When I find myself in times of trouble
(x)
There are many times when things aren’t fine between them. There are sharp edges to smooth and fit together - different paces and flows that need time to come together in a more stabilized harmony.
They snaps and fight each other. There are times of storm and word streams, times of drought and painful silence. Some things claw his skin and get deep inside, hurting and burning in the process; others are just like water running down his body, intangible and cold.
Seunghoon complains a lot, but enjoys every argue he gets into. As he lets out his raw emotion and his point of view, he thinks he’s growing - they all are, together, step by step.
He bits hard and digs his teeth in the flesh, until it’s bleeding. Until everything comes out and they are sincere to each other, without smiles of circumstances or little hypocrisies, until Seungyoon nags him for being too cruel and tells him to stop or Mino says he’s too much and raises his voice, or Taehyun gets angry and blurts out what he kept hiding even though he’s the most honest, and Jinwoo hyung gets annoyed at him and tries to fix it all, grumbling in the middle.
Seunghoon enjoys it all. Because while arguing they get closer. Because Winner are worth fighting for.
As he storms and rages, there are times he longs for peace.
He heals himself in a very specific way: it has become a kind of a ritual, one no one knows.
He stays there, sits on the bench of their training room, a towel around his head to dry off the sweat; his eyes are on him all the time. He follows each step he takes.
He’s the one who works harder, Jinwoo. As he’s the one who takes the longer to remember the routine, he tries and tries until his limbs ache for the exertion and his legs can’t stand it anymore. Seunghoon is there to catch him fall.
He says himself it’s just because he’s the choreographer, but he knows better: Jinwoo hyung is his harbor when the tempest is too strong.
Even when the five of them don’t get along too well and Seunghoon knows it’s also his fault, Jinwoo always welcomes him. He does for everyone of them. Seunghoon sees him as he truly is, the most important: he’s the hyung ready to embrace each one of them, muttering small cunning comments when he feels so, or mostly just saying kind words to them, and cheering them up with his broad smile, setting an example as he keeps working hard and tries to find the right balance within them.
He is his counterpart. The one that it’s needed to keep the process going - after every wound, there must be the cure.
Therefore, he’s the one Seunghoon searches when he’s the most raw. He thinks there must be something special in Jinwoo, a sort of inexplicable softness that levels his sharpness, letting him free of all the cloudy thoughts he has.
Seunghoon just keeps smiling as Jinwoo dances in front of him, training, the sweat running on his temples, his pants fast and light. There is a dim glow in every move he does - Seunghoon keeps following it, trying to treasure the things he only see for himself. The small grin Jinwoo has when he successes and the way his body arches, leaps, bends; the fire in his eyes as he doesn’t give up and practice more, checking sometimes Seunghoon’s reaction to see if he’s doing right. Everything.
Seunghoon knows he must not idolize him, because there are moments the stress gets him too and he just curls up and hides from the world. There is darkness in him too. He knows what monsters eat him up at night, the fear of not being enough, of being a burden, of being just someone who is a filling in that team. He knows them by heart. Even the brightest person is like this, he guesses.
That’s why he keeps searching for him and showing him his soreness and weariness - Seunghoon goes there for him, with all his scars and bleeding wounds and his red damp eyes and his broken heart and asks him to mend him because Jinwoo needs that. He must feel important, sometimes, he must know he’s acknowledged, he has a role, he’s trusted by others - Seunghoon goes there for him and demands him to heal him, letting Jinwoo to heal himself.
Jinwoo laughs at his weirdness, all the time, and points out all his odd behaviors. He hugs him tightly, touchy as he always is, and shares his warmth with him. That’s what Seunghoon needs in times of trouble.
Seunghoon knows Jinwoo is the key to keep them together. That’s why he states he was the most important during their album production, even if he didn’t write or compose any of their songs.
It’s their treasure, Kim Jinwoo.
And his harbor, during the storms.
*
One clarification: Seunghoon said Winner don’t always gets along + Seungyoon said in another interview that Seunghoon grumbles a lot (but now not as much as before because Winner knows each other the best, after all their promotions together). Basically, they needed time to know each other, their preferences etc; I imagined all of their argues and Seunghoon’s role in those fights. It’s a thing that’s needed to become a tighter group. I hope it’s easy to understand.