her town too
her town too
~ 973 w, g, (taemin/sulli)
but that part of him lives on within her; so she’ll know that when it all falls down somebody still loves her.
This town is small but it's too big for both of them to ever cross path again.
Jinri’s afraid to go out. She’s afraid to hear her name whispered all across town because the sound of her own name terrifies her now days. It doesn’t sound as pretty as it used to, as innocent or holds as much dignity because the media has dirtied it. Years from now and no one will remember her for anything but being with a man she is ashamed to call her lover. It wasn’t like that with them. Jinri didn’t care what anyone thought then. She cared about canceled dates, forgotten anniversary and Valentine gifts. He finds it ironic that they’ve both changed so drastically, that what she wanted is what he wants now. Taemin thinks she’s still not ready for that knock on the door but he is; he’s ready to swing by and be less of a stranger.
All of her friends, old and new, seems to walk the other way when they see him coming. It all feels a bit like getting custody - their friends becomes his or hers to avoid the awkward slip-up of mentioning one another to outsiders. Only Soojung is merciful enough to go for drinks with him, but he suspects it might have something to do with his best friend tagging alone or maybe because they were friends first. But she gulps down less soju, refusing to go pass the point of having control of what she might say about his ex-girlfriend and her more often than not absent friend. Even Minho’s gone over to that side and he started off only as friend of a friend but Jinri grows on you that way. So he goes at it alone in this new landscape he’s never ventured into - he goes to the movies alone, laugh at that funny thing he overheard on the streets without telephoning her, he takes long walks with Jongin’s dogs. And when Taemin thinks he might have settled into this new routine, he hopes she is not out there without a hand to hold.
The fact is that they shared too much of everything but had too little time to enjoy them together. People got used to seeing them both together; this shy little boy who walks a couple of steps behind so he can always watch over this girl with a smile that could make your day worth living. Life is supposed to keep on going in the aftermaths of a break up but no one ever dares sit at their table, not even them. Some nights Taemin will sneak into the canteen, sitting at the table next to it and grabs a midnight snack between practice sessions. Sometimes he can hear her laugh so clearly but not the joke he told. Most time he can remember everything about her; can trace every little curve of her face, smell the shampoo she’s put in her hair but never sees himself being there. You see, even back then, there was a gaping hole inside Jinri where insecurities and dark shades of doubts have plowed itself through and left her to make believe. Taemin didn’t have much to give, what he had almost never enough to fulfill what she’s lost but once he had broken off a piece of himself and let her call it her own, he had never thought of asking for it back. But that part of him lives on within her; so she’ll know that when it all falls down somebody still loves her.
Now they pretend. Tip toes around the uncomfortable truth that they could have been everything but they’re nothing after two years. He has to keep reminding himself during morning coffee that there was a Lee Taemin before; that there was a time before she walked into life and there is one after she’s walked out of it. But in the early morning, when the smallest hint of sunlight is peaking through the curtains and he keeps staring at the clock on his night stand because he’s done tossing and turning, it will always feels like she’s been there from the beginning of all things and will be there until the end. Taemin rolls out of bed when the rest of the world is still asleep. He pulls up the zip of his hoodie until it’s choking him and he might feel it if he’s not already suffocating as it already is. Then he runs - fast as he can, he goes on for miles and miles. He’ll never know where he’s going or what he’s trying to sprint from but he doesn’t dare to look around. Because that bench over there could have their names carved on it and it might never fade but she is already gone.
Taemin doesn’t believe in ‘time heals all’ because they could never be friends since he is filled with sentiments and selfishness and won’t accept the in-between of lovers or nothing. But try as he might, her number doesn’t move from his contact. If he calls her, she will ask why and it won’t have anything to do with pity but only because he wants to hear her voice. Taemin doubts he’ll have to anytime soon when he can remember every part of it: the long talks on the phone, the brush of the hand when she’s not too sure if they’re right, the moment he knows she’s already stopped trying but waits for her to have the last say anyway. He’s learnt his lesson the hard way that nothing last forever but it just might when he’s still living with the memory of her when it used to be her town too.
