running on adrenaline
Last week was pretty good. I read well over 600 pages (maybe even close to or over 800?) and went on several walks. True, I only walked about 10 miles or so (and in past weeks I have walked double that) but that's okay.
I'm happy to be alive and awake right now. Although, I must confess, given the nature of some comments I just exchanged, I'm pretty numb. Right now, however, that numbness is based mostly on the fact that I am running on adrenaline. I only got about 4 hours of sleep --1/3 of what I usually get.
It reminded me of high school, actually. I used to have my "solid Sundays" --wake up early, read, write, plan for the week, do my homework, exercise, watch a movie, reflect, quiet contemplation, and almost never a social engagement. Also, I'd wake up early and burn the midnight oil. That was about 10 years ago or so, before I had even purchased my first DVD, before The Critic had been released on DVD. Fortunately, I had a VCR player still, and The Critic came on at midnight, eventually being moved, slowly, to 3am. I also watched Duckman. I would watch the Fox Sunday night line-up (which included Arrested Development among others, including, of course The Simpsons). I've looked through old notebooks and I've found random Simpsons quotations that I don't remember writing or even the episode.
The point is, I would stay up late. Very late. I'd also often wake up early, to have coffee and enjoy a quiet morning. All week long, I'd get at least 6 hours of sleep (although usually 8 or more). Sunday nights, it was 4 or less, sometimes only an hour.This was usually a recipe for disaster, as I usually had some sort of commitment on Monday afternoons, and even though I'd done my homework on Sunday, I had new assignments to complete, and always, invariably, took Monday to tackle them. Part of the masochistic tendencies, I suppose. So, Monday I would go to sleep late, too.
Tuesday through Friday were spent being very, very tired. Of course, Friday would come, and for a while there, I'd content myself to come home, read Entertainment Weekly (yes, I had a subscription back then) and take a lengthy nap. I would then, usually, spend the evening online, chatting with people until well after midnight. The chatting was usually with my high school friends, but often I'd converse with strangers, too. Chat rooms were popular then, I suppose. It went on for this from freshman year to senior year. By senior year, I was driving and had some money and was looking forward to college.
College came, and I realised every-day could be Friday. Of course, I also realised that everyday could be a Sunday, too. After all, every day was silent and grey, as that first quarter I tried to find a niche for myself. I often chose Friday over Sunday, even though all of high school I had preferred Sunday to Friday. There always has been, and still there is, a part of me that LOATHE Fridays. I really think they are the worst days of the week, as they the nights that people go out and socialize. Only the friendless losers stay home and chat online. I also still feel that anyone who doesn't have plans on a Friday night tends to be rather pathetic. Friday night is supposed to be that one magical night of the week where EVERYONE gets out and does something, anything. It is date night; movie night; pizza night; it is everything I hate about myself and others.
I want everyday to be like those Solid Sundays again. Where I work hard and play harder. Where I empty my to-do box, and enjoy being alone, devouring whatever art (music, literature, movies) that I can. And, come Monday, I may be tired and bleary-eyed, but at least I was ready for the week, fresh, clean clothes, freshly shaved, new pencils, blank pieces of paper, all ready for a thrilling and exciting week.
I feel that sense of pride and energy once more. I'm gonna hang on to it and turn it into something. But what, I do not know.
I'm happy to be alive and awake right now. Although, I must confess, given the nature of some comments I just exchanged, I'm pretty numb. Right now, however, that numbness is based mostly on the fact that I am running on adrenaline. I only got about 4 hours of sleep --1/3 of what I usually get.
It reminded me of high school, actually. I used to have my "solid Sundays" --wake up early, read, write, plan for the week, do my homework, exercise, watch a movie, reflect, quiet contemplation, and almost never a social engagement. Also, I'd wake up early and burn the midnight oil. That was about 10 years ago or so, before I had even purchased my first DVD, before The Critic had been released on DVD. Fortunately, I had a VCR player still, and The Critic came on at midnight, eventually being moved, slowly, to 3am. I also watched Duckman. I would watch the Fox Sunday night line-up (which included Arrested Development among others, including, of course The Simpsons). I've looked through old notebooks and I've found random Simpsons quotations that I don't remember writing or even the episode.
The point is, I would stay up late. Very late. I'd also often wake up early, to have coffee and enjoy a quiet morning. All week long, I'd get at least 6 hours of sleep (although usually 8 or more). Sunday nights, it was 4 or less, sometimes only an hour.This was usually a recipe for disaster, as I usually had some sort of commitment on Monday afternoons, and even though I'd done my homework on Sunday, I had new assignments to complete, and always, invariably, took Monday to tackle them. Part of the masochistic tendencies, I suppose. So, Monday I would go to sleep late, too.
Tuesday through Friday were spent being very, very tired. Of course, Friday would come, and for a while there, I'd content myself to come home, read Entertainment Weekly (yes, I had a subscription back then) and take a lengthy nap. I would then, usually, spend the evening online, chatting with people until well after midnight. The chatting was usually with my high school friends, but often I'd converse with strangers, too. Chat rooms were popular then, I suppose. It went on for this from freshman year to senior year. By senior year, I was driving and had some money and was looking forward to college.
College came, and I realised every-day could be Friday. Of course, I also realised that everyday could be a Sunday, too. After all, every day was silent and grey, as that first quarter I tried to find a niche for myself. I often chose Friday over Sunday, even though all of high school I had preferred Sunday to Friday. There always has been, and still there is, a part of me that LOATHE Fridays. I really think they are the worst days of the week, as they the nights that people go out and socialize. Only the friendless losers stay home and chat online. I also still feel that anyone who doesn't have plans on a Friday night tends to be rather pathetic. Friday night is supposed to be that one magical night of the week where EVERYONE gets out and does something, anything. It is date night; movie night; pizza night; it is everything I hate about myself and others.
I want everyday to be like those Solid Sundays again. Where I work hard and play harder. Where I empty my to-do box, and enjoy being alone, devouring whatever art (music, literature, movies) that I can. And, come Monday, I may be tired and bleary-eyed, but at least I was ready for the week, fresh, clean clothes, freshly shaved, new pencils, blank pieces of paper, all ready for a thrilling and exciting week.
I feel that sense of pride and energy once more. I'm gonna hang on to it and turn it into something. But what, I do not know.