it comes and goes (in waves)
it comes and goes (in waves)
~ 2000 w, pg, (boa/eunhyuk)
people have priorities
a/n because denying that these two have chemistry is beyond ridiculous.
He enters the dance room the first time with a familiar sense of unease. He's wearing his nice sneakers, his nicest sneakers, and regrets it afterwards when they continuously squeak against the waxed wooden floor and earn him a glance of annoyance. That's when he messes up the easiest part of the dance, literally having to exit off the stage, and almost squeaks himself to death. The slip results in minor physical injury, but critical damage to his pride. The music stops and she only hovers over him, smiling.
"We were definitely past the part in the dance in which you're on the ground."
"I promise I won't do this on stage," He laments.
"It would be pretty funny," Boa admits. She doesn't help him up or offer any reassuring words, but she keeps smiling, and Eunhyuk doesn't really have anything to say to that.
Eunhyuk tends to notice things that most people ignore. Most of the time, Eunhyuk wishes he was like most people, maybe even most idols. He could be better, he could sing better, he could be perfect - but in this industry that just doesnt happen. In retrospect, Eunhyuk reflects and thinks he could have made the perfect normal person. He could have had the perfectly normal job, the perfectly normal friends, the perfectly normal dog, maybe even a perfectly normal girlfriend. Instead, he becomes situated in a world where he's definitely less than the perfect idol, and that wasn't going to change anytime soon. He wonders what this all means to him and where he'll be in ten, twenty years. Hell, even the next few months were a big mystery to him.
I just want to be happy.
And he is happy, at least, when he's dancing. He's almost perfect at doing that, but watching her makes the word almost ring even louder in his head. The worst part is, she can sing at the same time. Eunhyuk doesn't even realize he's staring until he's only staring at himself in the mirror.
"You're awesome," He compliments her.
She arches a brow and breaks the plastic seal of her water bottle cap. "Thanks," It sounds more like a question, but mostly awkward. That's what they were anyways, just awkward.
"So, you know while we do this dance we have to look like a couple, right? Like you actually like me, like I'm the Only One," Eunhyuk grins cheekily and decides to sit down on one of the leather couches, letting himself and his cheesiness sink in. He doesnt expect her to laugh, not even smile, but she does both.
"It will probably be the easiest with you," It's a confession, but he's not aware of it. He's too oblivious. He's not perfect.
(And most people would have caught that statement, but no. He only picks up on things that most people try to ignore.)
"Yeah, Taemin is practically jail bait."
And she just laughs again.
It's convincing underneath all the lights and make up and sudden adrenaline slushing through his veins. It's like he likes her, and more surprising, it's like she likes him. And each performance it becomes more and more convincing, that at one point he convinces himself he does like her - even if it didnt take that long. But when he thinks about it now, it really isn't that much of a shocking fact. It's almost easy to like her, he notices, especially when she dances with Yunho, or Luhan, or Sehun, even Taemin, and he secretly prays that it isn't Siwon or Donghae next.
How could you dance with a man right in front of my eyes?
Eunhyuk finds the courage to send this to her one day. He honestly doesn't have any idea where that courage came from, because it sure was rare, and he smiles to himself. It's satisfying, the ease he feels. He can joke around with her now. But she doesn't respond and he doesn't see her, and slowly, that vague feeling of nothing seeps into him again. Adrenaline, gone.
He finds her in the dance room one day when they don't have practice and he's not even her partner for that week's performances, but she's dancing with an invisible man. Where have you been? He wants to ask. Instead:
"The guy you're dancing with this week is kind of a dead weight, I mean, his moves are really lacking power."
"What?" Boa doesn't understand his joke.
"Nevermind."
She turns slowly to face him. The sweat that is dripping down her face only seems to emphasize the lack of luster in her. Each step was seemingly dragged, not flawlessly clicked out as usual, and it's one of those things that most people just ignore. That's what everyone in the building does. SM Entertainment, if they deserve anything at all, get the award for most optimism. Everyone is okay. If you aren't, no one notices. If someone does, they ignore it. Optimism in healthy. Pessimism (realism) is frowned up.
It's this defining moment in which Eunhyuk can make a decision. A very important decision, but he doesn't know that either.
Instead of asking if she's okay, he just shrugs.
"Want an actual body to practice with?"
Is that what it feels like? To have a crush on someone?
He doesnt ask anyone. At least, he doesn't ask anyone human. He tries to ask his browser, but google came up with no results for the related search words: weird, knots, BoA, crush, mutual feelings, emotion, what should I do? And he figured he probably had to find some coherency about all of this before he could find any answers. But he goes to Donghae anyways, because he's someone that understands his incoherency even when Eunhyuk can't himself.
