Cloudy with a chance of angst
Dear Musashi,
So, I hate that I need to do soul reflection. I hate it because I know I run away from things, and I hate the fact that I run away things. I hate the fact that I know that if I didn't run away from things I probably wouldn't be able to cope. But most of all, I hate the fact that even when I summon up my metaphorical balls to try and self-reflect my whole body rejects the idea and I can't.
I mean. Really. Self-reflection can't be *that* bad. Surely... surely there's nothing so bad.
I guess it goes back to breaking that door. I know I'm off the wagon so to speak, that it didn't last so long. But it still lingers, which gives me reason to hope that the next time I try and get serious I'll get a little bit closer.
On a slightly different topic... London and her sister apparently believe I have a strong sense of self. Which is nice, because I've always made it my goal to have a strong sense of self. But I wonder if perhaps they have a stronger view of me than what actually exists. London says that sometimes she thinks about how if she were me she'd be able to do this, or that.
I've never had someone look at me like that before, not to my knowledge anyway. It's... weird. I remember when Bird left she wrote to me that she hoped I would never think of what she would do in a situation, to instead, think of what she learned and try and use that in a situation. And I like to think that that's what I've done. Just taken what she learned and applied them to situations. And I think that's good foresight on her part, to realize that nothing good comes from wondering what would be done if you were a different person.
I mean really. If that is the case, you should just go out and do it, instead of blaming you inaction on who you are.
My inaction is my own fault... and I'm sure, that if I were a different person... my inaction would still be my fault.
kwishin.
So, I hate that I need to do soul reflection. I hate it because I know I run away from things, and I hate the fact that I run away things. I hate the fact that I know that if I didn't run away from things I probably wouldn't be able to cope. But most of all, I hate the fact that even when I summon up my metaphorical balls to try and self-reflect my whole body rejects the idea and I can't.
I mean. Really. Self-reflection can't be *that* bad. Surely... surely there's nothing so bad.
I guess it goes back to breaking that door. I know I'm off the wagon so to speak, that it didn't last so long. But it still lingers, which gives me reason to hope that the next time I try and get serious I'll get a little bit closer.
On a slightly different topic... London and her sister apparently believe I have a strong sense of self. Which is nice, because I've always made it my goal to have a strong sense of self. But I wonder if perhaps they have a stronger view of me than what actually exists. London says that sometimes she thinks about how if she were me she'd be able to do this, or that.
I've never had someone look at me like that before, not to my knowledge anyway. It's... weird. I remember when Bird left she wrote to me that she hoped I would never think of what she would do in a situation, to instead, think of what she learned and try and use that in a situation. And I like to think that that's what I've done. Just taken what she learned and applied them to situations. And I think that's good foresight on her part, to realize that nothing good comes from wondering what would be done if you were a different person.
I mean really. If that is the case, you should just go out and do it, instead of blaming you inaction on who you are.
My inaction is my own fault... and I'm sure, that if I were a different person... my inaction would still be my fault.
kwishin.