19. Big Bang [GDragon/TOP] (Part 1)
Fandom: Big Bang
Title: Mutual Vices
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s)/Focus: G-DragonxTOP
Length: 12,611
Summary: Jiyong and Seunghyun have more than just bad habits in common.
Warnings: predebut/sexual situations involving a minor
Notes: none
Remixee author: apple_of_my
Title of work you remixed: untitled
Link to work you remixed: http://danish-pink.livejournal.com/22625.html
It's the fourth day of practice that week when Jiyong meets Seunghyun up on the rooftop for the first time. When Jaewook had called for a fifteen-minute break, all Jiyong could think about was smoking a quick cigarette. Evidently, Seunghyun had the same idea.
"Hey," Jiyong says from the rooftop entrance. Seunghyun is startled, turns around quickly before he realizes it's just Jiyong and he then relaxes again.
"Jesus, I thought you were manager hyung," Seunghyun says. Jiyong laughs, and Seunghyun laughs with him.
"I could go get him if you want." Jiyong backpedals a bit, slowly, pointing a thumb behind his shoulder and waiting for Seunghyun to give permission.
"Yeah, sure, idiot. Go tell him you're still smoking too." Seunghyun puffs out the smoke from his lungs loudly as he leans back over the ledge.
Jiyong walks up beside him, takes out his own pack of cigarettes and taps one out of the box. He feels around his pockets for a lighter he can't find. Thankfully he doesn't even have to ask before Seunghyun sighs out more smoke and hands Jiyong his own.
"Thanks," Jiyong mumbles and lights up his own cigarette.
They stand in silence, enjoying the few minutes they have left before they need to walk back downstairs. It's the middle of summer but the sun is going down and the air is cooler and beginning to feel much nicer than the stuffy practice room in the basement.
Jiyong stubs out his cigarette first and begins to walk back to the door. He looks back after a few paces and notices Seunghyun isn't following.
"You coming?" Jiyong asks.
"In a minute."
Jiyong tch's. "Jaewook hyung is going to yell at you."
Seunghyun only shrugs.
____
The next day Jiyong doesn't expect Seunghyun to even show up on the rooftop during their midday break. He was right in knowing that Jaewook would yell at Seunghyun for returning late. He'd gotten great satisfaction in giving his hyung the "I told you so" look. Seunghyun sulked all the way through practice and afterwards.
However, Seunghyun still shows, even after being held back after a break was called and being told how important punctuality is.
"Hey," Seunghyun says. It's like they've traded places for the day, Jiyong thinks.
"Hyung didn't keep you too busy did he?" Jiyong asks, smirking.
"Yeah no thanks to you, leader." Seunghyun scowls and joins him by the ledge.
"I'm not the leader yet, hyung," Jiyong says before he takes a long drag.
"Oh my god, whatever. We all know you're going to make it and be able to boss us all around. It's probably already written in your contract. Which, you know, you actually have," Seunghyun says, sounding especially whiney as he fumbles around his own pockets for his pack of cigs. "Ah, shit."
"What?"
"I forgot my cigs in my backpack. Can I bum one off of you?"
"God you're such a loser, hyung." Despite his teasing, Jiyong hands him one and the lighter.
"Says you. Lights? C'mon," Seunghyun eyes the cigarette for a moment. Jiyong knows they don't share the same brand. But he also knows that Seunghyun is more partial to his nicotine habit than he is to his preference in flavor.
Seunghyun lights it up and hands Jiyong back his lighter. Silence overtakes them once again as they enjoy the sun setting in the distance.
Jiyong can never stay silent for too long however. "You really think I'm going to be leader?" he asks.
"Yeah, man." Seunghyun pauses. "I mean, who else could it be?"
"I don't know. Youngbae?"
"You know Youngbae doesn't have the balls to yell at people like you do. I mean, you actually enjoy bossing people around. Youngbae couldn't do it." Seunghyun coughs a bit as he exhales.
"I guess you're right." Jiyong says before he takes one last drag. Again, he stubs out his cigarette first. This time, Seunghyun follows suit and they walk back downstairs together.
___
Today there's no practice, no recordings, no lessons, nothing. Still, Jiyong shows up at the YG building. He knows he can't rest until they debut. There must be something for him to work on.
It only takes ten minutes of him hanging around the studio before Perry kicks him out.
"It's your day off!" Perry says as he pushes Jiyong out the door.
Jiyong doesn't get a chance to grab his notebook out of the studio before he's forcibly removed. And all his other notebooks are at home so now he can't even write lyrics.
He sighs, frustrated. He needs a cigarette.
When he reaches the rooftop, he's surprised to see Seunghyun there.
"Hyung?" Jiyong says.
"Oh, hey. What are you doing here?" Seunghyun beams at him.
"I came to work but was told to go away," Jiyong says as he joins Seunghyun at the ledge. "Why are you here?" Jiyong had expected Seunghyun to be dead asleep until tomorrow morning.
"I, uh." Seunghyun pauses and rubs his head, ruffling his beanie more than his hair. "I read the schedule wrong," Seunghyun says before chuckling and hanging his head.
Jiyong gives him a playful shove. "You're so stupid, hyung."
"I know." They laugh together until Seunghyun starts coughing. Jiyong gives him a hearty slap on the back.
"You should quit," he says.
"You should--" Seunghyun coughs, "--quit." Another cough.
Seunghyun stubs his cigarette out. There's the beginning of a pile near their feet.
"I'm hungry, let's go get something to eat." Seunghyun nods his head towards the door before he walks off, not giving Jiyong the chance to say no. Jiyong pauses for a moment, seeing as the whole reason he came up here was to smoke, but just shrugs and follows Seunghyun downstairs.
They end up eating at a street food cart. It's something Seunghyun only eats if Jiyong is around because Jiyong never tells on him for eating things not on his diet. Jiyong has just as many bad habits as Seunghyun, if not more, so they keep each other's secrets.
The food is cheap and deliciously fried. Seunghyun pays for the both of them, even if he has to borrow two thousand won from Jiyong anyway. Seunghyun ends up eating way too many mandus and groans about being too full when he keeps eating more. Jiyong just shakes his head and tells him he deserves it.
They walk back to the dorms together. Seunghyun walks about five paces behind Jiyong.
"Jiyongie," Seunghyun whines, breathing labored. "Slow down!"
"No way you need to work off those mandus. Hustle!" Jiyong claps his hands together mockingly.
"I'm gonna throw up. All over you," Seunghyun threatens with a glare.
"Fine. When manager asks what happened, I'll just tell him you got sick from street food." Jiyong smirks. Seunghyun's brow furrows even more.
"Brat."
Jiyong does slow down, just a bit. He doesn't like Seunghyun to think his constant whining has any effect on him. But the truth is, Jiyong likes to give in to Seunghyun sometimes. Not just because he's a hyung or because he actually deserves it, but because Jiyong sincerely likes Seunghyun just a bit more than the others.
_____
Their rooftop meetings become a regular thing. Sometimes they're not even at YG for a reason. Sometimes they don't even smoke. They just look out at the city and talk. Talk about debuting, about how big they'll be, about all the yummy food they will eat when they're too famous for anyone to care what they look like.
"I'm going to own a mansion. And I'll have a whole freezer dedicated to ice cream," Seunghyun says. "A walk-in one!" he adds as an afterthought.
"What if you get locked in and freeze to death?" Jiyong asks.
"It won't be one of those," Seunghyun says, holding up a defiant finger.
"Yes it will. And you'll lock your dumb ass inside." Jiyong snickers.
"Whatever at least I'll die happy." Seunghyun shrugs.
Jiyong laughs outright then. "You're funny, hyung."
Seunghyun smiles proudly. "Yeah, I am."
Their eyes meet, and Jiyong feels something in the way Seunghyun looks at him. It's happiness and anxiousness and mirth all rolled into one look. It gives Jiyong goose bumps and he has to look away quickly.
Jiyong finds it hard to admit to himself that sometimes he abandons his work and comes and goes to the rooftop in hopes of finding Seunghyun. Jiyong can find comfort in Seunghyun like he can in no one else. He's not like Youngbae who will lecture him, or like Dongwook or Perry who still treats him like he's twelve. Seunghyun is his true equal in everything. He gets Jiyong in ways other people just can't.
"We should go home. 'S getting dark," Seunghyun says and straightens the backpack on his shoulders.
"No, let's stay a little longer," Jiyong says and sits down underneath the ledge, careful to avoid their pile of cigarette butts. He doesn't know why he says it. Seunghyun is right, it's getting dark and Jiyong isn't exactly dressed for the cold evening air. Despite himself, Jiyong looks up to Seunghyun. "Hyung, sit with me."
"I'm not sitting down there. I'll get ash all over my ass," Seunghyun says, snickering.
Jiyong laughs, loud and full. "Sit over here, stupid." Jiyong gestures to the other side of him, the part of the concrete rooftop that's free of trash. Seunghyun sighs yet moves to sit by him anyway.
Jiyong leans back, closes his eyes, and focuses on the dull roar of the city behind them. His ears transfix from the rustle and cars below to the sound of Seunghyun's deep breathing. Jiyong finds himself leaning into him.
It's comforting, like this, with the sun casting an orange glow above them and the white noise of the city covering everything else. Seunghyun's body is warm and the fabric of his sweatshirt is soft. Jiyong unintentionally nuzzles himself into Seunghyun's shoulder, seeking the warmth.
"What'cha doin?" Seunghyun's voice is a quiet rumble.
Jiyong is surprised at himself and goes wide-eyed for a second before he brings it back. "Nothing, just... getting comfortable." Jiyong inwardly groans at his own excuse. He feels humiliated and nervous but he knows he can't take it back now.
Seunghyun moves without warning and Jiyong is afraid he's about to push him away but instead Seunghyun wraps an arm around Jiyong and brings him halfway into his embrace. Jiyong looks up as far as he can see and Seunghyun's eyes are closed. His long lashes cascade over his high cheek bones. His lips are relaxed with the most perfect Cupid's bow. And to top it all off, Seunghyun lets out a deep sigh through his nose, low and content. When Jiyong feels his cheeks becoming hot he diverts his gaze, shifting to look in the opposite direction.
"Why are you so fidgety?" Seunghyun asks and holds Jiyong tighter. "Just stay still. Relax."
Jiyong wishes he could relax, but his stomach feels like it's about to fall out of his body and his heart won't stop palpitating. Gently, he pushes Seunghyun away. Jiyong catches Seunghyun's eyes for a moment and Seunghyun looks incredibly hurt in his infamously exaggerated way.
"I thought you wanted to cuddle?" Seunghyun pouts before breaking out into a grin.
"Ah, um, changed my mind," Jiyong says in the calmest voice he can muster. "You were right, --let's go home."
____
"Do it again, Jiyong-ah," Perry says with a sigh into the mic receiver.
Behind the window of the recording booth, Jiyong glares at the floor. He hasn't been able to concentrate all day. Still, Perry restarts the track and Jiyong begins his rap again. He gets about three lines in before his words become muddled. Jiyong bites his lip and growls his frustration.
"That's enough. Come on out," Jiyong hears through the speakers.
Jiyong sulks out of the recording booth into the studio and sinks into a chair. He pulls his beanie over his head, not really wanting to see the disappointing look Perry is probably giving him right now.
"What's up with you today?" Perry asks, his voice sounding concerned.
"I don't know.... It's just--" Jiyong sighs.
In actuality, Jiyong does know but he doesn't want to admit it to himself. He doesn't want to admit how much he keeps thinking about how his hyung smiles so stupidly or how warm his body feels when Jiyong is pressed up next to it and how much he would like to be pressed up against it right now.
"It's a girl, isn't it?" Perry asks, laughter in his voice.
"Ugh, no," Jiyong says and pulls his beanie tighter.
"Oh whatever. You look like a tortured artist in love. What's her name?" Jiyong knows Perry is smirking even though Jiyong can't see him. Picking on the trainees is just about his favorite thing to do. Jiyong groans.
