Confusion Overwhelms Me!
There are always things that confuse people but for some reason my whole life confuses me. Not that I don't know where it's going or who my true friends are...although at this point I am pretty sure I only have one true friend. But what confuses me is everything else. Like why is it that I was finally in at a place in my life where I was happy and content and then all of a sudden people just show up in my life and make it thousands of times harder than it already was. For instance there is this guy and for some reason I have no attraction to him what-so-ever! and yes I know my friends and family want to see me happy and this guy has a HUGE crush on me but still... I mean he is very sweet and caring and he honestly would do anything for me...but I think that is the problem I do not want a guy that bows down to me. Alot of people say I should consider myself lucky but I just can't...there is part of me thinking that if I dated this guy it would be because I was sick of being single and I would also feel like I was using him and that is the last thing that I want to to or be accused of doing! What makes this confusing is that this guy also wants to be my friend, and I have tried having the friends talk before but it just does not work he doesn't listen or he does but then just doesn't care. I feel that if I am his friend then I make it worse for him becuase I am just a natural flirt...to the point where I don't see it as flirting but he may, and if he does then I am not only making it ackward for myself but also for him. If I stop being his friend alltoghether then I lose a really nice person in my life...this year I have already lost three friends that I cared deeply for but for one reason or another I just could not continue the friendship any longer. I do not want that to happen again but I cannot continue this charade. It is literally driving me to my breaking point and my friends are divided half of them tell me that I should just drop him completely to the point of not returning his phone calls and not answering them if and when he does call and the other half tell me that I should give him a chance and try dating him...HOW CAN YOU GIVE SOMEONE A CHANCE WHEN YOU KNOW THERE IS NOTHING THERE? I honestly think that certain people who say they mean well and just want to see me happy would rather just see me in a stable relationship then happy they are the type of people to walk around and be like "did you see Chelsea has a boyfriend?" I mean come on give me a break I need to make myself happy before I can make anyone else happy. Ok that is enough ramblings for now I will continue this later!