So, today my mother said to me "You're keeping track of all of this aren't you?  I want you to - for Bruce."  And now I guess I'm going to indulge in some of that "anger" part of grieving, because REALLY?  His kids are grown, graduated, and gone.  He's the one who owns his business, has a house in Florida, and is going to sell to his partner and ( Read more... )

It wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't have Charlotte.  Partly because I'm worried that she won't remember mom.  But mostly because we're starting to do things together like I remember doing with mom.  And now I won't be able to share that with her.  We haven't read "Heidi" yet.  She's only just learning to ride a bicycle.  There's all the books that ( Read more... )

I haven't been posting here much.  Partly because I've had nothing good to talk about, but a lot of it is that it's stopped being a conversation as people have stepped away.  Tonight I'm okay with that.  I need someplace to talk to myself.

She kept saying "When I get home."  I wonder if she was lying to me, or to herself?

Charlotte asked me tonight "Why are you so sad?"  Not wanting to come right out and say "Because Grandma is probably dying," I said "Because I wish I could have my mommy forever."

She touched my face, said "No one can have their mommy forever," and gave me a hug.

Thanksgiving with the family today.  A couple of months ago, mom and I hashed out location, causing me to really want to beat my head against a wall ( Read more... )

Dad forwarded me a copy of the obituary that will be published in the St. Paul paper.  There will be a memorial service in Bayfield, WI.  On my mother's birthday.

You know what?  2016 is fired.

( Read more... )

It started with such promise.

At vynehorn's suggestion, today we had a "feast for the death of a bard" to commemorate the 400th anniversary of Shakespeare's death - with a shout out to Cervantes.  I entirely blew the planning on this one, but managed to pull together a bunch of people, a bunch of food, and a pile of Shakespeare movies, some of which were ( Read more... )

I've been ridiculously busy for the last couple of weeks.  Let's see ( Read more... )

So, sometime... last year?  Months and months ago at the most recent my dad sent me an email.  It was a link to a recipe for a poppyseed roll that in his works "looks exactly like the one my grandmother (that would be MY great-grandmother) used to make."  I was supposed to bring something for Easter this Sunday, so I decided to make it - just for ( Read more... )