"Can I just be done for today?" Jiyong asks.
"Not unless you tell me who you're crushin on."
Jiyong lifts up his beanie with one hand then and glares at Perry. "No."
"Well then I'm giving your little ass five minutes to get your shit together and get back into the booth." Perry turns around and begins fiddling around with the computer. Jiyong just sighs and trudges back towards the booth.
By the end of the evening, Jiyong still can't get his rap right.
_____
Jiyong is never satisfied until he does something productive for the day. That's why it's one in the morning and he's still up trying to write some lyrics. Recording was so awful that he has to do something to make up for it.
He thinks maybe he can channel these feeling into a tragic love song. But he doesn't think of despair when he thinks of Seunghyun. Jiyong can only think of how happy Seunghyun makes him by just existing. Even in his worst moments, when he's lazy or saying something incredibly stupid, Jiyong can only find it endearing.
He's interrupted in his love sick musings by a knock at his door. Jiyong doesn't really feel like seeing anyone right now --after all he might be blushing--but against his better judgment, he tells whoever it is to come in. To Jiyong's dismay, it's Seunghyun. He's never wanted to see someone so bad and not see them so bad at the same time.
"Oh, hi, hyung." Jiyong forces a smile, afraid his stupid girly feelings are showing in his expression. He sits up quickly, nervously.
Seunghyun plops himself down onto Jiyong's bed, practically belly-flopping onto it and sighs.
"Something the matter, hyung?" Jiyong asks
"Can't sleep," Seunghyun says, his voice muffled by Jiyong's blankets. He lifts his head and says, "Only your bedroom light is on. Whatcha doin'?"
"Just trying to get some work done," Jiyong says and Seunghyun looks taken aback.
"Oh! I'm sorry." Seunghyun begins to sit up. "Do you want me to go?" He points to the door behind him.
"No, no. You can stay." Jiyong waves his hand, unconcerned. He knows he should probably kick Seunghyun out. He would most likely be a distraction if not because of Jiyong's feelings but just because Seunghyun is really good at annoying people who are busy.
Jiyong almost regrets his decision until he sees the smile that lights up on his hyung's face.
"Okay," Seunghyun says. "I'll just keep your company then."
Jiyong goes back to writing and Seunghyun fiddles with picking thread from Jiyong's blankets for at least three minutes until Jiyong sighs audibly and tells him to stop destroying his things. When Jiyong scolds him Seunghyun just laughs with that goofy laugh of his that always makes him sound ten years younger than he actually is.
Seunghyun over-dramatically rolls off the bed and then up and into Jiyong's computer chair. Jiyong rolls his eyes on the outside while inside he's mentally screaming about how cute his hyung can be. He thinks Seunghyun would make a better maknae than Seungri would. Seungri's too bratty for his own good.
The sounds from the speakers alerts Jiyong that Seunghyun is playing online games. Seunghyun curses before pressing the mute button.
"Ah, sorry," he says.
"'S okay."
The tick-tack of the keyboard fills the silence in the room, sometimes followed by a frustrated noise or slight outburst every few seconds. Jiyong smiles, looking up to see Seunghyun intently focused on the computer screen. Jiyong thinks Seunghyun would probably be the best in the whole group if he was as dedicated to singing and dancing as he is to computer games.
It's then that Jiyong realizes he hasn't written a single line since the other boy came into the room. Looking down, all Jiyong sees is an empty page. He sighs.
"Not going so hot?" Seunghyun asks, although his eyes remain focused on the screen.
"I can't do anything right today," Jiyong mumbles as he tosses his notepad aside and throws his head back, rubbing his palms against his forehead.
"What do you mean?" Seunghyun asks as his fingers tap wildly at the arrow keys.
"I can't write. I can't rap." Jiyong groans, continuing to rub his face with his hands. "Today was just a failure. I'm a failure," he mumbles.
"Don't say that."
Jiyong looks down and Seunghyun is looking right back at him.
"What?"
"Don't say that," Seunghyun repeats. "You're not a failure." Seunghyun looks as serious as Jiyong's ever seen him and it's almost frightening.
"Ah, I won't. I'm sorry." Jiyong looks away then.
"Don't be. Just don't call yourself a failure." Seunghyun fiddles with the mouse before standing up. "You're supposed to be our leader, remember?"
All of Jiyong's feelings stir in his stomach like a mixing bowl. They're coming up too fast and threaten to spill over. Seunghyun needs to leave.
"Ah, yeah. I think I'm going to sleep it off," Jiyong says as he looks at the wall, hoping Seunghyun will get the message.
"Okay, I'll go try to sleep too. Goodnight." Seunghyun smiles and heads for the door.
"Goodnight, hyung."
When the door closes, Jiyong lets out the breath he didn't realize he was holding.
______
It's midnight when once again Jiyong hears a knock at his bedroom door. He gets up to answer it this time seeing as it's locked. Seungri never knows to knock.
Upon opening it, Seunghyun is standing there, leaning on the doorframe with a goofy smile on his face. He's hiding something behind his back.
"Got something for you," Seunghyun says and his voice sounds weirder than usual.
He holds up whatever he's hiding and it's a six pack of beer with one missing from the rings. "Had one already," he says.
"Hyung!" Jiyong looks scandalized and drags Seunghyun into his room before closing the door. "Jesus did anyone see you?"
"Mm, don't think so," Seunghyun says as he flops onto the bed like he likes to do. Jiyong rubs his face with his hands.
"Where did you even get that? I doubt manager hyung let you put it on the fucking grocery list," Jiyong says, glaring.
"Hey, I got friends," Seunghyun says. He sits up on the bed and breaks a can from the plastic ring, holding it up to Jiyong. "I got it for you."
Jiyong is stupefied. Seunghyun looks especially childish in that moment. Like he's holding up a macaroni drawing he made with love for his mom and not a can of cheap beer. The gesture shouldn't be affecting Jiyong this much, but without hesitation he takes the beer.
"For me?" Jiyong asks.
"Yeah, man. You looked so down yesterday and I wanted to do something, I dunno, special." Seunghyun smiles, barring his teeth and it makes Jiyong feel so good.
It shouldn't mean this much to him, Jiyong knows. It's just some shitty beer and he's not supposed to drink it anyway. But Seunghyun looks too sincere for his own good and it makes Jiyong feel sappier than when he sees a cute puppy.
"Yeah, okay. Thanks." Jiyong smiles, trying so hard not to let too much of his happiness show. He sits down next to Seunghyun and cracks open the can.
Seunghyun grabs another one for himself and holds it up. "To...," Seunghyun stops, obviously unable to think of anything.
"To us," Jiyong says and clinks his can with Seunghyun's.
"To us!" Seunghyun repeats and laughs. Jiyong wishes just a little bit that the "us" part would mean a little less friendship and a little bit more something else. But he pushes those feelings back for now.
They drink and they talk for what seems like hours and maybe it is. They finish off the six pack. Seunghyun has four beers to Jiyong's two. Seunghyun apologizes, saying that he meant for them to split it evenly but Jiyong has such a low tolerance that it doesn't even matter to him.
They're lying there next to each other. Jiyong, on his back with his knees up and Seunghyun, lying flat on the bed taking up all the extra space. Jiyong turns his head and to his surprised, he looks directly into Seunghyun's eyes. Normally within a few seconds he would look away. Jiyong's not sure if it's the alcohol flooding his brain or if it's pure attraction that makes him unable to look away.
Seunghyun's eyes are glazed over a bit, but it doesn't necessarily detract from the intensity of them. They're still a perfect, deep black that accentuates his features so well.
"Hyung, you're so beautiful," Jiyong says without thinking.
Seunghyun goes wide-eyed for about two seconds before dissolving into giggles. He rolls away as he laughs, almost far enough to fall off the bed before he stops himself and rolls back. Jiyong feels his stomach churn in embarrassment.
"Oh my god, Jiyong!" Seunghyun gasps out his laughter. "That's fucking funny."
"Shut up!" Jiyong says in a shaky voice. He manages to throw a pillow at Seunghyun's head because Jiyong really did mean what he said, even if it was said unintentionally, and Seunghyun is being an ass about it.
The pillow misses completely and lands on the floor. Seunghyun laughs even harder, clutching at his sides. This time, he does fall off the bed with a loud thump. His laughter abruptly stops.
"Ow, fuck." Seunghyun moans from the floor.
"You deserve it you dickhead," Jiyong says, embarrassment turning into anger.
Seunghyun rolls onto his back and looks up at Jiyong. "Why are you so mean to hyung?" He pouts.
Jiyong just glares down at Seunghyun from his perch on the bed. He shouldn't have to explain to Seunghyun why he's angry.
"Jiyongie," Seunghyun whines, over exaggerated.
He stumbles as he tries to stand up. It doesn't stop him. He lands on the bed on all fours, a giggle escaping him as his hands and knees hit the mattress. Jiyong inches away slightly because Seunghyun looks predatory in a way that means he's about to do something that Jiyong is going to hate, like tickle him or pin him until he says what Seunghyun wants to hear.
Without warning, Seunghyun launches forward at a speed that would suggest he hadn't just drank four beers. He bears all his weight onto Jiyong as he tackles him. Jiyong squirms underneath him, trying to get free, but Seunghyun is too heavy and Jiyong is too buzzed.
"Why you so mean, huh, huh?" Seunghyun taunts as he wrestles Jiyong.
"Hyung, stop!" Jiyong protests. Every touch from Seunghyun burns and lingers on Jiyong's skin. He feels all sorts of familiar, wanted yet unwanted, feelings begin to stem from his chest.
Seunghyun pins Jiyong's arms at his sides and looms over him, smirking. He's only half way on top of Jiyong, but it's enough weight to make Jiyong immobile. Jiyong closes his eyes and tries to desperately mentally will himself to sink into the mattress, hoping it will swallow him whole and he won't have to be in this position any longer.
It isn't for a few moments that Jiyong notices that Seunghyun has stopped his ministrations. He isn't moving or saying or doing anything. Slowly, Jiyong opens his eyes and meets Seunghyun's intrigued ones.
"You're blushing," he says, incredulous.
Jiyong darts his eyes away. Seunghyun's right, he can feel it. Not just in his face--, it feels like his whole body is blushing, like a fire is burning solid and steady through his veins. It's overwhelming yet Jiyong enjoys it just a little bit.
"Hyung, g-get off me," He says, voice low, afraid of unwanted noises or words coming out.
"No, tell--." Before Seunghyun can finish his sentence he shifts awkwardly and his knee bumps into Jiyong's groin. Jiyong's small, surprised moan is what cuts him off.
Seunghyun freezes and Jiyong goes wide-eyed.
Jiyong is going to throw up for real. He feels a mixture of disbelief arousal, and-- more than anything--, humiliation. It's like he's been caught red-handed doing something he's not supposed to. Seunghyun may play dumb half of the time, but Jiyong knows he's definitely not stupid about this sort of thing, with or without alcohol clouding his mind.
He doesn't expect it when Seunghyun presses his knee forward again and he can't help the small whine that comes out of his firmly closed lips. As if testing the waters, Seunghyun does it a third time and Jiyong feels like he's going crazy.
"What are you-ah!" Jiyong tries to bite his lips to stop any more sounds from coming out, but he can't help it. Seunghyun keeps moving above him, gently grinding his leg into Jiyong's growing erection. Jiyong can't hold back all the noises he's making.
Then suddenly, Seunghyun stops. Jiyong dares to look up, thinking it was probably a test. Probably just to see how sick Jiyong actually is. He's going to look up and Seunghyun is going to be looking at him with disgust.
Jiyong doesn't see disgust though. Surprisingly Seunghyun looks intrigued, a little frightened, but overall aroused. There's a darkness to his eyes that Jiyong has never seen before. It doesn't exactly quell the situation down below.
"Jiyong, I," Seunghyun begins but whatever he wants to say seems to die in his throat. He bites his lips, apprehensively. "Is this," he starts again but pauses. "Is this okay?"
