So.
Don't know don't care if anyone reads this or not.
I had a two year relationship for the first time. I thought I was going to marry this person. Her name was Holly. She was sweet, sincere, up front, and caring. There were difficulties, but we could always work through it.
Tonight I spent time with my friends, drinking, having a bonfire, and just kickin as guys. After her and I had broken up, she was spending a lot of time with one of my friends. This I saw as fine. I'm bi polar, I needed three months to pick myself back up, have casual sex, feel more confident. I was getting use to the feeling of not worrying about a break up. Then I found out something. It wasn't something I didn't want to hear, it was something I had never guessed would even happen. For the last three months of our relationship she was not only seeing one of my friends, she was fucking him too. They're still seeing each other. I found this out from my room mate, so there is the aspect of finding it out through the grape vine, but it makes sense. Her and I weren't having sex for those last few months and honestly I knew something was off to begin with. The worst part is, for our two year anniversary I gave her a promise ring with the hopes that we would get married.
I'm not a nice guy, my friends will say I'm goofy, a nerd, and can over react to certain things. But they never thought something like this would happen in the first place; neither did I. I'm so pissed, so upset, and so angry (yes all synonyms) that I can't even show it. If I did I would probably wind up in jail.
There is a line that is drawn after a break up, at least in my mind. You don't start looking for someone new, fucking, or the like for a few months. You show respect to the person that you were dating, and you yourself can sort things out. Feelings, attachments, and getting used to being single. One thing you do NOT do is sleep with one of their friends. The last thing you do is fuck them before the break up.
I found out through MY ROOM MATE. I don't care about people being sensitive to me, I don't care about trying to keep it secret. Any one person who knew is not worthy of my respect, nor are worthy of it. None of them said anything. That is if they new, and did anything about it. I don't care it's fucked up, being cheated on by a friend... I mean there's no respect there, there's nothing. And if someone knew, why didn't they tell me? Am I not a good friend enough to say something about? If I new back then I would have ended it three months earlier instead of waiting in a shit hole for three months worrying my ass off that I was going to get dumped only to find this exact situation? I would have been better off. Fuck people trying to save my feelings, save my being. I wouldn't have had to go to the hospital, I wouldn't have had to have nightmares of the shit times in the relationship. No I would have been fine after the first month, started dating, and finally have my life on track. Now I'm sitting here drinking, and honestly not giving a fuck. Fuck her, fuck my friends, and those who are closest to me, my lifelines, are the only people who I can trust. Know how many? Two. And they are my room mates. I can understand my room mate because he lives with me, he doesn't want something to make living with him a year feel like crap, and he's my closest friend, he was looking for the right time. But everyone else, fuck them, it's been three months, I don't care if you "Don't know how to bring it up." for christs sake tell me, you're just showing me that you aren't worth being my friend.
So this is my rant. This is my release. This is me declaring that something, unfortunately, is worth putting on livejournal. Something I have not used in several years because the only thing I post are bad things. Well this is as bad as it gets. Oh, and another thing, someone I love dear has a lump in their breast, possibly cancer, and a kidney infection. They are 22. This shit is happening for a reason. Not to teach me a lesson, but to show me that things will never be this low again. If she dies, I will recover, but it will be years. If my ex did cheat on me while we were dating, I have learned that I can't trust those closest to me. Well now my vision is starting to get blurry. Time for another drink...okay a few...and then hitting the pillows. Alright. Good night.
I had a two year relationship for the first time. I thought I was going to marry this person. Her name was Holly. She was sweet, sincere, up front, and caring. There were difficulties, but we could always work through it.
Tonight I spent time with my friends, drinking, having a bonfire, and just kickin as guys. After her and I had broken up, she was spending a lot of time with one of my friends. This I saw as fine. I'm bi polar, I needed three months to pick myself back up, have casual sex, feel more confident. I was getting use to the feeling of not worrying about a break up. Then I found out something. It wasn't something I didn't want to hear, it was something I had never guessed would even happen. For the last three months of our relationship she was not only seeing one of my friends, she was fucking him too. They're still seeing each other. I found this out from my room mate, so there is the aspect of finding it out through the grape vine, but it makes sense. Her and I weren't having sex for those last few months and honestly I knew something was off to begin with. The worst part is, for our two year anniversary I gave her a promise ring with the hopes that we would get married.
I'm not a nice guy, my friends will say I'm goofy, a nerd, and can over react to certain things. But they never thought something like this would happen in the first place; neither did I. I'm so pissed, so upset, and so angry (yes all synonyms) that I can't even show it. If I did I would probably wind up in jail.
There is a line that is drawn after a break up, at least in my mind. You don't start looking for someone new, fucking, or the like for a few months. You show respect to the person that you were dating, and you yourself can sort things out. Feelings, attachments, and getting used to being single. One thing you do NOT do is sleep with one of their friends. The last thing you do is fuck them before the break up.
I found out through MY ROOM MATE. I don't care about people being sensitive to me, I don't care about trying to keep it secret. Any one person who knew is not worthy of my respect, nor are worthy of it. None of them said anything. That is if they new, and did anything about it. I don't care it's fucked up, being cheated on by a friend... I mean there's no respect there, there's nothing. And if someone knew, why didn't they tell me? Am I not a good friend enough to say something about? If I new back then I would have ended it three months earlier instead of waiting in a shit hole for three months worrying my ass off that I was going to get dumped only to find this exact situation? I would have been better off. Fuck people trying to save my feelings, save my being. I wouldn't have had to go to the hospital, I wouldn't have had to have nightmares of the shit times in the relationship. No I would have been fine after the first month, started dating, and finally have my life on track. Now I'm sitting here drinking, and honestly not giving a fuck. Fuck her, fuck my friends, and those who are closest to me, my lifelines, are the only people who I can trust. Know how many? Two. And they are my room mates. I can understand my room mate because he lives with me, he doesn't want something to make living with him a year feel like crap, and he's my closest friend, he was looking for the right time. But everyone else, fuck them, it's been three months, I don't care if you "Don't know how to bring it up." for christs sake tell me, you're just showing me that you aren't worth being my friend.
So this is my rant. This is my release. This is me declaring that something, unfortunately, is worth putting on livejournal. Something I have not used in several years because the only thing I post are bad things. Well this is as bad as it gets. Oh, and another thing, someone I love dear has a lump in their breast, possibly cancer, and a kidney infection. They are 22. This shit is happening for a reason. Not to teach me a lesson, but to show me that things will never be this low again. If she dies, I will recover, but it will be years. If my ex did cheat on me while we were dating, I have learned that I can't trust those closest to me. Well now my vision is starting to get blurry. Time for another drink...okay a few...and then hitting the pillows. Alright. Good night.