[KinKi Fic] Still
I felt like writing some KKL, and I set off with a tiny morsel of idea intending it to be the usual fluff... but somewhere between my brainstorm-ish writing and songwriting emulation, this is how it turned out. =P
Disclaimer: This writing is fictional and has no commercial purpose. Characters are real persons belonging to themselves.
Pairing: KinKi Kids
Genre: Flangst (fluffy angst)
Rating: G
Summary: What's in a song? That which we call love by any other expression would taste as bittersweet.
---
Still
Standing on this street
It is as if
Time stands still
Watching your back
Slowly move away
Into a world without me
Kouichi wrinkled his brows as he read on.
Tsuyoshi threw him occasional silent glances.
"So this one will be a sad ballad?" Kouichi remarked when he finally put the sheet of paper down.
"Should be all right, I think? We've had one dance track and one upbeat pop, so far."
Kouichi exhaled. "I find it easier to write those types of music."
Tsuyoshi considered that. "There's no reason why sad lyrics can't have fast tempo, strictly speaking. Rock, for example."
"I can give it a try." Kouichi ran his eyes through the words once again. "It's just that... reading this the first time, it feels like a ballad. Or maybe it's just the fragmented way you wrote it..."
"As usual, feel free to make little changes to fit your rhythm," Tsuyoshi said. "We'll go through it together after you're done."
"Okay."
"Then, I'll start working on the next one."
Kouichi smiled. "Seven more to go, huh?"
Tsuyoshi gave him another probing glance. "You really don't want to write some of the lyrics?"
Kouichi waved quickly. "You do it better."
"That's not true."
Kouichi turned to him, surprised.
Tsuyoshi avoided the stare. "It's not about using words. It's communication. There's no such thing as better or worse."
After a moment's silence, Kouichi chuckled. "I'm not exactly against writing lyrics, but they have to come to me. I'll let you know if I have something."
Tsuyoshi squeezed Kouichi's shoulder briefly as he walked out, smiling.
"Do not leave," I cannot say
"Do not leave" is a burden
I cannot give to you
"It doesn't sound like KinKi," Kouichi sighed, displeased with himself.
"KinKi is you and I," Tsuyoshi replied, amused. "If you and I come up with this, what else can it sound like?"
"Well... what do you think of it?"
Tsuyoshi rubbed his lips thoughtfully. "I think the tunes are fine, just a little... how to say... disconnected, at places."
"Sorry. I'm kind of stuck," Kouichi murmured. He hesitated. "If you actually had some idea of how it should sound like when you wrote the words, maybe you should just--"
"I want you to write the music for this one," Tsuyoshi cut him off firmly. "My mind was clear when I wrote this, that it was going to be a KinKi song."
Kouichi took a while to recover from the mild shock, and he ducked his head apologetically. "I wasn't trying to push it to you, just..."
"Let's see what we can do with this," Tsuyoshi said reassuringly, and reached out a hand to restart the record player. "We can always change the arrangement..."
Kouichi's hand brushed against his as it shot out to press the eject button instead. "Let me rewrite this."
Tsuyoshi watched the tape disappear into his perfectionistic partner's pocket, before finally breaking out a grin. "Don't stress yourself out over this. We can take all the time we need."
"But didn't we agree that 'K' would be a good alphabet for this album? It wouldn't be good to have another two years' wait..."
Tsuyoshi shrugged. "We can always pull another 'Phi'."
Standing in this room
It is as if
Life stands still
His stare settled blankly on the bubbly water as the vocals from the demo tape filled his living room.
It didn't sound like Kouichi.
He stopped that thought, reminded of what himself had said. Kouichi created this; who else would it sound like?
Tsuyoshi's gaze absently traced the lethargic movements of a Polypterus endlicheri endlicheri, creating illusionary views.
Somewhere inside the melancholic string of notes, there was Kouichi's quiet, half-skeptical mourning of the fictional lost love. He didn't recognize it at first simply because he had never encountered it.
Not this real.
The dissonance between his own imagery of the song and Kouichi's interpretation felt strangely perfect. Even the hanging feeling at the end of his lyrics where Kouichi's music entered a climax instead, following the pattern established in the earlier verse--
Watching our memories
Slowly fade away
Into a world without us
The rising tension turned abruptly into a pause.
Tsuyoshi was starting to think how he really liked this unusual, dramatic way of ending the song, when a soft interlude began to build up again, and he realized Kouichi had added another ending verse.
