Words hit home hardest.
I've always hated being humiliated back when I was a kid. After all, I have every right to be. I was an awkward kid who doesn't have much friends. I was sort of a loner an usually played by myself when I was at home. In school, I was also quiet and sat in a corner with the closest person I knew. Sometimes I'd chat with my classmates and all. The High school came and I had my first embarrassment. I knew I was bad in math but the teacher should never have mentioned that in front of the class. I was so humiliated that instead of lashing out, I just took it in stride and tried to smile my way. But in the end, I'd cry. Beaten and hopeless I was, I was discouraged with my studies because of my math performance and the teacher's public humiliation.
Now I am an adult. And I must admit that I have experienced another and many more to come humiliation. Yes, I tried to keep myself in check by thinking a lot of good thoughts like finding a new job, or simply listening to music or read fanfictions. But you know, once you get depressed no matter how hard you try to suppress the pain it still come right at you. No time can bury the words that your boss might have screamed at you. I knew I should not have taken the job even though I was badly in need of money because I know I am a sloppy worker and a big procrastinator. But I was thinking that maybe this ind of life might change me. So I grabbed it.
But as the months turn into a full fledged one year of being a clerk and after receiving a lot of hateful texts and angry calls and screams of how a devil you are, my self esteem had gone so low that I was thinking I am not good enough. This is not the kind of job I wanted but this is the only offer I am receiving. Ithought at first that my boss was a good one. A kind one, someone who'll never do atrocious things to you because he was also a TV personality yadda, yadda. But I was wrong, behind his smiles, when he is angry he becomes a monster. he'll make you eat words and hear evil coming out of his mouth. I really hated the position I am in. I felt that everybody is taking advantage of me.
His words can never be erased. I can always forget but it'll always be triggered. I can never forgive him too. I am a selfish person, well you can call me someone as self-centered and all but my parents have never called me names of the devil before. Neither are my friends and so called friends. Sometimes I think I have sunk s low, like I was in the bottom of a pyramid. I did not like the feeling get whenever I try to be responsible over something and somehow I am always to blame. I hated how people always come at me make me do things they themselves can do. I have also a lot of things in my hand. I need time for myself and for my family and friends.
And you know what, politics make me sick. Because my boss is a politician too. The people within the government, no matter how hard you try to do the good and right way some people will always interfere. It is so dirty it makes me sick and want to die and disappear in this world.
I hope my boss realizes screaming evil and calling his employees name will get him into trouble. I have enough of his verbal abuse. I need air. It's time to break free.
Now I am an adult. And I must admit that I have experienced another and many more to come humiliation. Yes, I tried to keep myself in check by thinking a lot of good thoughts like finding a new job, or simply listening to music or read fanfictions. But you know, once you get depressed no matter how hard you try to suppress the pain it still come right at you. No time can bury the words that your boss might have screamed at you. I knew I should not have taken the job even though I was badly in need of money because I know I am a sloppy worker and a big procrastinator. But I was thinking that maybe this ind of life might change me. So I grabbed it.
But as the months turn into a full fledged one year of being a clerk and after receiving a lot of hateful texts and angry calls and screams of how a devil you are, my self esteem had gone so low that I was thinking I am not good enough. This is not the kind of job I wanted but this is the only offer I am receiving. Ithought at first that my boss was a good one. A kind one, someone who'll never do atrocious things to you because he was also a TV personality yadda, yadda. But I was wrong, behind his smiles, when he is angry he becomes a monster. he'll make you eat words and hear evil coming out of his mouth. I really hated the position I am in. I felt that everybody is taking advantage of me.
His words can never be erased. I can always forget but it'll always be triggered. I can never forgive him too. I am a selfish person, well you can call me someone as self-centered and all but my parents have never called me names of the devil before. Neither are my friends and so called friends. Sometimes I think I have sunk s low, like I was in the bottom of a pyramid. I did not like the feeling get whenever I try to be responsible over something and somehow I am always to blame. I hated how people always come at me make me do things they themselves can do. I have also a lot of things in my hand. I need time for myself and for my family and friends.
And you know what, politics make me sick. Because my boss is a politician too. The people within the government, no matter how hard you try to do the good and right way some people will always interfere. It is so dirty it makes me sick and want to die and disappear in this world.
I hope my boss realizes screaming evil and calling his employees name will get him into trouble. I have enough of his verbal abuse. I need air. It's time to break free.