(no subject)
ok.. so taking a break from writng a 4-5 page paper the day before school lets out.. how insane ((haha Ike has an exam tomorrow morning though, so i feel bad for him)). [this might just be the thinking that i haven't done in sooo long]
I know I do it too.. but i guess i never really understood how people masked their feelings. (haha like the public and private transcripts -- oey!). maybe that makes me a hypocrite.. since i do it too, but i dont get how it happends... are they trying to protect themselves by doing it? are they trying not to seem vulnerable? vulnerability is a big thing-- i believe it is the reason guys don't cry in public-- in order not to seem vulnerable, to be deemed a feminine little bitch. but liek emotions are such a big part of who people are.. so why can't people just express exactly what they are feeling-- instead of trying to distort it and junk. i dont really know why i do it. perhaps its because i never really know what im feeling. or maybe at times i just really dont want to feel anything. i could be in denial of my feelings-- is that even possible?
i also dont get how people get judged... or even more, WHY people judge. does it make them feel better about themselves?? does it somehow put justice into the world. and then where does first impression cross the line where judging reside??
true friends: i'm beginning to think that i dont know what that word means... i used to think i had my good, true friends.. but over this weekend, i guess i've realized that some that i perceived to be true, reallly aren't. and that makes me mucho sad. ok maybe.. this doesn't go to the whole "true friend" extreme... because i know thse people will alwyas be there for me.. but it does definitely go to the "good friend" thing... you think you know someone and they just surprise you. right??? wow previous thoughts coming into light again. hm.. things change, people change-- wow haven't i herd that one before...
which brings me to ther whole i miss those that were formerly such a BIG part of my life. i know it definitely was partially my fault... and maybe in some aspects totally my fault.. but then other times it just didn't seem to work out in the end. and although i thought i was ok with it, im not.. -- the holdiays really bring these ideas into my head... when i just want EVERYTHING to be amazing and awesome and have everything the way that i want it-- and in some aspects the way they were.
there are soo many feelings of longing that i have.. not necessarily regret. because you only regret things when looking in retrospect, and you obviosuly would not have that option before you do the action... no one knows what is gonna come out of people's actions in this world, so how can you regret??? you will not know what will happen.. so as long as you can sleep at night, knowing what actions you have completed, then you shouldn't regret...
well i thnk thats all i gotta go write more now. peace peace
oh yea-- Happy Thanksgiving y'all... eat madd turkey and get uber stuffed.
I know I do it too.. but i guess i never really understood how people masked their feelings. (haha like the public and private transcripts -- oey!). maybe that makes me a hypocrite.. since i do it too, but i dont get how it happends... are they trying to protect themselves by doing it? are they trying not to seem vulnerable? vulnerability is a big thing-- i believe it is the reason guys don't cry in public-- in order not to seem vulnerable, to be deemed a feminine little bitch. but liek emotions are such a big part of who people are.. so why can't people just express exactly what they are feeling-- instead of trying to distort it and junk. i dont really know why i do it. perhaps its because i never really know what im feeling. or maybe at times i just really dont want to feel anything. i could be in denial of my feelings-- is that even possible?
i also dont get how people get judged... or even more, WHY people judge. does it make them feel better about themselves?? does it somehow put justice into the world. and then where does first impression cross the line where judging reside??
true friends: i'm beginning to think that i dont know what that word means... i used to think i had my good, true friends.. but over this weekend, i guess i've realized that some that i perceived to be true, reallly aren't. and that makes me mucho sad. ok maybe.. this doesn't go to the whole "true friend" extreme... because i know thse people will alwyas be there for me.. but it does definitely go to the "good friend" thing... you think you know someone and they just surprise you. right??? wow previous thoughts coming into light again. hm.. things change, people change-- wow haven't i herd that one before...
which brings me to ther whole i miss those that were formerly such a BIG part of my life. i know it definitely was partially my fault... and maybe in some aspects totally my fault.. but then other times it just didn't seem to work out in the end. and although i thought i was ok with it, im not.. -- the holdiays really bring these ideas into my head... when i just want EVERYTHING to be amazing and awesome and have everything the way that i want it-- and in some aspects the way they were.
there are soo many feelings of longing that i have.. not necessarily regret. because you only regret things when looking in retrospect, and you obviosuly would not have that option before you do the action... no one knows what is gonna come out of people's actions in this world, so how can you regret??? you will not know what will happen.. so as long as you can sleep at night, knowing what actions you have completed, then you shouldn't regret...
well i thnk thats all i gotta go write more now. peace peace
oh yea-- Happy Thanksgiving y'all... eat madd turkey and get uber stuffed.