Jiyong can't speak, can't even think of the words to say. Flabbergasted, he just nods, slowly and firmly. Though he has thought of it, seen it once even, Jiyong has never done anything with another guy before. And by the way Seunghyun stalls and awkwardly shifts his body, Jiyong assumes he hasn't either.
Seunghyun puffs out a breath above him. It blows hot onto Jiyong's cheek and sends electric shocks throughout his body. He hadn't realized how close Seunghyun was. Jiyong sighs, but it comes out too loud, almost a moan. They look into each other's eyes again until Jiyong closes his in embarrassment.
Jiyong almost doesn't believe it when Seunghyun leans down and kisses him, moving his lips slowly over Jiyong's. He's caught so off-guard that he re-opens his eyes in shock before he remembers you're supposed to close them when you kiss someone.
After a moment, he sighs through his nose and returns the kiss, pressing upward. Jiyong knows he's not great at this, but Seunghyun takes care of him. He leads and Jiyong follows until they break apart.
"Don't stop," Jiyong begs and he opens his eyes again. Seunghyun is staring back at him with a heavy, dark gaze.
When Seunghyun kisses him the second time, Jiyong fucking trembles. It's so different from the way his past girlfriends have kissed him before. They were never older or very experienced and he maybe tongue-kissed one of them once.
Seunghyun still leads him, tracing along Jiyong's tongue with his own, guiding Jiyong's lips to cross with his own. Jiyong can't help the moan that comes up from his throat. For a split second, he's worried about sounding desperate until Seunghyun answers with a groan and presses his body down once again.
It's weird because he feels vulnerable and excited at the same time. He wants this so bad but he's so scared of what it means, scared of what this means to Seunghyun. Jiyong knows these are his real feelings but are they also Seunghyun's?
Is this just a drunken romp or something more?
Seunghyun pulls away slowly, his warm breath ghosting over Jiyong's lips. Jiyong lowers his eyes and looks away, unable to meet his hyung's gaze. He feels ten times more unguarded than he felt a few seconds ago. It's always easier to ignore the consequences of the act when you're doing it.
Jiyong feels Seunghyun's hand, warm and big, cup the side of his face gently. "Jiyong," Seunghyun says, his voice low and slightly gravely. It makes Jiyong feel better, to know Seunghyun sounds just as nervous as Jiyong feels. "I want you."
And that settles it for Jiyong.
"Me too," Jiyong admits, leaning into the feel of Seunghyun's hand. He smiles and leans up to kiss Seunghyun again.
Jiyong hesitantly places his hands on Seunghyun's shoulders. He's not exactly sure where to put them. Seunghyun isn't a girl; he doesn't need to be soothed and held. Jiyong's not used to this at all. Is he supposed to be more aggressive? Does one of them have to act like a girl?
Jiyong supposes he does when Seunghyun pulls away for a brief second only to start kissing Jiyong's neck. It makes him mad for a moment, that he's being put into the passive role, but Seunghyun's lips tickle him in just the right way, sending shivers down his body. It feels so good that Jiyong can't help but gasp and arch his back.
Jiyong's doesn't notice how hard he is until Seunghyun rolls his hips downward. Seunghyun inhales sharply when he feels it and groans when Jiyong can't stop from moving his hips up, seeking friction. Feeling Seunghyun's erection against his own makes Jiyong takes comfort in knowing that he's not the only one.
They're moving so fast, Jiyong knows. Only just a couple a minutes ago did they first kiss and now Jiyong's rutting against Seunghyun like the horny teenager he is. But Jiyong's mind is too hazy with pleasure to stop.
Seunghyun enables him, moving a hand to Jiyong's lower back and helping him press upward and rearranging their legs more comfortably. Jiyong feels Seunghyun's cock shift onto his thigh when he moves.
They grind together, short pants and quiet moans escaping their lips in between kisses. The friction of their sweatpants is something between unbearable and just right. Jiyong claws at Seunghyun's back, not exactly sure if he's trying to hold on or get closer.
With one last groan, Seunghyun bores down into him until he's gasping and Jiyong knows he's just come. Jiyong thrusts up with wild abandon then, knowing that his hyung just used him to get off makes his excitement rise ten fold. He comes with a too-loud moan soon after.
He falls back onto the bed, Seunghyun following suit. Jiyong feels sweaty and gross and he could really use a towel but all that is pushed into the back of his mind because of the happiness he feels.
"Hyung," Jiyong says. He doesn't know what he's asking for. Maybe just to make sure Seunghyun is still there with him. To make sure that this is real.
Seunghyun groans and rolls off of him before sitting up. Jiyong looks to him, and Seunghyun looks broken, like he has just gotten some bad news.
"Ah, fuck," he curses, covering his face with his hands.
Jiyong sits up. "What's wrong?" He places a hand on Seunghyun's arm and Seunghyun squirms away. Jiyong is surprised.
"We shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry," Seunghyun says and begins to get off the bed. Jiyong stops him.
"Hyung, wait! Why? You didn't like it? Did I do something wrong?" Jiyong can hear the panic in his own voice. If it was so wrong why did it feel so right?
"No, it's just---," Seunghyun sighs. "Jiyong you know we can't... we shouldn't," Seunghyun says.
"Well, we just fucking did!" Jiyong yells, angry now that after all that, Seunghyun is trying to take it all back.
"I know, but--."
"No, hyung. No 'but's. You can't do that. You can't do that to me and then leave," Jiyong says and now he feels like crying. He can feel the tears welling up. "You can't."
Jiyong remembers the look in his eyes, the way he had said "I want you." There's no way Seunghyun didn't mean it. Whatever regrets he's having now aren't what he really wants.
"But we can't. We're trying to make a fucking band here. You know that. You know the band comes first," Seunghyun says. "Look, I'm sorry--."
"Don't you think I know that?! Don't you think I've been trying to push my feelings aside for the band this whole time?" Jiyong yells and he knows he could wake up the others. It only further reminds him of the risk he's willing to take.
Seunghyun looks thrown off guard. "Jiyong, I....," he trails off.
"Can't we just try? Just try with me? If it doesn't work we can break it off and still be friends," Jiyong says, pleads. He knows in his heart that if they become something more, then they could never go back to being friends again. Jiyong has a couple of ex-girlfriends who are proof of that. He knows Seunghyun has one too.
Seunghyun looks away, like he's mentally weighing the pros and cons. After a long moment, he sighs and finally speaks up. "Okay. Let's try."
Jiyong finally feels his happiness return and he leaps forward to hug Seunghyun. It's a brief hug before he pulls back and kisses him, light and quick, still a bit shy.
"You won't regret it," Jiyong says.
____
Kissing Seunghyun has got to be Jiyong's favorite thing. It's right up there with rapping and dancing. Sometimes their meetings on the roofs aren't even about smoking. Instead they just make out for ten minutes and maybe a little bit longer. Jaewook, of course, yells at them when they show up late. He goes so far as to call them "suspicious little brats" but Jiyong isn't worried. Jaewook would suspect them keeping a completely innocent secret, like hiding an abandoned puppy they're not supposed to have before he suspects them being in a relationship.
Seunghyun acts like everyone knows. He's even afraid to meet Jiyong on the roof or go into his room at night sometimes now, even though he had done all those things before.
The amount of convincing it takes just to make Seunghyun act normal sometimes is trying, because Jiyong knows no one really notices or cares. To them, Jiyong and Seunghyun have always had a close relationship. From their inside jokes about the maknae, and their adoration of Hyunseung, to their similar bad habits and general rebellion.
And because Jiyong knows no one cares, with a little convincing, Seunghyun can spend hours in Jiyong's room. Though, to their credit, they do more than kiss. Sometimes they work on music together or play computer games if they have the time. Most of the time they still just talk.
"What do you think our group should be called, hyung?" Jiyong asks as they lie on his bed, listening to old hip hop CDs.
"Tempo and the Beats," Seunghyun says before they both burst out laughing. Jiyong hits Seunghyun playfully.
"That's so fucking stupid. You're stupid," Jiyong says. He rolls on his side and into Seunghyun and hums. "But you're my stupid."
Seunghyun chuckles. "Yes I am." He rolls onto his side too and kisses Jiyong.
There's a knock at the door and they pull apart abruptly.
"Hyung! I need to use your computer!" Seungri says from the other side of the door. The lock in the doorknob jiggles.
"Go away," Jiyong yells back.
"Hyung, please! Just for a second!"
Jiyong looks over at Seunghyun and rolls his eyes before getting up and letting the maknae in.
"Thanks, hyung!" Seungri says as he walks over to Jiyong's desktop. "What're you guys doing in here? Just listening to music?"
"None of your business," Jiyong says as he rubs his knuckles into Seungri's head. Seunghyun snickers from across the room.
"Shouldn't you be in bed, maknae?" Seunghyun asks condescendingly.
"Shouldn't you be in your own room, hyung?" Seungri makes a snarky face as he speaks.
Jiyong hits Seungri on the head again. "Watch your mouth."
"... Sorry," Seungri mumbles, rubbing his head.
"Actually I probably should get back to my own room," Seunghyun says. Jiyong gives him a sad, surprised look. Seunghyun merely nods his head at Seungri --who couldn't be any the wiser-- and Jiyong sighs.
"Yeah, you're right. Goodnight, hyung," Jiyong says as Seunghyun heads for the door.
"Goodnight," Seunghyun replies. He looks to see if Seungri is watching before blowing Jiyong a kiss and shutting the door. Jiyong tries to hide his smile.
___
"This has to stop," Jiyong says with laughter in his voice as Seunghyun greets him yet again, at his doorway late at night.
"Well, you won't come to my room," Seunghyun says as he lets himself in.
"Your room is gross," Jiyong says with a frown. Seunghyun just shrugs before he flops himself onto the bed on his back.
"You're gross," Seunghyun says and sticks his tongue out. Jiyong rolls his eyes at the lame comeback.
"You must be tired if that's the best you can come up with." Jiyong walks over to his bed and lies down after kicking Seunghyun to make him move over.
Seunghyun lies on his back while Jiyong lies on his stomach, side to side. As if to confirm Jiyong's comment, Seunghyun lets out a yawn.
"Must be," he says.
"You wanna go to sleep?" Jiyong asks, looking over at Seunghyun as his head rests on his arm. He doesn't know if there's something on his face or if he said the wrong thing, but Seunghyun looks at him intently.
When they first met, Jiyong found Seunghyun scary with his sharp eyes and big eyebrows. He looked mean, like the kids who used to pick on Jiyong in school. But Jiyong soon figured out that he's nothing like that. Seunghyun's much more goofy than his appearance would let on.
Still, in moments like these, when Seunghyun focuses his gaze onto Jiyong like Jiyong is the center of his world, Jiyong feels a little bit of fear like he did back then. It's a fear that intrigues him, excites him. Like driving fast down the highway or like being on stage in front of a crowd of people. He wants to feel more, wants to fly higher. Jiyong supposes Seunghyun has always made him feel like that, from the first time they met back in middle school.
Seunghyun doesn't answer him; instead he leans forward and kisses him. Jiyong reciprocates immediately, closing his eyes and leaning into the other boy. After a moment Jiyong feels a hand snake up his arm, to his shoulder and then up the back of his neck to the short hairs at the base of his head. It tickles and sends a warm feeling down his spine. It feels even better when Seunghyun's thumb starts rubbing a spot on the side of his neck.
Jiyong pulls apart for a brief moment and shifts until he's half way on top of Seunghyun, holding his face until he pushes his fingers upward into his hair. He feels Seunghyun's content hum before he hears it as they lay chest to chest. Seunghyun's free hand moves to Jiyong's side and pulls him closer.
Normally there's a lot of groping going on when they kiss, but this seems hotter, more intimate. It's different from when they're on the rooftop and the wind bites at their exposed areas. Or when they sneak little kisses in between talking about their future plans and whatever Seunghyun thinks about eating for tomorrow.
