(no subject)
a short series dedicated to my favorite, underrated couples.yes, including my die-hard otp, i have not given up on them yet. there are a lot more to come, since i cannot bring myself to write a full length fic. sigh.
i don't want the world to see me
685 w, pg-13 (jooyeon/g.o)
it's time for an intervention
"I think you need an intervention," Byunghee is the one who tells her. He reaches over the coffee table and grabs her hands, the sense of urgency played out for dramatic effect, but the truth behind his words ringing clear. Jooyeon stares at him for awhile, her fingers unable to curl against his. Byunghee feels like he's holding hands with a dead person.
"I'm fine," Is what she settles on.
He lets out a long sigh and shakes his head, "Jooyeon." He's frowning now.
"You're wearing sweatpants, socks, and flip flops to Starbucks. You're not okay."
She goes through the motions steadily, careful not to mess up her lines in flashback. Left foot goes here. Right foot goes there. Spin. Hair flip. Pose. Smile. Now stay like that, keep smiling until you feel your heart in between your teeth, and finally - well, maybe, you can actually let go.
Seriously, intervention.
She reads the text a few more times, scrolling aimlessly through her phone as the other members jump around their dorm. They're laughing, throwing pillows, and abruptly she feels old. I'm twenty five, she thinks. Where has my life gone?
"This is your idea of an intervention? To get me fat?" Jooyeon mumbles, looking at the ice cream in front of her.
Byunghee is clearly unamused. "No, my idea of an intervention is to get you back to normal," He clarifies. "This isn't you, Jooyeon, you don't do the self-wallowing shit. You just don't."
She doesn't say anything, at least, nothing he can reply to. He thinks he sees her nod, but the only thing he sees afterwards is an empty cone, and then no cone at all. He drapes his arm over her shoulders and pulls her closer to him. Byunghee learns how to hold her until he's holding himself. Not even the warmth of her body can convince him she's actually there.
"So, how long do interventions usually last for?" Seungho asks as he watches Byunghee google map something on his laptop.
"Weeks, months," Byunghee mumbles around a yawn.
"Why are you doing this for her?"
He says nothing afterwards. He doesn't want to see Jooyeon fall through the cracks like that.
"She's better than all of this," Byunghee believes it. Seungho just gets it.
"You sure you just don't want to be on we got married with her?" Their leader jokes and snorts, only to get pegged in the face with a pillow shortly afterwards.
"Maybe."
It rains on the day he decides to take her to the outskirts of the city. He imagined it differently, the sun glistening down and reflecting off the river. The buildings would only be miniscule details, the sky would be blue and infinite above them. Simply, it wouldn't be like this. They sit in the car, her feet up against the dashboard. She watches the grey sky expand over the city of Seoul, the hollow thud against the hood of the car the only noise filling up the silence.
"This isn't what I planned," He complains. He's embarrassed almost, mostly ashamed at his lack of control of the weather. If only God had given him that power, is what he thinks. Byunghee doesn't bring himself to look over at her, but a smile slowly flourishes on her face.
"Why are you intervening in my life, Byunghee?" Jooyeon asks abruptly.
He can only sigh, wondering to himself if she's secretly been in contact with Seungho.
"You know I care, right?" He looks over. "You know, I miss you."
She turns her head, making a point to look at him for a long time. Jooyeon says nothing, finds no words she could say to tell him how thankful she was. She opens the window and sticks her hand out. This is real, she thinks when the water trickles down her finger tips. She is real, is the afterthought.
"I think you're the only thing that's made me feel anything in a long time," She confesses. Byunghee only leans over and squeezes his hand lighty, and the thump afterwards in her chest makes her remember that she's alive.
give your heart a break / vessels redone
494 w, pg (sojin/jonghyun)
he doesn't know when to fight, or how
"I love you," He says it just to say it. It's dry and meaningless, and nothing like the first and only time he's ever said it. Curiosity is what fuels it. There could be sincerity somewhere in there, the lack thereof, but it doesn't hurt him. Things that are broken don't bruise afterwards - not even when the back of her hand connects with the side of his face.
Sojin doesn't understand it. She doesn't understand him. She leans over on the couch to look at the stinging red color on his cheek one more time. It flares. Absentmindedly, her fingers press lightly against it, and then harder.
"Ow," He winces and swipes away at her hand. Jonghyun is staring at her now.
"You're so stupid," She frowns at him. "Why would you say it if you didn't mean it?"
"Because I'm stupid," Jonghyun replies with the obvious, preparing himself to get hit. Again.
She doesn't hit him. She doesn't touch him. Jonghyun feels as though that hurts more.
"I really don't know how to love anyone besides her," He throws the ball against the white wall and it bounces back. He catches it, he throws it, and he keeps doing this until he finally decides to listen to Yonghwa.
"Maybe it's time to let go," He says. Jonghyun only sighs. Obviously, Yonghwa has missed the whole point.
