Adam's still saying at the end of emails that he loves me. It's not fun. He tells me how much time he's spending with "the girls" in Chester - one of whom is That Whore - and then tells me he loves me. He needs to get something else in his life. If he loved me that much he wouldn't have told me that he didn't, and he wouldn't have left. Never ( Read more... )

Picked Adam up from Chester today, he's back living with his mum ( Read more... )

I'm thinking more and more that I shouldn't take Adam back ( Read more... )

Another hot bath.
More knives.
He's going back tonight and I'm taking all his stuff up next weekend. I can't cope with this any more.

Going to see a friend for a while tonight for some girly time. I'll probably sleep at home but not sure.

I want to die. That would be so much easier, you see. I wouldn't have to hurt because Adam's going. I wouldn't have to be scared because he gets so angry and frustrated that he throws things. I wouldn't have to go out and sit in the car for 15 fucking minutes just so I don't join with the throwing. One of us has to be grown up, you see. One ( Read more... )

I'm very proud of Adam because he stuck with his ADs longer than I did. He had to come off them because throwing up bile for days on end isn't much fun and they made him see things. He knows the things he sees are not real but they scare him. He's now come off the tablets but only for a couple days so the effects are still going on. Last night ( Read more... )

Looks like Adam's thinking seriously about moving to Chester. To where Claire is. Getting a job and getting a house and oh god I hate this it hurts too much.

We saw Claire yesterday. Claire lives near Chester, and Chester is fucking evil, but once we got parked up in a pay and display where we neither paid nor displayed due to only having 72p (50p of which was actually a Barbados dollar) and the minimum charge being £1.00 and Adam ran off to find her sheltering in Argos while I sat in the car and tried ( Read more... )