0bredom
Alrighty, it has been a crazy last few days, so let's recap.
I have done nothing
Fuckin sweet, but allow me to elaborate
I have done nothing and I don't plan on doing anything anytime soon
Alrighty, there you have it. But let's really get in-depth, such as my trip to Clayton yesterday.
So Eric and I never slept right, and Alex came to pick us up at 7 AM. We're booth woozy as hell so on the way there we have the weirdest conversations. I do believe that at one point in time we were actually comparing and constrasting Nigerians with the lickers from Resident Evil. Very strange. We finally get to Clayton and this place is the fuckin worst. There's tons of nature and windy roads and not enough of that tight shit, what is that... Oh yeah, people. We follow Alex around for about 10 minutes, skillfully avoiding stepping in horse shit since it's EVERYWHERE. Now here's a breakdown of how our first 20 minutes went:
Chased a chicken
Pissed off some horses
Looked at a computer to try and fix their network problems
All of this stuff took maybe 20 minutes to do combined. And let me tell you, that was probably the most action packed 20 minutes of the entire day. Later Alex wanted to take the kids she's watching there to a park. Now granted, I'm a fan of parks, but this situation was a lil fucked up. We hop in the car, I'm in the back seat with the 2 loudest, fattest, grossest, and most annoying little 8 year old girls on the planet. And they want to touch me. We were out of the house for maybe an hour and a half, two hours, and we couldn't find the damn park. I'd see a playground and yell out "THERE'S A PARK OVER THERE, GO TO THAT ONE" and the girls would be like "no, we want to go to the BIG park." I was simply just trying to escape the torture that was these two little girls, but they wanted to go to this park which I guess was the proverbial "park of parks" or perhaps "the park to end all parks." Either way, we never found it which makes me believe that this mythical park is much like Atlantis, only you know, with swings and stuff.
I kept getting online there to talk to people and they would ask me about Clayton. Here is how coversations like that would go:
Ho Macker 3030 = Myself
Some lame douche = Whoever I'm entertaining with my wit
Ho Macker 3030: Wuddup hizzo
Some lame douche: chillin where u at?
Ho Macker 3030: Clayton *shudder*
Some lame douche: wut is in clayton?
Ho Macker 3030: Never ever speak of Clayton after this conversation, it is the worst place to have ever existed. Never come here. If the world is ending, and the only salvation will be in Clayton, avoid it, for death is so much sweeter
And that's essentially how that went. I tried to sleep in the living room for about an hour and I could feel the freakin flies landing on me and it was the grossest experience ever. Thankfully Alex finally gave Eric and I 2 shots of vodka each and so we calmed down a little bit, but getting home was sweet simply because I received...
A FREAKIN HUGE BOTTLE OF JIM BEAM BITCHES
If you do not know about Jim Beam, please, gather round Old Man Ho Macker 3030 and listen. This is a grand tale of a single man, a man named Jim Beam. Now Jim was always just a regular kid, hung out with friends, rode bikes, played outside, all that bullshit that kids do. But Jim LOVED camping. And swimming in the ocean. However he always had bad experiences with both, namely shark and bear attacks. But Jim, being a legend in the making, was walking around the forest one day when a kodiak bear attacked him. 2 kodiak bears. And they started circling Jim much like ninjas do in ninja movies, and before you knew it they pounced on poor Jim Beam. Now Jim didn't wanna take any of their "I'm gonna eat you" bullshit, so he swiftly crushed the two bears under a large boulder that happened to be laying around. And being that he's tough enough to crush bears, he then ate their bodies, and we all know what happens when you eat two huge bears that you just savagely murdered, you take on extremely manly characteristics. For a long time, Jim started hunting sharks and bears bare-handed on a semi-professional level and before you knew it, he was so manly that he could piss out whiskey. And that's how we get the best drink known to man, Jim Beam.
Alright, the stuff tastes like shit, but it's f-ing manly and left me f-ing drunk last night. And then today I woke up and came home to play video games with my 5 year old cousin Blaze. I hate 5 year olds and I hate sharing my video games, but I guess I had to. Alrighty, time to be off, gotta go find somethin to do tonight.
