Is this place at your command?
I don't know that we're ever in command. But this isn't meant to be an entry on free will vs. predestination. (Note: Is there another term for the not-free-will portion of that debate?) This is the story of Johnny Rotten (clears throat). No, it's not that, either.
It's meant to be an entry on personal things and people. I know, shocking. Isn't that every entry? Well, yes and no. For this entry was meant to be an entry about the notion of criticism.
I've never dealt well with criticism. I don't think most people do, honestly. It used to tear me apart, but somehow, at Santa Cruz, I got used to knowing: I'll get an A in that history class and a B- in that ling class. It worked out to a 3.2, but it should have been higher. I did have a 3.4 at one point. But I digress. I talk too much about my GPA, as if any of you care. Truth be told, I don't particularly care, either. I care because I'm told I should.
There are so many things we do because we're told we're supposed to. I hate that. Actually, I don't. I used to buy into authority very much so. I still do; I'll always have a love of authoritarianism. Somewhere along my sophomore year of high school, however, I hit a wall. It was the apogee of effort; it began the descent into mediocrity.
I was at my best, student-wise, from 7th grade to 10th grade. Not a very long time span, unfortunately. Not to say I became a poor student overnight; I did, after all, just discuss college grades. Despite what some pretentious assholes think, they don't just let anyone into college. Well, maybe at Santa Cruz they did. The incompetency was absolutely radiant! I think, to be quite honestly, if the same ling. standards that were being applied as I left Santa Cruz/today when I had entered, I wouldn't have even been a language studies student. Why does everyone feel like their generation was the last smart one? Better yet, why do I view mine as such dumbasses?
Because I am critical. I am critical because, to paraphrase Mill: It's better to be Aristotle and unhappy than it is to be a happy dog. I'm not saying I approach Aristotle or any other famous mind that makes people think intelligence, but I wonder. Why do people always judge me as being too hard on myself?
I think there are 2 broad reasons I'd like to articulate. The first is, they are right. I am a person with low-self-esteem, and bad depression, and, unfortunately, a bit more critical than the average person.
The second reason, which I don't think anyone will like, is that they are too soft on themselves. If anyone notices my writing, I don't often point out the foibles in other people, but in myself. My writing is I-centric because, well, it fits my neuroses: I am best at writing about myself; I feel most comfortable doing it; and, frankly, I just don't see it as my room to really judge people.
That being said, I know I'd be happy if I didn't have some pretentious schmuck tearing me a new one --even if I deserved it. And believe you-me, YOU deserve to be more than ripped A new one...
It's meant to be an entry on personal things and people. I know, shocking. Isn't that every entry? Well, yes and no. For this entry was meant to be an entry about the notion of criticism.
I've never dealt well with criticism. I don't think most people do, honestly. It used to tear me apart, but somehow, at Santa Cruz, I got used to knowing: I'll get an A in that history class and a B- in that ling class. It worked out to a 3.2, but it should have been higher. I did have a 3.4 at one point. But I digress. I talk too much about my GPA, as if any of you care. Truth be told, I don't particularly care, either. I care because I'm told I should.
There are so many things we do because we're told we're supposed to. I hate that. Actually, I don't. I used to buy into authority very much so. I still do; I'll always have a love of authoritarianism. Somewhere along my sophomore year of high school, however, I hit a wall. It was the apogee of effort; it began the descent into mediocrity.
I was at my best, student-wise, from 7th grade to 10th grade. Not a very long time span, unfortunately. Not to say I became a poor student overnight; I did, after all, just discuss college grades. Despite what some pretentious assholes think, they don't just let anyone into college. Well, maybe at Santa Cruz they did. The incompetency was absolutely radiant! I think, to be quite honestly, if the same ling. standards that were being applied as I left Santa Cruz/today when I had entered, I wouldn't have even been a language studies student. Why does everyone feel like their generation was the last smart one? Better yet, why do I view mine as such dumbasses?
Because I am critical. I am critical because, to paraphrase Mill: It's better to be Aristotle and unhappy than it is to be a happy dog. I'm not saying I approach Aristotle or any other famous mind that makes people think intelligence, but I wonder. Why do people always judge me as being too hard on myself?
I think there are 2 broad reasons I'd like to articulate. The first is, they are right. I am a person with low-self-esteem, and bad depression, and, unfortunately, a bit more critical than the average person.
The second reason, which I don't think anyone will like, is that they are too soft on themselves. If anyone notices my writing, I don't often point out the foibles in other people, but in myself. My writing is I-centric because, well, it fits my neuroses: I am best at writing about myself; I feel most comfortable doing it; and, frankly, I just don't see it as my room to really judge people.
That being said, I know I'd be happy if I didn't have some pretentious schmuck tearing me a new one --even if I deserved it. And believe you-me, YOU deserve to be more than ripped A new one...