I'm so tired of being lonely, I still have some love to give
While I didn't get to walk to or from AA this morning, the point is I went. Unfortunately, however, it raised two (among many others) questions that I wish to share and contemplate now and for the rest of the day:
1. Why didn't the topic resonate with me?
2. Why am I sober?
Truthfully, I do not feel I can provide an adequate answer to either one. Both of which I will struggle with today, as I try to grasp why life isn't an end unto itself. Anyways, I've got more to share.
This morning I typed up my May goals/resolutions. It was a cathartic experience. Originally, I had compiled them on the 27th. I'm glad I didn't type them up right away; it gave me time to systematically organise them into achievable and realistic segments. Though the hand-written list was fairly organised, I feel it lacked the cohesive structure that I was able to provide this morning.
I was able to accomplish all of this because, despite the setbacks I've had, I laid a fairly solid foundation in January. I try to look at the 2011 resolutions and goals every day, but I don't always. I've posted them on my wall, near my calendar, so when I go to mark off a day on my calendar or write-in an appointment, I have to at least acknowledge its presence. While I do tend to read it, and have amended it, it remains, unfortunately, somewhat untouched. I hope to rectify that soon.
For the past decade or so, I have spent my time fighting against traditions, rituals, regularity, and routines. Despite doing all of this, I claimed to be very much so in love with the state and authoritarianism. I know I've touched upon this dichotomy, this incongruency, before, but I feel it deserves proper elaboration; however, don't mistake that need to elaborate for an immediate answer. I've got to think and write more about it.
This past week I have taken to writing more in my hand-written journal. I believe I have a lot to share for my therapy appointment this afternoon. I'm rather looking forward to it, quite honestly.
Anyways, I hope that this entry finds all its readers well. I'm looking forward to the weekend and to life in general, for there is much it can offer and much I can offer to it. Cheers.
1. Why didn't the topic resonate with me?
2. Why am I sober?
Truthfully, I do not feel I can provide an adequate answer to either one. Both of which I will struggle with today, as I try to grasp why life isn't an end unto itself. Anyways, I've got more to share.
This morning I typed up my May goals/resolutions. It was a cathartic experience. Originally, I had compiled them on the 27th. I'm glad I didn't type them up right away; it gave me time to systematically organise them into achievable and realistic segments. Though the hand-written list was fairly organised, I feel it lacked the cohesive structure that I was able to provide this morning.
I was able to accomplish all of this because, despite the setbacks I've had, I laid a fairly solid foundation in January. I try to look at the 2011 resolutions and goals every day, but I don't always. I've posted them on my wall, near my calendar, so when I go to mark off a day on my calendar or write-in an appointment, I have to at least acknowledge its presence. While I do tend to read it, and have amended it, it remains, unfortunately, somewhat untouched. I hope to rectify that soon.
For the past decade or so, I have spent my time fighting against traditions, rituals, regularity, and routines. Despite doing all of this, I claimed to be very much so in love with the state and authoritarianism. I know I've touched upon this dichotomy, this incongruency, before, but I feel it deserves proper elaboration; however, don't mistake that need to elaborate for an immediate answer. I've got to think and write more about it.
This past week I have taken to writing more in my hand-written journal. I believe I have a lot to share for my therapy appointment this afternoon. I'm rather looking forward to it, quite honestly.
Anyways, I hope that this entry finds all its readers well. I'm looking forward to the weekend and to life in general, for there is much it can offer and much I can offer to it. Cheers.