Seunghyun's hand wanders down Jiyong's backside and to his ass. When Seunghyun doesn't hesitate to grab, Jiyong gasps into his mouth and clenches his hand in Seunghyun's hair. Seunghyun chuckles and does it again.
Jiyong feels the stirrings down below and knows he's getting hard. It's not like kissing Seunghyun hasn't gotten him hard before. But he usually tries to control it before they get to this point, afraid of having to face everyone at dance practice with a boner.
This time, he lets go. He lets it happen. He wants it to happen.
Jiyong grinds his hips down, letting out a strangled sound. Seunghyun lets out one of his own, digging his fingers harder into Jiyong's backside. They move together, clenching, gasping, and grinding. Jiyong can feel Seunghyun's own erection through his jeans and suddenly he feels hot, too hot.
Sitting up, Jiyong peels his shirt off as he straddles Seunghyun. Looking down between them, he can see Seunghyun's bulge and the sight only heightens his own arousal.
"Seunghyun, I want...," Jiyong says before biting his lower lip. Seunghyun looks up at him, almost perplexed. "We should do it."
Seunghyun's eyes go wide for the briefest second. "Okay."
That short lived look almost makes Jiyong second guess going through with this. Not to mention the fact that he's not quite sure of how it's all supposed to work. But he trusts that Seunghyun knows and wouldn't agree to it if he didn't. Sex is supposed to be the next logical step in a relationship, right? And he wants it, so that's good enough for him.
Jiyong rolls off of Seunghyun and onto his back. Seunghyun sits up a bit, and eyes Jiyong for a moment before moving over him. Jiyong spreads his legs a bit, his erection bulging through his jeans almost obscenely. Seunghyun eyes it before looking up his body and then to his eyes.
"You sure?" Seunghyun asks, and he sounds a little weary. Almost as if he's afraid.
"Yes." Jiyong closes his eyes and he can hear Seunghyun take a shaky breath.
"Okay."
"You know what you're doing right?" Jiyong asks timidly. God he hopes Seunghyun knows what's he's doing. He should, he's the one who had the experienced, older girlfriend.
"Um, yeah... yes. Sort of." Seunghyun fumbles over his words. Jiyong can see the blush reach to the tip's of his gigantic ears. Maybe it's his first time going all the way with a guy; Jiyong wouldn't know and Seunghyun would never tell.
Seunghyun's hands fumble with the zipper to Jiyong's jeans. He can't work his fingers around it correctly and sighs as he stops awkwardly.
"Are you okay?" Jiyong asks, practically choking on his own dry tongue. God his mouth is so dry. He's so nervous but he's trying so hard to not let it show. It was so much different when they had been drinking.
"Yes," Seunghyun hisses.
Jiyong's eyes widen. "Okay," he says. Something doesn't feel right about this moment anymore, but Jiyong isn't about to stop.
Seunghyun's fingers try to work at Jiyong's zipper again and he still can't get it undone.
"Here, let me--," Jiyong says as he reaches down to undo it himself.
"No!" Seunghyun snaps. Jiyong jumps backwards from the sound of it.
"What the fuck is going on with you?" Jiyong asks, sounding half worried, half pissed off.
"Nothing. Jesus, just... just give me a second." Seunghyun sighs and rubs his temple.
"Haven't you done this before?" Jiyong asks and Seunghyun's eyes flick upward, boring into Jiyong's own. "You were with that girl right? You know what you're doing right?"
Seunghyun's eyes narrow. "Yes."
"Well, you're not acting like it," Jiyong says and regrets it as soon as the words leave his mouth.
"Fuck you, Jiyong," Seunghyun snaps again before moving off of him.
"What the fuck is your problem?! You said you know so you should know!" Jiyong yells, frantic.
"Just shut up, please." Seunghyun is looking at anywhere but at him.
"Don't tell me to shut up. You're acting like a fucking baby right now for no reason. Why are you acting like this?" Jiyong asks.
"Because." Seunghyun runs his hands through his hair.
"Because?" Jiyong lifts an eyebrow.
"Because, I didn't have sex with her, Jiyong!" And just like that, as Seunghyun throws his hands up, the secret's out. Suddenly Seunghyun's attitude makes a little more sense and he doesn't seem like such an asshole anymore. Instead he looks shameful and distraught and it's Jiyong who feels like the asshole.
"O-oh," Jiyong mumbles, stunned.
"Yeah."
They sit in silence and Jiyong can't meet Seunghyun's eyes. He had no idea. He thought Seunghyun was supposed to be the experienced one in all this. He's been leading them the entire time. Seunghyun knows Jiyong has never had a girlfriend he got passed kissing with. But Jiyong never knew the same about Seunghyun.
"I'm sorry," Jiyong says, barely loud enough that he's sure Seunghyun can't hear it.
Seunghyun turns away and Jiyong begins to put his shirt back on. Seunghyun never acknowledges whether he's heard Jiyong or not. Before Jiyong can repeat himself, Seunghyun gets up in a rush and heads for the door.
"Hyung, I'm sor--."
The sound of the door slamming cuts him off.
____
"You know," Youngbae says as they walk down the halls to the studio. "I heard you and hyung fighting the other night. What was that all about?"
"It's nothing," Jiyong says quickly, even though he knows he's been visibly pouting all day. He can't help it, really.
Youngbae stops them with a hand on Jiyong's shoulder. "Jiyong," he says.
Jiyong keeps his eyes to the floor, he's not that great at lying. Well not to Youngbae, that is. To the camera, the lies come out so fast he can never keep track of them. But Youngbae is different from a camera lens.
"It's not the first time I've heard you two at night, you know," Youngbae says. "Your room is right next to mine."
Jiyong bites his lower lip, trying to keep a straight face and failing. What had Youngbae heard? Was it just them talking and laughing about stupid things or had he heard it when they did that?
Youngbae sighs, clicking his tongue. "I'm not stupid you know."
Jiyong laughs, small and sarcastic. "I know that," he says. "What have you heard?"
"Lots of things," Youngbae says and now it's he who looks embarrassed and that's all Jiyong needs to know.
"I'm sorry," Jiyong says, hanging his head and trying to keep his face steady. Is Youngbae going to go tell the president? Does this mean its over? Though, Jiyong thinks, are he and Seunghyun even still a thing right now? So many worries and questions flood Jiyong's mind all at once.
"I'm not," Youngbae sighs, "I'm not going to tell anyone." He sounds defeated, like if it weren't for probably how pathetic Jiyong looks he'd probably be knocking on President Yang's office door right now.
Jiyong's head snaps up and he knows he looks shocked but he can't help it. Slowly, he begins to smile. Youngbae smiles back at him.
"You're such a good friend," Jiyong says, and he means it. Only Youngbae would care about their friendship this much. If it had been anyone else, he and Seunghyun would be out of YG faster than President Yang could rip up his contract. He hugs Youngbae tightly, but only for a quick moment.
"C'mon, let's go make some music," Jiyong says.
The idea of making music steers Youngbae away from his original question. And the presence of people inside the studio ensures that Youngbae won't bring it up again.
_____
In the middle of the night there's a knock at Jiyong's door.
Jiyong really doesn't feel like entertaining whatever nightmare Seungri had this time, but against his better judgment he gets out of bed and answers it anyway.
When he opens the door, it's Seunghyun.
"Jiyong I'm sorry," Seunghyun blurts out. "I wasn't thinking. I never think. I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me--."
"Stop," Jiyong says, grabbing Seunghyun by the wrist and dragging him into his room. The door is slammed shut before Jiyong pulls Seunghyun to sit with him on the bed. "Breathe, start over."
Seunghyun takes a breath, releases it slowly and then looks to Jiyong. "I'm sorry for the other night." Jiyong is dumbfounded because he's pretty sure he was the asshole in that situation. Apparently, this reads on his face, provoking Seunghyun to explain. "It was my fault. I really didn't know what I was doing and when I didn't I blamed it on you."
"You didn't?" Jiyong asks. It's only after he asks that Seunghyun's voice yelling "I didn't have sex with her" echoes in his mind.
"No. I've never had sex. Well, I mean, I've tried, but...." Seunghyun looks away. He looks ashamed.
"But?"
Seunghyun sighs. "When my ex girlfriend and I decided to have sex, I couldn't.. get.. y'know? And I think that's part of the reason why she left me. And I was afraid if I couldn't.. do that with you, that you'd leave me too."
Jiyong's heart aches for Seunghyun then. The whole time, when Jiyong thought Seunghyun was the more advanced one, he was just as insecure and afraid as Jiyong is.
"If it helps, I'm sort of in the same boat as you. Sans the girlfriend part," Jiyong says.
He grabs Seunghyun's hand and squeezes. Seunghyun stays silent as he squeezes back. Jiyong can see tears in the corners of his eyes.
"Don't cry," Jiyong pleads, soft spoken. "I'm not going to leave you. I never want to leave you."
"Promise?" And Seunghyun's voice sounds so small. Jiyong almost feels like crying himself.
"Promise," Jiyong says. He leans forward and kisses Seunghyun gently before pulling away.
Seunghyun smiles and relaxes. It looks like a weight has been taken from his shoulders. But the look is gone once he yawns. Jiyong chuckles.
"Let's go to sleep," he says. Seunghyun blinks.
"Here? With you?" Seunghyun says, pointing at the bed.
"Yes, stupid." Jiyong rolls his eyes.
Jiyong pulls Seunghyun along to lie with him. He grabs the blankets and covers them up before curling himself into Seunghyun's front. Awkwardly, Seunghyun places an arm around him, as if he's afraid. He fidgets here and there, like he's not sure what to do, but eventually he settles and his breathing evens out. Jiyong follows its pattern until he falls asleep.
When they wake up in the morning --well, more like early afternoon--, Jiyong makes a point that he and Seunghyun should really educate themselves before going any further in their relationship. Which is why they're both at Jiyong's desktop, with Seunghyun in the chair and Jiyong perched behind him.
"Click that one." Jiyong points. Seunghyun maneuvers the mouse over and suddenly the sound of loud moaning comes over the speakers.
"Shit, shit, shit--!"
"Hyung, turn it down!"
"I am! I am!"
Seunghyun manages to pause the video right as there's an HD shot of some man's balls taking up the entire screen. He laughs, hanging his head.
"Just." Jiyong sighs. "Just close the video."
_____
It's early morning in the studio when Jiyong sees Seunghyun again. They're working on a few demos for the boss and the majority of the tracks are all ready done. Today is just about filling in the blanks.
Seunghyun wanders into the studio about five minutes late. Perry and the other producer give him the eye as he shuffles to quickly sit beside Jiyong on the couch. When they turn back around, Jiyong eyes Seunghyun and chuckles underneath his breath.
"I watched another video," Jiyong whispers to Seunghyun when he's sure no one else is paying attention.
"What video?"
"You know." Jiyong gestures in the air. Seunghyun gives him a blank stare. "The... pnnh video, god," Jiyong says, careful to muddle what he means in the presence of others.
Seunghyun lights up. "Oh!" Then he smirks. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Perry turns around from the console and eyes them suspiciously. Jiyong makes eye contact with him and sticks his tongue out. Perry rolls his eyes, turns around mumbling something about "fucking kids" before directing Daesung in the recording booth to do another take.
Seunghyun gives Jiyong a mischievous look before they both dissolve into giggles.
"So how was it?" Seunghyun asks.
"Hm...." Jiyong gives a half shrug. It certainly raised more questions that he thought he would ever have. Such as, if Jiyong still really wants to go through with it after seeing it. Before, he thought he knew, but it turns out he didn't know anything. Thinking back, he's glad their first attempt ended in an argument.
"Not like how I expected," Jiyong says.
"Oh?"
"Yeah it seems..." Jiyong looks at Seunghyun. "Messy?"
"But you still wanna try, right?" Seunghyun asks.
Jiyong thinks about it for a moment. He definitely has his doubts but he knows that it can't be worse than last time.
