another extended tweet: sublime musings on god and politics
When the world changed for me on 16 September 2010, it was a path carved out by modern medical science. The science I experienced and will forever bear scars from was only made possible by political realities. In June of 2010 I had turned 24; if not for the Affordable Healthcare Act, I would not have had the bariatric surgery. There are tough musings to be had on both sides --would I have bounced back and survived without it? Was it truly a necessary procedure, or was it simply a sign of moral failing, i.e. a lack of willpower?
These questions are unfair and overly critical. Whatever the ultimate verdict is, the point is that now, in November 2012, I enjoy a quality of life that had hitherto seemed merely theoretical. I weigh approximately 200 pounds now and because of my background as morbidly obese, some view it as thin. In my view, I would like to be fitter, which yes, I believe would entail more weight loss. But not necessarily so, as people can be healthy at any size, but of course most are only healthy when smaller and active.
For now, the surgery has made it all the more clear and important to focus on my blood results. As of last month, all my blood work is fine with the one exception of being slightly anemic. My blood pressure, my pulse, my blood sugar, cholesterol and triglycerides are within the normal, healthy range. I still take my psychiatric medication which I worry about the eventual health impact those medications will have on my liver and body. This was the concern of my psychiatrist back in 2010, the only strong and critical voice against the surgery. There was another, but it was someone who in their eyes, the whole issue --as he voiced his opinion to me --was that I was lazy, selfish, unmotivated, undisciplined, and basically overall not a good person. I don't blame his perspective; I can see where he would have voiced all of that, but I'm still not sure why he stuck around in my life if that was the case. Either way, it remains a sore spot to this day.
Regardless, without the Obama administration, I would have drifted off somewhere else. This is a silly counterfactual situation to be in, but it is one that I entertain strongly. I don't regret the past 2 years; the only reservation I have is that what I should have been practicing freely before has now become life and death as I must forever be vigiliant of malnutrition and that if untreated for long enough, I could lose nutrients that would cause permanent, irreversible damage.
But what else has changed my life? What else made the cognitive changes and lifestyle possible? AA. AA gave me a place to go when I realised that bars and restaurants could no longer occupy such a central part of who I was. My whole life until then was predicated on more. More. More. The ideology of the cancer cell, according to Edward Abbey and that quotation I often throw around is growth for the sake of growth's sake and in that sense I think it not unfair or overly critical that to say sometime in 2009 I crossed that line and became a blob, no longer much of a person.
In the rooms of AA, I found a place to go and sit and get therapy. In that sense, yes, it is brainwashing. But I think if my past actions led up to that point, there wasn't much choice. I am not, and never have been, an example of good mental health.
So, I lost weight, went to AA...but then what? Then, in September 2011 came Occupy Modesto. Briefly, it led to a book club which led me to the church I currently attend.
I still strongy advocate the seperation of church and state. I find it peculiar that I am Episcopalian, but such is life. My life is an odd mixture of god, Leftist politics, spirituality, AA, and religion. I doubt it makes sense.
These questions are unfair and overly critical. Whatever the ultimate verdict is, the point is that now, in November 2012, I enjoy a quality of life that had hitherto seemed merely theoretical. I weigh approximately 200 pounds now and because of my background as morbidly obese, some view it as thin. In my view, I would like to be fitter, which yes, I believe would entail more weight loss. But not necessarily so, as people can be healthy at any size, but of course most are only healthy when smaller and active.
For now, the surgery has made it all the more clear and important to focus on my blood results. As of last month, all my blood work is fine with the one exception of being slightly anemic. My blood pressure, my pulse, my blood sugar, cholesterol and triglycerides are within the normal, healthy range. I still take my psychiatric medication which I worry about the eventual health impact those medications will have on my liver and body. This was the concern of my psychiatrist back in 2010, the only strong and critical voice against the surgery. There was another, but it was someone who in their eyes, the whole issue --as he voiced his opinion to me --was that I was lazy, selfish, unmotivated, undisciplined, and basically overall not a good person. I don't blame his perspective; I can see where he would have voiced all of that, but I'm still not sure why he stuck around in my life if that was the case. Either way, it remains a sore spot to this day.
Regardless, without the Obama administration, I would have drifted off somewhere else. This is a silly counterfactual situation to be in, but it is one that I entertain strongly. I don't regret the past 2 years; the only reservation I have is that what I should have been practicing freely before has now become life and death as I must forever be vigiliant of malnutrition and that if untreated for long enough, I could lose nutrients that would cause permanent, irreversible damage.
But what else has changed my life? What else made the cognitive changes and lifestyle possible? AA. AA gave me a place to go when I realised that bars and restaurants could no longer occupy such a central part of who I was. My whole life until then was predicated on more. More. More. The ideology of the cancer cell, according to Edward Abbey and that quotation I often throw around is growth for the sake of growth's sake and in that sense I think it not unfair or overly critical that to say sometime in 2009 I crossed that line and became a blob, no longer much of a person.
In the rooms of AA, I found a place to go and sit and get therapy. In that sense, yes, it is brainwashing. But I think if my past actions led up to that point, there wasn't much choice. I am not, and never have been, an example of good mental health.
So, I lost weight, went to AA...but then what? Then, in September 2011 came Occupy Modesto. Briefly, it led to a book club which led me to the church I currently attend.
I still strongy advocate the seperation of church and state. I find it peculiar that I am Episcopalian, but such is life. My life is an odd mixture of god, Leftist politics, spirituality, AA, and religion. I doubt it makes sense.