"I love you," I will not say
"I love you" is a burden
I will not place on you
He frowned instinctively. Those were out of place. For a couple about to break up, the words "I love you" were supposed to be an unrepeatable past, not an impossible future.
The chords drifted into a standard ballad ending.
Well, he supposed the words did make sense from another point of view, but between this and his preference for the earlier ending, it seemed better to just cut it out.
"Note..."
Kouichi's speaking voice inside the recording surprised him. Tsuyoshi straightened.
"I add an ending verse, because the original, as it turns out, doesn't end with a suitable progression..."
Tsuyoshi nodded absently.
"The current words are just placeholders. I don't think repeating the exact verse works logically at that point of the song, so..."
Tsuyoshi grinned, reminded of what Kouichi's 'placeholders' had usually been. The bored-sounding 'la-la-la' sequences were mostly hilarious.
"Maybe you can write additional lyrics to fit there, or we'll leave it as instrumental."
Tsuyoshi waited for a moment to make sure there were no more messages. The next sequence started, new music Kouichi had written for him to fill in the lyrics.
He pressed stop, then looped the first song. If he wanted to keep the ending there, what could he write instead? He started scribbling Kouichi's version on paper to start with. "I love you," I will not--
He paused.
Kouichi's excuse for not writing lyrics had always been that he would ruin their business of selling dreams, because he was too prone to unintentionally disclosing his real, unromantic sentiments.
He stared again at the air bubbles swirling storm inside the water tank.
--
"The highlight for today's song? Hm... the ending will jump out at an unexpected time."
"Just like a relationship that ends abruptly," Tsuyoshi added. "There is a feeling of something unfulfilled."
Kouichi laughed. "Though it won't be a surprise anymore for viewers who have listened to the album..."
--
"I actually had the most difficulty writing this one song," Kouichi admitted to the Dome. "I never thought it would be one of the fans' favourites."
"That just adds to another aspect that is unexpected about this song," Tsuyoshi remarked lightly. "Then, everyone, please listen to the next song... 'Still'."
--
Kouichi put all his emotions into the singing. They were Tsuyoshi's words, but having analysed every phrase carefully in an attempt to come up with the now-scrapped continuation verse, he felt them internalised enough to be his own.
Communication, Tsuyoshi had likened the lyrics to; and that, Tsuyoshi had accomplished very well.
He felt unusually high on adrenalin when the intense last line came, then --as he'd known it would-- left him hanging.
--
The audience waited for an appropriate amount of seconds to savour the dramatic effect, before the first sounds of applause began.
Tsuyoshi's vocal, unaccompanied, cut through them.
"I love you," I want to say
"I love you" is a burden
I am carrying for you
Kouichi could feel Ken-san's split-second decision not to catch up in the middle of that verse, their fans' speculative comprehension in the instantly stopped clapping, his own skin shuddering at the lone haunting voice.
He would have attempted a grin because he shared the 'private joke' that was the writing history of this song, but Tsuyoshi's straight look into his eyes made it impossible.
"Special rendition," he announced stumblingly into his microphone to salvage the silence stretching inside the vast venue, Tsuyoshi having finished singing and the rest of the Dome not knowing if he really had.
Indeed, Tsuyoshi hadn't. That ending was of course too standard.
Standing on this stage
Kouichi turned abruptly towards the audience. He didn't know what Tsuyoshi was going to sing; he only knew by instinct that this was getting much too real.
Tsuyoshi sportingly turned to the same direction, side by side with his partner, switching to the other meaning of the words, directing it to the other recipient of his feelings.
It is as if
Love stands still
--
What does this song mean to you? How did it come about?
Kouichi: "The lyrics were somber, so I challenged myself to write a suitably haunting tune. People would say KinKi Kids have always been dark (laugh) but of course, most our songs are not our own stories. That is not to say we don't feel what is written in the songs. It's like acting in a drama... you try to get into the mind of the character, and you play him with the happiness, the sadness you know from real life. (pause) Um, this is a very sad song. I really hope it is not a real story for any one of us."
Tsuyoshi: "A lot of people say change is a sad thing. For example, when someone you love changes and the relationship has to end... But I think staying still can be just as sad. When you are happy you want time to stay still, but this is itself sad because it means you don't believe the future can bring happiness to you. This person's life --in the song-- has always revolved around the one he loves, and when he loses her, his life stops moving forward. A person who stays still cannot grow... it is the same as love. Sometimes, a love that is unrequited remains longer than a love that is returned... because it has not been allowed to change."