PEACE BITCHES
I have done nothing
Fuckin sweet, but allow me to elaborate
I have done nothing and I don't plan on doing anything anytime soon
Alrighty, there you have it. But let's really get in-depth, such as my trip to Clayton yesterday.
So Eric and I never slept right, and Alex came to pick us up at 7 AM. We're booth woozy as hell so on the way there we have the weirdest conversations. I do believe that at one point in time we were actually comparing and constrasting Nigerians with the lickers from Resident Evil. Very strange. We finally get to Clayton and this place is the fuckin worst. There's tons of nature and windy roads and not enough of that tight shit, what is that... Oh yeah, people. We follow Alex around for about 10 minutes, skillfully avoiding stepping in horse shit since it's EVERYWHERE. Now here's a breakdown of how our first 20 minutes went:
Chased a chicken
Pissed off some horses
Looked at a computer to try and fix their network problems
All of this stuff took maybe 20 minutes to do combined. And let me tell you, that was probably the most action packed 20 minutes of the entire day. Later Alex wanted to take the kids she's watching there to a park. Now granted, I'm a fan of parks, but this situation was a lil fucked up. We hop in the car, I'm in the back seat with the 2 loudest, fattest, grossest, and most annoying little 8 year old girls on the planet. And they want to touch me. We were out of the house for maybe an hour and a half, two hours, and we couldn't find the damn park. I'd see a playground and yell out "THERE'S A PARK OVER THERE, GO TO THAT ONE" and the girls would be like "no, we want to go to the BIG park." I was simply just trying to escape the torture that was these two little girls, but they wanted to go to this park which I guess was the proverbial "park of parks" or perhaps "the park to end all parks." Either way, we never found it which makes me believe that this mythical park is much like Atlantis, only you know, with swings and stuff.
I kept getting online there to talk to people and they would ask me about Clayton. Here is how coversations like that would go:
Ho Macker 3030 = Myself
Some lame douche = Whoever I'm entertaining with my wit
Ho Macker 3030: Wuddup hizzo
Some lame douche: chillin where u at?
Ho Macker 3030: Clayton *shudder*
Some lame douche: wut is in clayton?
Ho Macker 3030: Never ever speak of Clayton after this conversation, it is the worst place to have ever existed. Never come here. If the world is ending, and the only salvation will be in Clayton, avoid it, for death is so much sweeter
And that's essentially how that went. I tried to sleep in the living room for about an hour and I could feel the freakin flies landing on me and it was the grossest experience ever. Thankfully Alex finally gave Eric and I 2 shots of vodka each and so we calmed down a little bit, but getting home was sweet simply because I received...
A FREAKIN HUGE BOTTLE OF JIM BEAM BITCHES
If you do not know about Jim Beam, please, gather round Old Man Ho Macker 3030 and listen. This is a grand tale of a single man, a man named Jim Beam. Now Jim was always just a regular kid, hung out with friends, rode bikes, played outside, all that bullshit that kids do. But Jim LOVED camping. And swimming in the ocean. However he always had bad experiences with both, namely shark and bear attacks. But Jim, being a legend in the making, was walking around the forest one day when a kodiak bear attacked him. 2 kodiak bears. And they started circling Jim much like ninjas do in ninja movies, and before you knew it they pounced on poor Jim Beam. Now Jim didn't wanna take any of their "I'm gonna eat you" bullshit, so he swiftly crushed the two bears under a large boulder that happened to be laying around. And being that he's tough enough to crush bears, he then ate their bodies, and we all know what happens when you eat two huge bears that you just savagely murdered, you take on extremely manly characteristics. For a long time, Jim started hunting sharks and bears bare-handed on a semi-professional level and before you knew it, he was so manly that he could piss out whiskey. And that's how we get the best drink known to man, Jim Beam.
Alright, the stuff tastes like shit, but it's f-ing manly and left me f-ing drunk last night. And then today I woke up and came home to play video games with my 5 year old cousin Blaze. I hate 5 year olds and I hate sharing my video games, but I guess I had to. Alrighty, time to be off, gotta go find somethin to do tonight.
PEACE BITCHES