home
Being back on campus is nice. Classes not so much, but it's like returning to a place where I really belong. Seeing my friends last night definitely cemented the feeling. We shared stories, drama and our little affectionate nuances and inside jokes. We exchanged gifts. All was well.
Which is good, because I still can't seem to quell some of the displeasure inside me. The rage I'd buried cracked through and now I need to smooth it over again.
On to the real story: Sean called last night. I ignored the call. This morning he texted me at 7 in the morning. I didn't need to be up until 11, and then he called at 7:15. I promptly answered with "For the love of God, don't call me so Goddamn early." He responded, completely unfazed with "Good morning! It's thirty-two degrees outside and-" and that's when I hung up and crawled back into bed where I couldn't sleep because the sun was up and I couldn't cover my face without sacrificing my warmth. Eventually I got up (after falling asleep and having a fun dream that still gives me a mischevious happiness, but we'll get into that in a bit) and headed to meet Charles to swap books. Gave him his gift, we switched books, and we met up with Sean, because he apparently decided we were having lunch together and called until I picked up. I had to scold him, of course, for calling me during class. AGAIN. He and I started talking, and when he answered the phone, I asked who it was. I guessed it was Kristi, but I was wrong. This brought us onto the subject of his 'girlfriend'. I said I didn't like her, and he replied that she didn't much like me either. For some reason, this made me very happy. Probably happier than I should have let myself become over something like that. I wasn't sure what her reasons were, but now that I've had time to think about it, I've actually come up with something: Of all of the people in the world, I believe she is one of the only that should have legitimate cause to fear me. I have never met someone so patently false, so horrendously manipulative, dramatic, or simply... repulsive... to me. It pleases me that she dislikes me, because I saw through her facade, I made her aware of this, and now she must finally have realized that I could hurt her if I chose to. For now, I'll keep this advantage to myself, and if she ever crosses me... there will be hell to pay. She knew that crossing me was a bad idea from the start, but now I think she's realized just how far I would go to ruin her if I ever had cause to.
On another note, after Sean called, I went back to bed and slept. This lead to the fun dream. In it, my friends and I were hanging out. For some reason Kristi was there. I'm not sure what set it off, but I remember seriously chewing her out. She got mad, and complained, and whined, and then stood there in the center of the room and cried before storming out. I remember myself turning to the others in my company and saying something along the lines of "Is it just me, or was her crying just the perfect ending to that overdramatic, self-centered bitch-fest?"
**sigh** I think I'm just angry. Or confused, which often turns into anger. As I am me and don't wish to turn the anger inward, I need to express it somehow, and maybe I'm doing that by taking out on someone who isn't around who I already don't like. Oh well. Should she ever cross me, I think the first thing I'll say to her will be a quote from Veronica Mars:
"Do you not instinctively fear me?"
With that, I'm off to homework land.
Which is good, because I still can't seem to quell some of the displeasure inside me. The rage I'd buried cracked through and now I need to smooth it over again.
On to the real story: Sean called last night. I ignored the call. This morning he texted me at 7 in the morning. I didn't need to be up until 11, and then he called at 7:15. I promptly answered with "For the love of God, don't call me so Goddamn early." He responded, completely unfazed with "Good morning! It's thirty-two degrees outside and-" and that's when I hung up and crawled back into bed where I couldn't sleep because the sun was up and I couldn't cover my face without sacrificing my warmth. Eventually I got up (after falling asleep and having a fun dream that still gives me a mischevious happiness, but we'll get into that in a bit) and headed to meet Charles to swap books. Gave him his gift, we switched books, and we met up with Sean, because he apparently decided we were having lunch together and called until I picked up. I had to scold him, of course, for calling me during class. AGAIN. He and I started talking, and when he answered the phone, I asked who it was. I guessed it was Kristi, but I was wrong. This brought us onto the subject of his 'girlfriend'. I said I didn't like her, and he replied that she didn't much like me either. For some reason, this made me very happy. Probably happier than I should have let myself become over something like that. I wasn't sure what her reasons were, but now that I've had time to think about it, I've actually come up with something: Of all of the people in the world, I believe she is one of the only that should have legitimate cause to fear me. I have never met someone so patently false, so horrendously manipulative, dramatic, or simply... repulsive... to me. It pleases me that she dislikes me, because I saw through her facade, I made her aware of this, and now she must finally have realized that I could hurt her if I chose to. For now, I'll keep this advantage to myself, and if she ever crosses me... there will be hell to pay. She knew that crossing me was a bad idea from the start, but now I think she's realized just how far I would go to ruin her if I ever had cause to.
On another note, after Sean called, I went back to bed and slept. This lead to the fun dream. In it, my friends and I were hanging out. For some reason Kristi was there. I'm not sure what set it off, but I remember seriously chewing her out. She got mad, and complained, and whined, and then stood there in the center of the room and cried before storming out. I remember myself turning to the others in my company and saying something along the lines of "Is it just me, or was her crying just the perfect ending to that overdramatic, self-centered bitch-fest?"
**sigh** I think I'm just angry. Or confused, which often turns into anger. As I am me and don't wish to turn the anger inward, I need to express it somehow, and maybe I'm doing that by taking out on someone who isn't around who I already don't like. Oh well. Should she ever cross me, I think the first thing I'll say to her will be a quote from Veronica Mars:
"Do you not instinctively fear me?"
With that, I'm off to homework land.