---
Disclaimer: This writing is fictional and has no commercial purpose. Characters are real persons belonging to themselves.
Pairing: KinKi Kids
Genre: Flangst (fluffy angst)
Rating: G
Summary: What's in a song? That which we call love by any other expression would taste as bittersweet.
---
Still
Standing on this street
It is as if
Time stands still
Watching your back
Slowly move away
Into a world without me
Kouichi wrinkled his brows as he read on.
Tsuyoshi threw him occasional silent glances.
"So this one will be a sad ballad?" Kouichi remarked when he finally put the sheet of paper down.
"Should be all right, I think? We've had one dance track and one upbeat pop, so far."
Kouichi exhaled. "I find it easier to write those types of music."
Tsuyoshi considered that. "There's no reason why sad lyrics can't have fast tempo, strictly speaking. Rock, for example."
"I can give it a try." Kouichi ran his eyes through the words once again. "It's just that... reading this the first time, it feels like a ballad. Or maybe it's just the fragmented way you wrote it..."
"As usual, feel free to make little changes to fit your rhythm," Tsuyoshi said. "We'll go through it together after you're done."
"Okay."
"Then, I'll start working on the next one."
Kouichi smiled. "Seven more to go, huh?"
Tsuyoshi gave him another probing glance. "You really don't want to write some of the lyrics?"
Kouichi waved quickly. "You do it better."
"That's not true."
Kouichi turned to him, surprised.
Tsuyoshi avoided the stare. "It's not about using words. It's communication. There's no such thing as better or worse."
After a moment's silence, Kouichi chuckled. "I'm not exactly against writing lyrics, but they have to come to me. I'll let you know if I have something."
Tsuyoshi squeezed Kouichi's shoulder briefly as he walked out, smiling.
"Do not leave," I cannot say
"Do not leave" is a burden
I cannot give to you
"It doesn't sound like KinKi," Kouichi sighed, displeased with himself.
"KinKi is you and I," Tsuyoshi replied, amused. "If you and I come up with this, what else can it sound like?"
"Well... what do you think of it?"
Tsuyoshi rubbed his lips thoughtfully. "I think the tunes are fine, just a little... how to say... disconnected, at places."
"Sorry. I'm kind of stuck," Kouichi murmured. He hesitated. "If you actually had some idea of how it should sound like when you wrote the words, maybe you should just--"
"I want you to write the music for this one," Tsuyoshi cut him off firmly. "My mind was clear when I wrote this, that it was going to be a KinKi song."
Kouichi took a while to recover from the mild shock, and he ducked his head apologetically. "I wasn't trying to push it to you, just..."
"Let's see what we can do with this," Tsuyoshi said reassuringly, and reached out a hand to restart the record player. "We can always change the arrangement..."
Kouichi's hand brushed against his as it shot out to press the eject button instead. "Let me rewrite this."
Tsuyoshi watched the tape disappear into his perfectionistic partner's pocket, before finally breaking out a grin. "Don't stress yourself out over this. We can take all the time we need."
"But didn't we agree that 'K' would be a good alphabet for this album? It wouldn't be good to have another two years' wait..."
Tsuyoshi shrugged. "We can always pull another 'Phi'."
Standing in this room
It is as if
Life stands still
His stare settled blankly on the bubbly water as the vocals from the demo tape filled his living room.
It didn't sound like Kouichi.
He stopped that thought, reminded of what himself had said. Kouichi created this; who else would it sound like?
Tsuyoshi's gaze absently traced the lethargic movements of a Polypterus endlicheri endlicheri, creating illusionary views.
Somewhere inside the melancholic string of notes, there was Kouichi's quiet, half-skeptical mourning of the fictional lost love. He didn't recognize it at first simply because he had never encountered it.
Not this real.
The dissonance between his own imagery of the song and Kouichi's interpretation felt strangely perfect. Even the hanging feeling at the end of his lyrics where Kouichi's music entered a climax instead, following the pattern established in the earlier verse--
Watching our memories
Slowly fade away
Into a world without us
The rising tension turned abruptly into a pause.
Tsuyoshi was starting to think how he really liked this unusual, dramatic way of ending the song, when a soft interlude began to build up again, and he realized Kouichi had added another ending verse.
