So much for a depression journal
Yeah, so obviously after my last entry I just got worse and worse. It just kind of snuck up on me. And the physical symptoms were just unbelievable. I think I really let myself get out of control. So I started taking Zoloft on June 30th. I guess I'm starting my 8th week on it now. I have to say I have been feeling a lot better. I wish I would have been keeping a record of what I was feeling, because it takes me talking about it to realize that I am feeling better. Brother & SIL listened to me when they were here 2 weeks ago, and I was really able to see how things are different in my mind now than they were.
This week I am feeling a little back-tracked, though. I think it may have to do with my diet. I have been craving sweets and basically eating crap for 2 weeks now. I need to write out an eating plan so that I stop doing that. I have not gained any weight, though. Also, interestingly enough, the bad body thoughts have all but gone. That is why I noticed it this morning when my pants were just a little tight (not any more than they ever are when they come out of the wash), and I started thinking about my stomach and got physically nauseous thinking about my body again. It has been weeks since I had that feeling. So now I am a little afraid that the depression is coming back. I know that you just continue to get better more and more, that sometimes it doesn't really start to work for 6 weeks, so I am trying not to freak out about it too much. But today I feel a bit confused and frazzled again. It is frustrating to still be having bad days.
I really feel like sleeping all the time, too. My motivation has been lacking for at least a week now. I hope these pills haven't stopped working. Last week I actually felt like myself for 2 or 3 days. Like right now I so needed to write something down, but I just cannot remember what it was. Oh yeah, I think it was how I have to get what I am feeling OUT. Otherwise I will not know what is changing or how I feel. I don't think Husband wants to hear about it anymore. I think it frustrates him because he can't help me.
I am also feeling angry for no reason today. Like I have no patience. I thought last week it was PMS, but that has been over for a few days now. I am wondering if I need to go to therapy. I don't know exactly how it would help, but it might. I am not sure what I would talk about. It might even make things worse?
This week I am feeling a little back-tracked, though. I think it may have to do with my diet. I have been craving sweets and basically eating crap for 2 weeks now. I need to write out an eating plan so that I stop doing that. I have not gained any weight, though. Also, interestingly enough, the bad body thoughts have all but gone. That is why I noticed it this morning when my pants were just a little tight (not any more than they ever are when they come out of the wash), and I started thinking about my stomach and got physically nauseous thinking about my body again. It has been weeks since I had that feeling. So now I am a little afraid that the depression is coming back. I know that you just continue to get better more and more, that sometimes it doesn't really start to work for 6 weeks, so I am trying not to freak out about it too much. But today I feel a bit confused and frazzled again. It is frustrating to still be having bad days.
I really feel like sleeping all the time, too. My motivation has been lacking for at least a week now. I hope these pills haven't stopped working. Last week I actually felt like myself for 2 or 3 days. Like right now I so needed to write something down, but I just cannot remember what it was. Oh yeah, I think it was how I have to get what I am feeling OUT. Otherwise I will not know what is changing or how I feel. I don't think Husband wants to hear about it anymore. I think it frustrates him because he can't help me.
I am also feeling angry for no reason today. Like I have no patience. I thought last week it was PMS, but that has been over for a few days now. I am wondering if I need to go to therapy. I don't know exactly how it would help, but it might. I am not sure what I would talk about. It might even make things worse?