I've Got Friends In Low Places.....
I miss my friends.
The ones who...I'm still kinda friends with...in a way that we don't hate eachother...but we just don't talk anymore for one reason or another.
I miss having them to talk to about anything and everything. Being able to really talk and not have to beat around the bush. Being able to be like you know what I'm sick of you I'm getting off the phone...and everyone be okay with that. Being able to talk about the places we would want to have sex. Stupid stuff like that.
I miss being able to hang out with them last minute all the time, no matter what day it was. Being able to go pick them up and drive around to the most random places cause we were bored. Being able to go hang out with them whenever I was upset about something...and not even having to talk about it. Being able to ride around listening to music as loud as we wanted.
I miss laughing until my stomach hurt...about the stupid things other people said. Being able to look at eachother and know *exactly* what the other person was thinking...and then laugh about it. Being able to talk in incomplete sentences so no one else could understand us. Being able to talk faster than anyone could keep up with.
I miss skipping class with them. Or any other dumb activity we didn't feel like participating in. Pulling stupid pranks with them...or plotting people's murders.
I miss all the things that come with the territory of being friends.
I stopped being friends with them for good reasons...it wasn't a random thing. I made a decision that it would be better for me, and I would be happier, and I stuck to it. And for the reasons I did end things...I have been happier cause I haven't had to deal with the problems and heartache that they caused. So for my purposes...I don't regret not being friends with them anymore.
But I do miss the good times. And their good side. Not that I don't have other friends now...and not that I don't love them just as much...but the relationships are different. I miss the me I could be with them. I don't have the kind of relationship I had with them with anyone I'm friends with now. I need all those little factors that are missing. I feel like I've lost a part of me. Not that I don't know who I am without my friends...but part of me is who I am with my friends. I can't show that side of me if I don't have anyone to share it with...who can relate to me in that way.
I feel more lost lately cause I don't have any spontaneity in my life. No one to be spontaneous with.
But just as I have, and still will, move on with my life and meet new people...so are they. I'm so incredibly glad that they're happy...but it makes me sad at the same time...cause I'm not there with them sharing the good times.
I don't know if I can ever go back to being friends with them though. The reasons I stopped in the first place are good enough reasons not to go back. I miss them...and it sucks...but sometimes you have to make choices in your life that definitely aren't the easiest ones...but will be best for you in the end. I know they probably don't understand it...and I'm sorry if I hurt them because of this. They hurt me...and this was my solution to it. This was me looking out for number one. But...I do miss them...
The ones who...I'm still kinda friends with...in a way that we don't hate eachother...but we just don't talk anymore for one reason or another.
I miss having them to talk to about anything and everything. Being able to really talk and not have to beat around the bush. Being able to be like you know what I'm sick of you I'm getting off the phone...and everyone be okay with that. Being able to talk about the places we would want to have sex. Stupid stuff like that.
I miss being able to hang out with them last minute all the time, no matter what day it was. Being able to go pick them up and drive around to the most random places cause we were bored. Being able to go hang out with them whenever I was upset about something...and not even having to talk about it. Being able to ride around listening to music as loud as we wanted.
I miss laughing until my stomach hurt...about the stupid things other people said. Being able to look at eachother and know *exactly* what the other person was thinking...and then laugh about it. Being able to talk in incomplete sentences so no one else could understand us. Being able to talk faster than anyone could keep up with.
I miss skipping class with them. Or any other dumb activity we didn't feel like participating in. Pulling stupid pranks with them...or plotting people's murders.
I miss all the things that come with the territory of being friends.
I stopped being friends with them for good reasons...it wasn't a random thing. I made a decision that it would be better for me, and I would be happier, and I stuck to it. And for the reasons I did end things...I have been happier cause I haven't had to deal with the problems and heartache that they caused. So for my purposes...I don't regret not being friends with them anymore.
But I do miss the good times. And their good side. Not that I don't have other friends now...and not that I don't love them just as much...but the relationships are different. I miss the me I could be with them. I don't have the kind of relationship I had with them with anyone I'm friends with now. I need all those little factors that are missing. I feel like I've lost a part of me. Not that I don't know who I am without my friends...but part of me is who I am with my friends. I can't show that side of me if I don't have anyone to share it with...who can relate to me in that way.
I feel more lost lately cause I don't have any spontaneity in my life. No one to be spontaneous with.
But just as I have, and still will, move on with my life and meet new people...so are they. I'm so incredibly glad that they're happy...but it makes me sad at the same time...cause I'm not there with them sharing the good times.
I don't know if I can ever go back to being friends with them though. The reasons I stopped in the first place are good enough reasons not to go back. I miss them...and it sucks...but sometimes you have to make choices in your life that definitely aren't the easiest ones...but will be best for you in the end. I know they probably don't understand it...and I'm sorry if I hurt them because of this. They hurt me...and this was my solution to it. This was me looking out for number one. But...I do miss them...