Better now than later, better never than now

[kumo_ame_yuki]

So being on the verge of making several big mistakes, I've decided to stop drinking. It's true wut they say about that whole clouded judgement thing... well, at least I've come to find a very self-destructive pattern of drunken decision-making, which has managed to retard my so-called life so far... For a very long time now i've just been that crazy bitch w/ the fro that's always getting drunk, being weird, sometimes geting myself in and out of trouble, some people might say I'm violent... wutever. I don't want to be the court jester anymore... I'm not stupid I just have too much of an epicureal taste for most people, and only wanting to have a good time generally gives the impression ur not to be taken seriously. And then there are those unfortunate times when one has to be serious, and it's ever so ugly... So I have to do some cleaning... The first thing to go is inebreation. I have to say good bye to MJ too, as I want to join the military- which sux, and everyone has their reason why I shouldn't go, but I've got a reason why I should for every single protest... even if many of you have valid points... This also means I have to get in shape, which is the hardest task as my #1 crutch gets in the way of my breathing properly, and thus impairing my otherwise healthy body from running as efficiently as it should... And then there's that one... the one that I don't know what to do with... I just don't think I've got it in me, + then I might never join the military so it's my logic or my bleeding heart right? I've never been good at letting go, so how the hell am I supposed to pull away? But maybe that's better than watching it all crumble to dust in your very hands. I'm not worth it....I know I should get out of the malstrom before it consumes me, but am I strong enough to swim against this current now while I still can, or will I let it suck me into my own personal disaster...

thoughts -
I had the best day with you on Monday...
I hope I see Jill tonite...

" Another tired year turns the page, on this chapter my coming of age, the seasons they don't know our names, they only know to make us older... And I can't help but fight, the slow dimming of this light that wants to find the stars, and keep me close to you, cuz I can can still feel, and I can still taste, angel unforgotten..."