"Yeah."
Part 2
Title: Mutual Vices
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s)/Focus: G-DragonxTOP
Length: 12,611
Summary: Jiyong and Seunghyun have more than just bad habits in common.
Warnings: predebut/sexual situations involving a minor
Notes: none
Remixee author: apple_of_my
Title of work you remixed: untitled
Link to work you remixed: http://danish-pink.livejournal.com/22625.html
It's the fourth day of practice that week when Jiyong meets Seunghyun up on the rooftop for the first time. When Jaewook had called for a fifteen-minute break, all Jiyong could think about was smoking a quick cigarette. Evidently, Seunghyun had the same idea.
"Hey," Jiyong says from the rooftop entrance. Seunghyun is startled, turns around quickly before he realizes it's just Jiyong and he then relaxes again.
"Jesus, I thought you were manager hyung," Seunghyun says. Jiyong laughs, and Seunghyun laughs with him.
"I could go get him if you want." Jiyong backpedals a bit, slowly, pointing a thumb behind his shoulder and waiting for Seunghyun to give permission.
"Yeah, sure, idiot. Go tell him you're still smoking too." Seunghyun puffs out the smoke from his lungs loudly as he leans back over the ledge.
Jiyong walks up beside him, takes out his own pack of cigarettes and taps one out of the box. He feels around his pockets for a lighter he can't find. Thankfully he doesn't even have to ask before Seunghyun sighs out more smoke and hands Jiyong his own.
"Thanks," Jiyong mumbles and lights up his own cigarette.
They stand in silence, enjoying the few minutes they have left before they need to walk back downstairs. It's the middle of summer but the sun is going down and the air is cooler and beginning to feel much nicer than the stuffy practice room in the basement.
Jiyong stubs out his cigarette first and begins to walk back to the door. He looks back after a few paces and notices Seunghyun isn't following.
"You coming?" Jiyong asks.
"In a minute."
Jiyong tch's. "Jaewook hyung is going to yell at you."
Seunghyun only shrugs.
____
The next day Jiyong doesn't expect Seunghyun to even show up on the rooftop during their midday break. He was right in knowing that Jaewook would yell at Seunghyun for returning late. He'd gotten great satisfaction in giving his hyung the "I told you so" look. Seunghyun sulked all the way through practice and afterwards.
However, Seunghyun still shows, even after being held back after a break was called and being told how important punctuality is.
"Hey," Seunghyun says. It's like they've traded places for the day, Jiyong thinks.
"Hyung didn't keep you too busy did he?" Jiyong asks, smirking.
"Yeah no thanks to you, leader." Seunghyun scowls and joins him by the ledge.
"I'm not the leader yet, hyung," Jiyong says before he takes a long drag.
"Oh my god, whatever. We all know you're going to make it and be able to boss us all around. It's probably already written in your contract. Which, you know, you actually have," Seunghyun says, sounding especially whiney as he fumbles around his own pockets for his pack of cigs. "Ah, shit."
"What?"
"I forgot my cigs in my backpack. Can I bum one off of you?"
"God you're such a loser, hyung." Despite his teasing, Jiyong hands him one and the lighter.
"Says you. Lights? C'mon," Seunghyun eyes the cigarette for a moment. Jiyong knows they don't share the same brand. But he also knows that Seunghyun is more partial to his nicotine habit than he is to his preference in flavor.
Seunghyun lights it up and hands Jiyong back his lighter. Silence overtakes them once again as they enjoy the sun setting in the distance.
Jiyong can never stay silent for too long however. "You really think I'm going to be leader?" he asks.
"Yeah, man." Seunghyun pauses. "I mean, who else could it be?"
"I don't know. Youngbae?"
"You know Youngbae doesn't have the balls to yell at people like you do. I mean, you actually enjoy bossing people around. Youngbae couldn't do it." Seunghyun coughs a bit as he exhales.
"I guess you're right." Jiyong says before he takes one last drag. Again, he stubs out his cigarette first. This time, Seunghyun follows suit and they walk back downstairs together.
___
Today there's no practice, no recordings, no lessons, nothing. Still, Jiyong shows up at the YG building. He knows he can't rest until they debut. There must be something for him to work on.
It only takes ten minutes of him hanging around the studio before Perry kicks him out.
"It's your day off!" Perry says as he pushes Jiyong out the door.
Jiyong doesn't get a chance to grab his notebook out of the studio before he's forcibly removed. And all his other notebooks are at home so now he can't even write lyrics.
He sighs, frustrated. He needs a cigarette.
When he reaches the rooftop, he's surprised to see Seunghyun there.
"Hyung?" Jiyong says.
"Oh, hey. What are you doing here?" Seunghyun beams at him.
"I came to work but was told to go away," Jiyong says as he joins Seunghyun at the ledge. "Why are you here?" Jiyong had expected Seunghyun to be dead asleep until tomorrow morning.
"I, uh." Seunghyun pauses and rubs his head, ruffling his beanie more than his hair. "I read the schedule wrong," Seunghyun says before chuckling and hanging his head.
Jiyong gives him a playful shove. "You're so stupid, hyung."
"I know." They laugh together until Seunghyun starts coughing. Jiyong gives him a hearty slap on the back.
"You should quit," he says.
"You should--" Seunghyun coughs, "--quit." Another cough.
Seunghyun stubs his cigarette out. There's the beginning of a pile near their feet.
"I'm hungry, let's go get something to eat." Seunghyun nods his head towards the door before he walks off, not giving Jiyong the chance to say no. Jiyong pauses for a moment, seeing as the whole reason he came up here was to smoke, but just shrugs and follows Seunghyun downstairs.
They end up eating at a street food cart. It's something Seunghyun only eats if Jiyong is around because Jiyong never tells on him for eating things not on his diet. Jiyong has just as many bad habits as Seunghyun, if not more, so they keep each other's secrets.
The food is cheap and deliciously fried. Seunghyun pays for the both of them, even if he has to borrow two thousand won from Jiyong anyway. Seunghyun ends up eating way too many mandus and groans about being too full when he keeps eating more. Jiyong just shakes his head and tells him he deserves it.
They walk back to the dorms together. Seunghyun walks about five paces behind Jiyong.
"Jiyongie," Seunghyun whines, breathing labored. "Slow down!"
"No way you need to work off those mandus. Hustle!" Jiyong claps his hands together mockingly.
"I'm gonna throw up. All over you," Seunghyun threatens with a glare.
"Fine. When manager asks what happened, I'll just tell him you got sick from street food." Jiyong smirks. Seunghyun's brow furrows even more.
"Brat."
Jiyong does slow down, just a bit. He doesn't like Seunghyun to think his constant whining has any effect on him. But the truth is, Jiyong likes to give in to Seunghyun sometimes. Not just because he's a hyung or because he actually deserves it, but because Jiyong sincerely likes Seunghyun just a bit more than the others.
_____
Their rooftop meetings become a regular thing. Sometimes they're not even at YG for a reason. Sometimes they don't even smoke. They just look out at the city and talk. Talk about debuting, about how big they'll be, about all the yummy food they will eat when they're too famous for anyone to care what they look like.
"I'm going to own a mansion. And I'll have a whole freezer dedicated to ice cream," Seunghyun says. "A walk-in one!" he adds as an afterthought.
"What if you get locked in and freeze to death?" Jiyong asks.
"It won't be one of those," Seunghyun says, holding up a defiant finger.
"Yes it will. And you'll lock your dumb ass inside." Jiyong snickers.
"Whatever at least I'll die happy." Seunghyun shrugs.
Jiyong laughs outright then. "You're funny, hyung."
Seunghyun smiles proudly. "Yeah, I am."
Their eyes meet, and Jiyong feels something in the way Seunghyun looks at him. It's happiness and anxiousness and mirth all rolled into one look. It gives Jiyong goose bumps and he has to look away quickly.
Jiyong finds it hard to admit to himself that sometimes he abandons his work and comes and goes to the rooftop in hopes of finding Seunghyun. Jiyong can find comfort in Seunghyun like he can in no one else. He's not like Youngbae who will lecture him, or like Dongwook or Perry who still treats him like he's twelve. Seunghyun is his true equal in everything. He gets Jiyong in ways other people just can't.
"We should go home. 'S getting dark," Seunghyun says and straightens the backpack on his shoulders.
"No, let's stay a little longer," Jiyong says and sits down underneath the ledge, careful to avoid their pile of cigarette butts. He doesn't know why he says it. Seunghyun is right, it's getting dark and Jiyong isn't exactly dressed for the cold evening air. Despite himself, Jiyong looks up to Seunghyun. "Hyung, sit with me."
"I'm not sitting down there. I'll get ash all over my ass," Seunghyun says, snickering.
Jiyong laughs, loud and full. "Sit over here, stupid." Jiyong gestures to the other side of him, the part of the concrete rooftop that's free of trash. Seunghyun sighs yet moves to sit by him anyway.
Jiyong leans back, closes his eyes, and focuses on the dull roar of the city behind them. His ears transfix from the rustle and cars below to the sound of Seunghyun's deep breathing. Jiyong finds himself leaning into him.
It's comforting, like this, with the sun casting an orange glow above them and the white noise of the city covering everything else. Seunghyun's body is warm and the fabric of his sweatshirt is soft. Jiyong unintentionally nuzzles himself into Seunghyun's shoulder, seeking the warmth.
"What'cha doin?" Seunghyun's voice is a quiet rumble.
Jiyong is surprised at himself and goes wide-eyed for a second before he brings it back. "Nothing, just... getting comfortable." Jiyong inwardly groans at his own excuse. He feels humiliated and nervous but he knows he can't take it back now.
Seunghyun moves without warning and Jiyong is afraid he's about to push him away but instead Seunghyun wraps an arm around Jiyong and brings him halfway into his embrace. Jiyong looks up as far as he can see and Seunghyun's eyes are closed. His long lashes cascade over his high cheek bones. His lips are relaxed with the most perfect Cupid's bow. And to top it all off, Seunghyun lets out a deep sigh through his nose, low and content. When Jiyong feels his cheeks becoming hot he diverts his gaze, shifting to look in the opposite direction.
"Why are you so fidgety?" Seunghyun asks and holds Jiyong tighter. "Just stay still. Relax."
Jiyong wishes he could relax, but his stomach feels like it's about to fall out of his body and his heart won't stop palpitating. Gently, he pushes Seunghyun away. Jiyong catches Seunghyun's eyes for a moment and Seunghyun looks incredibly hurt in his infamously exaggerated way.
"I thought you wanted to cuddle?" Seunghyun pouts before breaking out into a grin.
"Ah, um, changed my mind," Jiyong says in the calmest voice he can muster. "You were right, --let's go home."
____
"Do it again, Jiyong-ah," Perry says with a sigh into the mic receiver.
Behind the window of the recording booth, Jiyong glares at the floor. He hasn't been able to concentrate all day. Still, Perry restarts the track and Jiyong begins his rap again. He gets about three lines in before his words become muddled. Jiyong bites his lip and growls his frustration.
"That's enough. Come on out," Jiyong hears through the speakers.
Jiyong sulks out of the recording booth into the studio and sinks into a chair. He pulls his beanie over his head, not really wanting to see the disappointing look Perry is probably giving him right now.
"What's up with you today?" Perry asks, his voice sounding concerned.
"I don't know.... It's just--" Jiyong sighs.
In actuality, Jiyong does know but he doesn't want to admit it to himself. He doesn't want to admit how much he keeps thinking about how his hyung smiles so stupidly or how warm his body feels when Jiyong is pressed up next to it and how much he would like to be pressed up against it right now.
"It's a girl, isn't it?" Perry asks, laughter in his voice.
"Ugh, no," Jiyong says and pulls his beanie tighter.
"Oh whatever. You look like a tortured artist in love. What's her name?" Jiyong knows Perry is smirking even though Jiyong can't see him. Picking on the trainees is just about his favorite thing to do. Jiyong groans.
