I beg of you, don't murder me, please don't murder me...please don't murder me...
I can't even recall the last time I updated. Suffice to say, I have been 'busy.' Actually, no, the fact of the matter is I was in the midst of a lazy summer that I was getting to relax and enjoy for once, perhaps the last such ocassion of my life, when all of a sudden I was plunked into the Winegrape Inspection Program. From there, the school year started, and the first two weeks in Santa Cruz were nearly non-stop. The rapid pace reached it's climax on the weekend of September 29th-October 1st when I was in Modesto. From there, things began a gradual slowdown and about a week or two ago, they slowed down even more.
Last weekend in particular was hellish. At this point last week, I was finishing up a movie before starting my essay. That essay has since been finished; however, I have another one, of the same length due. I have a great deal of obligations and things to do. I don't know what happened; I was in the zone, and then suddenly I left it. I feel disoriented, dependent on coffee again, and not doing anything but sleeping. And yet, I'm awake waaaaaaaaaay too late. I'm desperately behind on reading, but remarkably on top of things. The quarter has been a success; no financial problems, no social drama, and things have been going. Until recently, like I said.
My heart isn't in it right now. I think it's the change of seasons; transitional weather always kills me. The time change probably won't help with that. Historically, the month of November tends to be hellish. But, with my mood remarkably stable and life relatively well, it's just a matter of me not mismanaging time. That's right, all my complaints come to me saying 'meh, I can hang out instead and do the reading later.' Well, I still haven't done the reading, but I've spent a lot of great time with friends, and am somehow watching my Phonology grade slip. I really need to talk to the professor about that. The class started out deceptively simple, and all of a sudden in the past week I got a C on a homework and a C- on a quiz. What the hell? At least the lowest homework gets dropped; too bad he said the homework due Wednesday is incredibly hard. Fortunately, I've already looked at it and have some theories. But I just don't get it.
I keep trying to figure out how to boost my morale.
Also, I'm in the middle of a two-week ban on desserts. Some folks out there have alleged that my vegetarianism has resulted in me eating twice as much dessert; to that, I say, I shall go two weeks without dessert. The first week has now passed, with more temptations than I wish to admit. I truly do have a dependency on refined sugar. Those that heard about it viewed this as another sign of my extremism, of my stoicism. I wish I could just sit and read. But I work 5 days a week, go to school 5 days a week, need to look for an internship, and make my phone calls.
This week shall be about reclaiming my life. And writing that damned essay.
There's just so much to do, and frankly I just want a complete day off before doing any of it. I want to be able to unplug my phone, turn off the laptop, not hear any music, any sounds, except my own breathing. I don't want to have to worry about food, I just want to lay there and stare at the ceiling. I realise now that one of my favourite things to do is just that --nothing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. The perpetual business; that slightly tired and not being able to recover feeling.
I don't want to sound like a negative nancy.
Right now, I'm so tired. I'm going to sleep almost about half an hour to an hour later than I had anticipated. I'm brimming with things to say. I have, probably, two or three ultra-long entries I could write. But now isn't the time. I wanted a short one, that people would read. I'm going to watch the youtube video of Travelling Wilbury's music video "Handle me with Care" because right now, that's what I feel like.
Last weekend in particular was hellish. At this point last week, I was finishing up a movie before starting my essay. That essay has since been finished; however, I have another one, of the same length due. I have a great deal of obligations and things to do. I don't know what happened; I was in the zone, and then suddenly I left it. I feel disoriented, dependent on coffee again, and not doing anything but sleeping. And yet, I'm awake waaaaaaaaaay too late. I'm desperately behind on reading, but remarkably on top of things. The quarter has been a success; no financial problems, no social drama, and things have been going. Until recently, like I said.
My heart isn't in it right now. I think it's the change of seasons; transitional weather always kills me. The time change probably won't help with that. Historically, the month of November tends to be hellish. But, with my mood remarkably stable and life relatively well, it's just a matter of me not mismanaging time. That's right, all my complaints come to me saying 'meh, I can hang out instead and do the reading later.' Well, I still haven't done the reading, but I've spent a lot of great time with friends, and am somehow watching my Phonology grade slip. I really need to talk to the professor about that. The class started out deceptively simple, and all of a sudden in the past week I got a C on a homework and a C- on a quiz. What the hell? At least the lowest homework gets dropped; too bad he said the homework due Wednesday is incredibly hard. Fortunately, I've already looked at it and have some theories. But I just don't get it.
I keep trying to figure out how to boost my morale.
Also, I'm in the middle of a two-week ban on desserts. Some folks out there have alleged that my vegetarianism has resulted in me eating twice as much dessert; to that, I say, I shall go two weeks without dessert. The first week has now passed, with more temptations than I wish to admit. I truly do have a dependency on refined sugar. Those that heard about it viewed this as another sign of my extremism, of my stoicism. I wish I could just sit and read. But I work 5 days a week, go to school 5 days a week, need to look for an internship, and make my phone calls.
This week shall be about reclaiming my life. And writing that damned essay.
There's just so much to do, and frankly I just want a complete day off before doing any of it. I want to be able to unplug my phone, turn off the laptop, not hear any music, any sounds, except my own breathing. I don't want to have to worry about food, I just want to lay there and stare at the ceiling. I realise now that one of my favourite things to do is just that --nothing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. The perpetual business; that slightly tired and not being able to recover feeling.
I don't want to sound like a negative nancy.
Right now, I'm so tired. I'm going to sleep almost about half an hour to an hour later than I had anticipated. I'm brimming with things to say. I have, probably, two or three ultra-long entries I could write. But now isn't the time. I wanted a short one, that people would read. I'm going to watch the youtube video of Travelling Wilbury's music video "Handle me with Care" because right now, that's what I feel like.