060
People are talking way too much today. And I'd rather not talk about... that. Not if I can help it. If I say anything, just... oh, I don't know. I hate this curse.
Before coming to the City I never really did it. Fred and Stanley... they used to joke around, but we didn't get on well enough for anything. And Nick was too much of a coward. Timothy was sweet before he... died.
But then there Jakob that night when... well. Of all the places - a factory floor? We were young, we'd just escaped from a fiery death, it... happens, I suppose. He was eager if nothing else.
After that one time he left the country, I stayed and... it got a bit hard to have a stable relationship with the government out to kill you. Any kind of relationship. The odd guy would try it on with me when I was barmaiding at the Frog, but George would kick them out if they tried anything. Or I'd punch them. Nobody really got close until that night when we were captured, me, Nat, the magicians. That mercenary, he... he stroked my neck, and he said... urg. Bastard. I'm glad he died.
Nat died that night too. We never even...
Anyway, then I came to the City. And I... it was a curse and... Bartimaeus and I... I never thought I would. I don't think I would have, if he hadn't shifted to Nathaniel's form. He's a demon, he doesn't even have a gender. I don't think he'd ever done it with a human before. But it didn't mean he didn't know all the steps. He was... he was slow at first, but then he took control and... the main thing I remember were his eyes. I felt terrible the morning after, like I'd betrayed his trust as a friend.
There was another curse on that day too, and that was when me and Nat - it was really weird, that first time. We weren't ready, I think. It was rushed and up against the wall, and we kissed hard enough to bruise, and...
But later when we'd sorted things out and gotten together it was... better. It is better, better than anything. It's... amazing, because I love him. It doesn't matter what we do. Usually I'm on top - and that goes with anyone I'm with - but sometimes he takes control, and that's nice too. He has... really good hands. He's always gentle... well, almost always, he's gotten bolder. Then there was that one curse day when we switched genders...
The curses have made me do other things though. Things not with Nat, which I never stop feeling guilty for. Like Faye, just before Christmas. It was... different. It was... violent. Rough. A lot rougher than anything I'd done before. More like fighting than anything else. Most of it's a blur, I can just remember... a lot of shoving and pulling and things breaking, but feeling... pretty damn good. Several times. A lot of times. It was awkward as hell the next morning . But then we did it again the other week, during another curse and... it wasn't so bad the next day. And it was just as rough as before. It's... intense. I don't think it could really be like that with anyone else. And, God, but does that woman scream.
And then on that day, I also... with Bartimaeus again. It just happened really suddenly. We started flirting and then... It wasn't over quickly though. We... err... several times. We kissed and then we went to my room and... he was a lot more confident the second time, he seemed to enjoy teasing me. But the next morning I felt like such a whore. I know I was cursed, but shouldn't I be able to control myself? Ptolemy propositioned me that day too, and I flirted with half the City, but I didn't sleep with them, did I?
I guess when I look back on it... I've only slept with four different people in my life. Three of them since coming to the City. Boys, a girl, and an androgynous being. And whilst some were good and some were bad... the only one I haven't really felt guilty about afterwards was Nathaniel.
...I hope he doesn't read this.
((ooc: Cut for post of doom. She attempted to lock it but... didn't do such a good job. xD She'll give details if you poke. Grudgingly.))
Before coming to the City I never really did it. Fred and Stanley... they used to joke around, but we didn't get on well enough for anything. And Nick was too much of a coward. Timothy was sweet before he... died.
But then there Jakob that night when... well. Of all the places - a factory floor? We were young, we'd just escaped from a fiery death, it... happens, I suppose. He was eager if nothing else.
After that one time he left the country, I stayed and... it got a bit hard to have a stable relationship with the government out to kill you. Any kind of relationship. The odd guy would try it on with me when I was barmaiding at the Frog, but George would kick them out if they tried anything. Or I'd punch them. Nobody really got close until that night when we were captured, me, Nat, the magicians. That mercenary, he... he stroked my neck, and he said... urg. Bastard. I'm glad he died.
Nat died that night too. We never even...
Anyway, then I came to the City. And I... it was a curse and... Bartimaeus and I... I never thought I would. I don't think I would have, if he hadn't shifted to Nathaniel's form. He's a demon, he doesn't even have a gender. I don't think he'd ever done it with a human before. But it didn't mean he didn't know all the steps. He was... he was slow at first, but then he took control and... the main thing I remember were his eyes. I felt terrible the morning after, like I'd betrayed his trust as a friend.
There was another curse on that day too, and that was when me and Nat - it was really weird, that first time. We weren't ready, I think. It was rushed and up against the wall, and we kissed hard enough to bruise, and...
But later when we'd sorted things out and gotten together it was... better. It is better, better than anything. It's... amazing, because I love him. It doesn't matter what we do. Usually I'm on top - and that goes with anyone I'm with - but sometimes he takes control, and that's nice too. He has... really good hands. He's always gentle... well, almost always, he's gotten bolder. Then there was that one curse day when we switched genders...
The curses have made me do other things though. Things not with Nat, which I never stop feeling guilty for. Like Faye, just before Christmas. It was... different. It was... violent. Rough. A lot rougher than anything I'd done before. More like fighting than anything else. Most of it's a blur, I can just remember... a lot of shoving and pulling and things breaking, but feeling... pretty damn good. Several times. A lot of times. It was awkward as hell the next morning . But then we did it again the other week, during another curse and... it wasn't so bad the next day. And it was just as rough as before. It's... intense. I don't think it could really be like that with anyone else. And, God, but does that woman scream.
And then on that day, I also... with Bartimaeus again. It just happened really suddenly. We started flirting and then... It wasn't over quickly though. We... err... several times. We kissed and then we went to my room and... he was a lot more confident the second time, he seemed to enjoy teasing me. But the next morning I felt like such a whore. I know I was cursed, but shouldn't I be able to control myself? Ptolemy propositioned me that day too, and I flirted with half the City, but I didn't sleep with them, did I?
I guess when I look back on it... I've only slept with four different people in my life. Three of them since coming to the City. Boys, a girl, and an androgynous being. And whilst some were good and some were bad... the only one I haven't really felt guilty about afterwards was Nathaniel.
...I hope he doesn't read this.
((ooc: Cut for post of doom. She attempted to lock it but... didn't do such a good job. xD She'll give details if you poke. Grudgingly.))