"Can I just be done for today?" Jiyong asks.
"Not unless you tell me who you're crushin on."
Jiyong lifts up his beanie with one hand then and glares at Perry. "No."
"Well then I'm giving your little ass five minutes to get your shit together and get back into the booth." Perry turns around and begins fiddling around with the computer. Jiyong just sighs and trudges back towards the booth.
By the end of the evening, Jiyong still can't get his rap right.
_____
Jiyong is never satisfied until he does something productive for the day. That's why it's one in the morning and he's still up trying to write some lyrics. Recording was so awful that he has to do something to make up for it.
He thinks maybe he can channel these feeling into a tragic love song. But he doesn't think of despair when he thinks of Seunghyun. Jiyong can only think of how happy Seunghyun makes him by just existing. Even in his worst moments, when he's lazy or saying something incredibly stupid, Jiyong can only find it endearing.
He's interrupted in his love sick musings by a knock at his door. Jiyong doesn't really feel like seeing anyone right now --after all he might be blushing--but against his better judgment, he tells whoever it is to come in. To Jiyong's dismay, it's Seunghyun. He's never wanted to see someone so bad and not see them so bad at the same time.
"Oh, hi, hyung." Jiyong forces a smile, afraid his stupid girly feelings are showing in his expression. He sits up quickly, nervously.
Seunghyun plops himself down onto Jiyong's bed, practically belly-flopping onto it and sighs.
"Something the matter, hyung?" Jiyong asks
"Can't sleep," Seunghyun says, his voice muffled by Jiyong's blankets. He lifts his head and says, "Only your bedroom light is on. Whatcha doin'?"
"Just trying to get some work done," Jiyong says and Seunghyun looks taken aback.
"Oh! I'm sorry." Seunghyun begins to sit up. "Do you want me to go?" He points to the door behind him.
"No, no. You can stay." Jiyong waves his hand, unconcerned. He knows he should probably kick Seunghyun out. He would most likely be a distraction if not because of Jiyong's feelings but just because Seunghyun is really good at annoying people who are busy.
Jiyong almost regrets his decision until he sees the smile that lights up on his hyung's face.
"Okay," Seunghyun says. "I'll just keep your company then."
Jiyong goes back to writing and Seunghyun fiddles with picking thread from Jiyong's blankets for at least three minutes until Jiyong sighs audibly and tells him to stop destroying his things. When Jiyong scolds him Seunghyun just laughs with that goofy laugh of his that always makes him sound ten years younger than he actually is.
Seunghyun over-dramatically rolls off the bed and then up and into Jiyong's computer chair. Jiyong rolls his eyes on the outside while inside he's mentally screaming about how cute his hyung can be. He thinks Seunghyun would make a better maknae than Seungri would. Seungri's too bratty for his own good.
The sounds from the speakers alerts Jiyong that Seunghyun is playing online games. Seunghyun curses before pressing the mute button.
"Ah, sorry," he says.
"'S okay."
The tick-tack of the keyboard fills the silence in the room, sometimes followed by a frustrated noise or slight outburst every few seconds. Jiyong smiles, looking up to see Seunghyun intently focused on the computer screen. Jiyong thinks Seunghyun would probably be the best in the whole group if he was as dedicated to singing and dancing as he is to computer games.
It's then that Jiyong realizes he hasn't written a single line since the other boy came into the room. Looking down, all Jiyong sees is an empty page. He sighs.
"Not going so hot?" Seunghyun asks, although his eyes remain focused on the screen.
"I can't do anything right today," Jiyong mumbles as he tosses his notepad aside and throws his head back, rubbing his palms against his forehead.
"What do you mean?" Seunghyun asks as his fingers tap wildly at the arrow keys.
"I can't write. I can't rap." Jiyong groans, continuing to rub his face with his hands. "Today was just a failure. I'm a failure," he mumbles.
"Don't say that."
Jiyong looks down and Seunghyun is looking right back at him.
"What?"
"Don't say that," Seunghyun repeats. "You're not a failure." Seunghyun looks as serious as Jiyong's ever seen him and it's almost frightening.
"Ah, I won't. I'm sorry." Jiyong looks away then.
"Don't be. Just don't call yourself a failure." Seunghyun fiddles with the mouse before standing up. "You're supposed to be our leader, remember?"
All of Jiyong's feelings stir in his stomach like a mixing bowl. They're coming up too fast and threaten to spill over. Seunghyun needs to leave.
"Ah, yeah. I think I'm going to sleep it off," Jiyong says as he looks at the wall, hoping Seunghyun will get the message.
"Okay, I'll go try to sleep too. Goodnight." Seunghyun smiles and heads for the door.
"Goodnight, hyung."
When the door closes, Jiyong lets out the breath he didn't realize he was holding.
______
It's midnight when once again Jiyong hears a knock at his bedroom door. He gets up to answer it this time seeing as it's locked. Seungri never knows to knock.
Upon opening it, Seunghyun is standing there, leaning on the doorframe with a goofy smile on his face. He's hiding something behind his back.
"Got something for you," Seunghyun says and his voice sounds weirder than usual.
He holds up whatever he's hiding and it's a six pack of beer with one missing from the rings. "Had one already," he says.
"Hyung!" Jiyong looks scandalized and drags Seunghyun into his room before closing the door. "Jesus did anyone see you?"
"Mm, don't think so," Seunghyun says as he flops onto the bed like he likes to do. Jiyong rubs his face with his hands.
"Where did you even get that? I doubt manager hyung let you put it on the fucking grocery list," Jiyong says, glaring.
"Hey, I got friends," Seunghyun says. He sits up on the bed and breaks a can from the plastic ring, holding it up to Jiyong. "I got it for you."
Jiyong is stupefied. Seunghyun looks especially childish in that moment. Like he's holding up a macaroni drawing he made with love for his mom and not a can of cheap beer. The gesture shouldn't be affecting Jiyong this much, but without hesitation he takes the beer.
"For me?" Jiyong asks.
"Yeah, man. You looked so down yesterday and I wanted to do something, I dunno, special." Seunghyun smiles, barring his teeth and it makes Jiyong feel so good.
It shouldn't mean this much to him, Jiyong knows. It's just some shitty beer and he's not supposed to drink it anyway. But Seunghyun looks too sincere for his own good and it makes Jiyong feel sappier than when he sees a cute puppy.
"Yeah, okay. Thanks." Jiyong smiles, trying so hard not to let too much of his happiness show. He sits down next to Seunghyun and cracks open the can.
Seunghyun grabs another one for himself and holds it up. "To...," Seunghyun stops, obviously unable to think of anything.
"To us," Jiyong says and clinks his can with Seunghyun's.
"To us!" Seunghyun repeats and laughs. Jiyong wishes just a little bit that the "us" part would mean a little less friendship and a little bit more something else. But he pushes those feelings back for now.
They drink and they talk for what seems like hours and maybe it is. They finish off the six pack. Seunghyun has four beers to Jiyong's two. Seunghyun apologizes, saying that he meant for them to split it evenly but Jiyong has such a low tolerance that it doesn't even matter to him.
They're lying there next to each other. Jiyong, on his back with his knees up and Seunghyun, lying flat on the bed taking up all the extra space. Jiyong turns his head and to his surprised, he looks directly into Seunghyun's eyes. Normally within a few seconds he would look away. Jiyong's not sure if it's the alcohol flooding his brain or if it's pure attraction that makes him unable to look away.
Seunghyun's eyes are glazed over a bit, but it doesn't necessarily detract from the intensity of them. They're still a perfect, deep black that accentuates his features so well.
"Hyung, you're so beautiful," Jiyong says without thinking.
Seunghyun goes wide-eyed for about two seconds before dissolving into giggles. He rolls away as he laughs, almost far enough to fall off the bed before he stops himself and rolls back. Jiyong feels his stomach churn in embarrassment.
"Oh my god, Jiyong!" Seunghyun gasps out his laughter. "That's fucking funny."
"Shut up!" Jiyong says in a shaky voice. He manages to throw a pillow at Seunghyun's head because Jiyong really did mean what he said, even if it was said unintentionally, and Seunghyun is being an ass about it.
The pillow misses completely and lands on the floor. Seunghyun laughs even harder, clutching at his sides. This time, he does fall off the bed with a loud thump. His laughter abruptly stops.
"Ow, fuck." Seunghyun moans from the floor.
"You deserve it you dickhead," Jiyong says, embarrassment turning into anger.
Seunghyun rolls onto his back and looks up at Jiyong. "Why are you so mean to hyung?" He pouts.
Jiyong just glares down at Seunghyun from his perch on the bed. He shouldn't have to explain to Seunghyun why he's angry.
"Jiyongie," Seunghyun whines, over exaggerated.
He stumbles as he tries to stand up. It doesn't stop him. He lands on the bed on all fours, a giggle escaping him as his hands and knees hit the mattress. Jiyong inches away slightly because Seunghyun looks predatory in a way that means he's about to do something that Jiyong is going to hate, like tickle him or pin him until he says what Seunghyun wants to hear.
Without warning, Seunghyun launches forward at a speed that would suggest he hadn't just drank four beers. He bears all his weight onto Jiyong as he tackles him. Jiyong squirms underneath him, trying to get free, but Seunghyun is too heavy and Jiyong is too buzzed.
"Why you so mean, huh, huh?" Seunghyun taunts as he wrestles Jiyong.
"Hyung, stop!" Jiyong protests. Every touch from Seunghyun burns and lingers on Jiyong's skin. He feels all sorts of familiar, wanted yet unwanted, feelings begin to stem from his chest.
Seunghyun pins Jiyong's arms at his sides and looms over him, smirking. He's only half way on top of Jiyong, but it's enough weight to make Jiyong immobile. Jiyong closes his eyes and tries to desperately mentally will himself to sink into the mattress, hoping it will swallow him whole and he won't have to be in this position any longer.
It isn't for a few moments that Jiyong notices that Seunghyun has stopped his ministrations. He isn't moving or saying or doing anything. Slowly, Jiyong opens his eyes and meets Seunghyun's intrigued ones.
"You're blushing," he says, incredulous.
Jiyong darts his eyes away. Seunghyun's right, he can feel it. Not just in his face--, it feels like his whole body is blushing, like a fire is burning solid and steady through his veins. It's overwhelming yet Jiyong enjoys it just a little bit.
"Hyung, g-get off me," He says, voice low, afraid of unwanted noises or words coming out.
"No, tell--." Before Seunghyun can finish his sentence he shifts awkwardly and his knee bumps into Jiyong's groin. Jiyong's small, surprised moan is what cuts him off.
Seunghyun freezes and Jiyong goes wide-eyed.
Jiyong is going to throw up for real. He feels a mixture of disbelief arousal, and-- more than anything--, humiliation. It's like he's been caught red-handed doing something he's not supposed to. Seunghyun may play dumb half of the time, but Jiyong knows he's definitely not stupid about this sort of thing, with or without alcohol clouding his mind.
He doesn't expect it when Seunghyun presses his knee forward again and he can't help the small whine that comes out of his firmly closed lips. As if testing the waters, Seunghyun does it a third time and Jiyong feels like he's going crazy.
"What are you-ah!" Jiyong tries to bite his lips to stop any more sounds from coming out, but he can't help it. Seunghyun keeps moving above him, gently grinding his leg into Jiyong's growing erection. Jiyong can't hold back all the noises he's making.
Then suddenly, Seunghyun stops. Jiyong dares to look up, thinking it was probably a test. Probably just to see how sick Jiyong actually is. He's going to look up and Seunghyun is going to be looking at him with disgust.
Jiyong doesn't see disgust though. Surprisingly Seunghyun looks intrigued, a little frightened, but overall aroused. There's a darkness to his eyes that Jiyong has never seen before. It doesn't exactly quell the situation down below.
"Jiyong, I," Seunghyun begins but whatever he wants to say seems to die in his throat. He bites his lips, apprehensively. "Is this," he starts again but pauses. "Is this okay?"
