random update
I don't remember when or what I last wrote and I am too lazy to look it up. So I might repeat myself. Who cares, not many folks read this anymore anyway.
I am hanging in there. I saw a new therapist last week, and that went well. She seems very nice. I brought up the possibility of being approved for an ESA (emotional support animal: http://servicedogcentral.org/content/node/256 ) The trouble with this is, like the medicine I was on that helped but I can no longer get, people abuse the system so people who need the help legitimately get turned down because they may also be trying to abuse the system. I am not. I have had extremely close bonds with pets since childhood and have had them be very helpful in combating my anxiety. Just having Cookie along in the car with me helped me out immensely with getting back on the road and having the freedom to drive myself places again. Anyway, the therapist did not give me an answer about the ESA, but I hope we can discuss it more in the future.
Right now Zack is interviewing and job-hunting out of state. I really can't imagine learning new routes and new places without a canine companion by my side. I'm scared. I want to do this, but I don't want to do it alone. With Zack working full time it will have to be alone unless I can work out getting a dog again. I am not particular. Since I know we will be renting I want the dog to be easy for a landlord to say yes to - so small and quiet are two good traits. For me the dog must also like going new places and riding in the car. I know some dogs get really carsick and that would just not work out at all for me.
One exciting possibility for the future is if Zack gets work that pays well enough I can probably work part time, and work on art and projects I've been wanting to do the rest of the time. That is territory that is not scary. I miss having time for art and crafts and sewing, and I know with my success with my mousie costume Brie that I could produce things of high enough quality they could be sold. I just need the time and energy to do so. I know it would be really tough to make a decent living doing that but I think with a regular part time job I could make up the difference and be about where I am at now financially. And I'd be less frustrated and feel better about myself. Let's face it, I do not have great career potential anyway since I need to have jobs that are so specific in avoiding stress that cause breakdowns... I don't think I'd be hurting myself at all by being a part-time crafter/artist. Ok, I said it was not scary, but since I am making excuses I guess it is scary too. I just feel like a failure all the time and like anything is an excuse to be lazy or find an easy way out... even if that's not what I mean for it to be what if that's what my subconcious is doing, some evil trick??
Now I feel depressed again and I think I'll go to bed. That's been happening a lot lately too. I hope it is just the icky weather. I dunno.
I am hanging in there. I saw a new therapist last week, and that went well. She seems very nice. I brought up the possibility of being approved for an ESA (emotional support animal: http://servicedogcentral.org/content/node/256 ) The trouble with this is, like the medicine I was on that helped but I can no longer get, people abuse the system so people who need the help legitimately get turned down because they may also be trying to abuse the system. I am not. I have had extremely close bonds with pets since childhood and have had them be very helpful in combating my anxiety. Just having Cookie along in the car with me helped me out immensely with getting back on the road and having the freedom to drive myself places again. Anyway, the therapist did not give me an answer about the ESA, but I hope we can discuss it more in the future.
Right now Zack is interviewing and job-hunting out of state. I really can't imagine learning new routes and new places without a canine companion by my side. I'm scared. I want to do this, but I don't want to do it alone. With Zack working full time it will have to be alone unless I can work out getting a dog again. I am not particular. Since I know we will be renting I want the dog to be easy for a landlord to say yes to - so small and quiet are two good traits. For me the dog must also like going new places and riding in the car. I know some dogs get really carsick and that would just not work out at all for me.
One exciting possibility for the future is if Zack gets work that pays well enough I can probably work part time, and work on art and projects I've been wanting to do the rest of the time. That is territory that is not scary. I miss having time for art and crafts and sewing, and I know with my success with my mousie costume Brie that I could produce things of high enough quality they could be sold. I just need the time and energy to do so. I know it would be really tough to make a decent living doing that but I think with a regular part time job I could make up the difference and be about where I am at now financially. And I'd be less frustrated and feel better about myself. Let's face it, I do not have great career potential anyway since I need to have jobs that are so specific in avoiding stress that cause breakdowns... I don't think I'd be hurting myself at all by being a part-time crafter/artist. Ok, I said it was not scary, but since I am making excuses I guess it is scary too. I just feel like a failure all the time and like anything is an excuse to be lazy or find an easy way out... even if that's not what I mean for it to be what if that's what my subconcious is doing, some evil trick??
Now I feel depressed again and I think I'll go to bed. That's been happening a lot lately too. I hope it is just the icky weather. I dunno.