Holey Moley
Holey moley. I feel like my entire world has just been rocked, or rather it's all fallen into place.
Lately I've started saying a new affirmation, "I give myself permission to be all that I can be and I deserve the very best in life." Except that it seemed, well familiar. And then it hit me. I've come across that affirmation before. As well as the book "You Can Heal Your Life." In fact, I vividly remember writing down that very affirmation. It was back in 2005 when I was on the Kundalinii Express Bus tour. I remember sitting in some woman's house (I think it was in D.C.) and writing down the affirmation not so much because I believed it or wanted to believe it, but rather I wanted to be rid of my physical ailments. And now four years later it's come back to me.
I guess I just want to say I'm noticing how the universe brings certain things into our awareness but sometimes we're not ready to fully embrace them. But they've been there all along. And I mention that also because for many months I've felt like I've transformed into a totally new person. As my friend E, who I've known since high school says, "Actually, this person was in you all along." She's right. These seeds have been dormant for a long time, they've just been waiting to sprout. And I think that's how my entire life has worked.
Everything has been in me all along. In college I hated UNC and wanted to transfer. One of the schools I looked at was UC Berkeley. I didn't go because I didn't want to go to a huge school again, but still. The thought entered my mind. I just realized in this moment how long San Francisco has called out to me. It's been longer than since December of 2006. The timeline has actually been more like October of 2002. It's like my entire life has already been laid out for me and now I just have to live it. But not in a set-in-stone way, because obviously I didn't move to Cali until last year and I didn't pick affirmations up again until this past April. More like the universe will continually nudge you/me/us in a certain direction until we get it. So why worry about anything? As a friend said to me once, "Your days have been fashioned for you before there even were days so go forth knowing everything is in perfect alignment." I don't know that it's possible for my many lifetimes to be mapped out already, but at least in this one the seeds have been planted. I am autonomous, I do decide things, but ultimately the universe will beat down my door until I get the message about things that are good for me. And will keep knocking until I open the door. (Which is also a very similar statement to a sermon from Rev. Michael Beckwith I linked to in my blog.)
I guess I just wanted to say damn. Everything, all of it has been within me for years -- from being a writer to living in the light to wanting to change the world. It's all been within me and now I'm just here to birth it. Or to go back to my previous analogy, to finally open the door. But also to know I'm not going to "miss out" on anything. To know the universe will not give up on me. To know the universe will be patient and stubborn, will keep knocking until I'm ready to open the door. But mostly that I have absolutely nothing to fear because my life has to a degree been planned out for me already. (To a degree. I still believe in free will. I still decide whether to open the door or not. I still have a choice and a part to play.)
Mostly I guess what blew my mind today is all these seeds have been planted. How I'll keep cycling with things until I'm ready to receive them. But they'll keep coming back. Essentially nothing comes out of the blue and that totally trips me out.
Lately I've started saying a new affirmation, "I give myself permission to be all that I can be and I deserve the very best in life." Except that it seemed, well familiar. And then it hit me. I've come across that affirmation before. As well as the book "You Can Heal Your Life." In fact, I vividly remember writing down that very affirmation. It was back in 2005 when I was on the Kundalinii Express Bus tour. I remember sitting in some woman's house (I think it was in D.C.) and writing down the affirmation not so much because I believed it or wanted to believe it, but rather I wanted to be rid of my physical ailments. And now four years later it's come back to me.
I guess I just want to say I'm noticing how the universe brings certain things into our awareness but sometimes we're not ready to fully embrace them. But they've been there all along. And I mention that also because for many months I've felt like I've transformed into a totally new person. As my friend E, who I've known since high school says, "Actually, this person was in you all along." She's right. These seeds have been dormant for a long time, they've just been waiting to sprout. And I think that's how my entire life has worked.
Everything has been in me all along. In college I hated UNC and wanted to transfer. One of the schools I looked at was UC Berkeley. I didn't go because I didn't want to go to a huge school again, but still. The thought entered my mind. I just realized in this moment how long San Francisco has called out to me. It's been longer than since December of 2006. The timeline has actually been more like October of 2002. It's like my entire life has already been laid out for me and now I just have to live it. But not in a set-in-stone way, because obviously I didn't move to Cali until last year and I didn't pick affirmations up again until this past April. More like the universe will continually nudge you/me/us in a certain direction until we get it. So why worry about anything? As a friend said to me once, "Your days have been fashioned for you before there even were days so go forth knowing everything is in perfect alignment." I don't know that it's possible for my many lifetimes to be mapped out already, but at least in this one the seeds have been planted. I am autonomous, I do decide things, but ultimately the universe will beat down my door until I get the message about things that are good for me. And will keep knocking until I open the door. (Which is also a very similar statement to a sermon from Rev. Michael Beckwith I linked to in my blog.)
I guess I just wanted to say damn. Everything, all of it has been within me for years -- from being a writer to living in the light to wanting to change the world. It's all been within me and now I'm just here to birth it. Or to go back to my previous analogy, to finally open the door. But also to know I'm not going to "miss out" on anything. To know the universe will not give up on me. To know the universe will be patient and stubborn, will keep knocking until I'm ready to open the door. But mostly that I have absolutely nothing to fear because my life has to a degree been planned out for me already. (To a degree. I still believe in free will. I still decide whether to open the door or not. I still have a choice and a part to play.)
Mostly I guess what blew my mind today is all these seeds have been planted. How I'll keep cycling with things until I'm ready to receive them. But they'll keep coming back. Essentially nothing comes out of the blue and that totally trips me out.