Jiyong can't speak, can't even think of the words to say. Flabbergasted, he just nods, slowly and firmly. Though he has thought of it, seen it once even, Jiyong has never done anything with another guy before. And by the way Seunghyun stalls and awkwardly shifts his body, Jiyong assumes he hasn't either.
Seunghyun puffs out a breath above him. It blows hot onto Jiyong's cheek and sends electric shocks throughout his body. He hadn't realized how close Seunghyun was. Jiyong sighs, but it comes out too loud, almost a moan. They look into each other's eyes again until Jiyong closes his in embarrassment.
Jiyong almost doesn't believe it when Seunghyun leans down and kisses him, moving his lips slowly over Jiyong's. He's caught so off-guard that he re-opens his eyes in shock before he remembers you're supposed to close them when you kiss someone.
After a moment, he sighs through his nose and returns the kiss, pressing upward. Jiyong knows he's not great at this, but Seunghyun takes care of him. He leads and Jiyong follows until they break apart.
"Don't stop," Jiyong begs and he opens his eyes again. Seunghyun is staring back at him with a heavy, dark gaze.
When Seunghyun kisses him the second time, Jiyong fucking trembles. It's so different from the way his past girlfriends have kissed him before. They were never older or very experienced and he maybe tongue-kissed one of them once.
Seunghyun still leads him, tracing along Jiyong's tongue with his own, guiding Jiyong's lips to cross with his own. Jiyong can't help the moan that comes up from his throat. For a split second, he's worried about sounding desperate until Seunghyun answers with a groan and presses his body down once again.
It's weird because he feels vulnerable and excited at the same time. He wants this so bad but he's so scared of what it means, scared of what this means to Seunghyun. Jiyong knows these are his real feelings but are they also Seunghyun's?
Is this just a drunken romp or something more?
Seunghyun pulls away slowly, his warm breath ghosting over Jiyong's lips. Jiyong lowers his eyes and looks away, unable to meet his hyung's gaze. He feels ten times more unguarded than he felt a few seconds ago. It's always easier to ignore the consequences of the act when you're doing it.
Jiyong feels Seunghyun's hand, warm and big, cup the side of his face gently. "Jiyong," Seunghyun says, his voice low and slightly gravely. It makes Jiyong feel better, to know Seunghyun sounds just as nervous as Jiyong feels. "I want you."
And that settles it for Jiyong.
"Me too," Jiyong admits, leaning into the feel of Seunghyun's hand. He smiles and leans up to kiss Seunghyun again.
Jiyong hesitantly places his hands on Seunghyun's shoulders. He's not exactly sure where to put them. Seunghyun isn't a girl; he doesn't need to be soothed and held. Jiyong's not used to this at all. Is he supposed to be more aggressive? Does one of them have to act like a girl?
Jiyong supposes he does when Seunghyun pulls away for a brief second only to start kissing Jiyong's neck. It makes him mad for a moment, that he's being put into the passive role, but Seunghyun's lips tickle him in just the right way, sending shivers down his body. It feels so good that Jiyong can't help but gasp and arch his back.
Jiyong's doesn't notice how hard he is until Seunghyun rolls his hips downward. Seunghyun inhales sharply when he feels it and groans when Jiyong can't stop from moving his hips up, seeking friction. Feeling Seunghyun's erection against his own makes Jiyong takes comfort in knowing that he's not the only one.
They're moving so fast, Jiyong knows. Only just a couple a minutes ago did they first kiss and now Jiyong's rutting against Seunghyun like the horny teenager he is. But Jiyong's mind is too hazy with pleasure to stop.
Seunghyun enables him, moving a hand to Jiyong's lower back and helping him press upward and rearranging their legs more comfortably. Jiyong feels Seunghyun's cock shift onto his thigh when he moves.
They grind together, short pants and quiet moans escaping their lips in between kisses. The friction of their sweatpants is something between unbearable and just right. Jiyong claws at Seunghyun's back, not exactly sure if he's trying to hold on or get closer.
With one last groan, Seunghyun bores down into him until he's gasping and Jiyong knows he's just come. Jiyong thrusts up with wild abandon then, knowing that his hyung just used him to get off makes his excitement rise ten fold. He comes with a too-loud moan soon after.
He falls back onto the bed, Seunghyun following suit. Jiyong feels sweaty and gross and he could really use a towel but all that is pushed into the back of his mind because of the happiness he feels.
"Hyung," Jiyong says. He doesn't know what he's asking for. Maybe just to make sure Seunghyun is still there with him. To make sure that this is real.
Seunghyun groans and rolls off of him before sitting up. Jiyong looks to him, and Seunghyun looks broken, like he has just gotten some bad news.
"Ah, fuck," he curses, covering his face with his hands.
Jiyong sits up. "What's wrong?" He places a hand on Seunghyun's arm and Seunghyun squirms away. Jiyong is surprised.
"We shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry," Seunghyun says and begins to get off the bed. Jiyong stops him.
"Hyung, wait! Why? You didn't like it? Did I do something wrong?" Jiyong can hear the panic in his own voice. If it was so wrong why did it feel so right?
"No, it's just---," Seunghyun sighs. "Jiyong you know we can't... we shouldn't," Seunghyun says.
"Well, we just fucking did!" Jiyong yells, angry now that after all that, Seunghyun is trying to take it all back.
"I know, but--."
"No, hyung. No 'but's. You can't do that. You can't do that to me and then leave," Jiyong says and now he feels like crying. He can feel the tears welling up. "You can't."
Jiyong remembers the look in his eyes, the way he had said "I want you." There's no way Seunghyun didn't mean it. Whatever regrets he's having now aren't what he really wants.
"But we can't. We're trying to make a fucking band here. You know that. You know the band comes first," Seunghyun says. "Look, I'm sorry--."
"Don't you think I know that?! Don't you think I've been trying to push my feelings aside for the band this whole time?" Jiyong yells and he knows he could wake up the others. It only further reminds him of the risk he's willing to take.
Seunghyun looks thrown off guard. "Jiyong, I....," he trails off.
"Can't we just try? Just try with me? If it doesn't work we can break it off and still be friends," Jiyong says, pleads. He knows in his heart that if they become something more, then they could never go back to being friends again. Jiyong has a couple of ex-girlfriends who are proof of that. He knows Seunghyun has one too.
Seunghyun looks away, like he's mentally weighing the pros and cons. After a long moment, he sighs and finally speaks up. "Okay. Let's try."
Jiyong finally feels his happiness return and he leaps forward to hug Seunghyun. It's a brief hug before he pulls back and kisses him, light and quick, still a bit shy.
"You won't regret it," Jiyong says.
____
Kissing Seunghyun has got to be Jiyong's favorite thing. It's right up there with rapping and dancing. Sometimes their meetings on the roofs aren't even about smoking. Instead they just make out for ten minutes and maybe a little bit longer. Jaewook, of course, yells at them when they show up late. He goes so far as to call them "suspicious little brats" but Jiyong isn't worried. Jaewook would suspect them keeping a completely innocent secret, like hiding an abandoned puppy they're not supposed to have before he suspects them being in a relationship.
Seunghyun acts like everyone knows. He's even afraid to meet Jiyong on the roof or go into his room at night sometimes now, even though he had done all those things before.
The amount of convincing it takes just to make Seunghyun act normal sometimes is trying, because Jiyong knows no one really notices or cares. To them, Jiyong and Seunghyun have always had a close relationship. From their inside jokes about the maknae, and their adoration of Hyunseung, to their similar bad habits and general rebellion.
And because Jiyong knows no one cares, with a little convincing, Seunghyun can spend hours in Jiyong's room. Though, to their credit, they do more than kiss. Sometimes they work on music together or play computer games if they have the time. Most of the time they still just talk.
"What do you think our group should be called, hyung?" Jiyong asks as they lie on his bed, listening to old hip hop CDs.
"Tempo and the Beats," Seunghyun says before they both burst out laughing. Jiyong hits Seunghyun playfully.
"That's so fucking stupid. You're stupid," Jiyong says. He rolls on his side and into Seunghyun and hums. "But you're my stupid."
Seunghyun chuckles. "Yes I am." He rolls onto his side too and kisses Jiyong.
There's a knock at the door and they pull apart abruptly.
"Hyung! I need to use your computer!" Seungri says from the other side of the door. The lock in the doorknob jiggles.
"Go away," Jiyong yells back.
"Hyung, please! Just for a second!"
Jiyong looks over at Seunghyun and rolls his eyes before getting up and letting the maknae in.
"Thanks, hyung!" Seungri says as he walks over to Jiyong's desktop. "What're you guys doing in here? Just listening to music?"
"None of your business," Jiyong says as he rubs his knuckles into Seungri's head. Seunghyun snickers from across the room.
"Shouldn't you be in bed, maknae?" Seunghyun asks condescendingly.
"Shouldn't you be in your own room, hyung?" Seungri makes a snarky face as he speaks.
Jiyong hits Seungri on the head again. "Watch your mouth."
"... Sorry," Seungri mumbles, rubbing his head.
"Actually I probably should get back to my own room," Seunghyun says. Jiyong gives him a sad, surprised look. Seunghyun merely nods his head at Seungri --who couldn't be any the wiser-- and Jiyong sighs.
"Yeah, you're right. Goodnight, hyung," Jiyong says as Seunghyun heads for the door.
"Goodnight," Seunghyun replies. He looks to see if Seungri is watching before blowing Jiyong a kiss and shutting the door. Jiyong tries to hide his smile.
___
"This has to stop," Jiyong says with laughter in his voice as Seunghyun greets him yet again, at his doorway late at night.
"Well, you won't come to my room," Seunghyun says as he lets himself in.
"Your room is gross," Jiyong says with a frown. Seunghyun just shrugs before he flops himself onto the bed on his back.
"You're gross," Seunghyun says and sticks his tongue out. Jiyong rolls his eyes at the lame comeback.
"You must be tired if that's the best you can come up with." Jiyong walks over to his bed and lies down after kicking Seunghyun to make him move over.
Seunghyun lies on his back while Jiyong lies on his stomach, side to side. As if to confirm Jiyong's comment, Seunghyun lets out a yawn.
"Must be," he says.
"You wanna go to sleep?" Jiyong asks, looking over at Seunghyun as his head rests on his arm. He doesn't know if there's something on his face or if he said the wrong thing, but Seunghyun looks at him intently.
When they first met, Jiyong found Seunghyun scary with his sharp eyes and big eyebrows. He looked mean, like the kids who used to pick on Jiyong in school. But Jiyong soon figured out that he's nothing like that. Seunghyun's much more goofy than his appearance would let on.
Still, in moments like these, when Seunghyun focuses his gaze onto Jiyong like Jiyong is the center of his world, Jiyong feels a little bit of fear like he did back then. It's a fear that intrigues him, excites him. Like driving fast down the highway or like being on stage in front of a crowd of people. He wants to feel more, wants to fly higher. Jiyong supposes Seunghyun has always made him feel like that, from the first time they met back in middle school.
Seunghyun doesn't answer him; instead he leans forward and kisses him. Jiyong reciprocates immediately, closing his eyes and leaning into the other boy. After a moment Jiyong feels a hand snake up his arm, to his shoulder and then up the back of his neck to the short hairs at the base of his head. It tickles and sends a warm feeling down his spine. It feels even better when Seunghyun's thumb starts rubbing a spot on the side of his neck.
Jiyong pulls apart for a brief moment and shifts until he's half way on top of Seunghyun, holding his face until he pushes his fingers upward into his hair. He feels Seunghyun's content hum before he hears it as they lay chest to chest. Seunghyun's free hand moves to Jiyong's side and pulls him closer.
Normally there's a lot of groping going on when they kiss, but this seems hotter, more intimate. It's different from when they're on the rooftop and the wind bites at their exposed areas. Or when they sneak little kisses in between talking about their future plans and whatever Seunghyun thinks about eating for tomorrow.
