be happy, break me
be happy, break me
pg (seohyun/yonghwa, seohyun/kyuhyun)
he just wants her to be happy.
a/n: this is really old. i wrote it a long time ago and i decided to post it. oh well.
'i think i might love him,' she tells him one day.
he tries hard not to choke. her eyes flicker over and catch his, but she can't see the hurt because he has this smile; toothy and forced but friendly and just what she likes. she flashes a smile of her own, the smile that has managed to burn itself in the back of his mind - ashes collected and put aside.
yonghwa probably thinks he should give her a response, a laugh, a nod, a 'would you care to elaborate?' but if he asks he thinks he might just crack a little more than he already has, because he's known for so long.
(it just cuts fucking deep, the way he knows and how it's not a surprise. the way it shouldn't be a surprise. but he figures it's his own fault, because he lost his chance months ago. he lost it when called her the best friend he could ever have, laced with these things that she didn't hear - these things that she missed. and he figures, maybe she didn't miss - maybe she just didn't want to catch them.)
it remains silent as they sit together. he can't even bring himself to look at her at times like this, times when she doesn't know, times that he sees that she'll never know - all because he can't muster up the courage to tell her. so he takes it, hit by hit, stab by stab with her words that she isn't aware are lethal weapons that bruise and batter his heart.
(he thinks by now that it would be easier to shatter, but he holds himself together with time. he tells himself that time will simply do its job, and after awhile, he realizes that it is failing him miserably. they've simply turned sparks into flames - only to blow away like embers. a fire that started but didn't last because time simply blew it out.)
'kyuhyun-sunbae?' yonghwa asks. he feels this aching in his chest and closes his eyes because he knows he's right.
(sometimes he hopes she'll giggle, 'no, silly, you.')
but the hope isn't high and it's demolished as soon as she nods her head and heaves this pretty sigh. a confused sigh full of heart ache and want and need, and he knows it better than she actually thinks. 'i just .. i don't know if he feels the same. he teases me all the time about you since we're married and all . .but i've told him you and i are only friends,' seohyun shakes her head and he thinks that his heart actually does break off a little piece.
why?
because in a way, he can see that she blames him. and in a sense, he knows it's true too. it's sick and twisted the way he smiles to himself, knowing that he's an obstacle that keeps them apart. the way that he likes being a problem, as long as she can be his just for a little longer. it's a raw selfish want, but underlying all of it, he knows having her is slowly becoming a need.
but he just nods, 'oh, i'm sorry to hear that.' he mumbles under his breath and sighs. he swallows his pride and tells himself that if he really does love her he'll just let her be happy.
(her image of happiness doesn't consist of him though - it consists of the maknae prince. he gets kyuhyun's number from heechul later and calls him that night, a sweet and simple,
'seohyun really likes you and i wouldn't miss out on a chance like that.'
a sweet and simple, 'are you sure there's nothing between you two?'
and a cold and broken, 'i'm sure.')
his heart swells and it's ready to burst when she comes in one day with a smile, but the smile isn't for him. it's for them, it's for herself, it's for kyuhyun.
'he asked me to dinner,' she whispers shyly.
yonghwa doesn't bother smiling back because he can't bare anything at that moment. although he is tempted to show her his soul, show her his heart - he thinks she might just pity it to see how black and blue it's actually become from all the words she's said and all the things he never had the strength to say.
he bites down on his breath because he feels it when she squeezes his hand lightly, her fingers gripping lightly and gently, but it's strong enough to just finally tear him.
'as long as you're happy,' he just wants her to be happy.
(and she is, she's on cloud nine for weeks - and he loses her, even if she was never his in the first place.)
pg (seohyun/yonghwa, seohyun/kyuhyun)
he just wants her to be happy.
a/n: this is really old. i wrote it a long time ago and i decided to post it. oh well.
'i think i might love him,' she tells him one day.
he tries hard not to choke. her eyes flicker over and catch his, but she can't see the hurt because he has this smile; toothy and forced but friendly and just what she likes. she flashes a smile of her own, the smile that has managed to burn itself in the back of his mind - ashes collected and put aside.
yonghwa probably thinks he should give her a response, a laugh, a nod, a 'would you care to elaborate?' but if he asks he thinks he might just crack a little more than he already has, because he's known for so long.
(it just cuts fucking deep, the way he knows and how it's not a surprise. the way it shouldn't be a surprise. but he figures it's his own fault, because he lost his chance months ago. he lost it when called her the best friend he could ever have, laced with these things that she didn't hear - these things that she missed. and he figures, maybe she didn't miss - maybe she just didn't want to catch them.)
it remains silent as they sit together. he can't even bring himself to look at her at times like this, times when she doesn't know, times that he sees that she'll never know - all because he can't muster up the courage to tell her. so he takes it, hit by hit, stab by stab with her words that she isn't aware are lethal weapons that bruise and batter his heart.
(he thinks by now that it would be easier to shatter, but he holds himself together with time. he tells himself that time will simply do its job, and after awhile, he realizes that it is failing him miserably. they've simply turned sparks into flames - only to blow away like embers. a fire that started but didn't last because time simply blew it out.)
'kyuhyun-sunbae?' yonghwa asks. he feels this aching in his chest and closes his eyes because he knows he's right.
(sometimes he hopes she'll giggle, 'no, silly, you.')
but the hope isn't high and it's demolished as soon as she nods her head and heaves this pretty sigh. a confused sigh full of heart ache and want and need, and he knows it better than she actually thinks. 'i just .. i don't know if he feels the same. he teases me all the time about you since we're married and all . .but i've told him you and i are only friends,' seohyun shakes her head and he thinks that his heart actually does break off a little piece.
why?
because in a way, he can see that she blames him. and in a sense, he knows it's true too. it's sick and twisted the way he smiles to himself, knowing that he's an obstacle that keeps them apart. the way that he likes being a problem, as long as she can be his just for a little longer. it's a raw selfish want, but underlying all of it, he knows having her is slowly becoming a need.
but he just nods, 'oh, i'm sorry to hear that.' he mumbles under his breath and sighs. he swallows his pride and tells himself that if he really does love her he'll just let her be happy.
(her image of happiness doesn't consist of him though - it consists of the maknae prince. he gets kyuhyun's number from heechul later and calls him that night, a sweet and simple,
'seohyun really likes you and i wouldn't miss out on a chance like that.'
a sweet and simple, 'are you sure there's nothing between you two?'
and a cold and broken, 'i'm sure.')
his heart swells and it's ready to burst when she comes in one day with a smile, but the smile isn't for him. it's for them, it's for herself, it's for kyuhyun.
'he asked me to dinner,' she whispers shyly.
yonghwa doesn't bother smiling back because he can't bare anything at that moment. although he is tempted to show her his soul, show her his heart - he thinks she might just pity it to see how black and blue it's actually become from all the words she's said and all the things he never had the strength to say.
he bites down on his breath because he feels it when she squeezes his hand lightly, her fingers gripping lightly and gently, but it's strong enough to just finally tear him.
'as long as you're happy,' he just wants her to be happy.
(and she is, she's on cloud nine for weeks - and he loses her, even if she was never his in the first place.)