"I love you," I will not say
"I love you" is a burden
I will not place on you
He frowned instinctively. Those were out of place. For a couple about to break up, the words "I love you" were supposed to be an unrepeatable past, not an impossible future.
The chords drifted into a standard ballad ending.
Well, he supposed the words did make sense from another point of view, but between this and his preference for the earlier ending, it seemed better to just cut it out.
"Note..."
Kouichi's speaking voice inside the recording surprised him. Tsuyoshi straightened.
"I add an ending verse, because the original, as it turns out, doesn't end with a suitable progression..."
Tsuyoshi nodded absently.
"The current words are just placeholders. I don't think repeating the exact verse works logically at that point of the song, so..."
Tsuyoshi grinned, reminded of what Kouichi's 'placeholders' had usually been. The bored-sounding 'la-la-la' sequences were mostly hilarious.
"Maybe you can write additional lyrics to fit there, or we'll leave it as instrumental."
Tsuyoshi waited for a moment to make sure there were no more messages. The next sequence started, new music Kouichi had written for him to fill in the lyrics.
He pressed stop, then looped the first song. If he wanted to keep the ending there, what could he write instead? He started scribbling Kouichi's version on paper to start with. "I love you," I will not--
He paused.
Kouichi's excuse for not writing lyrics had always been that he would ruin their business of selling dreams, because he was too prone to unintentionally disclosing his real, unromantic sentiments.
He stared again at the air bubbles swirling storm inside the water tank.
--
"The highlight for today's song? Hm... the ending will jump out at an unexpected time."
"Just like a relationship that ends abruptly," Tsuyoshi added. "There is a feeling of something unfulfilled."
Kouichi laughed. "Though it won't be a surprise anymore for viewers who have listened to the album..."
--
"I actually had the most difficulty writing this one song," Kouichi admitted to the Dome. "I never thought it would be one of the fans' favourites."
"That just adds to another aspect that is unexpected about this song," Tsuyoshi remarked lightly. "Then, everyone, please listen to the next song... 'Still'."
--
Kouichi put all his emotions into the singing. They were Tsuyoshi's words, but having analysed every phrase carefully in an attempt to come up with the now-scrapped continuation verse, he felt them internalised enough to be his own.
Communication, Tsuyoshi had likened the lyrics to; and that, Tsuyoshi had accomplished very well.
He felt unusually high on adrenalin when the intense last line came, then --as he'd known it would-- left him hanging.
--
The audience waited for an appropriate amount of seconds to savour the dramatic effect, before the first sounds of applause began.
Tsuyoshi's vocal, unaccompanied, cut through them.
"I love you," I want to say
"I love you" is a burden
I am carrying for you
Kouichi could feel Ken-san's split-second decision not to catch up in the middle of that verse, their fans' speculative comprehension in the instantly stopped clapping, his own skin shuddering at the lone haunting voice.
He would have attempted a grin because he shared the 'private joke' that was the writing history of this song, but Tsuyoshi's straight look into his eyes made it impossible.
"Special rendition," he announced stumblingly into his microphone to salvage the silence stretching inside the vast venue, Tsuyoshi having finished singing and the rest of the Dome not knowing if he really had.
Indeed, Tsuyoshi hadn't. That ending was of course too standard.
Standing on this stage
Kouichi turned abruptly towards the audience. He didn't know what Tsuyoshi was going to sing; he only knew by instinct that this was getting much too real.
Tsuyoshi sportingly turned to the same direction, side by side with his partner, switching to the other meaning of the words, directing it to the other recipient of his feelings.
It is as if
Love stands still
--
What does this song mean to you? How did it come about?
Kouichi: "The lyrics were somber, so I challenged myself to write a suitably haunting tune. People would say KinKi Kids have always been dark (laugh) but of course, most our songs are not our own stories. That is not to say we don't feel what is written in the songs. It's like acting in a drama... you try to get into the mind of the character, and you play him with the happiness, the sadness you know from real life. (pause) Um, this is a very sad song. I really hope it is not a real story for any one of us."
Tsuyoshi: "A lot of people say change is a sad thing. For example, when someone you love changes and the relationship has to end... But I think staying still can be just as sad. When you are happy you want time to stay still, but this is itself sad because it means you don't believe the future can bring happiness to you. This person's life --in the song-- has always revolved around the one he loves, and when he loses her, his life stops moving forward. A person who stays still cannot grow... it is the same as love. Sometimes, a love that is unrequited remains longer than a love that is returned... because it has not been allowed to change."
---