Struggling for coherence
Often times, I am at a loss as to what to say. That may strike the average reader as odd, given my proclivity to be prosaic, long-winded, and, yes, pedantic. I don't mind any of that, however; I am, once more, at a phase in my life where I feel slightly more comfortable with myself than normal. I can only hope the charade will last.
Tomorrow is the visitation for Grandma Betty. Grandma, as even I called her, was my dear friend's grandmother and the last old person in my life. True, I still have my mother's friend Sandy, but after she passes, that will leave me with my parents. I don't want to face my parent's pending mortality; I know how childish and immature and neurotic that must seem, but, it is true.
The funeral is Wednesday. Wednesday I will also take my bowel cleanser. I haven't been to a funeral since my grandmother passed in 2002, back before I had a livejournal and was, instead, blogging on deadjournal (does that site even exist anymore?)
Then comes Thursday, the big day. I am rather scared and nervous about this drastic change in my life and lifestyle. I'm not sure what exactly will happen, but I hope whatever does that it is indeed for the best.
I'm feeling rather neurotic today, as proven by my conversation with my friend Gail. I don't know that I want to live, but I certainly don't want to die, either. I'm not suicidal, I'm rather pro-life at the moment (not talking about abortion...I'm actually, pro-choice when it comes to that debate, but I digress).
The coming days will be busy and, hopefully, fulfilling. My deepest condolences to my dear friend for his loss.
Tomorrow is the visitation for Grandma Betty. Grandma, as even I called her, was my dear friend's grandmother and the last old person in my life. True, I still have my mother's friend Sandy, but after she passes, that will leave me with my parents. I don't want to face my parent's pending mortality; I know how childish and immature and neurotic that must seem, but, it is true.
The funeral is Wednesday. Wednesday I will also take my bowel cleanser. I haven't been to a funeral since my grandmother passed in 2002, back before I had a livejournal and was, instead, blogging on deadjournal (does that site even exist anymore?)
Then comes Thursday, the big day. I am rather scared and nervous about this drastic change in my life and lifestyle. I'm not sure what exactly will happen, but I hope whatever does that it is indeed for the best.
I'm feeling rather neurotic today, as proven by my conversation with my friend Gail. I don't know that I want to live, but I certainly don't want to die, either. I'm not suicidal, I'm rather pro-life at the moment (not talking about abortion...I'm actually, pro-choice when it comes to that debate, but I digress).
The coming days will be busy and, hopefully, fulfilling. My deepest condolences to my dear friend for his loss.