"It's just all the long hours in the dance room with her, man. Also, everyone likes her. She's practically flawless," Donghae is honest.
"Do you like her?"
"Not like that."
"Well, she's practically flawless," Eunhyuk mocks him.
"Practically," Donghae snorts. "But everyone has their flaws, and in this business, they tend to be big."
The honesty burns.
"Are you okay?" He blurts it out of no where one day while they're in the dance room.
Boa throws a glance over her shoulder and looks at him carefully. She's always unsure of everything he does, everything he says. Eunhyuk is different behind closed doors, she remembers. He's almost more sincere, almost unafraid, but she guesses they're all different out of the public eye. But no matter how different he may be in one place than another, the question still seems to turn her mind upside down.
Are you okay?
They're probably the three words she hears least often with eachother, in fact, yes - she doid hear I love you more. And Eunhyuk knows it too by the expression of regret that flickers across his face only seconds later. But he stands there and waits as if he has all the patience in the world, even when everyone knows that his temper can be as bad as Heechul's.
"Yeah," Is what she settles on. "Just tired," And it isn't a lie, but barely the truth.
She's too independent.
She's too independent for her own fucking good.
This is the fatal flaw, Eunhyuk learns over months, but he's known her for years. At first it angers him, the thought that she feels as though she may never need him - may never want him. He blames her for awhile, and then himself, and then no one because he realizes he doesn't know where it's going - he doesn't know where they are going, if anywhere at all. Eunhyuk tells his mind to take a break from her because she's Boa, Queen of Asia, and he's Eunhyuk, Super Junior's Dancing Machine, and the world spins and life goes on even if his little crush goes nowhere. Eunhyuk is going somewhere, in fact, he's practically been everywhere, but abruptly it means nothing. But that is fleeting, because it means everything, or at least, a lot. He wishes the feelings he had were fleeting too.
They exchange texts sometimes, not a lot, but enough to establish the fact that they're friends now. Maybe even good friends. He tries to get her out of his head, even if it doesn't work, and she calls him one day out of the blue telling him about a special performance of 'Only One', and their boss said she could choose her partner. Anyone she wanted, she emphasized.
"Is Yunho busy or something?" Eunhyuk asks.
"I don't know," Boa replies nonchalantly. "You're the first person I asked."
He doesn't realize it, but there's this really stupid smile on his face. It's gummy.
They're practicing and it's like the dance is the easiest dance in the world. At least, maybe for them two. It's the darkest part of the night, right before dawn, and the sky is nothing but a piece of black construction paper with no stars to fill the sky. Everything flows smoothly between the two of them from the first time they practice until the ninth, and he slides in closer, leans in closer, until his lips touch hers before he even has a chance to realize what he's doing. But when he does he doesn't move, almost frozen, but he's also the one that pulls away.
Eunhyuk is already apologizing.
He showers her with the word sorry, the phrase oh my God, and other things until she just finally reaches out and grabs his forearm. Her fingers squeeze lightly, and he feels himself falter underneath her touch. It's not comforting, it's not anything that he's ever known, but he thinks they're okay.
"Don't apologize," She decides to say, "There's nothing to be sorry about."
Someone tells them that that was the best performance of 'Only One' they have seen so far. It may have not been anyone important, but it means a lot to Eunhyuk when he reminds her backstage and it's only the two of them. She looks up at him from underneath fake lashes, unable to make out some of his features in the dark. He's beaming almost, like the way a child does after they have won a race against their dog, built a sandcastle, learned how to ride a bike, maybe even shared a cookie with the girl next door - and then it all stops as quickly as it came.
"Eunhyuk," Is all she really has to say before he just knows.
"Yeah, I get it."
It's the fame, Eunhyuk reasons.
This is what they live for. Not for crushes. Not for eachother. They live for their fans and not about being okay, not for kissing or hugging. But seeing their fans happy, striving to be perfect, forgetting a world of the mundane, it does make him happy. They stay friends and have their secret, sometimes if he gets close enough they make more secrets, but it's all underneath their belts. There is something unspoken between them that neither can put words to. At an SM concert he nudges her when Siwon has his hand around her waist. She pokes him in the rib when Jessica is leaning against him backstage. There's something, but it's not enough.
It's not okay, but he reasons that they aren't either.
Where are you going to be ten years from now? They ask Eunhyuk at an interview.
He reiterates this question to her when they're sitting in dark dance practice room.
"Well?" She asks, lying on the floor. It's a silent for a long time afterwards.
"Do you ever think that it will be you and I ten years from now?" He looks at her.
