"my body is all shook up, like a bottle of pop and I wanna go off, I've got a long time for love..."
Last week I began jogging. The immediate progress has been very exciting. My joints are no longer as sore; my stomach feels flatter; I feel better; I am running better and faster than ever before; etc.
As I tweeted earlier (the repetitive nature of my messages has got to change!), the major, sweeping overhaul has occurred. The physical evidence I offer are a clean room, a clean bathroom, and clothes that fit. Unfortunately, as I did have to discuss with a friend, I am still a "dry drunk." The term is fairly straightforward: though the bottle has been physically put down and alcohol no longer corrodes my body or mind, my behaviours, thoughts, and actions still need to change.
The first steps have been taken. The "big picture," the "rough outline" is present. True, there will probably be structural changes. The most important part is that the ossified, stale regime of years past no longer holds the death grip. The mental obsession is gone and the physical allergy has been dealt with.
But I am still spiritually ill. The malaise of the past still envelops me, like the fog. My mood has been rather unstable lately, to the point where Tuesday/Wednesday frightened me terribly. I experienced levels of negativity, fear, and anxiety not felt since those early days of April. My heart raced; I felt closer to the end than the beginning.
All it takes, really, is some careful thought and reflection, putting things in perspective, if you will. The exercise and the cleaning are helping that. As my physical being starts to fall into place, and my mind follows suit, the forward momentum continues.
I just need to be mindful.
As I tweeted earlier (the repetitive nature of my messages has got to change!), the major, sweeping overhaul has occurred. The physical evidence I offer are a clean room, a clean bathroom, and clothes that fit. Unfortunately, as I did have to discuss with a friend, I am still a "dry drunk." The term is fairly straightforward: though the bottle has been physically put down and alcohol no longer corrodes my body or mind, my behaviours, thoughts, and actions still need to change.
The first steps have been taken. The "big picture," the "rough outline" is present. True, there will probably be structural changes. The most important part is that the ossified, stale regime of years past no longer holds the death grip. The mental obsession is gone and the physical allergy has been dealt with.
But I am still spiritually ill. The malaise of the past still envelops me, like the fog. My mood has been rather unstable lately, to the point where Tuesday/Wednesday frightened me terribly. I experienced levels of negativity, fear, and anxiety not felt since those early days of April. My heart raced; I felt closer to the end than the beginning.
All it takes, really, is some careful thought and reflection, putting things in perspective, if you will. The exercise and the cleaning are helping that. As my physical being starts to fall into place, and my mind follows suit, the forward momentum continues.
I just need to be mindful.