~ 973 w, g, (taemin/sulli)
but that part of him lives on within her; so she’ll know that when it all falls down somebody still loves her.
This town is small but it's too big for both of them to ever cross path again.
Jinri’s afraid to go out. She’s afraid to hear her name whispered all across town because the sound of her own name terrifies her now days. It doesn’t sound as pretty as it used to, as innocent or holds as much dignity because the media has dirtied it. Years from now and no one will remember her for anything but being with a man she is ashamed to call her lover. It wasn’t like that with them. Jinri didn’t care what anyone thought then. She cared about canceled dates, forgotten anniversary and Valentine gifts. He finds it ironic that they’ve both changed so drastically, that what she wanted is what he wants now. Taemin thinks she’s still not ready for that knock on the door but he is; he’s ready to swing by and be less of a stranger.
All of her friends, old and new, seems to walk the other way when they see him coming. It all feels a bit like getting custody - their friends becomes his or hers to avoid the awkward slip-up of mentioning one another to outsiders. Only Soojung is merciful enough to go for drinks with him, but he suspects it might have something to do with his best friend tagging alone or maybe because they were friends first. But she gulps down less soju, refusing to go pass the point of having control of what she might say about his ex-girlfriend and her more often than not absent friend. Even Minho’s gone over to that side and he started off only as friend of a friend but Jinri grows on you that way. So he goes at it alone in this new landscape he’s never ventured into - he goes to the movies alone, laugh at that funny thing he overheard on the streets without telephoning her, he takes long walks with Jongin’s dogs. And when Taemin thinks he might have settled into this new routine, he hopes she is not out there without a hand to hold.
The fact is that they shared too much of everything but had too little time to enjoy them together. People got used to seeing them both together; this shy little boy who walks a couple of steps behind so he can always watch over this girl with a smile that could make your day worth living. Life is supposed to keep on going in the aftermaths of a break up but no one ever dares sit at their table, not even them. Some nights Taemin will sneak into the canteen, sitting at the table next to it and grabs a midnight snack between practice sessions. Sometimes he can hear her laugh so clearly but not the joke he told. Most time he can remember everything about her; can trace every little curve of her face, smell the shampoo she’s put in her hair but never sees himself being there. You see, even back then, there was a gaping hole inside Jinri where insecurities and dark shades of doubts have plowed itself through and left her to make believe. Taemin didn’t have much to give, what he had almost never enough to fulfill what she’s lost but once he had broken off a piece of himself and let her call it her own, he had never thought of asking for it back. But that part of him lives on within her; so she’ll know that when it all falls down somebody still loves her.
Now they pretend. Tip toes around the uncomfortable truth that they could have been everything but they’re nothing after two years. He has to keep reminding himself during morning coffee that there was a Lee Taemin before; that there was a time before she walked into life and there is one after she’s walked out of it. But in the early morning, when the smallest hint of sunlight is peaking through the curtains and he keeps staring at the clock on his night stand because he’s done tossing and turning, it will always feels like she’s been there from the beginning of all things and will be there until the end. Taemin rolls out of bed when the rest of the world is still asleep. He pulls up the zip of his hoodie until it’s choking him and he might feel it if he’s not already suffocating as it already is. Then he runs - fast as he can, he goes on for miles and miles. He’ll never know where he’s going or what he’s trying to sprint from but he doesn’t dare to look around. Because that bench over there could have their names carved on it and it might never fade but she is already gone.
Taemin doesn’t believe in ‘time heals all’ because they could never be friends since he is filled with sentiments and selfishness and won’t accept the in-between of lovers or nothing. But try as he might, her number doesn’t move from his contact. If he calls her, she will ask why and it won’t have anything to do with pity but only because he wants to hear her voice. Taemin doubts he’ll have to anytime soon when he can remember every part of it: the long talks on the phone, the brush of the hand when she’s not too sure if they’re right, the moment he knows she’s already stopped trying but waits for her to have the last say anyway. He’s learnt his lesson the hard way that nothing last forever but it just might when he’s still living with the memory of her when it used to be her town too.