Seunghyun's hand wanders down Jiyong's backside and to his ass. When Seunghyun doesn't hesitate to grab, Jiyong gasps into his mouth and clenches his hand in Seunghyun's hair. Seunghyun chuckles and does it again.
Jiyong feels the stirrings down below and knows he's getting hard. It's not like kissing Seunghyun hasn't gotten him hard before. But he usually tries to control it before they get to this point, afraid of having to face everyone at dance practice with a boner.
This time, he lets go. He lets it happen. He wants it to happen.
Jiyong grinds his hips down, letting out a strangled sound. Seunghyun lets out one of his own, digging his fingers harder into Jiyong's backside. They move together, clenching, gasping, and grinding. Jiyong can feel Seunghyun's own erection through his jeans and suddenly he feels hot, too hot.
Sitting up, Jiyong peels his shirt off as he straddles Seunghyun. Looking down between them, he can see Seunghyun's bulge and the sight only heightens his own arousal.
"Seunghyun, I want...," Jiyong says before biting his lower lip. Seunghyun looks up at him, almost perplexed. "We should do it."
Seunghyun's eyes go wide for the briefest second. "Okay."
That short lived look almost makes Jiyong second guess going through with this. Not to mention the fact that he's not quite sure of how it's all supposed to work. But he trusts that Seunghyun knows and wouldn't agree to it if he didn't. Sex is supposed to be the next logical step in a relationship, right? And he wants it, so that's good enough for him.
Jiyong rolls off of Seunghyun and onto his back. Seunghyun sits up a bit, and eyes Jiyong for a moment before moving over him. Jiyong spreads his legs a bit, his erection bulging through his jeans almost obscenely. Seunghyun eyes it before looking up his body and then to his eyes.
"You sure?" Seunghyun asks, and he sounds a little weary. Almost as if he's afraid.
"Yes." Jiyong closes his eyes and he can hear Seunghyun take a shaky breath.
"Okay."
"You know what you're doing right?" Jiyong asks timidly. God he hopes Seunghyun knows what's he's doing. He should, he's the one who had the experienced, older girlfriend.
"Um, yeah... yes. Sort of." Seunghyun fumbles over his words. Jiyong can see the blush reach to the tip's of his gigantic ears. Maybe it's his first time going all the way with a guy; Jiyong wouldn't know and Seunghyun would never tell.
Seunghyun's hands fumble with the zipper to Jiyong's jeans. He can't work his fingers around it correctly and sighs as he stops awkwardly.
"Are you okay?" Jiyong asks, practically choking on his own dry tongue. God his mouth is so dry. He's so nervous but he's trying so hard to not let it show. It was so much different when they had been drinking.
"Yes," Seunghyun hisses.
Jiyong's eyes widen. "Okay," he says. Something doesn't feel right about this moment anymore, but Jiyong isn't about to stop.
Seunghyun's fingers try to work at Jiyong's zipper again and he still can't get it undone.
"Here, let me--," Jiyong says as he reaches down to undo it himself.
"No!" Seunghyun snaps. Jiyong jumps backwards from the sound of it.
"What the fuck is going on with you?" Jiyong asks, sounding half worried, half pissed off.
"Nothing. Jesus, just... just give me a second." Seunghyun sighs and rubs his temple.
"Haven't you done this before?" Jiyong asks and Seunghyun's eyes flick upward, boring into Jiyong's own. "You were with that girl right? You know what you're doing right?"
Seunghyun's eyes narrow. "Yes."
"Well, you're not acting like it," Jiyong says and regrets it as soon as the words leave his mouth.
"Fuck you, Jiyong," Seunghyun snaps again before moving off of him.
"What the fuck is your problem?! You said you know so you should know!" Jiyong yells, frantic.
"Just shut up, please." Seunghyun is looking at anywhere but at him.
"Don't tell me to shut up. You're acting like a fucking baby right now for no reason. Why are you acting like this?" Jiyong asks.
"Because." Seunghyun runs his hands through his hair.
"Because?" Jiyong lifts an eyebrow.
"Because, I didn't have sex with her, Jiyong!" And just like that, as Seunghyun throws his hands up, the secret's out. Suddenly Seunghyun's attitude makes a little more sense and he doesn't seem like such an asshole anymore. Instead he looks shameful and distraught and it's Jiyong who feels like the asshole.
"O-oh," Jiyong mumbles, stunned.
"Yeah."
They sit in silence and Jiyong can't meet Seunghyun's eyes. He had no idea. He thought Seunghyun was supposed to be the experienced one in all this. He's been leading them the entire time. Seunghyun knows Jiyong has never had a girlfriend he got passed kissing with. But Jiyong never knew the same about Seunghyun.
"I'm sorry," Jiyong says, barely loud enough that he's sure Seunghyun can't hear it.
Seunghyun turns away and Jiyong begins to put his shirt back on. Seunghyun never acknowledges whether he's heard Jiyong or not. Before Jiyong can repeat himself, Seunghyun gets up in a rush and heads for the door.
"Hyung, I'm sor--."
The sound of the door slamming cuts him off.
____
"You know," Youngbae says as they walk down the halls to the studio. "I heard you and hyung fighting the other night. What was that all about?"
"It's nothing," Jiyong says quickly, even though he knows he's been visibly pouting all day. He can't help it, really.
Youngbae stops them with a hand on Jiyong's shoulder. "Jiyong," he says.
Jiyong keeps his eyes to the floor, he's not that great at lying. Well not to Youngbae, that is. To the camera, the lies come out so fast he can never keep track of them. But Youngbae is different from a camera lens.
"It's not the first time I've heard you two at night, you know," Youngbae says. "Your room is right next to mine."
Jiyong bites his lower lip, trying to keep a straight face and failing. What had Youngbae heard? Was it just them talking and laughing about stupid things or had he heard it when they did that?
Youngbae sighs, clicking his tongue. "I'm not stupid you know."
Jiyong laughs, small and sarcastic. "I know that," he says. "What have you heard?"
"Lots of things," Youngbae says and now it's he who looks embarrassed and that's all Jiyong needs to know.
"I'm sorry," Jiyong says, hanging his head and trying to keep his face steady. Is Youngbae going to go tell the president? Does this mean its over? Though, Jiyong thinks, are he and Seunghyun even still a thing right now? So many worries and questions flood Jiyong's mind all at once.
"I'm not," Youngbae sighs, "I'm not going to tell anyone." He sounds defeated, like if it weren't for probably how pathetic Jiyong looks he'd probably be knocking on President Yang's office door right now.
Jiyong's head snaps up and he knows he looks shocked but he can't help it. Slowly, he begins to smile. Youngbae smiles back at him.
"You're such a good friend," Jiyong says, and he means it. Only Youngbae would care about their friendship this much. If it had been anyone else, he and Seunghyun would be out of YG faster than President Yang could rip up his contract. He hugs Youngbae tightly, but only for a quick moment.
"C'mon, let's go make some music," Jiyong says.
The idea of making music steers Youngbae away from his original question. And the presence of people inside the studio ensures that Youngbae won't bring it up again.
_____
In the middle of the night there's a knock at Jiyong's door.
Jiyong really doesn't feel like entertaining whatever nightmare Seungri had this time, but against his better judgment he gets out of bed and answers it anyway.
When he opens the door, it's Seunghyun.
"Jiyong I'm sorry," Seunghyun blurts out. "I wasn't thinking. I never think. I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me--."
"Stop," Jiyong says, grabbing Seunghyun by the wrist and dragging him into his room. The door is slammed shut before Jiyong pulls Seunghyun to sit with him on the bed. "Breathe, start over."
Seunghyun takes a breath, releases it slowly and then looks to Jiyong. "I'm sorry for the other night." Jiyong is dumbfounded because he's pretty sure he was the asshole in that situation. Apparently, this reads on his face, provoking Seunghyun to explain. "It was my fault. I really didn't know what I was doing and when I didn't I blamed it on you."
"You didn't?" Jiyong asks. It's only after he asks that Seunghyun's voice yelling "I didn't have sex with her" echoes in his mind.
"No. I've never had sex. Well, I mean, I've tried, but...." Seunghyun looks away. He looks ashamed.
"But?"
Seunghyun sighs. "When my ex girlfriend and I decided to have sex, I couldn't.. get.. y'know? And I think that's part of the reason why she left me. And I was afraid if I couldn't.. do that with you, that you'd leave me too."
Jiyong's heart aches for Seunghyun then. The whole time, when Jiyong thought Seunghyun was the more advanced one, he was just as insecure and afraid as Jiyong is.
"If it helps, I'm sort of in the same boat as you. Sans the girlfriend part," Jiyong says.
He grabs Seunghyun's hand and squeezes. Seunghyun stays silent as he squeezes back. Jiyong can see tears in the corners of his eyes.
"Don't cry," Jiyong pleads, soft spoken. "I'm not going to leave you. I never want to leave you."
"Promise?" And Seunghyun's voice sounds so small. Jiyong almost feels like crying himself.
"Promise," Jiyong says. He leans forward and kisses Seunghyun gently before pulling away.
Seunghyun smiles and relaxes. It looks like a weight has been taken from his shoulders. But the look is gone once he yawns. Jiyong chuckles.
"Let's go to sleep," he says. Seunghyun blinks.
"Here? With you?" Seunghyun says, pointing at the bed.
"Yes, stupid." Jiyong rolls his eyes.
Jiyong pulls Seunghyun along to lie with him. He grabs the blankets and covers them up before curling himself into Seunghyun's front. Awkwardly, Seunghyun places an arm around him, as if he's afraid. He fidgets here and there, like he's not sure what to do, but eventually he settles and his breathing evens out. Jiyong follows its pattern until he falls asleep.
When they wake up in the morning --well, more like early afternoon--, Jiyong makes a point that he and Seunghyun should really educate themselves before going any further in their relationship. Which is why they're both at Jiyong's desktop, with Seunghyun in the chair and Jiyong perched behind him.
"Click that one." Jiyong points. Seunghyun maneuvers the mouse over and suddenly the sound of loud moaning comes over the speakers.
"Shit, shit, shit--!"
"Hyung, turn it down!"
"I am! I am!"
Seunghyun manages to pause the video right as there's an HD shot of some man's balls taking up the entire screen. He laughs, hanging his head.
"Just." Jiyong sighs. "Just close the video."
_____
It's early morning in the studio when Jiyong sees Seunghyun again. They're working on a few demos for the boss and the majority of the tracks are all ready done. Today is just about filling in the blanks.
Seunghyun wanders into the studio about five minutes late. Perry and the other producer give him the eye as he shuffles to quickly sit beside Jiyong on the couch. When they turn back around, Jiyong eyes Seunghyun and chuckles underneath his breath.
"I watched another video," Jiyong whispers to Seunghyun when he's sure no one else is paying attention.
"What video?"
"You know." Jiyong gestures in the air. Seunghyun gives him a blank stare. "The... pnnh video, god," Jiyong says, careful to muddle what he means in the presence of others.
Seunghyun lights up. "Oh!" Then he smirks. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Perry turns around from the console and eyes them suspiciously. Jiyong makes eye contact with him and sticks his tongue out. Perry rolls his eyes, turns around mumbling something about "fucking kids" before directing Daesung in the recording booth to do another take.
Seunghyun gives Jiyong a mischievous look before they both dissolve into giggles.
"So how was it?" Seunghyun asks.
"Hm...." Jiyong gives a half shrug. It certainly raised more questions that he thought he would ever have. Such as, if Jiyong still really wants to go through with it after seeing it. Before, he thought he knew, but it turns out he didn't know anything. Thinking back, he's glad their first attempt ended in an argument.
"Not like how I expected," Jiyong says.
"Oh?"
"Yeah it seems..." Jiyong looks at Seunghyun. "Messy?"
"But you still wanna try, right?" Seunghyun asks.
Jiyong thinks about it for a moment. He definitely has his doubts but he knows that it can't be worse than last time.
"Yeah."
Part 2