"I don't want to let go of her," He shows determination, something he also lacks when it comes to anything besides music.
"Then don't, but I don't know what you think you're holding onto."
Jonghyun starts to realize that he doesn't know either. But it's something, he thinks. And it's enough.
He wonders what it feels like to be connected. He tries to settle for anything, tries to settle for anyone, but he settles on her. He wonders what it feels like connected, again, the string tying the two of them together once now cut. Maybe it had been nonexistent. He tries hard to tell himself to let go of her. Let go of them. Let go of himself.
He gives up on that idea, and silently, he develops a new one.
"You didn't fight for me when I left," She states her previous expectation that he failed to meet.
Sojin's fingers curl tightly against the fabric of her skirt. Her nails dig into the silk, and if Jonghyun looks closely enough he can see crescent marks. If he looks closely enough, he can see she's been holding onto them too.
"I didn't know how."
"You still don't," She corrects him.
Jonghyun wants to ask her to teach him, but he knows that wouldn't be fair. He doesn't reach out for her hand, but only for his guitar. Strums once, strums twice, fight for her now is that the voice of reason says.
You only want things when they aren't yours anymore, she doesn't say.
But I've only ever just wanted you, and he misses his chance.
collision (tied into vessels)
240 w, pg (sojin/jonghyun/sunny)
2nd pov, old whip, we are, they are, all were
you could say it, but they won't believe you.
your heart is between your teeth, canines digging into veins. first, you're annoyed. later, you're sad. hormones, you think absentmindedly to yourself. sleep, lack thereof, jessica's pitchy singing in the corner. shut up - you say, serious, and your eyes close again.
what's your problem?
i don't have a problem.
what did he do?
breathe. you don't say it. they won't believe you.
sunny, jessica grabs your hand and squeezes.
you're alive. that's the first thing you think. it's real, is the afterthought. you're real - but that notion doesn't process until a little later.
"he doesn't love me anymore," you whisper. you're right. she doesn't believe you.
"let's break up." the words leave your mouth. that's not the way it was planned.
you want him to fight for you. it's this expectation that leaves you disappointed. it's this expectation that leaves you in tears.
he nods. he leaves. goodbye jonghyun, you think. i loved you.
you see them together one day. across the street, inside a store, sitting right by the windows. they did it on purpose. life really has it out for you.
he doesn't look sad. he doesn't look happy.
you squint. hi sojin, you think to yourself. it's not her fault, only yours.
you keep squinting.
what an unhappy person you see in him. squint. blur. trepidation -
you gulp, realizing that you've only been looking at yourself.
i don't want the world to see me
685 w, pg-13 (jooyeon/g.o)
it's time for an intervention
"I think you need an intervention," Byunghee is the one who tells her. He reaches over the coffee table and grabs her hands, the sense of urgency played out for dramatic effect, but the truth behind his words ringing clear. Jooyeon stares at him for awhile, her fingers unable to curl against his. Byunghee feels like he's holding hands with a dead person.
"I'm fine," Is what she settles on.
He lets out a long sigh and shakes his head, "Jooyeon." He's frowning now.
"You're wearing sweatpants, socks, and flip flops to Starbucks. You're not okay."
She goes through the motions steadily, careful not to mess up her lines in flashback. Left foot goes here. Right foot goes there. Spin. Hair flip. Pose. Smile. Now stay like that, keep smiling until you feel your heart in between your teeth, and finally - well, maybe, you can actually let go.
Seriously, intervention.
She reads the text a few more times, scrolling aimlessly through her phone as the other members jump around their dorm. They're laughing, throwing pillows, and abruptly she feels old. I'm twenty five, she thinks. Where has my life gone?
"This is your idea of an intervention? To get me fat?" Jooyeon mumbles, looking at the ice cream in front of her.
Byunghee is clearly unamused. "No, my idea of an intervention is to get you back to normal," He clarifies. "This isn't you, Jooyeon, you don't do the self-wallowing shit. You just don't."
She doesn't say anything, at least, nothing he can reply to. He thinks he sees her nod, but the only thing he sees afterwards is an empty cone, and then no cone at all. He drapes his arm over her shoulders and pulls her closer to him. Byunghee learns how to hold her until he's holding himself. Not even the warmth of her body can convince him she's actually there.
"So, how long do interventions usually last for?" Seungho asks as he watches Byunghee google map something on his laptop.
"Weeks, months," Byunghee mumbles around a yawn.
"Why are you doing this for her?"
He says nothing afterwards. He doesn't want to see Jooyeon fall through the cracks like that.
"She's better than all of this," Byunghee believes it. Seungho just gets it.
"You sure you just don't want to be on we got married with her?" Their leader jokes and snorts, only to get pegged in the face with a pillow shortly afterwards.
"Maybe."
