Dot out the eyes...
Merry Christmas Eve, everyone.
Well so far the day hasn't been going too awesome. God, even my horoscope sucks today.
Well since Katie moved out with Heather, Brett, and Mike I have had no other female companion to talk to.
I am sad, real sad but I don't want to tell anyone because I keep thinking maybe it will go away. I know I am depressed, and I know it has been going on for awhile but I don't want to go to the Doctor about it.
yesterday, I slept all day with the exception of a few hours when my sisters came over. But all that did was make me more sad, because she brought a video of all of them earlier that day playing in the snow and sleding and four-wheeling and stuff, which just made me feel like fucking hell since now her and Katie have like this super-tight bond and I have nothing. I am stuck here with Cory, who over the time he has lived here has become angerd easily, less appreciative of me, and a risk to be around for too long. He isn't nice to me, he won't touch me like he used to, and it feels like we are just waiting for someone better to come along...which just makes me even more sad. He keeps asking why I sleep so much and I just tell him because I'm tired. Then he gets mad because I sleep all the time, but what's the difference? if I were awake we would just be sitting around doing nothing or arguing. We need away from eachother for a good period of time, So I plan on maybe going out with friends and staying for a couple days or something.
I am getting sick AGAIN, which really pisses me off because I was finally starting to feel better. My throat is so sore...and now the headaches and the coughing are back. Then Cory asks me to go play in the snow with him and when I tell him it's a bad idea since I don't want to get sicker, he tells me I am no fun and that I am boring to hang around. That kind of makes me sad. It's not like I wouldn't do it if I could, but when I am sick tramping around in freezing ass snow just doesn't sound like something I can do. I guess I should seriosusly do something about how I feel. But I keep thinking if maybe I go out, or go shopping or get out of this fucking place I will start to feel better.
Something wierd that happend to me yesterday, I was talking to Morgan about the whole Jeff situation and how I feel whenever we talk and she told me "Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between a physical attraction, or an emotional one." And later I was watching a movie and they said the same thing. It was weird. Not really that they said it, but because they said it right when I was thinking about it. I figure she is probably right and I am thinking it maybe be something more than it is. What we had ran off of physicalities or whatever, and there was really no emotional attachment, I mean there was some, but most of it was on his side from what he told me. Because when I think about it, thats why nothing happend with it. Cory and I had such a strong emotional attachment I wanted it back really bad. I expected the same kind of emotional deepness and understanding with Jeff, but it was just like a brick wall because he didn't even know me. I mean, before me and Cory were even togeteher, I went to his house and cried on his shoulder about a problem I had and he understood and I didn't feel stupid at all. In front of Jeff, I felt too stupid to talk to him about that stuff. I don't know. I am not saying when I think about it, it doesn't still kind of hurt my stomach....but....Maybe Morgan is right and if I hang out with him all of it will go away since he so much more "annoying and loud" now. ...heh...
I so badly want my old Cory back, it is pathetic.
Well so far the day hasn't been going too awesome. God, even my horoscope sucks today.
Well since Katie moved out with Heather, Brett, and Mike I have had no other female companion to talk to.
I am sad, real sad but I don't want to tell anyone because I keep thinking maybe it will go away. I know I am depressed, and I know it has been going on for awhile but I don't want to go to the Doctor about it.
yesterday, I slept all day with the exception of a few hours when my sisters came over. But all that did was make me more sad, because she brought a video of all of them earlier that day playing in the snow and sleding and four-wheeling and stuff, which just made me feel like fucking hell since now her and Katie have like this super-tight bond and I have nothing. I am stuck here with Cory, who over the time he has lived here has become angerd easily, less appreciative of me, and a risk to be around for too long. He isn't nice to me, he won't touch me like he used to, and it feels like we are just waiting for someone better to come along...which just makes me even more sad. He keeps asking why I sleep so much and I just tell him because I'm tired. Then he gets mad because I sleep all the time, but what's the difference? if I were awake we would just be sitting around doing nothing or arguing. We need away from eachother for a good period of time, So I plan on maybe going out with friends and staying for a couple days or something.
I am getting sick AGAIN, which really pisses me off because I was finally starting to feel better. My throat is so sore...and now the headaches and the coughing are back. Then Cory asks me to go play in the snow with him and when I tell him it's a bad idea since I don't want to get sicker, he tells me I am no fun and that I am boring to hang around. That kind of makes me sad. It's not like I wouldn't do it if I could, but when I am sick tramping around in freezing ass snow just doesn't sound like something I can do. I guess I should seriosusly do something about how I feel. But I keep thinking if maybe I go out, or go shopping or get out of this fucking place I will start to feel better.
Something wierd that happend to me yesterday, I was talking to Morgan about the whole Jeff situation and how I feel whenever we talk and she told me "Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between a physical attraction, or an emotional one." And later I was watching a movie and they said the same thing. It was weird. Not really that they said it, but because they said it right when I was thinking about it. I figure she is probably right and I am thinking it maybe be something more than it is. What we had ran off of physicalities or whatever, and there was really no emotional attachment, I mean there was some, but most of it was on his side from what he told me. Because when I think about it, thats why nothing happend with it. Cory and I had such a strong emotional attachment I wanted it back really bad. I expected the same kind of emotional deepness and understanding with Jeff, but it was just like a brick wall because he didn't even know me. I mean, before me and Cory were even togeteher, I went to his house and cried on his shoulder about a problem I had and he understood and I didn't feel stupid at all. In front of Jeff, I felt too stupid to talk to him about that stuff. I don't know. I am not saying when I think about it, it doesn't still kind of hurt my stomach....but....Maybe Morgan is right and if I hang out with him all of it will go away since he so much more "annoying and loud" now. ...heh...
I so badly want my old Cory back, it is pathetic.