For when I'm sick. . .
I'm sick today. Really sick. And when I get sick the trifecta of ego-centered beliefs kick in: fear, doubt and worry. When I get sick I start feeling all those things. Fear about the future and specifically not getting what I desire most. Doubt about my abilities and what my intuition is telling me. And worry, which is really just another form of fear. And when this happens to me I have a tendency to want to fight it. To conquer it. To tap it away. To affirm it away. I want to wrestle fear, doubt and worry to the ground. Or alternatively pretend they don't exist. And like a wound that festers if left untreated, fear, doubt and worry just get worse.
Today I've been saying to myself, "It's ok, kf, you're sick. You're irrational. Everything will be better in the morning." And yes, while I believe that's true but I also know they will crop up again and again like a many headed hydra. (Wait, isn't that technically what a hydra is?)
Talking to my dad tonight he asked me, "What do you do with that? What's the solution to that? To all those things that crop up?" He mentioned something Ram Dass said in Be Here Now that's something like, "Invite them in for tea and crumpets." I realized he's right. I wrote about a month ago in my blog about sitting with pain when I pinched my nerve, knowing sometimes there's nothing to do but let the pain do its thing. To let it past. And so that's what I'm doing with my fear, doubt and worry. I'm inviting them in for tea and crumpets. Instead of resisting either actively or by pretending I don't feel them, I'm letting them in. "Come in! Come in! Have some tea!" because only then can I release. How can you release a bird if it's not in your possession first? You can't. I can't let go of fear, doubt and worry until I let them in. And when I let them in I can release them and transcend them and turn them over with love.
In a way this lj post is a letter to my future self. A way to tell myself, "Hey baby, when you feel sick and all these things come up, stop resisting. Accept them first and then let them go. Because once you do only then will you feel peace." And I do. I feel more peaceful. My ego voices have stopped chattering so loudly and I can return to a place of love. Where I know all is love. Where I know God/my higher power/the universe/brahma love me and only want what's best for me. A place without fear because I know everything that happens to me is ultimately for my own good, even if it doesn't feel that way at the time. A place where I know my higher power is not out to "get me" or punish me or lie to me. Only to love me unconditionally now and always. Invite this stuff in to let them go. It's really the only way.
Today I've been saying to myself, "It's ok, kf, you're sick. You're irrational. Everything will be better in the morning." And yes, while I believe that's true but I also know they will crop up again and again like a many headed hydra. (Wait, isn't that technically what a hydra is?)
Talking to my dad tonight he asked me, "What do you do with that? What's the solution to that? To all those things that crop up?" He mentioned something Ram Dass said in Be Here Now that's something like, "Invite them in for tea and crumpets." I realized he's right. I wrote about a month ago in my blog about sitting with pain when I pinched my nerve, knowing sometimes there's nothing to do but let the pain do its thing. To let it past. And so that's what I'm doing with my fear, doubt and worry. I'm inviting them in for tea and crumpets. Instead of resisting either actively or by pretending I don't feel them, I'm letting them in. "Come in! Come in! Have some tea!" because only then can I release. How can you release a bird if it's not in your possession first? You can't. I can't let go of fear, doubt and worry until I let them in. And when I let them in I can release them and transcend them and turn them over with love.
In a way this lj post is a letter to my future self. A way to tell myself, "Hey baby, when you feel sick and all these things come up, stop resisting. Accept them first and then let them go. Because once you do only then will you feel peace." And I do. I feel more peaceful. My ego voices have stopped chattering so loudly and I can return to a place of love. Where I know all is love. Where I know God/my higher power/the universe/brahma love me and only want what's best for me. A place without fear because I know everything that happens to me is ultimately for my own good, even if it doesn't feel that way at the time. A place where I know my higher power is not out to "get me" or punish me or lie to me. Only to love me unconditionally now and always. Invite this stuff in to let them go. It's really the only way.