Today, I panic. With capital letters
Yeah, I suppose the shock is changing into the headless chicken phase. I feel both completely useless (and thus also old, ugly, unhireable, undesirable etc) and freaked out when I am thinking about the things to come.
Because if I do not find anything, I am out of health insurance. That means that all the meds I need daily (at least the ones for allergies I have to keep taking) are going to cost their full price. It also means no shrink because I am not going to be able to afford her. And most likely no antidepressants, too, for the same reason.
The unemployment benefits (which is such a pittance it is ridiculous) would last for 6 months but if I lived alone on a rented place I would not be able to pay the accommodation bills. Or I could starve. Fortunately I am still living at home and with my parents' retirements we can make the ends meet. But I see how elderly they already are and when I was walking to work today I was suddenly hit by the realisation that it is very possible I could not afford to bury them when they do depart... I am such a mess today emotionally. Sorry about this.
Because if I do not find anything, I am out of health insurance. That means that all the meds I need daily (at least the ones for allergies I have to keep taking) are going to cost their full price. It also means no shrink because I am not going to be able to afford her. And most likely no antidepressants, too, for the same reason.
The unemployment benefits (which is such a pittance it is ridiculous) would last for 6 months but if I lived alone on a rented place I would not be able to pay the accommodation bills. Or I could starve. Fortunately I am still living at home and with my parents' retirements we can make the ends meet. But I see how elderly they already are and when I was walking to work today I was suddenly hit by the realisation that it is very possible I could not afford to bury them when they do depart... I am such a mess today emotionally. Sorry about this.