"It's Halloween, I guess everyone's entitled to one good scare"
Bah, is my only reply to that sort of sentiment. In the background, John Carpenter's Halloween plays on my television set. That movie used to be my favourite; I'm glad I've matured past grade-B horror movies from the 1970s. Watching it, I see several flawed elements, and several intriguing moments. Anyways, that isn't why I'm writing.
As I said yesterday, this week is about reclaiming my life. I've always felt that one of the best challenges can be holidays or festive days; while everyone sees today as a chance to indulge, I see today as a chance to test my will-power. By my estimation, I am supposed to be without dessert until November 5th. I hope to go without dessert longer than that; however, today is a true test because everyone will be eating gobbs of fat --excuse me, sugary goodness. Why yes, I am bitter that I'm not eating any, but I also realise how evil candy is. Yes, I did just in fact call candy evil. Perhaps it is my studies of Russia, or the fact that my vegetarianism is being somewhat effective, or the fact that it's winter, but I feel a bit of the old stoic coming back to life in me.
While I can't get my peace and quiet, my day without work or school or phone calls or computers, I can, however, minimize 'unncessary contact.' It is with the writing of that sentence that I realise how simply arbitrary I am and most of this entry is. I do not know where such negative feelings came from, but they are within me. I would like them to be expelled from my body. I can tell that though my digestion has improved with the vegetarianism, is is all that negative energy that prevents my digestion from being even better. I don't know how to handle it.
Beyond all this, I'm just trying to get by. I just want to survive. I want to do better in my classes, work on reintegrating exercise into my life, try to eat better, improve my Russian....Well, I suppose that answers Lenin's question....which is really Chernyshevsky's question (namely, 'What is to be done?'). I wrote a decent paper last week; why is it that my thoughts fail to convey themselves in my native tongue? My thoughts are overabundant, and overripe, I fear. I must continue to harvest my thoughts before my whole brain turns to mush. I just need a good phone conversation, I think. Anybody up for a phone call?
As I said yesterday, this week is about reclaiming my life. I've always felt that one of the best challenges can be holidays or festive days; while everyone sees today as a chance to indulge, I see today as a chance to test my will-power. By my estimation, I am supposed to be without dessert until November 5th. I hope to go without dessert longer than that; however, today is a true test because everyone will be eating gobbs of fat --excuse me, sugary goodness. Why yes, I am bitter that I'm not eating any, but I also realise how evil candy is. Yes, I did just in fact call candy evil. Perhaps it is my studies of Russia, or the fact that my vegetarianism is being somewhat effective, or the fact that it's winter, but I feel a bit of the old stoic coming back to life in me.
While I can't get my peace and quiet, my day without work or school or phone calls or computers, I can, however, minimize 'unncessary contact.' It is with the writing of that sentence that I realise how simply arbitrary I am and most of this entry is. I do not know where such negative feelings came from, but they are within me. I would like them to be expelled from my body. I can tell that though my digestion has improved with the vegetarianism, is is all that negative energy that prevents my digestion from being even better. I don't know how to handle it.
Beyond all this, I'm just trying to get by. I just want to survive. I want to do better in my classes, work on reintegrating exercise into my life, try to eat better, improve my Russian....Well, I suppose that answers Lenin's question....which is really Chernyshevsky's question (namely, 'What is to be done?'). I wrote a decent paper last week; why is it that my thoughts fail to convey themselves in my native tongue? My thoughts are overabundant, and overripe, I fear. I must continue to harvest my thoughts before my whole brain turns to mush. I just need a good phone conversation, I think. Anybody up for a phone call?