It rains on the day he decides to take her to the outskirts of the city. He imagined it differently, the sun glistening down and reflecting off the river. The buildings would only be miniscule details, the sky would be blue and infinite above them. Simply, it wouldn't be like this. They sit in the car, her feet up against the dashboard. She watches the grey sky expand over the city of Seoul, the hollow thud against the hood of the car the only noise filling up the silence.
"This isn't what I planned," He complains. He's embarrassed almost, mostly ashamed at his lack of control of the weather. If only God had given him that power, is what he thinks. Byunghee doesn't bring himself to look over at her, but a smile slowly flourishes on her face.
"Why are you intervening in my life, Byunghee?" Jooyeon asks abruptly.
He can only sigh, wondering to himself if she's secretly been in contact with Seungho.
"You know I care, right?" He looks over. "You know, I miss you."
She turns her head, making a point to look at him for a long time. Jooyeon says nothing, finds no words she could say to tell him how thankful she was. She opens the window and sticks her hand out. This is real, she thinks when the water trickles down her finger tips. She is real, is the afterthought.
"I think you're the only thing that's made me feel anything in a long time," She confesses. Byunghee only leans over and squeezes his hand lighty, and the thump afterwards in her chest makes her remember that she's alive.
give your heart a break / vessels redone
494 w, pg (sojin/jonghyun)
he doesn't know when to fight, or how
"I love you," He says it just to say it. It's dry and meaningless, and nothing like the first and only time he's ever said it. Curiosity is what fuels it. There could be sincerity somewhere in there, the lack thereof, but it doesn't hurt him. Things that are broken don't bruise afterwards - not even when the back of her hand connects with the side of his face.
Sojin doesn't understand it. She doesn't understand him. She leans over on the couch to look at the stinging red color on his cheek one more time. It flares. Absentmindedly, her fingers press lightly against it, and then harder.
"Ow," He winces and swipes away at her hand. Jonghyun is staring at her now.
"You're so stupid," She frowns at him. "Why would you say it if you didn't mean it?"
"Because I'm stupid," Jonghyun replies with the obvious, preparing himself to get hit. Again.
She doesn't hit him. She doesn't touch him. Jonghyun feels as though that hurts more.
"I really don't know how to love anyone besides her," He throws the ball against the white wall and it bounces back. He catches it, he throws it, and he keeps doing this until he finally decides to listen to Yonghwa.
"Maybe it's time to let go," He says. Jonghyun only sighs. Obviously, Yonghwa has missed the whole point.
"I don't want to let go of her," He shows determination, something he also lacks when it comes to anything besides music.
"Then don't, but I don't know what you think you're holding onto."
Jonghyun starts to realize that he doesn't know either. But it's something, he thinks. And it's enough.
He wonders what it feels like to be connected. He tries to settle for anything, tries to settle for anyone, but he settles on her. He wonders what it feels like connected, again, the string tying the two of them together once now cut. Maybe it had been nonexistent. He tries hard to tell himself to let go of her. Let go of them. Let go of himself.
He gives up on that idea, and silently, he develops a new one.
"You didn't fight for me when I left," She states her previous expectation that he failed to meet.
Sojin's fingers curl tightly against the fabric of her skirt. Her nails dig into the silk, and if Jonghyun looks closely enough he can see crescent marks. If he looks closely enough, he can see she's been holding onto them too.
"I didn't know how."
"You still don't," She corrects him.
Jonghyun wants to ask her to teach him, but he knows that wouldn't be fair. He doesn't reach out for her hand, but only for his guitar. Strums once, strums twice, fight for her now is that the voice of reason says.
You only want things when they aren't yours anymore, she doesn't say.
But I've only ever just wanted you, and he misses his chance.
collision (tied into vessels)
240 w, pg (sojin/jonghyun/sunny)
2nd pov, old whip, we are, they are, all were
you could say it, but they won't believe you.
your heart is between your teeth, canines digging into veins. first, you're annoyed. later, you're sad. hormones, you think absentmindedly to yourself. sleep, lack thereof, jessica's pitchy singing in the corner. shut up - you say, serious, and your eyes close again.
what's your problem?
i don't have a problem.
what did he do?
breathe. you don't say it. they won't believe you.
sunny, jessica grabs your hand and squeezes.
you're alive. that's the first thing you think. it's real, is the afterthought. you're real - but that notion doesn't process until a little later.
"he doesn't love me anymore," you whisper. you're right. she doesn't believe you.
"let's break up." the words leave your mouth. that's not the way it was planned.
you want him to fight for you. it's this expectation that leaves you disappointed. it's this expectation that leaves you in tears.
he nods. he leaves. goodbye jonghyun, you think. i loved you.
you see them together one day. across the street, inside a store, sitting right by the windows. they did it on purpose. life really has it out for you.
he doesn't look sad. he doesn't look happy.
you squint. hi sojin, you think to yourself. it's not her fault, only yours.
you keep squinting.
what an unhappy person you see in him. squint. blur. trepidation -
you gulp, realizing that you've only been looking at yourself.