Dreams/Man, not MAH-YUN!
I've been having some pretty weird dreams again lately. The night before last I think I had my first legitimate straight-fantasy dream, which was weird because I certainly can't remember who the female was, and I woke up going "WTF?" and proceeded to fall asleep and have the kind of fantasy dream I'm more used to, though it involved a much older, more mature and sexier Sean.
What I'm really trying to get at is last night's dream. It was actually pretty vivid. I'm in my dorm and I walk out into the living room to find some strange looking guy standing there, turned away from me. He turns around and sees me, says hello and asks if he can use the bathroom, and says something about a lab? Chemistry, I think it was? I guess I said yes in shock, and he goes in. I walk to Steven's door and wait for a bit, and hear the guy in the bathroom call something out (and for some reason, I think he was calling out as if to a dog) and Steven responds. I knock on Steven's door and take a step or two in and he's lying on his bed. I ask him what the hell is going on, and he states "I'm going to have sex with Steven tonight, aren't I?" to which I reply, "What?" and he explains that the guy in the bathroom is named Steven, and that he's apparently his go-to-guy for sex, which was weird in and of itself. What's even stranger is that in the dream I was doing French homework, Steven II was pretty damn flamboyant and I know how much that irks Steven, my roommate, and that when they left, I ended up getting really upset, at which point I woke up, jealous and confused. I know I'm pretty close to Steven, and I guess that's why I got jealous, but the sheer amount of things telling me this was a dream should have tipped me off. I guess I'm just confused as to why he'd have a random go-to-guy in the first place.
Oh well. In other news, Stephanie tells me I've been more affectionate of late, and the only response I can come up with is that I've stopped obsessing over Sean. It helps that I didn't get upset when her boyfriend asked me how I could look at Sean and not want to puke. Sean's a bit... interesting, and I'm surprised it took me this long to notice just how many personality quirks he's got. Quirks are all well and good, but he's ignoring the fact that he needs to grow up, and that dream about an older, more mature him made me feel really good. I don't want to steal Kaly's thing, but I guess I'm waiting for him to be a man, and not... whatever it is he is now. Stephen (the Greenville one) and I were talking this weekend and he said that he, Melanie and I were too mature for people our own age, and so we needed to start dating older people. Which is apparently true because Stephen dated a fickle teenager and got dumped and Melanie married a twenty-five year old. Maybe I just need to find someone around my age who's more mature. I'm getting tired of people clinging to ideologies and cliques and stereotypes... why can't we all just be mature enough to be our own people? Sean told me (just after he told me how he did, in fact, enjoy what happened that one confusing night) that one of the things that bothered him was that he didn't really know who he was, and the only thing I could say to him was "Yeah, that's kind of important, and a hard thing to figure out, but no one else can really help you there." It seems all of the things people said to me (and the fact that my parents even said he didn't seem worth it) finally sunk in. Sure, I'll continue thinking Sean's kind of hot, but I'll be looking forward to the day he isn't afraid to say he likes guys and the day he can be his own person, not steeping himself in the stereotype of the high school goth kid.
I think I'll work on the huge rant of recaping tonight, and we'll see how that goes. I think now that I'm a bit more detached I can pull it off.
What I'm really trying to get at is last night's dream. It was actually pretty vivid. I'm in my dorm and I walk out into the living room to find some strange looking guy standing there, turned away from me. He turns around and sees me, says hello and asks if he can use the bathroom, and says something about a lab? Chemistry, I think it was? I guess I said yes in shock, and he goes in. I walk to Steven's door and wait for a bit, and hear the guy in the bathroom call something out (and for some reason, I think he was calling out as if to a dog) and Steven responds. I knock on Steven's door and take a step or two in and he's lying on his bed. I ask him what the hell is going on, and he states "I'm going to have sex with Steven tonight, aren't I?" to which I reply, "What?" and he explains that the guy in the bathroom is named Steven, and that he's apparently his go-to-guy for sex, which was weird in and of itself. What's even stranger is that in the dream I was doing French homework, Steven II was pretty damn flamboyant and I know how much that irks Steven, my roommate, and that when they left, I ended up getting really upset, at which point I woke up, jealous and confused. I know I'm pretty close to Steven, and I guess that's why I got jealous, but the sheer amount of things telling me this was a dream should have tipped me off. I guess I'm just confused as to why he'd have a random go-to-guy in the first place.
Oh well. In other news, Stephanie tells me I've been more affectionate of late, and the only response I can come up with is that I've stopped obsessing over Sean. It helps that I didn't get upset when her boyfriend asked me how I could look at Sean and not want to puke. Sean's a bit... interesting, and I'm surprised it took me this long to notice just how many personality quirks he's got. Quirks are all well and good, but he's ignoring the fact that he needs to grow up, and that dream about an older, more mature him made me feel really good. I don't want to steal Kaly's thing, but I guess I'm waiting for him to be a man, and not... whatever it is he is now. Stephen (the Greenville one) and I were talking this weekend and he said that he, Melanie and I were too mature for people our own age, and so we needed to start dating older people. Which is apparently true because Stephen dated a fickle teenager and got dumped and Melanie married a twenty-five year old. Maybe I just need to find someone around my age who's more mature. I'm getting tired of people clinging to ideologies and cliques and stereotypes... why can't we all just be mature enough to be our own people? Sean told me (just after he told me how he did, in fact, enjoy what happened that one confusing night) that one of the things that bothered him was that he didn't really know who he was, and the only thing I could say to him was "Yeah, that's kind of important, and a hard thing to figure out, but no one else can really help you there." It seems all of the things people said to me (and the fact that my parents even said he didn't seem worth it) finally sunk in. Sure, I'll continue thinking Sean's kind of hot, but I'll be looking forward to the day he isn't afraid to say he likes guys and the day he can be his own person, not steeping himself in the stereotype of the high school goth kid.
I think I'll work on the huge rant of recaping tonight, and we'll see how that goes. I think now that I'm a bit more detached I can pull it off.