. The reception was in full swing when they arrived.
"Superman, so nice of you to come today," Lex gritted when Clark walked up to the couple. Lex's eyes widened at the smell of alien alcohol on Clark.
Clark turned to Trenton without acknowledging Lex and plucked the man's glass from his hand. The dark-haired young man could have been Clark's younger brother, Clark noted. Trenton stepped back into Lex's protective zone.
Clark raised the glass in a toast. "I'm sorry to interrupt this black tie affair in my super-hero boots, but I didn't have time to change. I just wanted to offer the happy couple my congratulations." Clark downed the champagne in a gulp. "Now Trenton, with your permission, I'd like to kiss the groom.
Without waiting for anyone's permission or objections, Clark swept Lex into his arms and kissed him thoroughly, adding an ass grope for good measure.
"If you want to dump the cheap imitation I'll be on the roof." Clark whispered in Lex's ear before letting him go.
"How dare you!" Trenton found his voice at last and tried to stand up to Clark.
"Son, I dare a lot more than you dream. I wouldn't get too attached." Clark strode out of the reception oblivious to the speculation that was racing like wildfire through the room.
John and Shayera met him outside the ballroom.
"What's next?"
"I wait on the roof."
"For how long?"
"Until the reception's over."
"After that?"
"It's up to Lex."
Clark made his way to the roof.
Lex was waiting for him. "What took you so long?"
Fandom: Smallville/JLU crossover
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Genre: Slash, humor
Rating: PG
Summary: Lex is getting married AGAIN and Clark's not happy about it. (a little plot bunny that hatched when I was listening to Friends in Low Places by Garth Brooks)
"How much has he had to drink?" John asked Shayera when he arrived at the seedy little bar at the edge of Coluan space. Despite the variety of life forms that swilled various intoxicating and putrid, beverages the establishment could just as easily have been in Suicide Slum in Metropolis.
"I don't think a Thanagarian cruiser complement's ever done that much damage. But don't worry, he brought in a chunk of deuterium ore that will cover the tab. He was planning this bender." Hawkgirl shook her head in a mixture of disapproval and awe.
"How did we get picked to bring a drunken Superman home?" Lantern groused.
Shayera grinned. "Everyone knows I like a good bar fight. You're here to keep everyone else from getting hurt."
"You are impossible. Try not to break too much of the bar."
She pushed out her lips in a playful pout as she hefted her mace. "You never let me have any fun." Then she walked calmly up to the bar where Superman was drinking -- champagne?
"Clark, I didn't know that you came here." Shayera was surprised enough to try talking first.
He turned to her and grinned that 1000 watt smile that she'd heard about but had rarely seen. "Shayera, you're just in time to help me toast Lex Luthor's latest bride. Champagne? I'm not sure what they make it out of, but it's really very good. Almost as good as the stuff Lex will be serving at his reception. Not that I'll get to compare. Lex didn't invite me to his wedding this time. I guess he's still miffed about the whole Brainiac debacle."
Shayera nearly dropped her mace. She'd heard rumors about Superman and Lex Luthor, but she'd dismissed them as locker room talk. She sat down on the next barstool and ordered a glass -- making sure it went on Clark's tab.
"Why is Lex getting married again? I thought he swore off women after the last one tried to kill him."
"Oh, he's not marrying a woman."
Shayera spit her champagne across the bar. The bartender didn't say anything. He just sullenly mopped up the mess.
"What?"
"He's decided that the only safe thing to do is to hook up with another man. I believe the fellow's name is Trenton Hoffsteader, III." Clark spoke the hapless Trenton's name with a snootiness Shayera had never heard from him.
"And you're going to just sit here in this bar and let him do it?" Shayera shrieked. She just glared at the patrons of the bar who dared voice objection to her intrusion into their happy hour.
Clark looked affronted. "I'm ashamed of you, Shayera. Kansas may have struggled with the issue for many years, but they finally repealed the ban on same-sex marriage."
Shayera just barely checked her swing of the mace at Clark's head. "I know that, you Kryptonian drunkard. Why are you letting Lex marry this Trenton the third? I would have thought if Lex was willing to marry a man, you would have been first in line."
"But Lex didn't ask me," Clark whined.
Shayera closed her eyes and counted to ten, then yelled. "Barkeep! The gentleman will be leaving with me. Close out his tab."
"But, Miss, we can't make change for that much ore!" The bartender complained.
"Oh, let him keep the change, Shayera. It's not like I can't get all the deuterium I need if I ever want to come back.
"Clark, that ore is enough to buy this bar."
"I don't need a bar."
Shayera agreed with Clark wholeheartedly. What was in the champagne that it actually was able to get a Kryptonian drunk?
"Miss, we'd know the gentleman anytime he comes in here again. Anything he wants he'll get," the bartender assured her, happily calculating his profits.
"Thank you. I don't think you'll see much of him, though unless he starts having fights with his spouse after the wedding."
"He's getting married?"
"I'd lay odds on it."
Shayera led the slightly inebriated Man of Steel out of the bar and into the alley where John waited.
"I didn't hear any fighting."
Shayera patted Clark on the shoulder. "He came along quite peacefully. The real fight's going to be in Metropolis. It seems that Lex Luthor is getting married."
"What's so unusual about that?"
"He's marrying a man and it's not our super friend here."
"Ouch."
"Can we go now?" Clark complained.
*****
Even with Lantern's ring, getting back to Earth in time to stop the ceremony was impossible. The reception was in full swing when they arrived.
"Superman, so nice of you to come today," Lex gritted when Clark walked up to the couple. Lex's eyes widened at the smell of alien alcohol on Clark.
Clark turned to Trenton without acknowledging Lex and plucked the man's glass from his hand. The dark-haired young man could have been Clark's younger brother, Clark noted. Trenton stepped back into Lex's protective zone.
Clark raised the glass in a toast. "I'm sorry to interrupt this black tie affair in my super-hero boots, but I didn't have time to change. I just wanted to offer the happy couple my congratulations." Clark downed the champagne in a gulp. "Now Trenton, with your permission, I'd like to kiss the groom.
Without waiting for anyone's permission or objections, Clark swept Lex into his arms and kissed him thoroughly, adding an ass grope for good measure.
"If you want to dump the cheap imitation I'll be on the roof." Clark whispered in Lex's ear before letting him go.
"How dare you!" Trenton found his voice at last and tried to stand up to Clark.
"Son, I dare a lot more than you dream. I wouldn't get too attached." Clark strode out of the reception oblivious to the speculation that was racing like wildfire through the room.
John and Shayera met him outside the ballroom.
"What's next?"
"I wait on the roof."
"For how long?"
"Until the reception's over."
"After that?"
"It's up to Lex."
Clark made his way to the roof.
Lex was waiting for him. "What took you so long?"