Keep pushing
"Enlightenment is always grounded in our own direct experience of mind and its activities, no matter what they may be. When we trust our creative energy, we encounter a supreme kind of enjoyment-an amazement at the natural unfolding of life beyond our ordinary way of looking at things."
-Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche, “Free Expression”
I remember what it felt like to write, and enjoy my own writing, to feel the words coalesce in my mind and come out through my pen, and today, my fingers on the keys. I remember when I read back over them, and heard them, what joy they brought to my brain. I remember what it felt like to be in the creative flow, just doing what was next in my sight to do.
Then one day, I could not write, I could not draw, and I could not create anything. I could not feel the flow, and I was somehow knocked out of the creative river I had been swimming in for a long time.
I never really thought about it at the time, I was okay with it all. But as time went on, as I was asked by therapists to journal, and I couldn't. It felt like, with my feelings, my creativity, my writing was all trapped in this treacley mess that was not going anywhere.
Today though, I have started to put more personal and secret thing into a paper journal as well. The stuff I cannot share here, but must get out of my head. I am also learning to write lists again, trying to get that stuff out of my head. I need to empty my brain, make space so that creativity can sit in there again. I need to hear the echoes of my own thoughts again, and quiet the million million squirrels that have taken over and choked out any sense of order, and peace.
It IS going to take strength of a kind and courage to keep pushing at the writing thing, do it every day, to create that discipline. Writing every day means I am practicing something that means something to me. It will help my work, it will help my creativity, and it will help make me well again.
So, if you are here and you are reading this, then keep me accountable by commenting. So that I know someone is keeping track, someone is reading, and maybe even appreciating what the heck is coming out of me here.
Thanks.