(no subject)
I am getting D's in far too many classes.
I am really upset with my friends.
I couldn't see Errick today; haven't seen him in a week now.
I feel miserable.
I'm feeling unproductive.
Worthless.
A girl needs to feel like she can fix things; do something worthwhile to be happy.
I'm not feeling it.
So I've been binging on food and shopping online.
I'm garnering addictions to make myself feel better.
Which is bad.
None of these addictions are even very fun or withstanding. I felt good while browsing the store and checking out my carts, but since I have to wait 2-3 weeks for my stuff, the thrill is gone.
I just wish I could fail at life, turn off, and go to sleep.
Because everything feels useless and I feel like shit.
I feel like taking my life, and throwing it against a brick wall and utterly destroying it because it's just not worth my time anymore.
I want either to start over or just to be able to destroy it as much as I please, 'cause there is no fixing it. There is no creating good from it. All that's left is destruction and death and I know this but everyone expects so much more.
Fuck it. I know I'm not going to make it past 30; people are morons to think that someone so intense and emotional and unstable as me would make it so far.
I wish I wish I wish I could be successful and happy; but all my attempts are ringing hollow. I don't think happy really exists. not as a long term emotion anyway.
it's just fucking pain, and suffering, and grief and a whole lot of worthlessness and railing against what you want to do, what needs to be done and what other people want you to do.
fuckitfuckitfuckit.
LIFE CAN GO TO HELL.
I am really upset with my friends.
I couldn't see Errick today; haven't seen him in a week now.
I feel miserable.
I'm feeling unproductive.
Worthless.
A girl needs to feel like she can fix things; do something worthwhile to be happy.
I'm not feeling it.
So I've been binging on food and shopping online.
I'm garnering addictions to make myself feel better.
Which is bad.
None of these addictions are even very fun or withstanding. I felt good while browsing the store and checking out my carts, but since I have to wait 2-3 weeks for my stuff, the thrill is gone.
I just wish I could fail at life, turn off, and go to sleep.
Because everything feels useless and I feel like shit.
I feel like taking my life, and throwing it against a brick wall and utterly destroying it because it's just not worth my time anymore.
I want either to start over or just to be able to destroy it as much as I please, 'cause there is no fixing it. There is no creating good from it. All that's left is destruction and death and I know this but everyone expects so much more.
Fuck it. I know I'm not going to make it past 30; people are morons to think that someone so intense and emotional and unstable as me would make it so far.
I wish I wish I wish I could be successful and happy; but all my attempts are ringing hollow. I don't think happy really exists. not as a long term emotion anyway.
it's just fucking pain, and suffering, and grief and a whole lot of worthlessness and railing against what you want to do, what needs to be done and what other people want you to do.
fuckitfuckitfuckit.
LIFE CAN GO TO HELL.