She only smiles.
~ 2000 w, pg, (boa/eunhyuk)
people have priorities
a/n because denying that these two have chemistry is beyond ridiculous.
He enters the dance room the first time with a familiar sense of unease. He's wearing his nice sneakers, his nicest sneakers, and regrets it afterwards when they continuously squeak against the waxed wooden floor and earn him a glance of annoyance. That's when he messes up the easiest part of the dance, literally having to exit off the stage, and almost squeaks himself to death. The slip results in minor physical injury, but critical damage to his pride. The music stops and she only hovers over him, smiling.
"We were definitely past the part in the dance in which you're on the ground."
"I promise I won't do this on stage," He laments.
"It would be pretty funny," Boa admits. She doesn't help him up or offer any reassuring words, but she keeps smiling, and Eunhyuk doesn't really have anything to say to that.
Eunhyuk tends to notice things that most people ignore. Most of the time, Eunhyuk wishes he was like most people, maybe even most idols. He could be better, he could sing better, he could be perfect - but in this industry that just doesnt happen. In retrospect, Eunhyuk reflects and thinks he could have made the perfect normal person. He could have had the perfectly normal job, the perfectly normal friends, the perfectly normal dog, maybe even a perfectly normal girlfriend. Instead, he becomes situated in a world where he's definitely less than the perfect idol, and that wasn't going to change anytime soon. He wonders what this all means to him and where he'll be in ten, twenty years. Hell, even the next few months were a big mystery to him.
I just want to be happy.
And he is happy, at least, when he's dancing. He's almost perfect at doing that, but watching her makes the word almost ring even louder in his head. The worst part is, she can sing at the same time. Eunhyuk doesn't even realize he's staring until he's only staring at himself in the mirror.
"You're awesome," He compliments her.
She arches a brow and breaks the plastic seal of her water bottle cap. "Thanks," It sounds more like a question, but mostly awkward. That's what they were anyways, just awkward.
"So, you know while we do this dance we have to look like a couple, right? Like you actually like me, like I'm the Only One," Eunhyuk grins cheekily and decides to sit down on one of the leather couches, letting himself and his cheesiness sink in. He doesnt expect her to laugh, not even smile, but she does both.
"It will probably be the easiest with you," It's a confession, but he's not aware of it. He's too oblivious. He's not perfect.
(And most people would have caught that statement, but no. He only picks up on things that most people try to ignore.)
"Yeah, Taemin is practically jail bait."
And she just laughs again.
It's convincing underneath all the lights and make up and sudden adrenaline slushing through his veins. It's like he likes her, and more surprising, it's like she likes him. And each performance it becomes more and more convincing, that at one point he convinces himself he does like her - even if it didnt take that long. But when he thinks about it now, it really isn't that much of a shocking fact. It's almost easy to like her, he notices, especially when she dances with Yunho, or Luhan, or Sehun, even Taemin, and he secretly prays that it isn't Siwon or Donghae next.
How could you dance with a man right in front of my eyes?
Eunhyuk finds the courage to send this to her one day. He honestly doesn't have any idea where that courage came from, because it sure was rare, and he smiles to himself. It's satisfying, the ease he feels. He can joke around with her now. But she doesn't respond and he doesn't see her, and slowly, that vague feeling of nothing seeps into him again. Adrenaline, gone.
He finds her in the dance room one day when they don't have practice and he's not even her partner for that week's performances, but she's dancing with an invisible man. Where have you been? He wants to ask. Instead:
"The guy you're dancing with this week is kind of a dead weight, I mean, his moves are really lacking power."
"What?" Boa doesn't understand his joke.
"Nevermind."
She turns slowly to face him. The sweat that is dripping down her face only seems to emphasize the lack of luster in her. Each step was seemingly dragged, not flawlessly clicked out as usual, and it's one of those things that most people just ignore. That's what everyone in the building does. SM Entertainment, if they deserve anything at all, get the award for most optimism. Everyone is okay. If you aren't, no one notices. If someone does, they ignore it. Optimism in healthy. Pessimism (realism) is frowned up.
It's this defining moment in which Eunhyuk can make a decision. A very important decision, but he doesn't know that either.
Instead of asking if she's okay, he just shrugs.
"Want an actual body to practice with?"
Is that what it feels like? To have a crush on someone?
He doesnt ask anyone. At least, he doesn't ask anyone human. He tries to ask his browser, but google came up with no results for the related search words: weird, knots, BoA, crush, mutual feelings, emotion, what should I do? And he figured he probably had to find some coherency about all of this before he could find any answers. But he goes to Donghae anyways, because he's someone that understands his incoherency even when Eunhyuk can't himself.
"It's just all the long hours in the dance room with her, man. Also, everyone likes her. She's practically flawless," Donghae is honest.
"Do you like her?"
"Not like that."
"Well, she's practically flawless," Eunhyuk mocks him.
"Practically," Donghae snorts. "But everyone has their flaws, and in this business, they tend to be big."
The honesty burns.
"Are you okay?" He blurts it out of no where one day while they're in the dance room.
Boa throws a glance over her shoulder and looks at him carefully. She's always unsure of everything he does, everything he says. Eunhyuk is different behind closed doors, she remembers. He's almost more sincere, almost unafraid, but she guesses they're all different out of the public eye. But no matter how different he may be in one place than another, the question still seems to turn her mind upside down.
Are you okay?
They're probably the three words she hears least often with eachother, in fact, yes - she doid hear I love you more. And Eunhyuk knows it too by the expression of regret that flickers across his face only seconds later. But he stands there and waits as if he has all the patience in the world, even when everyone knows that his temper can be as bad as Heechul's.
"Yeah," Is what she settles on. "Just tired," And it isn't a lie, but barely the truth.
She's too independent.
She's too independent for her own fucking good.
This is the fatal flaw, Eunhyuk learns over months, but he's known her for years. At first it angers him, the thought that she feels as though she may never need him - may never want him. He blames her for awhile, and then himself, and then no one because he realizes he doesn't know where it's going - he doesn't know where they are going, if anywhere at all. Eunhyuk tells his mind to take a break from her because she's Boa, Queen of Asia, and he's Eunhyuk, Super Junior's Dancing Machine, and the world spins and life goes on even if his little crush goes nowhere. Eunhyuk is going somewhere, in fact, he's practically been everywhere, but abruptly it means nothing. But that is fleeting, because it means everything, or at least, a lot. He wishes the feelings he had were fleeting too.
They exchange texts sometimes, not a lot, but enough to establish the fact that they're friends now. Maybe even good friends. He tries to get her out of his head, even if it doesn't work, and she calls him one day out of the blue telling him about a special performance of 'Only One', and their boss said she could choose her partner. Anyone she wanted, she emphasized.
"Is Yunho busy or something?" Eunhyuk asks.
"I don't know," Boa replies nonchalantly. "You're the first person I asked."
He doesn't realize it, but there's this really stupid smile on his face. It's gummy.
They're practicing and it's like the dance is the easiest dance in the world. At least, maybe for them two. It's the darkest part of the night, right before dawn, and the sky is nothing but a piece of black construction paper with no stars to fill the sky. Everything flows smoothly between the two of them from the first time they practice until the ninth, and he slides in closer, leans in closer, until his lips touch hers before he even has a chance to realize what he's doing. But when he does he doesn't move, almost frozen, but he's also the one that pulls away.
Eunhyuk is already apologizing.
He showers her with the word sorry, the phrase oh my God, and other things until she just finally reaches out and grabs his forearm. Her fingers squeeze lightly, and he feels himself falter underneath her touch. It's not comforting, it's not anything that he's ever known, but he thinks they're okay.
"Don't apologize," She decides to say, "There's nothing to be sorry about."
Someone tells them that that was the best performance of 'Only One' they have seen so far. It may have not been anyone important, but it means a lot to Eunhyuk when he reminds her backstage and it's only the two of them. She looks up at him from underneath fake lashes, unable to make out some of his features in the dark. He's beaming almost, like the way a child does after they have won a race against their dog, built a sandcastle, learned how to ride a bike, maybe even shared a cookie with the girl next door - and then it all stops as quickly as it came.
"Eunhyuk," Is all she really has to say before he just knows.
"Yeah, I get it."
It's the fame, Eunhyuk reasons.
This is what they live for. Not for crushes. Not for eachother. They live for their fans and not about being okay, not for kissing or hugging. But seeing their fans happy, striving to be perfect, forgetting a world of the mundane, it does make him happy. They stay friends and have their secret, sometimes if he gets close enough they make more secrets, but it's all underneath their belts. There is something unspoken between them that neither can put words to. At an SM concert he nudges her when Siwon has his hand around her waist. She pokes him in the rib when Jessica is leaning against him backstage. There's something, but it's not enough.
It's not okay, but he reasons that they aren't either.
Where are you going to be ten years from now? They ask Eunhyuk at an interview.
He reiterates this question to her when they're sitting in dark dance practice room.
"Well?" She asks, lying on the floor. It's a silent for a long time afterwards.
"Do you ever think that it will be you and I ten years from now?" He looks at her.
She only smiles.